acos2's Posts

can we talk about how beautiful and intimate it is looking at your person, while theyre talking, eating or laughing, looking at them and realizing how much they mean to you

#corona

Sirskitten and CurrentNobody like this

my deepest condolences on the death of your phone battery

#apology, #phone, #battery, #dead

BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOU

#motivation

CurrentNobody, janem803, guggigirl, Demetrius, JodieT and UserOne like this

I CAN
I WILL
I WIN
:)

Sirskitten likes this

nos vemos en el low
:)

#lowfestival, #low, #benidorm, #openair, #fiesta, #cervezas

Healthy Is The New Sexy

#healthy, #sexy

guggigirl, petegutz2 and janem803 like this

my favorite machine at the gym is the air conditioner :)

#gym, #air, #airconditioner, #posing, #girls, #omg

CurrentNobody, JodieT, Fionacatherine, Authlander, dor1316 and janem803 like this

reposted by CurrentNobody

you turn me on enough to consider having un-airconditioned sex :)

#sex, #aircondition, #flirt, #love, #summer, #hot

janem803 likes this

sorry your vacation made you realize how much you hate your job

#vacation, #holidays, #summer, #job, #hate

swatchUSA and bold like this

I only go to work for the gossip :)

#workplace, #work, #gossip

janem803, guggigirl and swatchUSA like this

#friends, #friendship, #profile, #picture, @guggigirl

janem803, guggigirl and swatchUSA like this

Just a reminder that there's still plenty of time for you to become my summer fling :)

janem803 likes this

I can't tell if you have a better life than me, or better photo filters

#life, #photo, #filter, #real

janem803, jussayin and guggigirl like this

#smile, #happy

albertgualbert, Campo, ChrisRota, guggigirl, prubton, phuamaxx, JodieT and jussayin like this

reposted by ChemicalCall and albertgualbert

be as picky with your men as you are with your selfies

#picky, #men, #selfies

JodieT and jussayin like this

we cannot direct the winds of life, but we can adjust the sails

#winds, #sails, #fitlife

Sirskitten, guggigirl, JodieT and jussayin like this

reposted by Sirskitten

yeah i know.

i just don't give a shit.

JodieT likes this

you will never know your limits unless you push yourself to them

#limits, #motivation, #triathlon, #yourself, #

Sirskitten, JodieT and Authlander like this

reposted by Sirskitten

believe you can and you are halfway there

phuamaxx, JodieT, BerlinGirl2014, ChrisRota, jussayin and UserOne like this

reposted by ChemicalCall

May your summer holidays last longer than your sunburn

#summer, #holidays, #sun, #sunburn

UserOne and bold like this

I hope that your vacation doesn't make your boss realize how little work you do

#vacation, #holidays, #boss, #work

Shea, guggigirl, JodieT, CleoBe, bold and jussayin like this

don't look back, you are not going that way

#past, #present, #future

Authlander, JodieT and jussayin like this

sorry you missed the deadline for a good excuse

#deadline, #excuse

bold, jussayin and Authlander like this

Leave me alone, I'm bolding

#boldomatic

Authlander, bold, JodieT, Luenchen, MaScho, dor1316, FrankFilocamo and guggigirl like this

reposted by dor1316 and FrankFilocamo

I wonder what normal people do on Sunday mornings?

#people, #sundays, #mornings

JodieT, dor1316, FrankFilocamo and guggigirl like this

Hearing Trump makes me wish I didn't understand English

#trump, #america, #president, #usa

bold, JodieT, dor1316, FrankFilocamo and guggigirl like this

reposted by FrankFilocamo

I think my neighbor just caught me stealing his wifi

#myneighbor

JodieT, FrankFilocamo and Luenchen like this

home is where the phone charger is

#home, #phone, #charger

JodieT, FrankFilocamo, Luenchen and guggigirl like this

let's break up before we find out how we look in the winter

#summeroflove

bold, ElfiEdel, emiledi77, swatchUSA, Shea, guggigirl and Lirpae.. like this

it's all fun till...

your jeans don't fit anymore

#gstar, #raw

emiledi77, swatchUSA, Juli7, Luenchen, Sunshine123, JodieT and guggigirl like this

i like people who smile when it's raining

Sirskitten, emiledi77, Luenchen, Sunshine123, JodieT and guggigirl like this

reposted by Sirskitten

i miss you even when i'm not horny

emiledi77, guggigirl, UserOne and JodieT like this

I'm more picky about my wine than I am on Tinder

emiledi77 and JodieT like this

happiness is...

having friends who are idiots

#happinesa, #friends

Sirskitten, Authlander, emiledi77, bold, sophh, guggigirl, diane.b, swatchUSA, JodieT and Lirpae.. like this

on the internet you can be anything you want...

it's strange that so many people choose to be stupid

#classicsremix

Sirskitten, emiledi77, Sunshine123, JodieT, acos2, dor1316, guggigirl, tonyyyt and Luenchen like this

give me the chance tonight to prove I'm the sexiest drunk man alive

#classicsremix

Sunshine123, bold, JodieT, tonyyyt, sophh, purplechill and guggigirl like this

being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to Boldomatic

#boldomatic, #holidays, #vacation, #summer, #family, #winner

tonyyyt, PenSword72, mng, GaylrdSprFckr, JodieT, guggigirl, Luenchen, Bettydent and SimonLauper like this

I'm finally getting old enough to have the excuse for being bad at sex

#sex, #old, #excuse

Lirpae.., SimonLauper and sophh like this

a lime is like the green tomato version of a lemon

#tomato, #lemon, #lime, #green

KingsDaughter, PenSword72, Lirpae.., izzi, SimonLauper, JodieT and sophh like this

"Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" (job interview question)

-in the same office, firing you!

