topbuzz's Posts

“When women support each other, incredible things happen”

guggigirl and Fionacatherine like this

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”

Happy IWD!

guggigirl likes this

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition”

"The best Feminists I know are men"

Balls out!
Balls In!
But never Balls deep!

It was only "resting" on my computer

#nsfw

#nsfw

The Devil whispered in my ear, "your not strong enough to withstand the storm".

I whispered back, "you're"

#nsfw

#nsfw

janem803 likes this

Chuck Norris had to wear a hat to keep the sun protected

ZeepBella likes this

“I feel sorry for people that don't drink because when they wake up in the morning, that is the best they're going to feel all day.”

Frank Sinatra

JodieT likes this

Vodka.......making us all beautiful since the 1800's

#vodka

InfluenceNoise likes this

The worst thing about parallel parking is the witnesses

#vodka

jmb, janem803 and InfluenceNoise like this

Happy Pride month

#LoveisLove

Fionacatherine, janem803 and beingme like this

"It's so hot tonight, I think I'll open my window"

347 Mosquitos liked your post

JodieT, ElfiEdel, jmb, GreatSmile, janem803 and InfluenceNoise like this

Pfff what was I thinking, that wasn't a sausage sitting on the couch.

#whatwasithinking

GreatSmile and InfluenceNoise like this

I'm not regular broke, I'm high class broke, I'm Broquè

janem803 and InfluenceNoise like this

My public portrait's immaculate but there's blood on the easel

UserOne and petegutz2 like this

Weight loss progress week #1: "I am now in between belt buckle holes"

@jmb

janem803, InfluenceNoise, GreatSmile and jmb like this

I'm not living, I'm just killing time

jmb, JodieT, dor1316, UserOne and janem803 like this

Boobs...... Objects of desire or mistakes in the past.

nash and janem803 like this

Be your best self

nash and janem803 like this

Damn you cheese. You seem to infiltrate my meal and desert. Make a decision!

sera_la_dera and nash like this

There will come a time when you will have to choose between something that is hard and something that is easy.

BTW, I'm both at the moment ;-)

janem803, guggigirl, sophh, meohmy, JodieT, PenSword72 and UserOne like this

I'm trying to stop innuendos but it's hard...
really hard

sophh, JodieT, meohmy, DygytAlice and PenSword72 like this

Why put off today what you can indefinitely put off tomorrow

juneocallagh, Authlander, guggigirl, sophh, pztk, kaylababy and JodieT like this

Don't play hard to get when your face is already hard to want

purplechill, juneocallagh, Sunshine123, JodieT, sophh, guggigirl, avant-garde, ZeepBella and PenSword72 like this

reposted by emiledi77

One's true super power is wearing the mask for others and braving the truth

#hero

juneocallagh, DygytAlice, Sunshine123, guggigirl and kaylababy like this

In all of life's lessons I've come to learn that you can't get dog food out of a can without getting some on your knuckles. The end

juneocallagh, DygytAlice, JodieT, sophh, ZeepBella and kaylababy like this

Today I'll be mostly be wearing a beard

juneocallagh, Authlander, kaylababy, meohmy, Ms_Ntlebi, Luenchen, JodieT and Sunshine123 like this

Friday
Everyone
Absolutely
Raring to go

We got the FEAR

juneocallagh, kaylababy, Ms_Ntlebi, JodieT, Bettydent, Sunshine123 and guggigirl like this

You can't have a Rainbow without a little rain

janem803, juneocallagh, kaylababy, janeh, jonesygirl80, meohmy and JodieT like this

The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest

- Happy Friday folks!

kaylababy, janeh, meohmy, JodieT, sophh and PenSword72 like this

I was told earlier that I was a procrastinator.

