Search for #hashtags, @writers or keywords

sarcaSM

Follow following

Subscribe subscribed

Bold Points 55797

Bold Since 1353775317000

sarcaSM

LISTEN TO SILENCE

417

Calm down, browser.
I cant make a connection either.

128

GO
HUG
YOURSELF

155

To make a long story short, don't tell it.

84

Let's get drunk and fall in love every other weekend.

69

I'm an idealist.
I don't know where I'm going but I'm on my way.

94

leave my head
or
start paying rent

103

less walls &
more bridges

70

Learn to appreciate silence in a world that never stops talking.

62

Just saw a butterfly with a girl tattooed on its lower back.

58

My favorite part of the World Cup is shots of crying people.

35

The sweetest kiss I ever got is the one I never tasted.

44

47

Love isn't blind,
it's retarded.

109

Ancient men stared into space; modern men stare into their phones. The emptiness is the same.

45

Thinking is difficult, that's why most people judge.

82

The center
of the universe
is a lonely
place

53

If I wanted to show support, I would have been born as a bra.

76

Eating cereal in the shower isn't saving me as much time as I thought.

52

save your anger for the bedroom

85

we are all moths to the flame for

somebody

29

40

We said nicer things about the future in the past.

26

The world is one big lie.

There's nothing super in this supermarket.

34

THE MOST DANGEROUS THING TO WANT IS

MORE.

55

Sorry War, won't make it. I'm with Peace now, you suck.

30

ENJOY
YOUR
LI E
F

64

The sword of justice is stuck in a pile of dollar bills.

34

I found my old Nokia phone from 1999.
It still has 83% battery life left.

60

As I lie in bed and stare up at the stars I wonder... where the fuck is my roof?

52

What if, instead of going to war, we all just went to bed early,
for once?

29

67

SCREW PERFECTIO
N

51

absence may be the most powerful presence

43

Life Is About Kicking Ass Not Kissing It

32

How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so? - C.B.

19

My favorite type of pain is champagne.

47

I MISS HATING THE SUMMER HEAT ^

27

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Tiananmen

23

I've never had a problem
that I couldn't make worse.

41

You're bed influence.

30

I'm at my manliest when a website tells me my password is 'very strong'.

38

Conversation starter:

"I don't like people."

39

Just saw a butterfly with a girl tattooed on it's lower back.

40

Love & eggs are best when they're fresh.

33

Everyone poops.

39

To worry is cheap, hope is priceless.

21

MERRY CRISIS & A HAPPY NEW FEAR

15

all she left was
empty space

31

IT'S OK
I'M BATMAN

37

Intellect versus emotion
Intellect wins
Emotion starts crying

29

feels like normality took off its bra

15

Mum
is typing...

38

I spend half of my life resetting passwords

38

My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.

41

Discovering I was colorblind came completely out of the orange.

30

An
optimist is a pessimist that just got drunk.

32

Enemies with benefits.

32

Forecast:

Fucked

30

TRUST ME
LOVE ME
FUCK ME

34

I'm your problem.

33

Siri, explain people.

27

meet me at the end of the internet

27

Knowing is half the bottle.

26

38

Life doesn't even want to cuddle after it's done fucking me.

35

Later is never on time

14

Interviewer:
Why is there such a long gap in your employment?

Me:
I'm a time traveler

36

If you don't understand my silence, you don't deserve my words.

32

It's cute
how everyone gets offended by everything and everyone.

26

Bowie leaves us and then a 9th planet appears, I don't need to read your science article.

26

I am sorry for the times I wasn't.

37

A new study shows
I wasn't even paying attention.

33

Every dead body on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person.

18

It's only confusing if you're paying attention.

31

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.

41

If you're not tired and frustrated, you're doing it wrong.

26

YOU ARE AN ANIMAL, TOO

27

DOWNLOAD MOTIVATION
..............................

[Cancel]

25

Of course I received your Email. I deleted it right away.

24

I don't know, let's try 'password'.

#sony

29

I can't help myself,
I'm getting SANTAmental.

37

Jigsaw puzzle, I hear you. My life's in pieces too.

26

Sex, drugs and free wifi

31

well at least I can eat peanuts without dying

28

I think of you in colors that don't exist.

^

21

Let's make plans for too late.

20

I came.
I saw.
And I'm still confused.

33

be at peace, not in

p
i s
e
c e

23

Dear future wife,

better think twice.

26

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes.

After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.

33

more
trees

less assholes

20

It went horribly right.

31

Software updates are my daily soap operas.

23

Nothing like an idiot and their opinion.

25

we are glad you are here

20

what
the
hel
vetica

31

Your positive attitude is a major turn off.

31

I use sarcasm as a defense mechanism.

