t_treeman's Posts

Ich mach zwei Diäten. Von einer werd ich nicht satt.

#diet, #ittakestwo, #cantdecide, #food, #lovetosnack, #soulfood, #lifeishard

eulekauzig, Sherry89, swatchUSA, JMBis and boldolicious like this

reposted by boldolicious and invalid

People who smell like they work in a perfume shop as test strips

#toomanyspoilthebroth, #allupmynose, #smellnogood, #cantdecide, #douglas, #monday

Krisargent, JMBis, Fionacatherine and CurrentNobody like this

That cloud looks like an elephant who drank a little too much tequila.

#cloudy, #autumn, #warmfromtheinside

eulekauzig, OnlineGuy, MarcellaA, Fionacatherine, EmilyHeller, juliettebravo and UserOne like this

reposted by Boldomatic

gegen rotweinflecken hilft salz.

oder weisswein trinken.

#wein, #trinken, #hochdiehaende, #wochenende

swatchUSA, Pesca, bold, mir-jam and stargater like this

i wish i looked like a snack but instead i look like i ate all the snacks

#diet, #lovetosnack, #food, #movienight, #netflix, #apero

JMBis, eulekauzig, misterlab and swatchUSA like this

reposted by swatchUSA

i rarely go to the gym.

i want it to be something special.

#diet

Krisargent, JMBis and UserOne like this

today is a good day to have a good day

eulekauzig, Krisargent and upupandaway like this

reposted by Krisargent

B
A
C
K

like weekend.

Krisargent, Campo, Boldomatic and Sunshine123 like this

#cats, #love, #cute, #catsalways, #fanatics, #acatquoteaday, #keepsthedoctoraway, #monday

FrankFilocamo, Sunshine123 and juliettebravo like this

also wenn jetzt in Australien Winter ist und bei uns auch... ist dann der Sommer dazwischen?

#summernomore

MaScho, emiledi77 and Babs_77 like this

two cookies a day keep the sadness away

#baking, #happiness, #soulfood

Tanascha, janem803, guggigirl, purplechill and mylisa1970 like this

wenn das leben dir limonade schenkt,
mach einfach zitronen draus.

#fruits

Tanascha and MaScho like this

all you need is love.
and a tiara.

and maybe a cookie.

#midweek, #lifeishard, #havingagoodtime

Krisargent, haddock, Lirpae.. and guggigirl like this

reposted by Krisargent

Every day I live in fear that a woman will come up to me and 'really really really wanna zig-a-zig-ah' and I'll have no idea what to do.

Reposted from sophh

Tanascha, janem803, sarcasm_only, guggigirl, mehr and sophh like this

Tu ma' lieber die Bierchen.

Reposted from mehr

Tanascha likes this

he doesn't speak beyoncé. because if he would, he'd put a ring on it.

#relationshit, #valentinesday

Tanascha, belma., juneocallagh, AliceMckfly.75, shespeaks94 and chipdicks like this

you have a great face for make up.

#sundayfunday, #unadorned

Tanascha, janem803, juneocallagh, guggigirl, Luenchen, pasquale85 and stargater like this

People in glass houses shouldn't throw

naked dinner parties

Reposted from sophh

@sophh

JMBis, Tanascha and juneocallagh like this

From the first time I saw you I knew I was going to give you the wrong phone number

Reposted from acos2

Robomeleon, Tanascha, juneocallagh, bold and stargater like this

On average
I spend about $80 a year to watch bananas turn brown.

Reposted from bold

Krisargent, juneocallagh, mehr, loryane, niniel, guggigirl and bold like this

once upon a time a man asked a fairy to make him irresistable & desirable to all women.

she turned him into a credit card. the end.

#fairytale

Krisargent, perellano, Tanascha, MerryMarvel, juneocallagh, writersgirl, notsoaverage, DeafLori, ZeepBella, dor1316 and 23 others like this

reposted by guggigirl, prubton, freshjam and Jacob_Dallas

Calm down gas tank.We're all empty on the inside.

Reposted from tablynne

Krisargent, Tanascha, juneocallagh and ccz6ih like this

I'm tired of getting fucked in ways that dont't end in an orgasm

Reposted from Mr_Kirkwood

ccz6ih and bold like this

have you seen this bold?
it thinks you're awesome.

#awesomepost

Krisargent, Authlander, cooledpizza, Luenchen, annairie, juneocallagh, guggigirl, little_hippie, MeMyselfAnd..I and bold like this

reposted by juneocallagh and Krisargent

I just eye rolled so hard, I burnt 5 calories.

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

juneocallagh, Lirpae.. and bold like this

brains are awesome.

i wish everybody had one.

Krisargent and juneocallagh like this

my body is very attracted to your body, but when you speak my brain gets angry.

juneocallagh, GaylrdSprFckr, guggigirl, ACHunter, dAn and bold like this

brasilian world cup cabana

#football, #copacabana

guggigirl likes this

My favorite yoga pose is called

"watching TV"

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

juneocallagh, GaylrdSprFckr, ACHunter, Babs_77 and Lirpae.. like this

Krisargent, juneocallagh, Babs_77 and mir-jam like this

if someone asks me what my favourite position is, i say: "CEO".

#sex

Vandala, GaylrdSprFckr, Babs_77, bold, mariechen_xo and sarcaSM like this

if mondays were shoes, they'd be crocs.

#sowronginsomanyways

Krisargent, belma., juneocallagh and Babs_77 like this

i love you with all my butt.

i would say heart,
but my butt is bigger.

#realbiglove

juneocallagh, loryane, againandagain, guggigirl, Luenchen, GaylrdSprFckr, bold and Loupi4614 like this

HANGRY (han•gree) adj.
A state of anger caused by lack of food; hunger causing a negative change in emotional state.

Reposted from badnesa

juneocallagh, GaylrdSprFckr and soene like this

the rose is red.
wine is also red.

poetry is hard.
wine.