I like to think of myself as focusing on the unimportant!

juneocallagh, kaylababy, locupleto, janeh, soyy and JodieT like this

Be careful of boiling the ocean or peeling an onion

Both will make you cry over time

My Friday words of wisdom for all you beautiful people

juneocallagh, kaylababy, locupleto and janeh like this

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits!

juneocallagh, kaylababy, janeh, DygytAlice, dor1316 and Luenchen like this

So much to do.....

so little desire to do it

Happy Friday!

kaylababy, janeh, ZeepBella, jonesygirl80, JodieT, janaa, supermom, guggigirl, dor1316, swatchUSA and 1 other like this

Random thought: 80% of the letters in the word "Queue" are redundant.

juneocallagh, Authlander, locupleto, janeh, bold, EliseD, JodieT, dor1316, stanleyfu, kfasheldon and 3 others like this

If you look like your passport photo, the likelihood is that you need the holiday

JMBis, heidierdbeer, perellano, writetoparty, locupleto, janeh, Sunshine123, june16, ihanamanu, sun520 and 25 others like this

reposted by EliseD, Boldomatic, FrankTheTank, luckyroo59, rameen, Alicar4, afa, truthseeker57, kashifjoosub, rozped and 4 others

Top 3 things not to say to the Doctor when she's taking your blood pressure:

3. "Check out my guns, I've been working out"

2. "Is it hot in here or is it just me"

1. "Wanna do something after you diagnose me?"

janeh, Babs_77, sophh, PenSword72, juneocallagh and JodieT like this

...she had a pair of balls

#plottwist

janeh, JodieT, Qball, haddock, juneocallagh and dor1316 like this

I couldn't sleep last night.

I had an internet connection

janeh, JodieT, juneocallagh, dor1316, avant-garde and Luenchen like this

40 minutes on the toilet is alright?

#badhabits, @RandomHero1981, @juneocallagh

janeh, RandomHero1981, guggigirl, JodieT and againandagain like this

Physical attractions are common but a real mental connection is rare

- Anonymous

janeh, juneocallagh, JodieT, Fountainhead, BerlinGirl2014, againandagain, Babs_77, sophh and PenSword72 like this

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition

- Tim Leary

janeh, juneocallagh, JodieT, sophh, PenSword72 and jaybyrd like this

I start to get worried when I DON'T see a red line under my incorrectly spelled word

janeh, cybersont, Babs_77, swatchUSA, juneocallagh, chipdicks and JodieT like this

If I wanted Heavy Petting I would have gone to the Zoo

#relationshit

janeh, juneocallagh, jaybyrd, PenSword72, sophh and annairie like this

Apparently "switching lanes" in a public toilet is frowned upon

janeh, juneocallagh, Kush_Le, PenSword72 and sophh like this

A ship in harbour is safe, but that's not what ships are built for

- Anonymous

juneocallagh, Demetrius, jonesygirl80, DygytAlice, avant-garde and JodieT like this

Going to school in the jungle can be a drag. I'm constantly surrounded by Cheetahs

#jungle

janeh, guggigirl, JodieT, PenSword72, kfasheldon and juneocallagh like this

"Sometimes the Brain Monkeys which live in my head control my actions, Officer"

#jungle

janeh, PenSword72, kfasheldon and juneocallagh like this

You know you've a bad cold when you don't know whether to put the tissue in "General Waste" or the "Recycling" bin

bold, JodieT, PenSword72, riles, kfasheldon, juneocallagh and jaybyrd like this

Out of all the lies I've told "Just Joking" is my favourite

SimonLauper, guggigirl, supermom, kfasheldon, juneocallagh, sophh and jonesygirl80 like this

Had a meeting with my Bank Manager. He said I've enough money to last for the rest of my life...

...unless I buy something

juneocallagh, Akatrine, swatchUSA, emma-freitag, PenSword72, kfasheldon, JodieT and sophh like this

To avoid criticism say nothing,
do nothing,
be nothing

- Aristotle

@guggigirl

Verenita, ene, guggigirl, PenSword72, juneocallagh, annemarit, sophh, PaolaChvz, dor1316, JodieT and 1 other like this

Poke-a-mom

The porn equivalent which invites you to catch something entirely different

@PenSword72

juneocallagh, NukeSkywalker, guggigirl and PenSword72 like this

Spray Tan....

