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In song, a kiss is just a kiss. But, in life it means so much more.
With a pocket full of cash and a tank full of gas, you're free.

With electric vehicles and digital currency, you're controlled.
peace does not mean you will not have problems... peace means your problems will not have you
THE REAL REASON FOR GLOBAL WARMING:
TODAY'S YOUTH ARE NOWHERE NEAR AS COOL AS WE WERE BACK THEN...
I was told a banana a day would cleanse my colon. After 2 weeks I found out I was supposed to be eating them.
I'M NOT SAYING I'M OLD,  BUT WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL WE MADE OUR PARENTS ASHTRAYS FOR CHRISTMAS.
EVERYONE IS SITTING HERE WITH THEIR ENGAGEMENT RINGS AND PROMISE RINGS AND HERE I AM WITH MY ONION RINGS!!
"Armen Leuten Sparsamkeit zu empfehlen, das erscheint mir ebenso lächerlich wie beleidigend.

Wie einem verhungernden zu raten, weniger zu essen."


~ Oscar Wilde




My underwear tells a
story...and it's not good
DO YOU EVER SMELL A CERTAIN FAMILIAR SCENT AND SUDDENLY REMEMBER A SMALL PART OF YOUR CHILDHOOD YOU TOTALLY FORGOT?
Liquor store clerk: Do you need help? 

Me: Yes, but I came here instead.
I'VE BEEN ON SO MANY BLIND DATES
I SHOULD GET A FREE DOG.
I HAD A CRUSH ON A GUY....UNTIL HE TEXTED ME TO SAY, 
"EYE CAN'T WEIGHT TO SEA YOU NECKS WEAK"
WHAT'S MY TYPE? SOMEONE WHO IS SUPPORTIVE, SOMEONE WHO IS WARM, SOMEONE I CAN CURL UP WITH AND RELAX WITH.

WAIT..I'M DESCRIBING MY BED AGAIN.



Trump is having
a major meltdown


Now my hands are 
covered in orange


Cheetos, maybe
I don't wanna party like it's 1999...  


I wanna go grocery shopping like it's 1999.
in istanbull i met a man who said he knew beyond a doubt that god was a cat. i asked why he was so sure, and he said: when i pray to him, he ignores me
Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta?

Boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.

Follow me for more cooking tips.



Kamala
Kamala
Kamala
Kamala
Kamala
Kamala
Kamala
If suicide crosses your mind, just know I would  rather listen to your story than attend your funeral.
be the 'disco'             in disconnected from reality
A SLIGHTLY DRUNK WOMAN IS WATCHING TV AND YELLS...

"DON'T GO THERE! DON'T GO TO THE CHURCH YOU DUMB BITCH"

HER HUSBAND ASKS " WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?"

"OUR WEDDING VIDEO "
I WANT TO FIND THE MALE VERSION OF ME, THAT WOULD BE EPIC.
MY IDEA OF FLIRTING IS BEING AS SARCASTIC AS HUMANLY AS POSSIBLE AND SEEING HOW YOU HANDLE IT.
Papa, warum dürfen wir in  Europa nur eine Frau haben?


"Weil uns  das Gesetz schützt, mein Sohn!"
Even Medusa could have found love with a blind man
Life is a song
Love is the music
if you have no seat at the table...  youre probably on the menu
If Cinderella's shoe fit so perfectly, why did if fall off in the first place?
be the 'disco'             in disconnected from reality
While opioid addiction continues to be a significant area of focus for our government, it is important to remember that addiction is much more than opioids. 

The vast majority of people struggling with addiction are not using opioids. 

That's true, but opiates are by far the deadliest
“In many cases, what you hope to learn by reading books or listening to podcasts can only be learned  by attempting what you fear; some knowledge is only revealed through action.”
J. Clear
"Hate cannot drive out hate; 
only love can do that." 

Problem is, we live in a colosally unforgiving age, where social media has confused anger with importance, and told us that our own sense of righteousness and self-esteem is intrinsically linked to how condemning we are of the latest public wrongdoer. 

I shout therefore I am.


Justice is one thing, a desire for revenge is quite another
WHO TOLD YOU?
Men go fishing for two reasons:

Either they have no wife to go home to,  or they do.
if youre not in my circle of trust  youre probably in my rhombus of doubt
Every act of political violence yields instant reactions that cannot be supported by the available facts
fear is such a powerful emotion for humans that when we allow it to take us over, it drives compassion right out of our hearts.
Bad News (but not really bad news) --
 You're not going to fit in with everyone.

Good News--
 The great ones never do!
'stable genius' is correct as to residential housing. the other half is backasswards.
everyone you know is acting out a scene from a drama that commenced in childhood and will end only when the theatre itself has gone out of business.


A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.


They say money can't buy happiness. 

OK, give it to me and I'll show you how it's done.



I'm sorry that I caught you off guard by calling you a bitch. 

I really thought you knew.
  SNEEZINGINCREASESYOURBUST
NEVER COMPROMIZE YOURSELF FOR PEOPLE WHO ONLY SEES YOU AS THEIR TOY AND YREAT YOU AS SUCH.
Make someone your 
 own only to the extent
   that he cannot take away
     your peace of mind

It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.
laundry today 
or 
naked tomorrow
You look like something 
I draw with my left hand.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
Whenever I delete an app on my phone, 
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •
My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"
I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.





     LISTEN TO SILENCE
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything
I love waving at random people,  because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself
Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM
i just burnt my tongue on some food 

they say the ones you love hurt you the most


THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.

Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Sun goes down earlier for short people.


If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
justice is
a beautiful concept.
unicorns too.
I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty 


and I could not have described it any better
Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.
10% of conflicts are due to differences in opinion. 

90% are due to wrong tone of voice.
I like to be alone. 
But I would rather be alone with you.
i've
fallen
in love
with you,

but you
don't exist.