#deadpoetalive, #williamwallace, #refresh, #drinkingsolution

juneocallagh, xanthie, rhenriksen, gussego432, GaylrdSprFckr, AmyLynn418, soene, svenjacmoi, guggigirl and _original95 like this

Sometimes I think I'm sad but then it turns out I'm just eating salad.

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

juneocallagh, bold, GaylrdSprFckr and guggigirl like this

justice is
a beautiful concept.
unicorns too.

Reposted from etcpp

juneocallagh, bold, Firework and NukeSkywalker like this

Facebook's suggestion "PEOPLE YOU MAY KNOW" are people I ALREADY KNOW BUT DON'T WANT TO KNOW & people I REALLY DON'T KNOW.

Reposted from 2schaa

bold, GaylrdSprFckr and Firework like this

i'm back. to black.
and from android.

juneocallagh, bold, GaylrdSprFckr, Lirpae.. and DonSpaccafurnu like this

my name is belinda.
i'm a receptionist.

juneocallagh, bold, nayD and Pesca like this

geh jetzt in die stadt und kauf mir was gegen halsschmerzen. schuhe oder so.

nayD, Lirpae.., begrian and fuechsin like this

just saw the first christmas commercial of the season.

it really got me into murdering people.

ACHunter, nayD, kj55, Babs_77, beesmoove, Lirpae.., Pesca, bold and guggigirl like this

i am not a shopoholic.

i am stimulating the economy.

llamabat, juneocallagh, ACHunter, stargater, MeMyselfAnd..I, Babs_77, begrian, aehmpaeh, Lirpae.., beesmoove and 1 other like this

reposted by llamabat

who the fuck took my... oh. there it is.

ACHunter, Luca_Turina, nayD, Babs_77, poenky, GaylrdSprFckr, MeMyselfAnd..I, musissy and aehmpaeh like this

I'm at a point in life where I'd only share flat with someone I'd enjoy to see naked.

Reposted from bold

ACHunter, nayD, bold, Babs_77, GaylrdSprFckr, Lirpae.., musissy and beesmoove like this

the bags under my eyes are prada.

#täschli_gate, #fashion

juneocallagh, stargater, nayD, GaylrdSprFckr, _Nathalie_, Babs_77, mariechen_xo, guggigirl, naebitnae, Lirpae.. and 2 others like this

ich nehme kein blatt vor den mund.

das sieht scheisse aus.

#direkt

riles, nayD, ZoJ, guggigirl, MeMyselfAnd..I, Lirpae.., Junomea, Pesca, GaylrdSprFckr and mir-jam like this

there's an app for that.

#boldshirt

juneocallagh, ACHunter and Lirpae.. like this

monday

nothing a cupcake can't fix.

ACHunter and beesmoove like this

finally i've met
mr. right.

but before i've met,
mr. liar
mr. player
mr. asshole
& mr. douchebag

#mrright

juneocallagh, Pesca, nayD, _Nathalie_, mariechen_xo, Lirpae.., beesmoove and guggigirl like this

if tomatoes are fruits, is ketchup a smoothie then?

#healthy, #food

schnudelhupf, llamabat, Mjau, nayD, againandagain, begrian, loryane, _Nathalie_, mariechen_xo, beesmoove and 2 others like this

reposted by llamabat

music.
the golden thread running through my life.

#entertainment

nayD, begrian, _Nathalie_, Lirpae.. and mariechen_xo like this

my life is not a movie.

it is a blockbuster.

#cinema

juneocallagh, mjf, stargater, nayD, Lirpae.., mariechen_xo, againandagain, guggigirl, Babs_77 and musissy like this

dear boldomatic. i want brown.

thanks.

@boldomatic, #new, #colour, #brown, #support

nayD, begrian, Lirpae.., mariechen_xo and Babs_77 like this

play me

[ ] << |> >> ||

#push, #buttons

Campo, FrankFilocamo, Sunshine123, perellano, prubton, cybersont, JodieT, Luenchen, annairie, meohmy and 11 others like this

reposted by juneocallagh and Babygirl13

werbepause

auf twitter followen

@GeorgeZukunft

#twitter, #werbung

nayD, Lirpae.. and begrian like this

we asked 100 bolders, how they feel on monday 6.30 am.

97 tried to kill us. 3 have made it.

#dead, #monday, #question

_Nathalie_, begrian, 5011wireless, Lirpae.., Junomea, musissy and Babs_77 like this

hach, sommer.

endlich trennen sich die pärchen wieder lautstark in den strassencafés.

#sommer, #kaffee

nayD, 5011wireless, Lirpae.., mir-jam, mariechen_xo, againandagain, beesmoove, musissy and guggigirl like this

nachbarin hat sich zucker ausgeliehen. habe ihr aber salz mitgegeben. damit sie den fehler nicht merkt, habe ich das ganze haus angezündet.

#salz, #zucker

emma-freitag, nayD, laut, mir-jam, soene, guggigirl, _Nathalie_ and musissy like this

this pizza is not burnt. it's just crispier!

#pizza

nayD, 5011wireless, guggigirl, makalapua, _Nathalie_, mariechen_xo, soene, Lirpae.. and bold like this

you either know fashion, or you don't.

#fashion

mertbozaslan, sarcaSM, nayD, musissy, Lirpae.., tweetybird and _Nathalie_ like this

reposted by jude

asking who's the man and who's the woman in a same-sex relationship, is like asking which chopstick is the fork.

#gay, #relationship, #csd

Icey7, _directioner_, riles, nayD, 5011wireless, makalapua, Lirpae.. and tweetybird like this

you look like someon who has a little "tgif" on their mind.

am i right?

#tgif, #friday

mjf, _Nathalie_, Lirpae.., musissy and guggigirl like this

home is where my pants are.