....making low resolution hotties since the 50's

juneocallagh likes this

En Croute.....a delicious alternative to walking to the fridge

#midnightsnack

juneocallagh, SimonLauper, guggigirl, nash and makalapua like this

I was reading the paper the other day and reportedly Death is the number 1 killer in the world.....wow!

That is a scary thought.

janem803, juneocallagh, makalapua and dor1316 like this

I've come to realize that life is like a jar of peppers...

What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow

@juneocallagh

juneocallagh, misterlab, dor1316, allisonrae, guggigirl, thinkbig, swatchUSA, chipdicks and Ms_Ntlebi like this

Today I'll be mostly wearing yellow

juneocallagh likes this

God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers

~unknown

@thinkbig.

JMBis, janem803, kaylababy, juneocallagh, Fountainhead, melissadesyr, Gabbem, beautiflpoisn, aerowise, dor1316 and 7 others like this

reposted by aerowise and WordNerd

*People who rub the lapel of your suit thinking they understand the fabric

@cybersont

juneocallagh, robi316, makalapua, cybersont and JodieT like this

Never let an old flame burn you twice

JMBis, jmb, juneocallagh, Vandala, poeta, Babs_77, Demetrius, soyy, jonesygirl80, supermom and 5 others like this

I actually fitted into a medium sized t-shirt today....wow!

Thank you "King Kong Clothing", you're range is awesome

sophh, juneocallagh, ene, begrian, supermom, timtomdan, BerlinGirl2014, robi316, creatorbeats, kj55 and 2 others like this

Dear Spawn of Satan,

You left something unholy in the toilet. Please remove the demon carcass as soon as possible....

Oh and spray after you...

@juneocallagh

janem803, Akatrine, Luenchen, juneocallagh, melissadesyr, begrian, haiden_, creatorbeats, robi316, JodieT and 2 others like this

reposted by Moon-D and juneocallagh

Today I'll be mostly playing "Hide the sausage"

juneocallagh, supermom, ene, tk93 and robi316 like this

I use sarcasm because beating the shit out of you is apparently frowned upon

A.M., PenSword72, dor1316, supermom, shimmer_07, creatorbeats, manutd7770, kolarg and robi316 like this

My wife doesn't like it when I sneak up on her...

...and according to the Judge, she also hates being called "my wife"

janem803, UserOne, Akatrine, juneocallagh, melissadesyr, sophh, bold, ccz6ih, elisema, dor1316 and 16 others like this

reposted by invalid and flolow

Dear "friends",

Please stop sending me Candy Crush requests.

I'd rather perforate my eye with a needle than play.

sophh, cybersont, Stephanieg215, jonesygirl80, ACHunter, guggigirl, timtomdan, sera_la_dera, PenSword72 and robi316 like this

A groan a day keeps the Doctor away!

@JodieT, @PenSword72

juneocallagh, AbbyPenguins, robi316, ACHunter, Ms_Ntlebi, JodieT, PenSword72, Moon-D and kj55 like this

My drug dealer bought me a new pair of shoes....

They had to be laced with something cos I kept trippin

@PenSword72, @JodieT

PaolaChvz, ACHunter, magicalwordsforyou, pztk, JodieT, Deborah.A and robi316 like this

~Stay strong, make them wonder why you're still smiling~

Reposted from oda00m

juneocallagh, AbbyPenguins, ACHunter, sera_la_dera, donnadjbrwngm, pztk, thewiseguy75, shimmer_07 and robi316 like this

Gin and Jenga....what could possibly go wrong?

Oh and I also have matches

juneocallagh, arosen, Ms_Ntlebi, PenSword72, allisonrae, dor1316, Moon-D, brody, ACHunter, supermom and 1 other like this

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am!!??

Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes

@PenSword72, @magicalwordsforyou

juneocallagh, melissadesyr, dor1316, cybersont, Belieber1994, ACHunter, creatorbeats, swatchUSA, Rohi, Ms_Ntlebi and 7 others like this

reposted by paintdog

I think I may be addicted to brake fluid....

but I swear I can stop at any time

@PenSword72

juneocallagh, poeta, ACHunter, swatchUSA, supermom, robi316, magicalwordsforyou, ene and PenSword72 like this

I was visited by the Grim Reaper last night and I managed to beat him off with a vacuum cleaner!

