Boldomatic

laundry today
or
naked tomorrow

My internet was down for 5 minutes so I went downstairs and spoke to my family.

They seem like nice people.

I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT

life is what happens when you put your phone down.

Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.

There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."

You look like something
I draw with my left hand.

My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

i just burnt my tongue on some food

they say the ones you love hurt you the most

I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM

LISTEN TO SILENCE

Sun goes down earlier for short people.

i've
fallen
in love
with you,

but you
don't exist.

You are only as good as the drinks you mix, the tables you dance on and the friends you roll with.

bad decisions make good stories

Negative people need drama like oxygen. Stay positive and you'll take their breath away.

justice is
a beautiful concept.
unicorns too.

I'm sick about all the Irish stereotypes!
As soon as I finish this drink, I'm punching someone.

Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iPhone, open and close their favorite apps all by themselves.

When I was that age,
I was eating dirt.

I love making people who don't like me hate me more by just being me.

Ladies, lets take extra long to look stunning for all the guys we'll be ignoring tonight.

I like the nights.

Some of my best days were nights.

I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty

and I could not have described it any better

And maybe at night when we're all a little too tired and a little too truthful, that's when we see ourselves for who we really are.

in Denmark, we're so rich

we pay with crowns

If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.

optimists claim that we are living in the best of all possible worlds.

pessimists are scared that might be true.

Whenever I delete an app on my phone,
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •

Telling a girl to "calm down" is like trying to baptize a cat.

EVERYONE'S IRISH ON MARCH 17th

finally friday.

others have sex in the kitchen, I eat in bed

They should ask us who we are instead of what we want to be.

Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.

Try to be less of a fucking piece of shit than you were yesterday.

- Buddha

I like to be alone.
But I would rather be alone with you.

Quiet people have the loudest minds.

ride bold.
or dont ride at all...

Home sweet mess.

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself

don't give up on your dreams.

keep sleeping.

LET'S DO SOME "WE SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS" THINGS.

I just awesomed all over the place.

I live for the nights that I can't remember with the people I won't forget.

You remind me of my big toe, cause i'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture I own

10% of conflicts are due to differences in opinion.

90% are due to wrong tone of voice.

THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.

that awkward moment when I'm drunk
and you're still ugly

Ego is a race.
And in this race, the winner is the loser.

My immaturity keeps me young.

I wish I had boobs so people would stop making eye contact with me.

Yes mom I know my room is a mess it's a metaphor for my life, i'm trying to be poetic.

It's better to be late, than to arrive ugly.

404: Life not found

IT IS NOT
MONDAY' S
FAULT!

Your ass must get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.

If fantasy was realistic -
reality would be fantastic.

I'm in competition
with no one..
have no desire
to play the game of being better than anyone..
just simply trying to be better than the person I was yesterday •

Here's a tissue, you have a little bullshit on your lip.

Everyone's curious

But no one really cares.

BEAUTIFUL THINGS HAPPEN WHEN YOU DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM

THE NEGATIVE SHIT

Let's go camping.

In a hotel.
With a pool. And a spa.

A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear.

Unless it's 3am.

And you're home alone.

And you don't have a baby.

Ironically, the fight between the mind and the heart always ends up hurting the liver.

Break rules, not hearts.

I just took a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.

STRESSED

spelled
backward
is

DESSERTS

I tripped and fell in love.

Don't worry, I brushed that shit off.

A lot of people cry when they cut onions, the trick is not to form an emotional bond.

If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphillis!

The trouble with jogging is, by the time you realize you're not fit for it, it's too far to walk back •

I HATE BEING
BIPOLAR
IT IS AWESOME

I don't watch soccer...

If I want to spend 90 minutes watching people struggling to score, I take my friends to a bar.

i remember when music cost money and water was free.

I've never seen a Mcdonalds or a Burger King under construction.

They just show up.