#nude

ellenicole, nayD, fuechsin, _Nathalie_, Lirpae.., musissy, guggigirl and beesmoove like this

reposted by ellenicole

Lirpae.., mir-jam and fuechsin like this

tetris for adults:

loading a dishwasher.

llamabat, mjf, nayD, guggigirl, kj55, fuechsin, _Nathalie_, naebitnae, bold and soene like this

reposted by llamabat

ich freue mich wenn es regnet.

denn wenn ich mich nicht freue, regnet es auch.

riles, nayD, guggigirl, naebitnae, _Nathalie_, musissy and aehmpaeh like this

if there were no mistakes, some people wouldn't be born.

nayD, kj55, Lirpae.., _Nathalie_, musissy and guggigirl like this

instead of cleaning the house, i just turn off the lights.

#cleaning, #secret

meohmy, McAss, ikkuzz, kleinlaut, nayD, kj55, juliomedina, da_saint, facelessSKY, boloss and 20 others like this

reposted by Denican, beesmoove, KELLEY, camcam, boloss, Haselnuss and marvingoff

someone told me i was delusional.

i almost fell off my unicorn.

nayD, tweetybird, MeMyselfAnd..I, Lirpae.. and _Nathalie_ like this

the sun is shining from our heart.

for five fucking months already.

nayD, _Nathalie_, begrian, Junomea, Babs_77 and musissy like this

alles über null ist sommer.

_Nathalie_, Babs_77, naebitnae, laut, fuechsin, musissy, guggigirl and aehmpaeh like this

i'm pretty sure i was supposed to be a princess.

no seriously.

someone better fix this shit.

llamabat, meohmy, ellenicole, wickedpyxxie, beesmoove, MeMyselfAnd..I, 5011wireless, _Nathalie_, fuechsin, Lirpae.. and 2 others like this

reposted by llamabat

i can not brain today.

i has the dumb.

#brain, #dumb, #work

llamabat, meohmy, wickedpyxxie, spoon, _Nathalie_, naebitnae, MeMyselfAnd..I, kj55, wallifer, fuechsin and 2 others like this

reposted by llamabat

can not wait until next friday.

first snow this summer, they said.

first snow in probably any summer, i said.

kj55, guggigirl, Dr.Evil, _Nathalie_, musissy, Lirpae.. and beesmoove like this

durchsage im spielparadies:

der kleine "november" möchte bitte im mai abgeholt werden.

mehr, soene, Dr.Evil, mir-jam, _Nathalie_, Lirpae.., aehmpaeh and guggigirl like this

ich möchte nicht behaupten dass es stark regnen wird, aber mein nachbar baut irgendwas aus holz und um ihn herum stehen viele tiere.

riles, mehr, nayD, soene, aehmpaeh, Lirpae.., fruitgarden, mir-jam, Melanie_, guggigirl and 1 other like this

ich weiss nicht mehr was passiert ist, aber es ist passiert.

nayD, Lirpae.., begrian, againandagain and musissy like this

just saw a documentation called "the day after tomorrow".

next monday is going to be the worst of them all. ever.

nayD, _Nathalie_, musissy, kj55, soene and Lirpae.. like this

my new voicemail message instructs people to hang up and write an e-mail.

Zurich, Switzerland

#work, #voicemail, #email

riles, brody, nayD, tweetybird, Lirpae.. and Nina-Aliyah like this

ich mag schmetterlinge und auch alle anderen vögel.

mehr, nayD, _Nathalie_, Dr.Evil, Junomea, Lirpae.., NukeSkywalker and izzi like this

dreams will get you nowhere.

a good kick in the pants will take you a long way.

nayD, tweetybird, beesmoove, Lirpae.., kj55 and GaylrdSprFckr like this

took a nude photo of myself. with the lights off.

you're welcome.

perellano, janem803, Sunshine123, curvema, cooledpizza, meohmy, sophh, dani83, quesera, fdc and 24 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, piitsch, vonkrime, cedbuzz, tapan, rlray1, rlray1, karanui, papapower, babyfacedkayos and 20 others

cupid gave up on arrows.

he's got a shotgun now.

nayD, naebitnae, kj55, tweetybird, RamonaStewart and Lirpae.. like this

bought ice cream.
no space in the freezer.
ate it all.

riles, wickedpyxxie, Lirpae.., nayD, soene, kj55 and tweetybird like this

where are the boys?

i have a milkshake.

naebitnae, Lirpae.., nayD, _Nathalie_, tweetybird, kj55 and izzi like this

girls.

if a guy pauses his video game just to text you back: marry him.

woernie, wickedpyxxie, naebitnae, Lirpae.., nayD, _Nathalie_, kj55, izzi, tweetybird, guggigirl and 1 other like this

i'm a ninja.

: no you're not.

did you see me do that?

: do what?

exactly.

StinkyBreath, khajiit, naebitnae, Lirpae.., nayD, _Nathalie_, kj55, tweetybird, RamonaStewart, soene and 1 other like this

reposted by StinkyBreath

butterflies?

i can feel the whole zoo when i am with you.

niniel, nayD, _Nathalie_, izzi, mazzzz1, tweetybird, schoggithaler, naebitnae, jannavalls, kj55 and 4 others like this

dear sidewalk, please get wider...
sincerely, the third friend walking behind feeling excluded.

Reposted from nayD

wickedpyxxie, kj55, MeMyselfAnd..I, Lirpae.., bold and _Nathalie_ like this

wickedpyxxie, kj55, loryane, izzi, Lirpae.., _Nathalie_, nayD and fuechsin like this

häsch scho mal en liter bluät durd nase gspändet?

nayD, musissy and Lirpae.. like this

o
mg
it's a
triangle
holy shit
so hipster
can't breathe
fucking triangle

FrankFilocamo, flr.bv, llamabat, gussego432, mehr, kj55, schoggithaler, nayD, karichanel, chiuiii and 7 others like this

reposted by llamabat and flr.bv

hipsters were bold, before there was boldomatic.

cococaro, nayD, izzi, fruitgarden, HeresyIsWeird, _Nathalie_, hebdifescht, NukeSkywalker, begrian, kj55 and 3 others like this

idiots.

idiots everywhere.

meohmy, RandiLee3, nayD, naebitnae, _Nathalie_, kj55, jano, izzi, Lirpae.., tweetybird and 1 other like this

i'm fine. thanks for not asking.