Reposted from acos2

KingsDaughter, missperfumado, mng and JodieT like this

"Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" (job interview question)

-in the same office, firing you!

#jobinterview

mng, swatchUSA, sophh, JodieT and MaScho like this

reposted by acos2

wearing makeup during a heat wave makes you look like a picasso painting

#makeup, #summer, #heat, #painting, #women

UserOne, KnightofSIAL, tonyyyt, KingsDaughter, mng, CecilieBuchman, PenSword72, dor1316, JodieT, sophh and 2 others like this

reposted by singhnandranie

I hope we can still be friends and have sex as often as we did as a couple

#sex, #relationship, #ex

KingsDaughter, mng, Dyrandysl, MaScho, haddock, JodieT and sophh like this

be your own superhero

mng, Lirpae.., sohacosm, haddock and sophh like this

believe
in
the impossible

#believe, #impossible

KingsDaughter, mng and SimonLauper like this

I've decided to have a relaxing weekend since no one invited me to do anything

#relax, #weekend

MaScho, tonyyyt, KingsDaughter, mng, SimonLauper, Kush_Le, JodieT, bold and sophh like this

when life shuts a door, open it again. that's how doors work

#doors

PenSword72, lonelywolf, tonyyyt, KingsDaughter, mng, memorize, creatorbeats, JodieT, swatchUSA, sarcasm_only and 3 others like this

my ancestors would be proud of the way I hunt for meat in the supermarket

#meat

Sirskitten, mng, SimonLauper, iranickarma, Blitzkrieg, niniel, sarcasm_only, bold, JodieT, Lirpae.. and 1 other like this

what question do you ask yourself everyday?

mng, sarcasm_only and JodieT like this

this place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door

#cockroach

Sirskitten, mng, acos2, GaylrdSprFckr, iranickarma, swatchUSA, JodieT, thewiseguy75 and sarcasm_only like this

hedwigg, Lirpae.., sarcaSM, sophh and sarcasm_only like this

ice creams are like shoes, there is always room for more

#icecream

Zaeems_, stargater, GaylrdSprFckr, Babs_77, SimonLauper, niniel and sarcasm_only like this

reposted by Zaeems_

-"Have a nice day!"

-Obviously I will, I just bought a 12 pack of condoms!

#loveforever, #ceylor

linebbach, PenSword72, guggigirl, sarcasm_only, Luenchen and sophh like this

zu dir oder zu mir?

#loveforever, #ceylor

janineyvette, PenSword72, pasquale85, rahelstern, hebdifescht, sarcasm_only and Luenchen like this

Friends are like condoms...
they protect you when thing get hard

#loveforever, #ceylor

janem803, KingsDaughter, phuamaxx, fruitgarden, prubton, meohmy, InYourFace, againandagain, PenSword72, guggigirl and 7 others like this

reposted by Jamille and juneocallagh

You sound so sexy when you are not talking

capbacon, millemuus99, Moon-D, NukeSkywalker, JodieT, sophh, ene and sarcasm_only like this

I want to know less about you

memorize, millemuus99, JodieT, ene, sophh and sarcasm_only like this

since you're sick, it may be safer if we don't kiss and just go directly into
oral sex

#sex, #oral, #safe, #kiss, #love, #facts

janem803, m1kken, sarcaSM, SimonLauper, niniel, sarcasm_only and Luenchen like this

Squats are like sex, if it isn't deep it doesn't count

#gym, #squats, #sex, #deep, #hard, #porn

bold, sarcasm_only, JodieT and sophh like this

I'd pretend to give up porn for you

#porn, #true, #love

mng, MaScho, gh236, AlienSpunk, renhao, bdadam, Babs_77, melissadesyr, sophh, _Nathalie_ and 8 others like this

reposted by GaylrdSprFckr, prncsfelice and mariarve

I can do in one day what others can do in one hour

#hard, #work

janem803, guggigirl, GaylrdSprFckr, sarcasm_only and sophh like this

let's never speak of 2014 again

GaylrdSprFckr, Trixinfo, guggigirl, Foxy, ene, emma-freitag, sophh, avant-garde, sarcasm_only, Moon-D and 1 other like this

may 2015 be the year you respond to my text

#2015, #year, #message, #text, #sms

janem803, guggigirl, sarcasm_only, avant-garde, Luenchen, ene, bold and JodieT like this