Sometimes I feel useless but then
I remember
I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

I'm multitasking,

I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone?... That's common sense leaving your body.

Dear Ex..

When you see me, i want you to recognize what you had, regret what you've lost, and realize what you're never getting back.

Sincerly Me

I am one Candy Crush invite away from murdering someone.

I WANT TO HAVE TEXT WITH YOU.

bock auf candle light döner?

Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?

Dear Ex,

Please don't be fooled by Adele, you'll never find someone like me.

No legacy is so rich as honesty.

The
only thing stronger than a mother's love is a
garlic breath •

Hey there Friday,
I've been waiting to see your sexy ass since Monday...let's do this.

Sometimes you have to find the good in goodbye.

The sex was so good even the neighbours had a cigarette.

I
AM
THE
DESIGNER
OF MY OWN CATASTROPHY

i play the keyboard in a band called the internet

Sex with an ex.

Same as if you shower and wear your dirty underwear again.

Release Your Inner Badass.

You make me smile...

And also super horny, but that's not the point.

And I think to myself...

we live for nights nobody can remember with people we'll never forget

FLY LIKE AN EAGLE.

FUCK LIKE A RABBIT.

I wish I could trade my heart for another liver so I could drink more and care less.

My love is like a candle.

If you forget me, I'll burn your house down.

I don't make mistakes,
I date them.

Growing old is
mandatory.

Growing up is optional.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle

ideas
live
on
their
own

Today a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.....apparently "in HD" was not the right answer...

Let's do the rabbit thing.

I Was Born To Be Awesome, Not Perfect.

the truth only hurts when it should.

You are
the average of the five people you spend the most time with •

Dont make me choose between you and food because I would miss you.

until 0% battery do us part

it's not a Sunday unless you completely waste it then feel really sad around 8pm

she's a mess of gorgeous chaos & you can see it in her eyes.

I never needed you. I wanted you.

There's a difference.

Calm down, browser.
I cant make a connection either.

Get the kind of Friday you deserve.

I love you so much I want to move to a country where I can legally own you

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

Anybody have any plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?

Find someone who knows you're not perfect but treats you
as if you are.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.

die with memories,
not dreams.

The world is full of nice people. If you can't find one...

be one.

90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women either.

you can't have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time

One of the most cruel acts that a human can do to another human, is to cause a person to lose hope.

Explore.
Dream.
Discover.
Believe.

it's always words that undress you.

A fuck must be earned. I can't go down the street with a bucket of fucks, giving them out to everyone.
If I feel that you've earned it, I will give a fuck.

I'll have a café mocha vodka valium latte to go please.

At the end of the day, life should ask us,
Do you want to save the changes?

new p•pe
•
•
___ •
||

i'm wearing my friday socks.

they're like normal socks, but they're ready to party.

I woke up this morning ready to go and work, so I pushed the snooze button and gave my lazyness a second chance.

the lion and tiger might be powerful...
but the wolf does not perform in the circus

Carpe Noctem

Seize The Night.

If I wanted to please everyone, I were born as Nutella

Can february march?

No. But april may

Let's be nothing, I heard it lasts forever.

recently, i called my mother at 3 am. just to let her know how it is, when she calls me on sunday 1 pm.

Never trust a warm toilet seat

Work until your idols become your rivals.

$_==/ i i \==_ /XX/ |\___/| \XX\ /XXXX\ |XXXXX| /XXXX\ |XXXXXX\_ _XXXXXXX_ _/XXXXXX| XXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXX |XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX |XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX/ ^ ^ ^ ^ " \XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX/ ^ ^ ^^ \XXXXXX |XXX| \XXX/ ^ ^ \XXXXX/ ^ ^ \XXX/ |XXX| \XX\ \X/ \XXX/ \X/ /XX/ "\ " \X/ " /"$

If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.

The most amazing people are the ones that don't speak much, but when they do, they shut up a lot of mouths.

cheers to the freaking weekend!