FrankFilocamo, meohmy, topomark, mehr, cococaro, nayD, fruitgarden, wallifer, naebitnae, _Nathalie_ and 6 others like this

you're so cute,
i want to throw a rainbow at you.

wickedpyxxie, mehr, nayD, _Nathalie_, wallifer, kj55, Lirpae.. and tweetybird like this

i poured redbull in my coffee.
i can see sounds!

nayD, _Nathalie_, wallifer, kj55, Lirpae.. and NukeSkywalker like this

if time is money, i'm running out of time.

nayD, kj55, Lirpae.., izzi, pasquale85, naebitnae and GaylrdSprFckr like this

jöh! sie gseht us wienes pokémon!

mjf, nayD, Lirpae.., musissy, naebitnae and _Nathalie_ like this

we all have that one friend, whose laugh is funnier than the joke.

llamabat, marcmueller, soene, _Nathalie_, fuechsin, naebitnae, musissy, nayD, izzi, tweetybird and 1 other like this

reposted by llamabat

i really miss flip phones.

because you were always able to flip them dramatically at the end of a call and be like "bitch, whatever".

perellano, llamabat, Switched, zohatariq, wickedpyxxie, guggigirl, wallifer, Nina-Aliyah, _Nathalie_, fuechsin and 8 others like this

reposted by llamabat

sorry.
i'm not rihanna.

i don't love the way you lie.

cococaro, guggigirl, _Nathalie_, loryane, naebitnae, izzi, nayD, tweetybird, musissy, kj55 and 1 other like this

may the fourth be with you. always.

nayD, kj55, leensmeets, begrian, Lirpae.. and naebitnae like this

it's weird how somedays i feel skinny and somedays i feel like a busted can of biscuits.

kj55, _Nathalie_, beesmoove, giadaalice, Lirpae.. and bold like this

what if rappers rapped about nice things?

like, "girl i'm gonna take your clothes off... and hang them really neatly in the closet, yeeeaaah."

angelak and Lirpae.. like this

you can't buy happiness. but you can buy a bike and thats pretty close.

_Nathalie_, guggigirl, kj55, begrian and Lirpae.. like this

mayday

maydance

kj55, _Nathalie_, againandagain, jano and Lirpae.. like this

based on my calculations i can retire about 5 years after i die.

MeMyselfAnd..I, mazzzz1, BoldRecipes, kj55, guggigirl and _Nathalie_ like this

i'm so sorry for being late.

i dreamed i overslept, then i woke up and it was true.

sophh, mjf, begrian, guggigirl, soene, Junomea, fruitgarden, kj55, _Nathalie_, againandagain and 2 others like this

heaven's pissing all over me.

begrian, Lirpae.., jano, kj55, _Nathalie_, izzi and naebitnae like this

just wondering.
on a scale from 1 to david hasselhoff...

how drunk were you planning on getting this evening?

sophh, mjf, ikkuzz, begrian, loryane, againandagain, kj55, soene, _Nathalie_, naebitnae and 3 others like this

don't have too much sex while showering.

otherwise you'll always get horny when it's raining.

GeneratedName, PenSword72, meohmy, Moon-D, _Nathalie_, kj55, Junomea, loryane, beesmoove, fruitgarden and 1 other like this

[me-phobia]

fear of becoming so awesome that the human race can't handle it and everyone dies.

jannavalls, _Nathalie_, kj55, leensmeets, mazzzz1, begrian, tweetybird, beesmoove, bold, Lirpae.. and 1 other like this

i don't need apple maps to get completely lost in your eyes.

wickedpyxxie, _Nathalie_, kj55, Junomea, bold, jano, 5011wireless, fuechsin, MeMyselfAnd..I, soene and 1 other like this

happy birthday to someone who wasn't welcomed into the world via tweet or status update.

Lirpae.., izzi and kj55 like this

i'm leaving a voice mail for the chance you're ignoring every text, e-mail, tweet, wall comment and every other non-verbal communication i've sent you.

chillout, Lirpae.., fruitgarden and kj55 like this

i love you with all of my heart and genitals.

beesmoove, _Nathalie_, kj55 and Lirpae.. like this

i'm not sure if i really ate too much or if i'm giving birth to a child within the next five minutes.

llamabat, sophh, beesmoove, nayD, loryane, greeeg, begrian, guggigirl, _Nathalie_, soene and 6 others like this

reposted by llamabat

200 shopping carts in the grocery store and i keep picking the one with the front wheel that likes to pirouette like a ballerina on speed.

hemko, nayD, softballwut, fuechsin, loryane, kj55, begrian, Lirpae.., naebitnae, _Nathalie_ and 1 other like this

meditation.

because there are questions, google can't answer.

janem803, PueppiRazza, nayD, softballwut, Aushra, kj55, swisscub, fruitgarden, begrian, _Nathalie_ and 3 others like this

i went for a run and came back after two minutes because i forgot something.
i forgot i'm out of shape and can't run more than two minutes.

meohmy, nayD, leensmeets, softballwut, Aushra, kj55, poenky, _Nathalie_, Junomea, stephan and 7 others like this

i wear my trousers coloured with tomato sauce.

