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I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S MONKEYPOX SEASON ALREADY,

I STILL HAVE MY UKRAINE DECORATIONS UP.
in times of crisis, intelligent people look for solutions, idiots look for someone to blame.
The only things I regret, and the only things I'll ever regret are things I didn't do. In the end, 
            that's what we mourn.





The paths we didn't take. The people we didn't touch.
IT'S GETTING INCREASINGLY HARDER TO TUMBLE OUT OF BED AND STUMBLE TO THE KITCHEN AND POUR MYSELF A CUP OF AMBITION!
a very wise person once told me, "if you stress too much about something before it happens you are basically putting yourself through it twice." 
i feel like some of you people need to hear that.



I may be crazy
But, at least I
have each other
THE LAST TIME I WAS SOMEONE'S TYPE, I WAS DONATING BLOOD.


Obstacles do not block the path 
They ARE the paths
silence is often misinterpreted but never misquoted...
Be careful when you follow the masses.

Sometimes the 'M' is silent.
Set peace of mind 
             as your highest goal,








and organize your life 
                                       around it.
I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS IN A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP ONCE..

NAH, NOT WITH A WOMAN,

HE JUST ACTED LIKE A LITTLE BITCH.
 Beer is now cheaper than gas.

Drink.
Don't drive.
I didn't mean to push all your buttons.

I was looking for 'MUTE'.
YOU KNOW THAT MOMENT WHEN YOU CLOSE A CUPBOARD DOOR AND HEAR SOMETHING FALL? 

THAT'S THE SOUND OF SOMEONE ELSE'S PROBLEM.
fuck it,
I'm alive!
We live in a world where your kid cannot pretend to be an Indian.

But a grown man can pretend to be a woman.
I'd rather say it straight away: 
I'm a monkeypox-denier! 
I'm not going to wear a monkey mask, and I don't want a pox-booster either!
So, shut up...
posed nude for an art class today. They didn't ask me to. I think they were making ceramic bowls.


“Come prepared or don't come at all” would be a great condom slogan
Would sad porn be considered a tear jerker?
If you would put your dick in a muppets mouth is it a blowjob or a handjob?
being in a relationship is solving problems together - problems you wouldn't have had if you were single.
HANGOVERS ARE TEMPORARY..
DRUNK STORIES ARE FOREVER
We live in a world where your kid cannot pretend to be an Indian.

But a grown man can pretend to be a woman.





God might have been either drunk or naughty when he was creating women.
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for a short time, and come out wrinkle free and two sizes smaller?
 Beer is now cheaper than gas.

Drink.
Don't drive.
Do these Indian call girls here on Bold think we are all a drunk load of shit here and we would actually call them?
“A man's true character comes out when he's drunk.”





 Charlie Chaplin
Drunken men give some of the best pep talks.
(First day as a cop)

Me: Suspect is dancing naked through downtown.

Dispatch:  Copy that

Me: I'll try, but I'm not much of a dancer...
“What's so unpleasant about being drunk?"

"Ask a glass of water!”


How To Get A Beach Body

Check and make sure that you have a body.

Go to the freaking beach.
Nobody can kill you if you are dead inside.
LORD, GIVE ME COFFEE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN AND ALCOHOL TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CAN'T!
I get high in good company
courage is knowing it might hurt, and doing it anyway. 
stupidity is the same. 
and that's why life is hard.
I'm not drunk, 

I'm high on polyphenols.
the other day I was walking home drunk and suddenly the street got up and hit me in the face
Be careful when you follow the masses.

Sometimes the 'M' is silent.
Love is when you're drunk and sober calling the same woman...
Was hältst du von betrunkenen Frauen?

Meistens die Haare!
At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I'm just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.
HANGOVERS ARE TEMPORARY..
DRUNK STORIES ARE FOREVER

von den lateinischen Worten "hoc est enim corpus meum“ (das ist mein Leib) stammt das Wort Hokuspokus




  no, please
its one of life's cruelest jokes that just as your kids reach an age where they'll allow you to sleep through the night, your bladder hits the age that says, 'no, you won't!'

It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.
laundry today 
or 
naked tomorrow
You look like something 
I draw with my left hand.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
Whenever I delete an app on my phone, 
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •
My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"
I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.





     LISTEN TO SILENCE
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything
I love waving at random people,  because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself
Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM
i just burnt my tongue on some food 

they say the ones you love hurt you the most


THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.

Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Sun goes down earlier for short people.


If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
justice is
a beautiful concept.
unicorns too.
I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty 


and I could not have described it any better
Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.
10% of conflicts are due to differences in opinion. 

90% are due to wrong tone of voice.
I like to be alone. 
But I would rather be alone with you.
i've
fallen
in love
with you,

but you
don't exist.