i hope u liked the cheap imitation of the real thing u wanted 4 christmas

#christmas, #present, #imitation, #cheap

GaylrdSprFckr, JodieT, bold and sarcasm_only like this

See you in London

SimonLauper, sarcasm_only, swatchUSA, guggigirl, aehmpaeh and JodieT like this

congratulations on having a christmas tree thats more real than your breasts

GaylrdSprFckr, sophh and sarcasm_only like this

best luck from someone hoping for your failure

#luck, #failure

SimonLauper, Vikkor, sarcasm_only and satan like this

I may not be your first kiss and that's fine because I just want to be your last

#firstkiss

bapu, niharikaj, juli1000, jenna_benna09, m1kken, ntun, juneocallagh, Yummyama, afnam, MeMyselfAnd..I and 9 others like this

reposted by JoAnn and niharikaj

everybody puts their dick in a pumpkin on halloween

#pumpkin

sarcasm_only likes this

we will live forever or we will die trying

socalleddaniii, PenSword72, guggigirl, Luenchen, valeria, sarcasm_only and swatchUSA like this

every day with u is the longest day of the year

cybersont, naina_eyez, guggigirl, Luenchen and sarcasm_only like this

Your ass must be jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth

#ass, #mouth, #shit

SimonLauper, supermom, Moon-D, thewiseguy75, pasquale85, Giu, agungpurput, creatorbeats and DonSpaccafurnu like this

nunca cambies a la princesa de tu cuento

por la zorra de una fábula

ElfiEdel and SimonLauper like this

EVERYONE NEEDS SOMEONE
WHO CAN HANDLE THEIR DARKER SIDES

#insults

Sirskitten, mng, beautiful, PenSword72, GaylrdSprFckr, Nikona, SimonLauper, naina_eyez, allisonrae, niniel and 4 others like this

reposted by wanderer

giving up...

... is simply not an option

socalleddaniii, PenSword72, SimonLauper, niniel, dor1316 and guggigirl like this

just wanted to remind you that your boobs are the perfect size and quantity

guggigirl, tk93, beautifulqueen, naina_eyez, GabiGabler, JodieT and Luenchen like this

you're hot enough that i'd date you even if didn't like your personality

sneez, cybersont, guggigirl, leteafreak, Lirpae.., creatorbeats, niniel, Demetrius, Luenchen and sophh like this

I always check ur facebook page to see if we're still in a relationship

#facebook, #relationship, #love, #status

mng, beautifulqueen, supermom, timtomdan, Babs_77, Luenchen, guggigirl, DonSpaccafurnu, JodieT, swatchUSA and 2 others like this

the movie is always better than the book if u dont read

bapu, stefunny, frangipani, bold, emmanuelle_gr, capbacon, cybersont, maudapena, supermom, dor1316 and 7 others like this

reposted by frangipani

sorry that ur life is everything u thought it would be

mng, lost, wilfollowu, Lirpae.., niniel, creatorbeats, guggigirl and Luenchen like this

I only go online once a day...

for around 24 hours

capbacon, Anjelika123, supermom, anbu, meohmy, foenix, guggigirl, A.M., creatorbeats, wilfollowu and 2 others like this

congratulations on doing what we pay you to do

anbu, creatorbeats, GabiGabler and bold like this

I'm glad ur mom did not have a headache that night

#yourmomsaid

iheartcheese, capbacon, SimonLauper, guggigirl, meohmy, crishoni4280, satan, Moon-D and PenSword72 like this

reposted by FreshLemon

You are like the first slice of bread in the bag, everybody touches you but noone really wants you

#kollegg, #bag

mng, camcam, aerowise, fabian04, timtomdan, aghsina, satan, mylisa1970, dor1316, Vikkor and 17 others like this

reposted by stephie5992166, Mathilda, flolow, doc, TMyricks and camcam

I love you so much, I will even talk to you on the phone

#love, #phone, #talk

Sirskitten, sirskitten1, mylisa1970, Cuatrodotcom, lisawoop, alex-chan, SimonLauper, socalleddaniii, ene, GaylrdSprFckr and 7 others like this

reposted by FreshLemon and sirskitten1

I don't need the worldcup to get drunk and scream at my television

#worldcup

mylisa1970, GreenMucki, helli777, NukeSkywalker, brody, hallowelt, katrine_fp, aehmpaeh, sophh, simontoennesen and 16 others like this

reposted by FightClub

A negative mind will never give you a positive life

#life, #mind, #positive, #negative, #motivation

DwallaceETC, ChrisRota, janem803, Authlander, Vandtastic, v.vox, mng, Babs_77, truthseeker57, Mitgeheilt and 20 others like this

reposted by jayebabii, Nandranie, buglove, araucano, smurfy3, truthseeker57 and EmmaEmma2000

The only thing fake on me is my smile :-)

mylisa1970, enila, Moon-D, ene, guggigirl, Akatrine, jessaleigh, vinimarcon, SimonLauper, annemarit and 2 others like this

reposted by debbiew and enila

I am sorry I gave you an honest answer when you asked how I was doing

mylisa1970, Resa, mercedes, ronjaaspholm, klarapenic99, larsgjertsen, capbacon, bold, epicomm, ene and 8 others like this

reposted by capbacon, FrankTheTank, uglyteen, mawww, louchoubidoo, Resa and FreshLemon

I can hardly smell that you've decided to start riding your bike to work

#ride, #snakerides

mng, eliane, dor1316, linebbach, bold, hebdifescht, sangram, Lirpae.., brody, ene and 2 others like this