Akatrine, nayD, softballwut, soene, Lirpae.., izzi, musissy, kj55, _Nathalie_ and MeMyselfAnd..I like this

this song is amazing.
i must play it until i hate it.

sophh, niniel, fdc, beesmoove, nayD, softballwut, fcukay, guggigirl, soene, Lirpae.. and 5 others like this

reposted by fdc

"instagram is down.

just describe your dinner to me."

nayD, softballwut, tashajuju, fcukay, Lirpae.., izzi, musissy, beesmoove and stephan like this

to like his own posts is like to masturbate in public.

nayD, softballwut, _Nathalie_, begrian, claudia, tweetybird, guggigirl, musissy, guido, naebitnae and 5 others like this

nayD, musissy, soene and _Nathalie_ like this

having cats is like having tiny, clumsy, asshole ninjas running around your house destroying everything and constantly trying to trip and kill you.

pionfia, nayD, _Nathalie_, begrian, fruitgarden, naebitnae, Nina-Aliyah, Lirpae.., kj55, fuechsin and 2 others like this

sure i can multitask.

i can eat breakfast and think about lunch at the same time.

llamabat, Dhruvinshah, nayD, mazzzz1, musissy, guggigirl, claudia, guido, fuechsin, fruitgarden and 4 others like this

reposted by llamabat

you can always count on me to tell you the truth whenever you're lying to yourself.

mjf, nayD, mazzzz1, izzi, soene, Lirpae.., kj55 and begrian like this

lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.

nayD, kj55, Lirpae.. and fruitgarden like this

the faster i type in my password, the more secret-agenty i feel.

llamabat, Sven, nayD, kj55, GaylrdSprFckr, izzi, loryane, soene, begrian and _Nathalie_ like this

reposted by llamabat

some people don't sleep because they have insomnia.

i can't sleep because i have internet connection.

niniel, ilena, hemko, nayD, kathrinkeller, musissy, begrian, _Nathalie_, kj55, soene and 4 others like this

"kann ich mit meinem personalausweis nach istanbul fliegen?"

"nein. du brauchst ein flugzeug."

Junomea, nayD, poenky, begrian, _Nathalie_, izzi, beesmoove, soene, musissy and laut like this

die innere uhr des busfahrers tickt.
sie geht ein paar minuten vor.

so auch der bus.

nayD, claudia, musissy, _Nathalie_, begrian, Lirpae.. and izzi like this

i'm having one of those moments where my middle finger answers all the questions.

nayD, kathrinkeller, claudia, musissy, begrian, Lirpae.., izzi and _Nathalie_ like this

you can never be too old, to ask your mom how to do things.

meohmy, niniel, nayD, kathrinkeller, loryane, stussen, kj55, Firework, musissy, Lirpae.. and 2 others like this

die nachbarin in der wohnung unter mir schreit ihr kind an.
so laut, ich hab mein zimmer vor schreck auch gleich aufgeräumt.

Junomea, nayD, kathrinkeller, guggigirl, Lirpae.., musissy, 5011wireless, _Nathalie_, MeMyselfAnd..I, little_hippie and 2 others like this

recently, i called my mother at 3 am. just to let her know how it is, when she calls me on sunday 1 pm.

nochzweimal, UserOne, savagefiend, scapa, Sunshine123, honzka, sh3r, only1alyssa, perellano, meohmy and 64 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, Belieber1994, LeaBo, ladybeki, mstatianarenee, samuellloyd, naebitnae, Bennetz, straubsson, IUPPITER and 10 others

i miss you, like the biggest loser contestants miss buttertopped pancake towers and bacon, within a lake of maple syrup.

nayD, Lirpae.., begrian and MeMyselfAnd..I like this

if i ever go missing, i want my face on a wine bottle instead of a flyer. this way my friends will know i'm missing.

llamabat, giadaalice, nayD, Lirpae.., stussen, little_hippie, 5011wireless and begrian like this

reposted by llamabat

i hate it when i meow at cats and they don't meow back.

unbelievably rude.

Wordstory, sophh, cooledpizza, llamabat, hemko, Akatrine, nayD, Lirpae.., little_hippie, jano and 1 other like this

reposted by nicbruuu and llamabat

lets invite ugly friends out tonight to highlight our cuteness.

jose3513, izzi, 5011wireless, kj55, bold, loryane and stussen like this

reposted by fcukay

heute ist das internet auf arbeit ausgefallen. neuen kollegen kennengelernt. behauptet schon 3 monate da zu sein. sachen gibt's.

miri_ke, aehmpaeh, izzi, kj55, claudia, begrian and Lirpae.. like this

i'm learning russian, so i can trade recipes with my babushka.

hemko and izzi like this

3 normale brötchen und 2 verrückte, bitte.

izzi, fruitgarden, musissy, _Nathalie_, schoggithaler, poenky, claudia, soene and begrian like this

life should be more like hockey. when someone pisses you off, you just beat the shit out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.

perellano, janem803, niniel, ManiacalAcorn, FrogLegs, karleca, chipdicks, wendydel12, kolelo, _Nathalie_ and 12 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, avant-garde, Leanne, julie1974, voilivoilou, Mige, Sweetremedies, georgiaaaaaaaa, sheila65, osiris and 13 others

i'm not bossy.
i just know what you should be doing.

llamabat, giadaalice, stussen, wallifer, musissy, izzi, Lirpae.., kj55 and _Nathalie_ like this

reposted by llamabat

wir sind doch alle ein bisschen Madonna.

Reposted from LingLewandowski

Lirpae.. and hellomikael like this

wir sind arm, aber mit geschmack.

cococaro, _Nathalie_, laut and Lirpae.. like this

don't forget:
in huge parts of the world, people can't read what we write. we can't even.

or can you read a japanese letter?
i can't.

llamabat, stussen, jannavalls, MeMyselfAnd..I, Lirpae.. and kj55 like this

will ja nicht damit angeben was für ein harter kerl ich bin.
aber manchmal öffne ich den tetra pak aus dem laden, auf dem steht "hier öffen", erst zuhause.

Anima, fruitgarden, musissy, _Nathalie_, poenky, laut, 5011wireless, Lirpae.. and soene like this

it takes twice as long to not get anything done on monday as it does the rest of the week.

stussen, kj55, carley9550 and fuechsin like this

connect the dots
{specially designed for monday mornings}

1. •

2. •

MeMyselfAnd..I, stussen, jannavalls, kj55, 5011wireless and Lirpae.. like this

Kann man mit Durchfall baden?

Ja, wenn man die Wanne vollbekommt.

hemko, fruitgarden, izzi, barzo, jano and musissy like this

you're maybe not funny, but you have a good sense of humour.

stussen, kj55, random_FOX, izzi, musissy, Lirpae.. and barzo like this

hive / nacht der blumen

oder

wo menschen mit heuschnupfen tanzend in den tod finden.

