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There are parts of me I've yet to explore with you
Crossing off things that have forever been on my to-do list is so satisfying!
I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too... ...when I was alive.
Lemme get this right: So if it's sent by ship, then it's a cargo, and if it's sent by road, then it's a shipment??
And those who were seen dancing were thought insane by those who could not hear the music
If you need the threat of going to hell to be a good person you're really just a bad person on a leash.
all i want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done. is that too much to ask ;-)?
At my age "getting lucky" means going into a room and remembering what I went in there for.
Q: whats the difference between a politician and a flying pig? A: the letter 'f'
My friends say, that my house is haunted. I dunno, I mean, I've never seen anything unusual, and I've lived there for like over 250 years...
Someone just asked me if I had any hobbies and I kinda panicked and said "Lasagna"
Saw a baguette at the zoo. It was bread in captivity.
To whoever stole my copy of microsoft office: I WILL find you! You have my Word!
IT'S AMAZING HOW LONG SUCH "IT CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS" CAN GO ON...
"Sir, if I am to be insulted, I must first value your opinion."
Our entire universe is probably in a tiny glass jar somewhere, placed on a shelf in an alien kid's room as a science fair project that got a 'C-'
It's probably my age that keeps tricking people into believing I'm an adult.
Thinking is difficult. That is why most people judge.
Hitting the gym to release stress isn't nearly as effective as hitting the motherfucker that caused the stress to begin with!
Hipster Ice: "I was water before it was cool"
A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit "what'll ya have?" The rabbit says "I dunno. I'm only here because of Autocorrect."
It might be true that age 60 is the new 40 but then 9 pm is also the new midnight.
When I look in the mirror and see gray hair, tiny wrinkles, and dimming eyes, I think, "They sure don't make mirrors like they used to!"
the sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependant upon it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else to do. -galileo
i only have one word word for women who look at me like i'm some kind of sex object... hi!
Hitting the gym to release stress isn't nearly as effective as hitting the motherfucker that caused the stress to begin with!
Politics is made up of two words: 'poli', which is Greek for 'many', and 'tics', which are bloodsucking insects. ~ Gore Vidal
Learning becomes a quest to answer the questions.
always make sure there's a fire, because sometimes it's just smoke.
It turns out you need to 'Do What Other People Benefit From Too' This is better advice than 'Do What You Love'
Weekends are like rainbows that break through five days of rain.
DOUBT KILLS MORE DREAMS THAN FAILURE EVER WILL.
I went on Instagram to catch-up on things, fell down a Reels "rabbit hole" and got "time raped" by food porn for 2 1/2 hours! WTF?!?!?
When you ask open-ended questions, you shift learning from a passive experience to an active process. Questions motivate kids to think, wonder, and engage with the lesson on a deeper level. This “curiosity gap” is powerful because it taps into your kids natural desire to know more. When kids see a lesson as a means of answering their questions, they're far more likely to stay engaged and motivated throughout even if it's not their favorite subject.
Imagine you're about to read a story to your child. Instead of diving right in, you pause and ask, “Why do you think the character might be feeling sad?” or “What do you think will happen next?” That moment of hesitation, that gap between the question and the answer, is where curiosity lives. It's where your child's mind starts thinking of possibilities, and suddenly, they're not just listening to a story or a math lesson they're invested in it.
"What is your idea of 'the perfect date'?" 'DD/MM/YYYY. Other formats can be confusing really...'
If you can be a felon and be president, they need to remove felon off all job applications, rental applications, and professional certifications. If the highest position in the land can be taken by a felon, all positions should follow suit.
I once lived just a stone's throw away from a family who all died of mysterious head injuries.
May you find happiness in the simplest things this weekend~~~
Recharge your soul by basking in the brightness of the weekend.
Lemme get this right: So if it's sent by ship, then it's a cargo, and if it's sent by road, then it's a shipment??
2 of my friends had never met each other, i told both of them the other is a bit deaf. They shouted at each other until they realised that I'm just an asshole.
And those who were seen dancing were thought insane by those who could not hear the music
IT'S AMAZING HOW LONG SUCH "IT CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS" CAN GO ON...
why look for ways to approach people, if you can find ways to avoid them?
I wanted all things to make sense, so we'd be happy instead of tense.
Oh a sleeping drunkard Up in Central Park, Or the lion hunter in the jungle dark. Or the Chinese dentist, Or the British Queen; They all fit together in the same machine. Nice, Nice Very Nice; Nice, Nice, Very Nice: So many people in the same device~~~
Oh a whirling dervish And a dancing bear, Or a Ginger Rogers and a Fred Astaire. Or a teenage rocker, Or the girls in France; Yes, we all are partners in this cosmic dance! Nice, Nice, Very Nice: Nice, Nice, Very Nice: So many people in the same device~~~
It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.
laundry today or naked tomorrow
You look like something I draw with my left hand.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying, "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
Whenever I delete an app on my phone, the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •
My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"
I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT
If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
LISTEN TO SILENCE
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything
I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.
If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself
Voices in your head - normal Listening to them - common Arguing with them - acceptable Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM
i just burnt my tongue on some food they say the ones you love hurt you the most
THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Sun goes down earlier for short people.
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
justice is a beautiful concept. unicorns too.
I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty and I could not have described it any better
Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.
10% of conflicts are due to differences in opinion. 90% are due to wrong tone of voice.
I like to be alone. But I would rather be alone with you.
i've fallen in love with you, but you don't exist.
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