Talk about Dyson with death

@PenSword72

juneocallagh, sophh, BerlinGirl2014, ACHunter, supermom, magicalwordsforyou, ene, Moon-D and PenSword72 like this

Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball.......

It was a lovely service

@PenSword72

sophh, juneocallagh, creatorbeats, ACHunter, supermom, magicalwordsforyou, Moon-D, ccz6ih, Ms_Ntlebi, ene and 3 others like this

I got a new job in Seoul......

I think it will be a great Korea move

@PenSword72

juneocallagh, ACHunter, robi316, PenSword72, magicalwordsforyou, dor1316, ene and ccz6ih like this

I'm all over it like a cheap hooker

Alicar4, robi316, magicalwordsforyou, ccz6ih, Ms_Ntlebi and ene like this

reposted by Alicar4

My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker.

Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend.......yet

@PenSword72

shimmer_07, fairytigress, ene, soyy, dor1316, ACHunter, creatorbeats, robi316, donnadjbrwngm, kolarg and 2 others like this

New survey results just came out...

Statistically, 6 out 7 dwarves are not happy

@robi316

hele5955, ACHunter, ene, coco03 and robi316 like this

Your face or mine?

juneocallagh, misterlab, ene, supermom and robi316 like this

If I sent every email in my 'Drafts' folder I'd be unemployable

@supermom

Alicar4, juneocallagh, ene, creatorbeats, Ms_Ntlebi, ACHunter, Moon-D, riles, 2schaa, JodieT and 2 others like this

reposted by Alicar4

Who are you kidding?

You're only using the handicap toilet to do a poo

juneocallagh, ene, supermom, GaylrdSprFckr, arosen and robi316 like this

Hands that do dishes feel as soft as your face with mild red fairy toxic liquid

#horrorstory

juneocallagh, ACHunter, lulu1381, ene, robi316 and pztk like this

reposted by juneocallagh

All this licking is getting me horny

juneocallagh, Moon-D, SimonLauper, nancy79, Stephanieg215, PenSword72, Loupi4614, ene, bold, Ms_Ntlebi and 3 others like this

Never look at another man's undercarriage

juneocallagh, PenSword72, robi316, ene, lulu1381, ACHunter, kj55 and bold like this

I don't watch soccer...

If I want to spend 90 minutes watching people struggling to score, I take my friends to a bar.

Reposted from anonymous

juneocallagh, melissadesyr, PenSword72, robi316, ene, Rohi, tk93 and ACHunter like this

My Church offers no absolution

perellano, juneocallagh, jaybyrd, jeve, PenSword72, robi316, ACHunter, hebdifescht, satan, bold and 2 others like this

reposted by satan, uglyteen, FrankTheTank and DarkBlack

What's your native genius?

Don't focus on what you can improve...

...focus on your strengths and you'll live a more fulfilled existence

BerlinGirl2014, PenSword72, robi316, kj55, ene, chipdicks and ACHunter like this

reposted by BerlinGirl2014

Faulty shower termostats:

"The difference between 3rd degree burns and a frozen penis"

riles, ACHunter, Ms_Ntlebi, robi316, PenSword72 and ene like this

Me: "Happy Father's Day"

Dad: "Why thank you son, and by the way you are my favourite son"

Me: "...but there's just me and my sister"

Dad: "...oops"

juneocallagh, kj55, jeve, bold, dor1316, ccz6ih, aehmpaeh, Ms_Ntlebi, ene, JodieT and 1 other like this

I wonder how deep the ocean would be without sponges?

bold, DeCemberla, Rohi, ene, swatchUSA, juneocallagh, lollip2 and robi316 like this

I've decided to only borrow money from a pessimist...

They'll never expect it back.

@swatchUSA

melissadesyr, karen67k, DebiLynn, ene, swatchUSA, soyy, juneocallagh, brody, lollip2 and robi316 like this

Call me old fashioned....