MeMyselfAnd..I, Lirpae.., guggigirl and laut like this

never get jealous when you see your ex with someone else, as our parents taught us to give our used toys to the less fortunate.

Luca_Turina, kj55, fruitgarden, guggigirl, 5011wireless, Lirpae.., LaCerdan, izzi, jano, schoggithaler and 1 other like this

"if you support gay rights, does that mean you're gay?"

"if i'm vegetarian, does that mean i'm a vegetable?!?"

@lemmalemma

Switched, lemmalemma16, Gabbem, kj55, _Nathalie_, fruitgarden, guggigirl, tweetybird, 5011wireless, jannavalls and 6 others like this

reposted by lemmalemma16

"es wird tote geben"

ein rechtschreibfehler der dazu geführt hat, dass niemand zu meinem geburtstag gekommen ist.

BerlinGirl2014, prubton, Sven, ernstrose, Luenchen, A.M., jano, MeMyselfAnd..I, Lieanne3, fuechsin and 10 others like this

reposted by MeMyselfAnd..I, prubton and VamosBarca

für baschi ists eher frühling.

trennung von katy winter.

Anima, _Nathalie_, laut, claudia and little_hippie like this

bangover (noun):

the uncomfortable to downright painful after-effects of too much fucking.

hemko, kj55 and tweetybird like this

"are you free this weekend?"

"no, i'm expensive."

llamabat, kj55, crystalD, hebdifescht, stefantastic, little_hippie, random_FOX, jano, musissy and tweetybird like this

reposted by llamabat

i'm wearing my friday socks.

they're like normal socks, but they're ready to party.

Krisargent, Robomeleon, Luc_Berlin, FrankFilocamo, pluckyxl, TyroneNZ, UserOne, hahamia, madsenlena, perellano and 73 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, allzor, haybay10286, softballwut, Denican, queena, stepsgeorge, mikaela84, Pagegepa, drebbit and 18 others

the best things in life are not things

claudia, Lirpae.., izzi and 5011wireless like this

bald ist sommerzeitumstellung. dann kann man abends wieder eine stunde länger bei tageslicht schnee schaufeln.

mjf, Anima, izzi, musissy, Lirpae.., _Nathalie_ and guggigirl like this

"das leben ist wie eine box pralinen."

"die letzten drei haben scheisse geschmeckt. muss wohl dein leben sein, aus dem wir grad naschen."

Lirpae.., _Nathalie_ and laut like this

i'm super lazy today.

which is like normal lazy, but i'm also wearing a cape.

FrankFilocamo, Sunshine123, StinkyBreath, meohmy, sophh, Bunnybum, gloriaRN, Gabbem, Akatrine, kj55 and 8 others like this

reposted by GaylrdSprFckr, betweenwindows, Vaniljkola, Vinyl, timmaayy94, vani and bigdaddydubs

..,-

also irgendwie hab ich das mondgesicht anders in erinnerung.

Anima, laut, Lirpae.. and musissy like this

so erfrischend wie Brot

Babs_77, laut, Lirpae.. and _Nathalie_ like this

buuch
nabel
fussel

laut, guggigirl, Lirpae.. and musissy like this

die windows 8 kachel wünscht sich,
sie wär so bold wie ich.

fruitgarden, laut, claudia, againandagain, Lirpae.., musissy, pasquale85, _Nathalie_ and danyol like this

nei nei. sie sind nöd diä meistä. die meistä sind natürli scho diä anderä.

Lirpae.., guggigirl, laut and izzi like this

love is, not having to hold your farts in anymore.

llamabat, soren85, stefantastic, malinsk, nayD, caitlinpittkin, boni, izzi, Lirpae.. and tweetybird like this

reposted by llamabat

100 - it's a miraculous, fairly creepy achievment.

Anima, tweetybird, Lirpae.., _Nathalie_, littlethief, wallifer and dtygrtdd like this

i'm kind of a gentleman, but definitely more of a pervert.

nayD, tweetybird, fuechsin, Lirpae.. and izzi like this

papst franziskus ruft zum einsatz für die schwachen auf.

gerade nen gutschein fürs fitnesscenter verschenkt.

nayD, musissy, laut, 5011wireless and Lirpae.. like this

life is, what happens to you while you're looking at your smartphone.

guggigirl, nayD, wallifer, fuechsin, Lirpae.., beesmoove, izzi and tweetybird like this

reposted by jarlen

he who know, does not speak. he who speaks does not know. shut up, is basically what i'm saying.

hemko, nayD, tweetybird and Lirpae.. like this

laundry schedule:

sort - today
wash - later
fold - eventually
iron - ha ha ha

nayD, wallifer, Lirpae.., _Nathalie_, tweetybird, izzi and Sven like this

dem messer ohne klinge, fehlt der griff.

nayD, musissy, izzi, Lirpae.. and laut like this

mornings come in 3 sizes:

1) early.
2) too early.
3) way too early.

reikiart, Anima, nayD, tweetybird, izzi, boni, Lirpae.. and laut like this

i scream the same way, wether i'm devoured by a great white shark or if a peace of seaweed touches my foot.

llamabat, nayD, tweetybird, izzi and 5011wireless like this

if at first
you don't succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you.

nayD, izzi, 5011wireless and danyol like this

you're the jelly to my burger, the knife to my soup, the pasta to my sushi, the ketchup to my ice cream. my point is, you're worthless.

sophh, llamabat, Ms_Ntlebi, tweetybird, frauheinrich, MeMyselfAnd..I, Lirpae.., _Nathalie_, LaCerdan and musissy like this

reposted by llamabat

i saw a spider in my bathtub, so i got a piece of tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.