Also I yell at people for no reason.

Safety first.

26

I'm the man of your dreams, the ones you can't remember.

16

Boldomatic - you're my favorite.

12

remember to forget

35

MORE DIRTY STORIES

20

Everyone was thinking it.
I just said it.

31

STOP GLOBAL WHINING

30

I get it elevator,
I struggle to get up too.

19

Liberté,
Égalité,
Le Pen adé.

20

too much brain in my head

29

April Fools' Day

Believe nothing and trust no one.

Just like any other day.

25

This city is full of empty
people.

16

nothing more inspiring than the art of creating hope

31

I have a 6th sense, I see dumb people.

33

we can never be satisfied

20

Brad Pitt always looks like he wants to be like Brad Pitt but failed.

17

27

I like
your
positive
shit

31

EARNED NOT GIVEN.

22

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

27

7 billion people on this planet and I can only tolerate around 10 at the most.

27

and then we grew up

23

would your 8 year old self be proud of you right now?

23

PANTS OFF FRIDAY

10

Fall asleep by counting the number of people you've let down.

21

Memories are the blanket for the soul.

18

Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that.

21

Does it take a fucking apocalypse to make humanity decent again?

26

old soul.
adult body.
teenage love.

25

I generally avoid temptation
unless I can't resist it.

13

SOMETHING ABOUT TODAY MAKES ME WANT TO BE HUNGOVER TOMORROW

21

I'VE FOUND THAT THE SADDEST PEOPLE ARE ALSO THE FUNNIEST, AND THOSE WHO UNDERSTAND COMPLEXITY CAN COMMUNICATE SIMPLICITY.

25

And...

another ugly person just called me shallow.

19

Hope was late, so I took action.

20

My job would be so much better if It wasn't mine.

25

17

Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM

29

Weekend.

Don't forget to change your attitude from
"I hate my job" to "I hate my life".

29

I HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE AND IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

22

I've found that 90% of my happiness in any situation depends on whether I have the option to avoid small talk.

28

'Hear
what
I mean,
not what
I am saying'.

29

No hard feelings.
No soft feelings.

Just no feelings.

24

ask my coffee mug

23

We all have this one chapter in our life we choose to read silently.

28

draw your thoughts before they die

28

Shhhhhhhh
I'm counting

15

Work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like nobody is watching you.

25

23

*unfollows the sun

17

Hello.
It's me, the grammar police.

Your welcome.

27

It's both frustrating and disturbing when I use two fingers trying to zoom in on a picture in a magazine

20

Silence can not be misquoted

21

HOLY SHIT
YOU ARE PERFECT

21

I don't always have time but when I do, I don't.

27

How is the "we've ended war in Iraq"-thing going?

24

MODERN ART =

I COULD
DO THAT + YEAH BUT
YOU DON'T

14

But this is not Wonderland and you are not Alice.

26

I'd change the world but my battery's low.

20

Always be yourself, except during job interviews.

25

22

Ooops!

DID I JUST ROLL MY EYES
OUT LOUD?

20

rich people paying rich people to tell middleclass people to blame poor people

26

22

THEY SAY I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING.

BUT I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT.

25

Start with a smile

26

Air conditioning

- not a fan

19

Poor is the man whose pleasure depends on the permission of another.

23

Woke up. Overrated.

25

To hate yourself just a little bit less tomorrow is a goal, too.

22

"Shit, I have to break up with her in person? Isn't there an easier way?"

-Alexander Graham Bell

21

HR sent an email about procrastination at work.

I haven't opened it yet.

18

why can I see the ending at the beginning?

23

I'm pretty sure that I've posted this already but here it is again.

20

I don't give a fuck,
I give many.

13

Well, well, well, if this isn't my inability to cope with temptation.

13

SLOW
THE WORLD
DOWN

21

Don't forget to breathe.

18

Love is blind

because I poked its eyes out.

23

Don't tell me the air is fresh outside. It's been there for ages.

22

give me

ooohs
and

aaahs

23

A fun thing to do this holiday season is to run into the woods and never be seen or heard from again.

24

I LOVE YOU BECAUSE WE HATE THE SAME STUFF.

19

It's like you're homesick for a place that doesn't even exist.

23

embrace the pointlessness.
take a walk.
leave a fart.

24

Nice try coffee,
nice try.

20

Funny how we say "I drank a *pot* of coffee" instead of "I drank fourteen cups of coffee and chased the cat around the hot tub with a sword"

24

*folds laundry like a
boss

21

20

I like people who talk to themselves, me too.

23

forever
is composed of nows

21

Siri,
what's the shortest route to retirement.

21

what's wrong?

what isn't?

18

Reality is irrelevant when you're drunk... or in love.