Our sex is so good even the neighbors need a cigarette

#sex

mng, bostonamy, Cuatrodotcom, TrineIngebrigt, GaylrdSprFckr, PenSword72, stephinity, Gustavwasa1 and ene like this

In PORN there are only 2 ages:

18 and MILF

#porn, #18, #MILF, #age

Cuatrodotcom, eChalk, GaylrdSprFckr, Mr.Helsted, ene, kristian100666, PenSword72 and little_hippie like this

reposted by FreshLemon

From the first time I saw you I knew I was going to give you the wrong phone number

#phone, #number, #dating, #wrong, #fail

Krisargent, perellano, janem803, Juli7, Vandtastic, whatever., Luenchen, phuamaxx, mng, RaMarch13 and 68 others like this

reposted by live_love_life, M.thomsen, Hannah69, Lemonjuice17, picsoon, emadakn, hazelbrown47, specialty, Kristaver_7, Melanie_Frieda and 8 others

Thank you for validating our one-night stand by adding me on Facebook

#night

mng, kris492b, linneasn, danarredmond, NakedRaver, zeon08, Fitzie, sera_la_dera, sexymom, A.M. and 8 others like this

I just want you to know I'm always available to drink until I'm a good listener

#drink, #listener

Authlander, MrsG8-8, PenSword72, GaylrdSprFckr, Fitzie, ColorlessBird, ene, Gabbem, hebdifescht, guggigirl and 2 others like this

reposted by ColorlessBird

May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on facebook

#life, #facebook, #awesome, #someday

janem803, phuamaxx, UserOne, mng, karolinastr, Stefaniaa, Verenita, miamaia, Nikona, truthseeker57 and 18 others like this

reposted by maniac, tatalton, truthseeker57 and UserOne

Sorry but your party is just a meeting with food

#party, #food, #meeting

epicomm, meerstern, PenSword72, Fitzie, Tallaman2, Gabbem, eliane, guggigirl, 2schaa, tintin78 and 4 others like this

Try to save electricity today by limiting yourself to 8 hours online

timtomdan, buglove, purple33, mjf, 2schaa, Fitzie, allisonrae, swatchUSA, Loupi4614, Gabbem and 1 other like this

reposted by Tallaman2 and buglove

Everyone getting married and having babies...

I'm just over here like: "What SNEAKERS do I wear today???"

#sneaker, #sneakerness

janem803, Juli7, aerowise, timtomdan, ajkanes, Dream2Remember, cybersont, Pandamittet, johanna22, northyorks and 14 others like this

reposted by swatchUSA, Viciouse31, Dream2Remember, paskizzle and ajkanes

I hope BOLDOMATIC posts some creative ideas on hiding Easter eggs this year

#bunny

PenSword72, GaylrdSprFckr, swatchUSA and SimonLauper like this

If you need someone to stand around and not contribute, you can count on me

PenSword72, mjf, 2schaa, satan, bold, Lirpae.. and guggigirl like this

It takes twice as long for me to not get anything done on Monday as it does the rest of the week

#monday, #work, #week, #time

cho, purple33, PenSword72, Gabbem, Babs_77, bold, SimonLauper, Lirpae.. and GaylrdSprFckr like this

I wish you would retire from telling jokes too

SimonLauper, ene and guggigirl like this

I have sex to avoid giving blow jobs

#sex, #blowjobs

ccz6ih, zeon08, GaylrdSprFckr, Lirpae.., NukeSkywalker, SimonLauper and ene like this

If you have nothing nice to say, say it anonymously on the Internet

#internet, #anonymous

MrsG8-8, 2schaa, guggigirl, Akatrine, Babs_77, bold and ene like this

reposted by MrsG8-8 and FreshLemon

Sorry no one understood you were making an April Fool's joke because no one thinks you have a sense of humor

#April, #Fool's, #humor, #joke

timtomdan, sarcaSM, GaylrdSprFckr, ene, guggigirl, Babs_77, Lirpae.., SimonLauper, Gabbem and swatchUSA like this

If somebody has to do it, it might as well not be me

purple33, isaoes, bold, sarcaSM, ene, GaylrdSprFckr, eliane, Gabbem, guggigirl and Akatrine like this

hormones aren't the reason women seem bipolar...

it's men

#hormones

mng, ellenicole, rhinstrom, MrsG8-8, PenSword72, Micky6935, sarcaSM, dudefxywldr, miamaia, Lirpae.. and 3 others like this

reposted by MrsG8-8, TMyricks and TMyricks

Clothing optional beyond this point

#clothing, #naked

janem803, Switched, mjf, vb01, ene and Gabbem like this

I like Mondays because everyone is as unproductive as I am every day of the week

#mondays, #unproductive, #week

sophh, timtomdan, MrsG8-8, purple33, briansheerin, ene, sarcaSM, SimonLauper, Loupi4614, guggigirl and 2 others like this