Belieber1994, Jamille, itsmenatassa, Bellan63, ene, EliseD, markusrumpold, LaurieAmy, pasquale85, MaLauren17 and 40 others like this

reposted by meohmy, jaybyrd, justaperson, tommogirl_679, MaLauren17 and Bellan63

sorry, but your password must contain an uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin.

satannah, llamabat, meohmy, ACHunter, kj55, Anima, loryane, tweetybird, 5011wireless, Lirpae.. and 5 others like this

reposted by llamabat

not all men annoy women.
some men are gay.

GeneratedName, BerlinGirl2014, littlethings, wizlosophy, stefantastic, MeMyselfAnd..I, nayD, danyol, musissy and Lirpae.. like this

a poem about me:

i'm prettier than you.
the end.

hemko, malinsk, nayD, danyol and Lirpae.. like this

"do the harlem shake!"

"how about i harlem shake my foot up your ass?"

hemko, t_treeman, tweetybird, laut, nayD, pasquale85 and _Nathalie_ like this

when someone yells

STOP!

i never know if it's in the name of love or it's hammertime

kj55, nayD, 5011wireless and musissy like this

i don't get drunk.

i get awesome.

stefantastic, nayD, Anima and izzi like this

two things i know for certain in my life:

1. i have a big penis

2. my taste in music is wonderful

nayD and little_hippie like this

i prefer not to think before speaking. i like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

hemko, nayD, little_hippie, boni, MeMyselfAnd..I, soene and izzi like this

der moment wenn du in der toilette stehst, spülst und feststellst, dass das
zaubereiministerium bloss erfunden wurde.

guggigirl, laut, nayD, Anima, little_hippie and izzi like this

mir ist gerade nicht nach wäsche falten.

lass den trockner nochmal laufen.

laut, nayD, little_hippie, claudia, soene, pasquale85, fruitgarden and izzi like this

i'm sorry that i got angry and said a lot of things that i meant but still should not have said.

llamabat, meohmy, littlethings, tweetybird, nayD, Anima, Akatrine, soene and izzi like this

reposted by llamabat

Mein Leben ist ein riesen Porno.
Nur ohne Nackt zu sein.
Und ohne Frauen.
Und ohne Sex.
Eigentlich sind es nur peinliche Dialoge.

Reposted from boni

nayD, izzi, fuechsin and laut like this

lara croft:

image- und namenswechsel.

als angelina jolie in hollywood immens erfolgreich geworden.

nayD, laut and Lirpae.. like this

wochenende
war super!

kotzen bedeutet ja auch immer, dass man vorher eine richtig gute zeit hatte.

nayD, Valy, laut, izzi and Lirpae.. like this

spirituosen haben nichts mit spiritualitität zu tun.

nayD, 5011wireless, soene, laut, izzi and Lirpae.. like this

blauer rauch steigt auf. zigarettenpause.

hemko, nayD, fruitgarden, Lirpae.., laut, random_FOX, pasquale85 and musissy like this

BÄR
N

( )-( )
( ' : ' )
d . b
( )_( )

nayD, musissy, soene, Lirpae.., little_hippie and laut like this

this is the most fucking interesting chimney.

ever.

nayD, izzi and 5011wireless like this

you and i
are more than friends.

we're like a really small gang.

schoggithaler, Akatrine, frauheinrich, nayD, izzi, 5011wireless, MeMyselfAnd..I, claudia and Lirpae.. like this

i like asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because i'm still looking for ideas.

Reposted from pierrejeann

nayD, fruitgarden, random_FOX, poenky and little_hippie like this

jeder denkt an sich. nur ich denke an mich.

schoggithaler, nayD, laut, izzi and Lirpae.. like this

konnte die Bremsen nicht ersetzen.

hab jetzt aber eine Klingel am Fahrrad.

Akatrine, nayD, Lirpae.., danyol, soene, izzi, laut, pasquale85 and musissy like this

Ich möchte nicht in einer Welt leben, in der Purzelbäume kein akzeptiertes Fortbewegungsmittel sind.

Reposted from boni

nayD, fruitgarden, little_hippie, Nina-Aliyah, againandagain, guido, laut and pasquale85 like this

erinnerung an die zeiten in denen stalker noch "heimliche verehrer" genannt wurden.

izzi, nayD, Valy, fruitgarden, musissy, Lirpae.., poenky, laut and alice_98 like this

i'm right in the middle of being fantastic. can you bother me later?

izzi, nayD and LaCerdan like this

ich komme
aus Zürich, damit bin ich automatisch cooler als du.

perellano, nayD, fruitgarden, little_hippie, Lirpae.., claudia, laut and fuechsin like this

Sven, izzi, laut, poenky and random_FOX like this

happy birthday!

to me.
tomorrow.
don't forget.

musissy and Lirpae.. like this

my trousers are perfect to clean my hands.

izzi, caitlinpittkin, nayD, pasquale85, laut, poenky, Lirpae.. and LaCerdan like this

chipmunk, prairie dog, squirrel -
whatever, that motherfucker looks like alvin!

nayD likes this

einfach mal blind drauf los lachen )))

nayD, izzi, laut and claudia like this

mjf, nayD, greeeg, izzi and laut like this

so viel Spiegel und kein Koks.

Valy and laut like this

bei aufkommenden Emotionen bitte hier streicheln

Sven, izzi, wallifer, LaCerdan, Lirpae.. and laut like this

proud to
be a
problem

izzi and LaCerdan like this

bitch, please.

you've got more issues than vogue!

mjf, hemko, izzi, authentiquemo, LoveFunApps, nayD and LaCerdan like this

we stick together like the papers in a porn magazine

yourijesse, authentiquemo, nayD, marcmueller and fuechsin like this

reposted by yourijesse

du häsch sonäs schöns lächle. strahlsch winäs kärnchraftwärch.

izzi, nayD, Anima, laut, pasquale85 and fruitgarden like this

Ich habe heute leider kein foto für dich.