24

Everyone has a story to tell, unfortunately.

20

Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching.

23

the luxury
of needing
nothing

20

Sometimes all it takes is hitting send.

21

A truth so ugly, you hide it in your bag.

20

sometimes we just fill space

23

Born to be mild

23

Why do they say "missed calls" and not "avoided calls"?

21

All fortune cookies expired early 2020.

14

life is simple, google it.

20

"Let's be brave, because then we don't have to be afraid of the future"

16

I came

I saw

and I left.

23

dear stress,

let's break up.

- me

23

Born to be wild....

ends up domesticated.

22

Tell Lie Vision

23

There ain't no horizon for old perspectives.

17

All problems can be solved with cat videos.

23

"While you are hanging on to the past, someone else is out there plotting to steal your future."

Clark Kokich

23

I don't belong here.

20

Nothing ruins your Friday like realizing
it's only Tuesday.

14

Pain
is just
a French
word for bread.

22

This world wasn't meant for me. Nearly nothing I love is legal.

22

Touch screens make us lose touch.

18

The stock market has so many issues,
I will probably fall in love with it any minute.

21

I like to imagine death to be the snooze button of life.

14

Is my salad supposed to have a pulse ?

13

I will not kill my coworkers
I will not kill my coworkers
I will not....

OK maybe just one.

22

Who knew hope could be so fucking exhausting

19

I came...
I saw...
I napped.

22

You don't care.
I don't care.
We both don't care because the other doesn't care.

Let's just move the fuck along.

15

Is this a really good buzz or the beginnings of a stroke?

22

Question

your

beliefs.

18

Should have. Would have. Could have. Didn't. Wouldn't. Fuck it.

21

rebooting life;

Ctrl + Alt + Whiskey

18

Who're you when you log out?

17

Karma is my boomerang.

22

Don't fuck with mother nature.

22

Feels good to have your shit together...

they say.

17

22

19

Spoiled kids who never had to scrape their burnt toast but were instead given a new piece. That's what's wrong.

19

I need a bubble to live in.

18

The past,
the present,
and the future
walk into a bar.

It was tense.

18

Ignoring people is also a very social thing I do.

20

It's OK, funds.

I'm insufficient too.

21

The world
is an empty place.

16

The website for introvert professionals is called LinkedOut.

21

Fuck organic.

There, I said it.

17

when
nothing
goes
right,

go
left.

20

Later is not on my watch

20

21

Money is so expensive these days.

20

Hope is an active verb.

20

18

Some people hate the truth but I don't think the truth cares!

21

Don't
resist
temptation

18

It would be great if people came with preview so you see what you're getting yourself into.

21

The real "F-word" is Facebook.

Don't use it.

17

sorry girls, I can't answer all 0 messages at once

21

autocorrect

but for feelings

11

Shout out to all the people that have never talked to me.

Keep it up!

15

Don't live the same year 75 times and call it a life.

20

Sometimes all you need is a billion dollars and some fireworks.

21

"Just stop talking,
please."

- A Love Story

21

WE FUCKED UP BIGGER AND BETTER THAN ANY OTHER GENERATION THAT CAME BEFORE US.
WE'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.

18

cry me a summer

16

Hate may be a very strong word.

But remember there's people who can eat whatever they want and not get fat.

20

Thank you hands

for being by my side all these years

20

The worst part about this post is that I'm naked while writing it.

20

I want to be where the people aren't.

21

I guess North Koreans are so miserable because they have no Seoul.

13

Science fact: If you took all of the veins from your body and laid them from end to end, you would die.

20

11

Member of the Bored

20

There's no innocence in burnt pizza.

20

forever is unreal.

15

Stop wasting space on the internet.

20

Hopes so high...

they may have a drug issue.

18

YOU SAY POTATO

I SAY VODKA

20

We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.

20

Toast is just soft bread that has been hurt a lot before.

19

We'll return to reality after these messages.

11

Friday every day.

13

I spend most of my life paying bills and dying slowly.

20

17

Whiteboards are remarkable.

20

Stuck between yesterday and today.

15

Truth hurts, people hate the truth.

Luckily, the truth dosen't care!

18

14

17

As the day goes on, coworkers appear more flammable.

19

everything is awful but pizza and you

10

I just want to live long enough to become a burden on both my loved ones and society at large.

19

Fuck it, let's go to New Work.

19

WAIT HERE

UNTIL YOU ARE USEFUL

16

Remember back when we all thought 2019 sucked?

We were too young to know any better.

17

less -

but better

19

20

Always forgive your enemies;
nothing annoys them so much.

19

Let's dopamine.

19

a mouth full of words that taste like bullets

19

I counted, and I only like 5 people enough to drive them to the airport.