Have you ever noticed that a woman's
"be ready in 5 minutes"
and a man's
"be home in 5 minutes"
are exactly the same?

Better grab my dumbrella.

It's really stupid out there today.

Life is like a Bollywood movie: colorful, humorous, and usually you have no idea what the fuck is going on.

I may look calm but in my head I have already killed you three times AND hid the body.

Put your "faith" between my legs.

WRITE SOMETHING
DRAW SOMETHING
SING SOMETHING
COOK SOMETHING
BUILD SOMETHING
SEW SOMETHING
MAKE SOMETHING

BUY NOTHING

Do not have unprotected
text.

some are playing hard to get while i'm playing hard to want

hipsters make me want to punch a unicorn in the junk

You drink too much.
You swear too much.
You have no morals.

You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend!

To be in the 1%, you have to do what 99% won't.

If you asked me how many times you have crossed my mind I would say once, because you never really left.

How am I meant to control my life I can’t even control my hair

go directly to hell.

do not pass GO.
do not collect $200.

Love what you have before life teaches you to love what you've lost.

I'm an idealist.
I don't know where I'm going but I'm on my way.

YOUR
PHONE SCREEN
IS BRIGHTER THAN YOUR FUTURE.

does running away from my problems count as jogging?

What if we are all particles on a grilled cheese sandwich?

I followed my heart and it led me into the fridge.

The prettiest people do the ugliest things.

You don't have a Valentine?

Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day, so
SHUT UP!

It's like I'm the only drunk person at this yoga class.

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...

lazy is a very strong word.
i like to call it selective participation.

Design is so simple, that's why it is so complicated.

Tequila + me = lucky you!

have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered...

"who ties your shoelaces for you?"

I have an idea.

You sit back, you relax and you die unnoticed.

Some talk to you in their free time
&
some free time to talk to you

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else -

is the greatest accomplishment

After all is said and
done, a lot more will be said than done.

Don't be ashamed of who you are.

That's your parents job.

When ego is lost, limit is lost. You become infinite, kind, beautiful.

Let's go for a rum!

DONE IS BETTER THAN PERFECT

I'm not interested in where you work, or what you wear, or what your favorite color is, I'm interested in what you think.

Faster than the speed of light is when you can take a bottle of beer out of the fridge before the light comes on.

I want to sleep for two years and wake up with a degree, an apartment and money in the bank

Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.

My biography will be titled "Be Yourself And Other Ways To Stay Single."

YOUNG, WILD AND RETARDED.

Don't add winky face emoticons to anything unless you want me to take it sexually.

Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

I'm two fries short of a happy meal

if energy can neither be created nor destroyed, what if our souls are a fragmented collection of other people's souls from the past and future? what if our dreams are their memories?

i am as motivated as the guy who drew the japanese flag.

Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.

Everything is made in China. Except babies. They are made in vaChina.

The blurred picture around the smartphone is called life.

I need a hug or 6 shots of vodka.

my life.
my choices.
my mistakes.
my lessons.
not your business.

I'm opening a gym called "Resolutions". It will have exercise equipment in it for the first two weeks, then it turns into a bar for the rest of the year.

STOP MAKING STUPID PEOPLE FAMOUS!

and suddenly everything seemed perfect and life made sense

getting no message is also a message...

When the cockroaches are wearing party hats, it's time to clean the kitchen.

if you've been left, go write

7 BILLION PEOPLE, 14 BILLION FACES.

Did you know that if you put your ear up a strangers leg you can hear them say:
What the fuck are you doing?!?

Maybe she's not on her period... Maybe you are just an asshole....

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.

lovers

that word really bums me out

..unless its between cheese and pizza

Trying to sleep like;
One sheep, two sheep, cow, turtle, duck, old mac Donald had a farm,
HEE MACARENA!!!!

Love is like farting.
If you have to force it, then it's probably shit.

"How do you know when it's over?"

"Maybe when you feel more in love with your memories than with the person standing right in front of you."