Reposted from dreamworld

izzi, nayD, Lirpae.. and laut like this

recently in the office:

"please order
a hole punch." - "no i don't, you pervert."

nayD, caitlinpittkin and jano like this

grau ist das neue sonnig.

izzi, nayD, marcmueller, random_FOX, pasquale85 and laut like this

"did we already pay for?" - "no. hard times. simply go."

izzi, authentiquemo, Nina-Aliyah and random_FOX like this

if you love someone, set them free.

if they come back, they're yours.

if they don't, then you stalk them.

meohmy, hemko, izzi, nayD, Anima, caitlinpittkin, alice_98, random_FOX and Lirpae.. like this

"alles hat ein Ende, nur die Wurst hat zwei", stammt wohl aus Zeiten der DDR

sonst hätte man bestimmt auch an die Banane gedacht

riles, izzi, nayD and Lirpae.. like this

kuchen und ich gehen zusammen durch dick und dünn.

irgendwann dann nur noch durch dick.

Sven, hemko, izzi, Valy, nayD, laut and Lirpae.. like this

if you can't find a lawyer who knows the law, find a lawyer who knows the judge

albertgualbert, meohmy, Akatrine, kj55, Babs_77, izzi, nayD, caitlinpittkin, marcmueller, greeeg and 3 others like this

reposted by Babs_77 and albertgualbert

love sucks.
true love swallows.

FrankFilocamo, janeh, mark69, kj55, _original95, satan, tweetybird, krystle, Chriswesseh, cenouras and 6 others like this

reposted by Nina-Aliyah, authentiquemo, krystle, wickedpyxxie and _original95

i need a six month vacation.

twice a year.

izzi, authentiquemo, LoveFunApps, random_FOX, Lirpae.. and musissy like this

today's hairstyle is called: "and i didn't brush my teeth either"

Orkid, StinkyBreath, meohmy, littlethings, kj55, _Nathalie_, GaylrdSprFckr, izzi, authentiquemo, Nina-Aliyah and 4 others like this

reposted by GaylrdSprFckr and betweenwindows

when my road is on fire,
i dance with the flames

PenSword72, izzi, LaCerdan and random_FOX like this

a clean house is a sign of a wasted life

LoveFunApps, A.M., Nina-Aliyah and random_FOX like this

reposted by Nina-Aliyah

i love everybody:

some i love to be around, some i love to avoid, and some i love to punch in the face.

izzi, MeMyselfAnd..I, random_FOX, musissy and jano like this

you drink like there's no bottom,
and you dress like there's no top.

and the oscar for best lead actor goes to...

"Horse" for its role as "Beef"

llamabat, izzi, Nina-Aliyah, LaCerdan, MeMyselfAnd..I and poenky like this

reposted by llamabat

unter'm Schnee ist Frühling

izzi, random_FOX, musissy and fruitgarden like this

you need a hug.

around your neck.

with a rope.

izzi, Nina-Aliyah and random_FOX like this

Ein guter Freund ist jemand, mit dem man Lasagne stehlen kann.

izzi, random_FOX and musissy like this

Meine Füsse sind noch müde. Deswegen bleiben die vorerst noch im Bettsöckli.

Lirpae.., Sven, hemko, againandagain and musissy like this

drei
babybel
hoch

ist es unhöflich jemandem ein Menthol Bonbon in den Mund zu werfen, während sie mit einem sprechen?

mjf, Lirpae.., hemko, Sven, izzi, pasquale85 and musissy like this

i don't have tactics.

i have
tic tacs.

llamabat, mjf, Lirpae.., izzi, wallifer, soene, random_FOX and musissy like this

reposted by llamabat

this is by far the most fucked up idea ever... i'll be there in 10 minutes

izzi and random_FOX like this

Liebe ist ein Feuer. Ob sie dein Herz wärmt oder dein Haus abfackelt - man kanns nie so genau sagen.

upupandaway, poptankar, hemko, izzi, alice_98, Luenchen, kolelo and musissy like this

reposted by kolelo, Nessa20 and Nessa20

this is my cup of care.

oh look, it's empty!

izzi likes this

some people just need a high-five.

in the face.

with a chair.

Babs_77, random_FOX and manjar like this

tut mir leid, dass ich deine gefühle verletzt habe, als ich dich als dumm bezeichnet habe.

ich dachte du hättest das schon gewusst.

izzi, pasquale85 and musissy like this

they say you are what you eat.

that's funny.

i don't remember eating a sexy beast this morning.

lemmalemma16, izzi, stephg04 and musissy like this

Red Bull verleiht Flügel.

Bin gespannt wer heute gewinnt.

hemko likes this

if the temperature is less than my age, i don't leave my bed

mjf and izzi like this

wie viele liegestützen schafft chuck norris?

alle.

hemko, soene, Anima and pasquale85 like this

everybody who says money doesn't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop

please don't see me.
please don't see me.
please don't see me.

"HEEEEEEEY!"

shit.

janem803, gussego432, JennieOfc, kkim, izzi, alice_98 and brody like this

people change.

now i'm a lamp.

littlethings, Sven, hemko and izzi like this

be BOLD or italic.

Never Regular.

hemko, izzi and riooo like this

reposted by iAbple

Sven and hebdifescht like this

i'm going to spend valentine's day with my true love...

food.

againandagain likes this

women only want a card on valentine's day.

visa or master - it doesn't matter.

yve and againandagain like this

Bat's on Valentine's Day:

You're fun to hang around with!

mjf, hemko and Sven like this

Squirrels on Valentine's Day:

I'm nuts about you!

jonasgetzmann likes this

i can't wait to receive nothing on valentine's day!

satan likes this

i like kit-kat,
unless i'm with four people or more

mjf, Sven and againandagain like this

knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit. wisdom is not putting it into a fruit salad.

Reposted from anonymous

wenn man immer das fünfte Rad am Wagen ist, muss man einfach einen treffen der ein Rad ab hat

beesmoove likes this

hear you next 'ear

i don't have a dirty mind.
i just have a sexy imagination.

Lirpae.., Sven and sarcaSM like this

reposted by iphoris

i love my relationship with my bed. no commitment needed. we just sleep together every night.

multiple choice exams

it's like playing lotto, but with grades

sometimes my iPhone sounds like it suggests to be a discman