18

We live on
the edge of
paradise

18

somebody
needs
a
Happy Meal

18

16

My shopping list reads:

Wine and shit to eat with wine.

19

Laugh now.

Tomorrow you may have to pay for it.

19

Earth may just be the America of the galaxy.

19

"Forgive me for my mistakes,
I'm still a kid learning the responsibility of being an adult."

19

plugging your ears won't change the truth

19

Let's have an icecream and believe everything we read on the internet.

19

Think less
Stupid more

19

Fishing for competence.

19

you aren't your circumstances...
you are your possibilities...

19

trying to catch sunlight in an empty bottle of bourbon

19

You know what would look great on you?

Cement.

19

Reality:
the greatest
mind-fuck of all.

19

good things come to those who leave me the fuck alone

17

your randomness is addictive

19

"Only the dead have seen the end of war."

15

14

confidence
kills the filter

#selfie

9

The older I get, the less I care about what others think of me

18

My phobias include manual labor and waking up in a tent.

18

I'm no art critic, but I doubt dogs know how to play poker.

18

"...that's why it's called Oral Office Monica."

- Bill Clinton

12

Anything that
is a lie, is a lie.

Love is love.

If it's a lie, it's not love.

Love is truth.

18

The world and I are not in speaking terms these days.

11

Ctrl + Alt + Whatever

18

Everything not saved will
be lost.

- Nintendo "Quit Screen"
Message

18

You can blame anything on autocorrect.

18

Birth. Anxiety. Death.

18

bread and emails,
a very classical morning

16

words are interesting little creatures

18

We don't bleed when we don't fight.

18

"Democracy is like a train. You take it where you have to go, and then you get off".

13

Where is...

...the light switch ?

18

I'm not in the mood
for things I can't change.

14

I should probably write something meaningful, but you know how it is.

17

Feelings are much like the socks in the drawer.

11

polka••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••dots

17

if lives gives you lemons, just throw the fuckers back.

17

life is a bitch they say... but in times of equal rights one should say life is a dog.

18

WORK NOW

CRY LATER

18

I'd make a great father.

To a sandwich.

18

IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.

18

What flavor is your favorite lie?

15

THIS

THEN

THAT

15

My friend says being a parent is a lot of work but come on- it's a KID not a boldomatic account.

17

A woman smiles, a credit card cries.

18

Freedom > Independence

18

Whoever is in charge of my Truman Show:

You're fired.

18

Change is constant.
So is thinking we won't change.

17

^ THE
^ SKY
^ AND
TOUCH
JUMP

14

14

Arrive beautiful.

Leave ugly!

17

You bring the bridge.
I will bring the fire.

17

Rock, Paper,
iPhone

17

calories trying to burn people

17

Supreme court is like regular court but with a slice of bacon.

17

17

Fuck you selfie

17

What doesn't kill you... can still leave you paralyzed from the neck down.

17

Soon can be forever

15

Coconut water tastes like you shouldn't drink it.

16

Year in Review : pretty dumb

13

Having a midlife crisis?

What took you so long?

17

It's all so very confusing. What's most confusing is how it makes still sense, in a weird fucked up way.

17

Get a middle-income job, a mortgage and a divorce or die trying.

14

THINKING OF ALL THE EFFORT THAT IS YET TO BE PUT IN..

Zzzz

14

14

15

The Murder Hornets will probably leave the U.S. again once they find out about the broken healthcare system.

11

Support octopuses, give them swords.

10

Time is just a word for a condition we barely understand.

17

THE GRAPE DEPRESSION

16

The voices in my head are snoring at night and it's annoying.

10

Have you tried turning the U.S. off and on again?

17

But what if an apple a day kept everyone away?

17

Instagram derives from social needia.

17

9

Think a little less.

17

less,
but better

16

Thanks for the party and sorry I cry-puked over your shoes.

13

everyone I look up to is dead

13

nothing
special

17

17

PROUD TO BE A PROBLEM

14

Let the bitch bark

11

Old people would be pretty scary if you didn't know they were just old people.

16

16

Found a piece of salad in my inbox

16

lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost list.

13

14

Calm down, password alert.

Everything I do is incorrect.

15

clean
is boring

15

So, what're all of us fortunate people complaining about today?

12

Take a wild fucking guess and keep it to yourself

14

Baby just look at this beautiful graveyard of lights.

11

13

14

Let words rain.

People are thirsty for thoughts.

16

14

14

Save the planet. Plant more pizza.

9

Fun prank idea - suddenly start caring

13

Monday (n)

Page one of the misery

16

bang
bang
bangin'

12

Swearing was invented in 1998 when some fucker stole my parking spot.

16

show more

About Help Contact Copyright Privacy Terms