Don't try to be original... just try to be good

#lifehack

MrsG8-8, epicomm, vb01, ene, guggigirl and SimonLauper like this

Still nothing on Wikileaks about my missing socks

#socks, #francisetsonami

Sherry89, PueppiRazza, UserOne, Kiks, sophh, enila, KingQuestable, mjf, sarcaSM, vb01 and 9 others like this

reposted by enila, FreshLemon and bapu

90% of my socks are single, and you don't see them crying about irlt

#socks, #francisetsonami

begrian, ene, Lirpae.. and DonSpaccafurnu like this

Get your socks off and a condom on

#socks, #francisetsonami

Dream2Remember, SimonLauper, Gabbem, begrian, wickedpyxxie and ene like this

Thanks for putting in extra hours to make a bullshit deadline that does not matter

vb01, SimonLauper, begrian, guggigirl and ene like this

I should really start going to bed earlier so I have more time in the morning to be late for work

#bed, #morning, #work

purple33, Micky6935, vb01, SimonLauper, swatchUSA, begrian, Lirpae.., guggigirl and ene like this

reposted by purple33

Being married is the only thing that ruins a marriage

#marriage

vb01, ene and guggigirl like this

Remember, Mondays are fine. It's your life that sucks

poeta, vb01, allisonrae, eliane, guggigirl and ene like this

I'd let you kiss me on the mouth immediately after oral sex

#uglytruth

janem803, vb01, SimonLauper, maudapena and NukeSkywalker like this

reposted by FreshLemon

I wish I had a failing relationship to complain about

eliane, ene, guggigirl and bold like this

Don't forget to leave work early today so that people actually think you have Valentine' Day plans

purple33, jeve, Luenchen, eliane, guggigirl, ene, swatchUSA and Gabbem like this

reposted by swatchUSA

Solving my problems drinking is much less sad when my friends join me

#problems, #drinking, #friends

Dream2Remember, vb01, guggigirl, philosophicum and ene like this

reposted by Dream2Remember

Beer makes me see double and feel single

#singleandproud

vb01, emma-freitag, mrsa, Lirpae.., ene, swatchUSA, fanta06 and avant-garde like this

Sorry your girlfriend told me she's single

#singleandproud

no667, n.schi, xanthie, emma-freitag, jeve, SimonLauper, PenSword72, mcc, bold, ene and 2 others like this

I can't wait to be single again

#singleandproud

zeon08, miamaia, bold, ene, guggigirl and swatchUSA like this

Sorry your ex played such a prominent role in your Facebook movie

#facebook, #exboyfriend, #exgirlfriend

soyy, mcc, ene, Gabbem, Lirpae.., eliane, begrian, swatchUSA and guggigirl like this

why do you retouch your pics when in public we keep seeing that ugly face you have?

vb01, guggigirl, Lirpae.., ene and satan like this

Hey neighbor, what day are you moving out? I need to confirm the date with my friends so we can celebrate your leaving

#neighbor

guggigirl, swatchUSA, Gabbem, Lirpae.., ene and satan like this

I want you all to know that because of your hard work all year I got a bigger bonus

greenpeepz, begrian and guggigirl like this

Children are like farts in the sense that I only enjoy the ones I personally produce

eliane, ene, tintin78, begrian, Gabbem and guggigirl like this

reposted by FreshLemon

Sorry that the casual outfit you chose to wear on Friday led to the cancellation of Casual Friday

Authlander, bold and Lirpae.. like this

Here's to another Friday evening of false optimism about the weekend

janem803, curvema, sophh, timtomdan, monalob, Babs_77, JodieT, vb01, kolelo, aoibh and 8 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, frontliner_311 and dor1316

Let's kiss on New Year's Eve 2013 as if we might have a future together in 2014

#newyear

ene, Gabbem, SimonLauper, guggigirl, hebdifescht, satan, avant-garde, bindyboo and bold like this

reposted by avant-garde

Since you're sick, it may be safer if we don't kiss and just go to directly into oral sex

satan and begrian like this

I can't believe it's been a year since I didn't become a better person

Ms_Ntlebi, swatchUSA, PenSword72, satan, bold, guggigirl, Loupi4614, Gabbem and Babs_77 like this

reposted by satan

This year, shop for me as if you still haven't gotten my pants off yet

ene, DonSpaccafurnu and guggigirl like this

reposted by FreshLemon

The best thing about your Christmas present is that you thought I was a size small

begrian, bold, ene, guggigirl and DonSpaccafurnu like this

You better hope that Santa doesn't see your browser history

Juli7, itsameamario, ErikSmit, mussa, jessrideout98, Frya, Morgan1998, DON_TOON, sophh, swatchUSA and 21 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, coco_lores, guzfox and Sheherasade1

Just wanted to make sure you didn't believe me when I said I didn't want anything expensive for Christmas

Akatrine, ene, bold, DonSpaccafurnu, Gabbem and guggigirl like this

Sorry I missed your call but I didn't feel like reaching down and getting my phone out of my pocket

ElfiEdel, bindyboo and Gabbem like this

reposted by enila

Bitching about other people not working really makes the day fly by

Gabbem, ene, Lirpae.., begrian and guggigirl like this

I love how I look when you've been drinking

bold and Akatrine like this

it's still 2013 and we don't have flying cars yet

brody, mcc, Gabbem, Moon-D, aryapratama, bindyboo, changeacademy, xanthie, ene, bold and 6 others like this

reposted by kj55

Real men like curves, only dogs go for bones

janem803, bapu, Luenchen, Belieber1994, rhinstrom, mouse, tinkz, IsabelVetting, sineduch, mir-jam and 9 others like this

reposted by CaitlynRenae, gabimoss, mouse, rhinstrom and rhinstrom

I don't work on Fridays...