Kiss me like your ex is watching

there's a little truth behind every
"just kidding"
a little curiosity behind every
"just wondering"
a little knowledge behind every
"i don't know"
and a little emotion behind every
"i don't care"

The word "Listen" has the same letters as the word "Silent".

"So Shut Up"

Dear Sneeze,

If you're going to happen, happen.

Don't put a stupid look on my face and then just leave.

Bold News:

Boldomatic is nominated for the Swiss App Awards.

Show a girl you don't care and she'll chase you. Show a woman you don't care and she'll replace you.

Selfie is the proof that smartphone and internet have made people so alone that they don't find a friend who can take a pic.

Can't get out of bed.

Send help....,
or waffles.

Just send waffles.

They tell me I'm weak, but I am strong. They tell me I'm worthless, but I am loved by many. They tell me I am nothing, but someday I'll be everything to someone.

If women ruled this world, there would be no wars.

Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

BITCH I'LL BURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER TO THE GROUND, NOW WHERE IS IT?!

sir, calm down, your toy is under the mcnuggets.

Let's get drunk
and tell each other how
we really feel •

I always start phone conversations with "my phone is about to die.." just so people don't waste my time.

i'm sorry
for what
i said when i was hungry.

I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.

You are more awesome than a monkey wearing a tuxedo

I'M ON THAT NEW DIET WHERE YOU EAT EVERYTHING AND HOPE FOR A BIG MIRACLE.

Let's get drunk and fall in love every other weekend.

If someone points at your black clothes and asks, whos funeral it is, you just look around the room, and answer, 'haven't decided yet.'

To Quote Hamlet
Act III, Scene III
Line 87,

"NO"

Numerous additions to the list of suggested writers.

ENJOY THEM ALL

I fear the people who can bite ice cream.

I'm not saying I did terrible things last night, but Satan woke up on my couch and won't make eye contact with me...

I don't do drugs or drink.

At my age, I get the same effect just standing up too fast.

A world

with a little less selfies

and a little more selfless.

C'EST
LA
FUCKING
VIE

Apple CEO announces he's gay. Samsung CEO announces he's more gay and water resistant.

I had a great time last night...well thats what the police report says.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.

C. S. Lewis

My favorite mythical creature is the happy bitch in tampon commercials.

And I just want to tell you, it takes everything in me not to call you, and I wish I could run to you, and I hope you know that every time I don't,

I almost do.

Be careful who you make memories with, those things can last forever.

I like people the way I like my tea.

I hate tea.

If I marry a Canadian, I've decided that the children will be raised metric.

i think therefore

i don't have much in common with a lot of people

I almost had an "I need a guy moment" but then I was able to get the vodka open.

That moment between Netflix episodes where you see your reflection on the black screen and wonder what the fuck you're doing with your life

Weekends are like an orgasm.
It takes a lot to get there and when you finally did, it's over in no time...

Liberté, égalité, fraternité,
Fuck terrorism

Keep your face towards the sunshine
and shadows will
fall behind you.

Half of my feelings are doubts about the other half of my feelings.

my back is not a voicemail say it to my face

Potatoes give us french fries and vodka.

It's your move, celery.

Dating an ex is the equivalent of failing a test you already had the answers to.

I'm having one of those days that's not a Saturday.

your age is the number of times you went around the sun...

I love you so much
that I would tell you
if I dropped your toothbrush in the toilet.

RUN AS
/HUMAN:
BEING

I swear if my
memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

The hands of friendship have no color.

GO
HUG
YOURSELF

Trust your heart, it beat before you were able to think!

I would not want to be involved in a fight with a person who bleeds every month and still lives.

If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you're fooling yourself. That's like expecting the lion not to eat you beacuse you didn't eat him.

Free to choose,
but not free from the consequences of the choice.

Sometimes you have to destroy something to create something new.