...but I think shorts should be longer than your vagina

@DygytAlice

janem803, janeh, juneocallagh, sophh, fairytigress, Maiq-the-Liar, Moon-D, DygytAlice, fdc, giertsen and 8 others like this

reposted by jam57

juneocallagh, robi316, PenSword72 and swatchUSA like this

There's nothing worse than watching a clown cry

Moon-D, Babs_77, DebiLynn, ene, PenSword72 and robi316 like this

For the thrill....

For the pain....

For the challenge and gain....

This is why I ride.

#ride, #snakerides

juneocallagh, Babs_77, DebiLynn, Stephanieg215, PenSword72, swatchUSA, sera_la_dera and ene like this

I ride to get dirty....

I'm dirty because I ride...

#ride, #snakerides

Moon-D, bold, collegebuddies, chipdicks, stephinity, Stephanieg215, PenSword72 and ene like this

Weight Watchers:

Delaying the inevitable in over 30 countries

collegebuddies and ene like this

How can something be new AND improved?

Moon-D, elisema, hannahe, DebiLynn, Stephanieg215, swatchUSA, ene, kaylababy, riles and PenSword72 like this

Ride the trouser snake

#ride, #snakerides

LaRhonda, ene and sarcaSM like this

I wouldn't give ya a ride even if ya had peddles

#ride, #snakerides, @juneocallagh

Alicar4, beautiful, mariechen_xo, ene, juneocallagh, riles and PenSword72 like this

reposted by Alicar4

I have a friend who has one big hand and one little hand.....

.....he makes a great time keeper

@DebiLynn

juneocallagh, DygytAlice, ilovebobby07, Blitzkrieg, iheartcheese, ene, JodieT, misterlab and annemarit like this

reposted by JodieT

I had a nightmare last night about Gloria Gayner......

First I was a afraid.....then I was petrified.

@juneocallagh

BiteSenior, Moon-D, elisema, juneocallagh, topbuzz, mariechen_xo, ene and DebiLynn like this

Drain the Lizard!

juneocallagh, ene and RulesOfLife like this

It's impossible to hide a yawn....

....unless you're a Wookie....

juneocallagh, ene, Ms_Ntlebi and PenSword72 like this

A wank in the hand is worth two in the bush

#sex

juneocallagh, ene, 2schaa and PenSword72 like this

Me, So can we have sex tonight?"

Wife, No".

Me, "Fair enough, can I have sex tonight then?"

#sex

niniel, melissadesyr, misterlab, kbblackfox, ene, Ms_Ntlebi, 2schaa and PenSword72 like this

reposted by yourijesse and TinaLittle

There is no greater satisfaction than getting your email inbox to zero

Rohi, ene, elisema, riles, 2schaa, PenSword72 and lollip2 like this

reposted by darkstarrr

I'm unsure which was more unsettling. The fact the guy had an e-cigarette or the fact that he was only 18

juneocallagh, ene and JodieT like this

I think it's terrible the way Lance Armstrong was treated. Especially after winning seven Tour de France races while on drugs......

When I was on drugs, I couldn't even even find my bike......

juneocallagh, Moon-D, freeyomind, ene, satan, soyy, dor1316 and Ms_Ntlebi like this

No matter who you are, from the President to the Pope....if a child hands you a toy phone you're gonna answer it

@PenSword72

melissadesyr, swatchUSA, jonesygirl80, ene, Babs_77, dor1316, chXn, Ms_Ntlebi, beeeecs and PenSword72 like this

reposted by chXn

Cameltoe....?

More like Moose Knuckle....

darkstarrr, Moon-D, Ms_Ntlebi and ene like this

Is there any reason in the world to find pubes in the sink?

@PenSword72, @DebiLynn

riles, ene and Ms_Ntlebi like this

I'm sick of hearing about "Pulled Pork"....what happened to the good old un-pulled pork?

dor1316 and ene like this

Failure is the best way to learn....

....except if you're a Bungee Jump Instructor

BerlinGirl2014, hannahe, PenSword72, guggigirl, kreutzfeldt26, Ms_Ntlebi, ene, Babs_77 and swatchUSA like this

They say 1 in 5 people are Chinese....