I make appearances

Reposted from acos2

greenpeepz, CaitlynRenae, bold and begrian like this

Sometimes I run out of unproductive things to do at work

cho, bold, ene, SimonLauper, fuechsin and Gabbem like this

Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow

Dream2Remember, 27thAvenue and guggigirl like this

reposted by Dream2Remember

I don't like being told what to do unless I'm naked

enila, ene, guggigirl, avant-garde and Gabbem like this

reposted by duckman6996 and enila

This vodka tastes like I'm not going into work tomorrow

Yoshi, aehmpaeh, ene, wickedpyxxie, avant-garde and begrian like this

I'm not fat, I'm married

zeon08, mcc, aehmpaeh, ElfiEdel, wickedpyxxie, Akatrine, guggigirl and SimonLauper like this

I can't decide if you are fabulous in bed or if I just give really good directions

wickedpyxxie, kj55, batgirl3034, ene and guggigirl like this

reposted by duckman6996 and CaitlynRenae

It's so quiet in the office today, I can hear myself not working

janem803, mng, MaScho, memorize, skyblue99, LauCloud73, karinasasek, rhinstrom, manuelperez, Yoshi and 42 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, keubel, mariacruz, amnaec, Wengen2, Wengen2, Wengen2, tabea-aimee, dakell, dakell and 3 others

I don't work on Fridays...

I make appearances

Reposted from acos2

wickedpyxxie, begrian, guggigirl and avant-garde like this

Congratulations on doing good enough work to get your boss promoted

begrian, A.M. and avant-garde like this

I love every part of you which can make me orgasm

wickedpyxxie, begrian, Lirpae.. and Gabbem like this

I don't work on Fridays...

I make appearances

mng, richard.luit, dagiftre, timtomdan, xanthie, socalleddaniii, brody, vb01, sarcaSM, allchemist and 13 others like this

reposted by acos2, acos2, guggigirl, Plaze, allchemist and dagiftre

there's nothing better than that fresh battery feeling

Lirpae.. and guggigirl like this

I love you like I've been drinking all day

PenSword72, mandimc89, Gabbem, wickedpyxxie, unflat, Lirpae.., guggigirl and bold like this

reposted by mandimc89

I don't need google

the wife knows everything

wickedpyxxie, Akatrine, begrian and Lirpae.. like this

I'd love to tell you how hot you look today but you're not single so I'd rather not waste my time

PenSword72, Dream2Remember, mjf, NukeSkywalker, guggigirl and Lirpae.. like this

reposted by Dream2Remember and FreshLemon

you're the reason nobody likes you

mjf, ene, Akatrine, guggigirl, Lirpae.., Gabbem and avant-garde like this

We stick together like the paper in a porn magazine

mng, zeon08, kj55, Gabbem, allisonrae and guggigirl like this

reposted by FreshLemon

I'm eating my feelings and they're absolutely delicious

M69NA and allisonrae like this

You make me wish I had an extra penis

guggigirl likes this

A book commits suicide everytime you watch a reality show

allisonrae likes this

I'd be up for drinking enough to tolerate sex with you tonight

scc38, Gabbem, Lirpae.. and bold like this

reposted by scc38

I want to probe you as deeply and passionately as if you were my new iPhone

Lirpae.. likes this

the amount of time you spend in the office says a lot about awful your home life must be

avant-garde likes this

You're as great a friend as you are a terrible employee

allisonrae, Lirpae.. and SimonLauper like this

Eine schöne Frau misst sich nicht an ihren Falten

sera_la_dera, guggigirl, Lirpae.. and ZoJ like this

Your account is protected?
What the f*** do you post? Nuclear launch codes?

allisonrae and Lirpae.. like this

Just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now

PenSword72, Dream2Remember, Gabbem, bold, allisonrae, Lirpae.. and guggigirl like this

Girls are like wine, they get better with age

guggigirl and Lirpae.. like this

When we go out tonight, don't forget to drink a lot so I look better

Gabbem, Akatrine, guggigirl and Lirpae.. like this

You wear less clothing at work than most strippers do

Gabbem, Lirpae.., avant-garde and SimonLauper like this

You're the reason I come to and at work

janem803, bold, Gabbem and Lirpae.. like this

Sorry the only places you visited this summer were websites

snajsig, swatchUSA, allisonrae, bold, Gabbem, guggigirl, Lirpae.. and SimonLauper like this

reposted by dittol_

If I had to have sex with someone your age, it would probably be you

bedewe, Chuck_Norris and Lirpae.. like this

everytime you post a picture of yourself on vacation I secretly pray you get attacked by an assortment of exotic animals

Authlander, PenSword72, allisonrae, Gabbem, Lirpae.. and guggigirl like this

I love you the way you could be

Dream2Remember, IsabelVetting, zeon08, maudapena, allisonrae, bold, Gabbem, Lirpae.., brody and Babs_77 like this

reposted by NukeSkywalker, Cooper2831 and joanasuehlmann

The first thing I do when I get to work is check my facebook until I go home

allisonrae, Gabbem, guggigirl and Lirpae.. like this

I am currently in the planning stages of a hangover

enriqueesqloz, mjf, allisonrae, Lirpae.. and SimonLauper like this

reposted by enriqueesqloz

I'd rather you found out about my sexual history than my browser history

allisonrae, Gabbem and Lirpae.. like this

thanks for not being good enough at my job to take it from me while I was on vacation

allisonrae likes this

see you @ lowcost festival (benidorm)