If you're in a fairytale and you're a single woman over the age of 35, chances are you're evil.

Never depend on someone else to make you happy, that's what alcohol is for.

In 1814 Women had no rights

In 1914 Women fought for some rights

In 2014 Women are always fucking right

I like the idea that someone, somewhere is made for you, forever.

To make a long story short, don't tell it.

Don't be sad laundry,
no one is doing me either

My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.

One day, I will solve my problems with maturity.

Today, however, it will be with alcohol.

I wish you would listen closer to the songs I play. The lyrics are the words I fail to say.

Sometimes,
even Google
can't help you.

hell yeah
its friday.

Of course size matters.....

Nobody wants a small cup of coffee.

Time to go to bed.

I have a life to pretend to have tomorrow.

Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who's not interested.

Listening to someone's heartbeat.

It's hip to be squared.

Only trust people who like big butts.

They cannot lie.

Stop asking WHY I'm still single.

I don't ask how you're still married.

Hey, what's the Wi-Fi password?

Idiot, we're at a funeral!

All in one Word?

Can you imagine parents nowadays explaining to their kids how they met?

"Well, it all started one day when your dad 'liked' one of my selfies."

I TRY TO BE A
NICE PERSON...
BUT SOMETIMES
MY MOUTH
DOESN'T
COOPERATE.

Exercise
Exercis
Exerci
Exerc
Exer
Exe
Ex
Extra fries.

Today I took a picture of my peanut butter sandwich.

We draw lines to stand behind them.

That's why flags are ugly things.

If Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask you to be your default browser, you're brave enough to ask that girl out.

People
who talk shit
will be reincarnated as toilet paper •

WARNING

drinking alcoholic beverages before pregnancy can cause pregnancy

I wish cake went straight to my boobs.

You're as annoying as that app that turns sideways when I lay down.

sad people
love the rain
because they are
no longer crying alone

Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.

Twinkle, twinkle little star lead me to the nearest bar!

DIFFICULT ROADS
OFTEN LEAD
TO BEAUTIFUL
DESTINATIONS

we had been trying to be adults for so long, and it wasn't until we were 18 and laying on the bathroom floor drunk that we realized that age is just a number and reality is learning that there is no such thing as being an adult, you only grow older, and if you're lucky,
a little wiser

Speaking is silver.

Writing is Bold.

Get out of my head and fall into my arms instead.

You know something bad is about to happen when someone says

"Hold my beer and watch this."

Kiss me like your ex is watching

Most of the time I am convinced I have lost it. But sometimes, I think I am the main line of truth in the universe.

namaste,
bitches

life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man could invent.

renamed my ipod the Titanic, so when i plug it in, it says "the Titanic is syncing" he he

If Adam and Eve were Chinese,
we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake.

The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success

Your pants say yoga, but your ass says McDonalds!

I can think of absolutely no acceptable situation where a grown man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie.

for halloween this year we should all just dress up as who we really are

nobody would recognize anyone

Haters will see you walk on water and say its because you can't swim.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

We all think we're smart
until we try to turn on
someone else's shower.

soon as you realize love is in the air, somebody farts.

Worry is just meditating on bullshit

Unless you can question your own beliefs, you have no place questioning the beliefs of others.

BEAST
MODE

» ON

men at
25 play football.
man at
40 play tennis.
man at
60 play golf.

have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?

*

I am a creature of the night.

A church is a hospital for sinners, not a club for saints.

my heart says: summer

my body says: no

we live long enough to realize we don't live long

Wear me like you mean it.

if you walk a mile in my shoes you'll end up at the bar.

may the bridges I burn light the way

Those who snore always fall asleep first.

You don't have to be a cowboy to ride off into the sunset.

having a vagina doesn't stop me from believing that my balls are bigger than yours.

if i had 1$ for everytime i got called beautiful i'd have 1$

thanks mom

F CK.
i just need U

just wanted to update everyone on the fact that absolutely nothing new is happening in my life

My boss doesn't like the nickname I gave him. It's awful to see Princess Dickhead crying.

It's not that diabetes,
heart disease and obesity
runs in your family. It's that no one runs in your
family.

IF YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE GREATNESS STOP ASKING FOR PERMISSION

I don't have any bad habits.

I am good at all of them.

I hate the part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life •

Sorry, but your password must contain a capital letter, two numbers,
a symbol, an inspiring message, a spell,
a gang sign,
a hieroglyph and the blood of a virgin.

Can't wait for the day some kid grows up and sues their parents for plastering their face all over the Internet.

Never ask a woman her age. Or her weight. Or anything. Just stare, breathe and hope for the best.

Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don't get. Those who do are smiling right now.

Money is like manure. If we spread it around, it does a lot of good, but if we pile it up, it stinks.

SOME PEOPLE
SAY SORRY
IN THE TONE OF WHATEVER

tomorrow (noun)

a mystical land where 99 percent of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored.

Sometimes it feels like the only thing I can count on, are my fingers.

Favorite type of music to play during sex?

You.

PROVE
YOU
EXIST

Skinny girls think they are chubby,
chubby girls think they're fat
and fat girls think they can wear leggings •

You.
Me.
Bed.
Now.

All i ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy !

Right now, somebody is hard at work in a factory, shoving chocolate eggs up a bunny's ass, for you.

We have each other and everything else is background noise.

Do you remember the time when we were all in peace?

Yeah, me neither.

I 'm gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer's.

Here's to the nights that turned into mornings with the friends that turned into family.
Cheers to you.

I'm not the type of person you should put on speaker phone.

What Susie says
of Sally
says more of Susie
than of Sally.

Remember that.

MAYBE SHE'S BORN WITH IT,
MAYBE IT'S AN INSTAGRAM FILTER.

You know, long distance relationships are so hard, especially since my boyfriend lives in the future!

You're not fat! C'mon, chin up.

No, the other one...

It's not a walk of shame if you leave with a moonwalk.

Shoutout to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.

We're going to buy a dog or have a child, but can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or our lives.

Irony is 15 year old mothers using protective covers on their smartphones

i licked it, so it's mine.

Thanks for pretending not to see me when I was pretending not to see you in order to avoid a miserably awkward conversation that neither of us wanted to have.

Poor is the man whose pleasure depends on the permission of another.

People don't want to hear about your diet.

Just eat your lettuce, and be sad.

Wow, that was rather inappropriate.

Let's be friends.

I want to hold treasurous things. I want to always have a surprise inside of me. I always want to have someone who loves me. I want to be a fridge.

Listening to a bird is like listening to a woman.

Nice voice but impossible to understand.

I hate when people say you don't need alcohol to have fun... Well you don't need running shoes to run but it fucking helps.

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.

As you move outside of your comfort zone, what was once the unknown and frightening becomes your new normal.

I MISS HATING THE SUMMER HEAT ^

Noticing how beautiful the city lights are at night while getting chased by the cops.

want a realtionship?
buy a sheep and call it relation.

100% of non-
smokers die too.

rap is like scissors it always loses to rock

If you have to ask if it's too early to drink wine, you're an amateur and we can't be friends.

What happens in Vegas...
ends up on Facebook.

W
Y c I o
N o n i t r
e r i o t ' l
w k s t a y. s a d.

FRENCH PEOPLE ARE SO HARDCORE THEY EAT "PAIN" FOR BREAKFAST.

And here starts another week without me being rich or famous.

See your beauty without a compliment or a mirror

I need a glass of wine.
Or a bottle.
Or a winery in Italy.

Do you believe in miracles?

Me neither.

I believe in risks, faith and tequila.

now i've got this feeling once again, i can't explain, you would not understand, this is not how i am

i... have become comfortably numb

I'm at that awkward age where half my friends are in love and having babies and the other half are too drunk to even find their phones.