Kate: you're going to be a great MILF

Nothing brings two people together like hating a third

Babs_77, Lirpae.. and guggigirl like this

reposted by FreshLemon

I work harder at getting the office temperature right than I do at my actual job

Lirpae.. likes this

I can't tell if I'm hungover or it's just Monday

You make me even hotter than global warming does

guggigirl likes this

I have been warming up for our sex sessions

Let's not spoil our great sex with relationship

Yoshi, scc38 and Lirpae.. like this

reposted by scc38 and FreshLemon

How bad do you want success?

athanasia.d, Lirpae.. and guggigirl like this

reposted by FreshLemon

If you have a problem with me talking behind your back then you should just say it to my face

guggigirl and Lirpae.. like this

All women out there are either married, gay or turned off by my numerous physical and emotional flaws

Lirpae.. likes this

If I only had that last drink, I would passed out long enough to sleep through this terrible hangover

bold and Lirpae.. like this

Here's to your divorce taking place during bikini season

Lirpae.. likes this

You're the friend I trust most to keep my secrets an hour or two longer than anyone else

Lirpae.. likes this

Women are like Google, they start guessing before you even finish the sentence

scc38, bold, guggigirl, fuechsin and Lirpae.. like this

reposted by scc38

Pretending to look busy on Friday is hard work

Sunshine123, tonyyyt, guggigirl and Lirpae.. like this

reposted by rlafugal

Thanks for being the best roomate ever by never being here

begrian, natasha. and Lirpae.. like this

reposted by FreshLemon

May your wedding include more horny single people than the summer share I'm skipping to attend

Lirpae.. likes this

Just a reminder that I'll always be running late

bold, wallifer, guggigirl and Lirpae.. like this

sorry you have to slightly adjust your Angelina Jolie masturbation fantasy

begrian and Lirpae.. like this

Having you as a coworker makes every day like Take Your Child To Work Day

sera_la_dera and A.M. like this

fuechsin likes this

I wish I could google search for things in my house

Sven and guggigirl like this

I can hardly smell that you've decided to start riding bike to work

begrian likes this

$I'm not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them$

streetmedic, Sirskitten, upupandaway, PenSword72, phuamaxx, UserOne, mng, MaScho, karolinastr, kris492b and 33 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, libe13, janhosa, raideepak2020, tryggve, nicolas2, hmiyazaki, Mige, saifmmmalawany, caano66 and 20 others

welcome to the age where you'll often forget your age

hemko and Sven like this

My mouth tastes like I made bad decisions last night

snajsig, mokky, mcc, Akatrine, begrian, sera_la_dera, pasquale85, guggigirl, A.M. and dasistabsicht like this

If you want to go running with me, you 'd better be prepared to walk a lot

begrian and Sven like this

Watching horrific sports injuries is a great reminder my body is safer with no athletic activity

mjf likes this

Every day can be Friday if you're really irresponsible

juliiaana and guggigirl like this

Death is not the worst thing that can happen. Everyone dies - but not everyone lives the way they want

PenSword72, athanasia.d, sera_la_dera and begrian like this

I increased productivity at work by calling in sick today

athanasia.d, begrian and Sven like this

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT SHE DID. IT'S NEVER OKAY TO HIT A WOMAN, EVER!!!

May you live to be so old that people actually question if you are the walking dead

mjf, ene, mcc, athanasia.d, guggigirl, hahaha.., pasquale85 and guido like this

My new voicemail message instructs people to hang up and text me

oneever, ene, mcc, athanasia.d, begrian and guggigirl like this

Love is not having to hold your farts anymore

ludiluddha and sera_la_dera like this

You may feel old but you're still the youngest person I had sex with this year

athanasia.d likes this

I need a vacation after going on vacation with my kids

mjf and athanasia.d like this

I should really start going to bed earlier so I have more time in the morning to be late for work

Yoshi, jmward, athanasia.d and guggigirl like this

My favorite outdoor activity in winter is going back inside

ChrisRota, Authlander, UserOne, madamem., mjf, socalleddaniii, oneever, mcc, swatchUSA, breakhaven and 2 others like this

reposted by madamem.

awesome women have curves and tattoos

mcc, reason, ludiluddha and guido like this

Oscar losers don't fake a smile nearly as well as I do all day at work

Just thought you should know my ex always got amazing Valentine's gifts

Reposted from acos2

fruitgarden likes this

Prepare yourself for the best time you can possibly have offline this Valentine's Day

Just thought you should know my ex always got amazing Valentine's gifts

yve, satan and acos2 like this

reposted by acos2

Best of luck trying to reconcile your feminist beliefs with Valentine's Day

Lirpae.., Sven and athanasia.d like this

My love for you is beyond words so don't expect a Valentine's Day card from me

GaylrdSprFckr likes this

Don't keep calm 'cause tomorrow is Monday

You are the best thing that's happened to me since porn

GaylrdSprFckr likes this

Let film us having sex if you promise not to post it online unless you think it can help my career

the scariest part of this snowstrom is that it'll be cleaned up in time to work on Monday

GaylrdSprFckr and fruitgarden like this

I hope having your birthday on Valentine's Day helps remind you to use a condom on Valentine's Day

GaylrdSprFckr and bold like this

If we were in a movie, the audience would never believe someone as hot as you would end up with me

Akatrine, hemko and hebdifescht like this

I hope you recently cleared browser history means you've been shopping for my Valentine's Day present

Luenchen likes this

If your identity is ever stolen I hope they post less than you do on your facebook wall

littlethings likes this

I hope your recently cleared browser history means you've been shopping for my Valentine's Day present

loryane, bold, GaylrdSprFckr and fruitgarden like this

reposted by FreshLemon

Why the fuck

does my bed feel amazing when the goes off

Sven likes this

complaining about the weather is a full-time job

athanasia.d likes this

I don't need a football game to get drunk and scream at my television

_Nathalie_ and pasquale85 like this

Let's watch a movie we've already seen so we can ignore it and make out

Switched, GaylrdSprFckr, guggigirl and fruitgarden like this

I was gointo to drink this weekend anyway but I'm happier it's because we're celebrating your birthday

We feel that your job performance would improve greatly if you just quit doing your job

Babs_77 and zeratul like this

Your nipples are my favourite winter weather report

kolelo, GaylrdSprFckr and bold like this

reposted by GaylrdSprFckr and FreshLemon

I promise you not to lip-sync when I sing you happy birthday

I've loved you from the moment I first googled you

_Nathalie_ and paaypah like this

Happy birthday to someone so old I can't believe they're on Facebook

hebdifescht likes this

I drink on Sundays to cope with the realization that I'm almost out of time to drink

avi likes this

We'd be a normal couple if weren't for you

You're like family to me in that I find myself drinking even more than usual when you're around

guggigirl likes this

No one was born by accident, God created you for a reason

fruitgarden likes this

I don't insult people. I just describe them

Reposted from anonymous

Lance Armstrong is the worst thing to happen to U.S. Postal service since ecards

mcc and fruitgarden like this

reposted by dizzel

Sorry that doing my job with a slight amount of competence has highlighted your incompetence

perellano and bold like this

me hace gracia las tías que se ponen tetas pero no se arreglan los dientes

hemko likes this

marriage is like a friends with benefits relationship without the benefits

I think everyone should appreciate that I do slightly more than the minimum required of me

mjf likes this

the only true hangover remedy is to never stop being drunk

nunca subestimes a un idiota, un día puede ser tu presidente

Care less, smile more

janem803 likes this

online dating is a great way to meet people who only look hot online

hemko and littlethings like this

I was born to be real, not perfect

I want to be rich enough to realize that I can not buy happiness

There needs to be another day between Sunday and Monday

Congratulations to Kim Kardashian on having sex that possibly wasn't filmed

hemko likes this

i am single
but not available

Barbie is a bitch

Lirpae.. and hemko like this

do you practise being this ugly?

are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?

mjf, Sven, guggigirl, swissjan and niqui like this

reposted by FreshLemon

i was born to be real, not perfect...

Hey there!

I am using
Boldomatic

Authlander and bold like this

if you are texting two people at the same
time... Are you bitextual?

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys,
rub one ball and everything moves!!!

fruitgarden likes this

KEEP CALM
AND
HAKUNA
MATATA

mjf and Sven like this

don't play with a women's heart. she has only one. play with her boobs, she has two

littlethings and hemko like this

a jealous girlfriend does better research than the FBI

swatchUSA, wallifer and fruitgarden like this

reposted by principessa_r and makalapua

no es lo mismo montar un follón que follar un montón...

la cara que se te queda al ver el examen

am rich, bitch!!!

-y tú ¿qué le has pedido a los reyes?

- que abdiquen

conmandarina likes this

si
no te ríes
dos veces con el mismo chiste, ¿por qué lloras dos veces por el mismo amor?

hemko and ludiluddha like this

si un policía me dice "papeles" y yo le digo "tijeras"... ¿gano yo?

Authlander likes this

eyacular sin protección y explicarlo diciendo: "esto es embarazoso"

littlethings likes this

no te parto la cara porque igual te la arreglo

los
dos minutos más largos son los del microondas

cuando alguien te habla y tú solo ves un mono tocando los
platillos...

Sven likes this

cajeras y camareras que te llaman "cariño"

poeta likes this

yo
también digo que el cine es muy caro aunque cueste lo mismo que un cubata

empezar por un chupito y terminar con una laguna

Sven likes this

If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport

you have my attention now... But during the football season ... Sorry

wiggioloz likes this

I wish Monday was as fast as Usain Bolt

Santa saw your Facebook pictures. You are getting clothes and a dictionary for Christmas

I'm sorry you found my normal behavior
to be highly inappropiate

I'm not calling you slut, but your vagina has been used more than google

Jorit and annaz like this

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5 or 6 times, you know, just to be sure

breakhaven likes this

reposted by yvetteyooo

bitch please, I can remove 90% of your "beauty" with a wet kleenex

I don't need Apple Maps to get completely lost in your eyes...