....well there are 5 people in my family....

Me, my Mom, my Dad, my brother Colin and Hao Chan Chu

....but I think it's Colin

perellano, sophh, melissadesyr, Epillepsy, BerlinGirl2014, Fexxa, jonesygirl80, freeyomind, guggigirl, Ms_Ntlebi and 1 other like this

It's a well known fact that cold toilet seats frighten poo

freeyomind, guggigirl and ene like this

I have a problem with your face....

It makes me want to slap it....

....really hard....

....with a hammer....

Moon-D, Stephanieg215, dor1316, freeyomind, 2schaa, ene, Caken0301, beeeecs, Ms_Ntlebi, sarcaSM and 1 other like this

reposted by Stephanieg215

Life was much more simpler when you could kiss the Bishops ring and not have a Lawsuit filed against you

#royal

ene and ryanvetha like this

It's impossible to unfold a clothes horse without catching at least one finger.

ene likes this

You should never touch another man's bbq

freeyomind, PenSword72, Babs_77, Luenchen, swatchUSA, guggigirl and satan like this

There really is nothing worse in this life or the next than drinking bin juice

PenSword72 and ene like this

Jesus loves you

I think you're a prick

kaylababy, jaybyrd, melissadesyr, hannahe, dor1316, lollip2, PenSword72, ene, Ms_Ntlebi and ACHunter like this

.--o-o--.
beer goggles

@misterlab

ACHunter, guggigirl, ene and misterlab like this

Better to be a second rate of yourself than a first rate of someone else

RulesOfLife, ACHunter, guggigirl, ene and Luenchen like this

Three people all looking so serious,
One bald, one short, one devious,
They unsettle me so, but I'm big and strong,
I've got friends around me to battle with song,
To look into their soul, more importantly their goal,
You'd have to subscribe to their BOLD!

#deadpoetalive

janem803, buglove, AnneZaar, PenSword72, dor1316, Gabbem, Lirpae.., ACHunter and kj55 like this

reposted by ACHunter and buglove

I smell great today

@misterlab

riles, PenSword72, blody-boldi, ACHunter, guggigirl, Babs_77 and ene like this

There is no clinical explanation for saying, "hello" to a pretty girl and farting at the same time

#deadpoetalive

melissadesyr, BerlinGirl2014, riles, PenSword72, ACHunter, Babs_77, chipdicks, againandagain, Celestial and ene like this

Just another normal day here.....Sitting on the sofa, playing some music, thinking about what I should cook, cleaning my monkey costume.....

dor1316, ACHunter, guggigirl, ene, RulesOfLife and Celestial like this

The worst possible thing to come out of my Fitness Instructors mouth, "ok guys only 10 more to do"

ACHunter, guggigirl, swatchUSA, Belieber1994, Loupi4614, Celestial and ene like this

It really isnt nice when you inadvertently smell another man's wee

mjf, Celestial, guggigirl and ene like this

Why does everyone say think outside the box?
What is inside the box that they don't want us to think about?

Reposted from 2schaa

topbuzz, BerlinGirl2014, fairytigress, hannahe, freeyomind, blody-boldi, Celestial, Babs_77, ACHunter, swatchUSA and 1 other like this

Trying to put a sock on a laughing baby is like trying to baptise a cat

@Celestial

ene, Babs_77, Celestial and ACHunter like this

Feel good Friday
Everything's
Amazing
Right

We've got the FEAR

ene, Babs_77, ACHunter and guggigirl like this

Better to keep your mouth closed and be considered a fool than open it and remove all doubt

janem803, niniel, melissadesyr, hannahe, DebiLynn, dor1316, ene, ACHunter, guggigirl, swatchUSA and 2 others like this

reposted by darkstarrr and emiledi77

laugh at me now but soon I'll inherit the earth

@ACHunter

ene, ACHunter, Celestial and Belieber1994 like this

TV is just chewing gum for the eyes

sophh, Stephanieg215, dor1316, ene, ACHunter, Celestial, swatchUSA, Belieber1994, Babs_77 and againandagain like this

reposted by Stephanieg215

The rate of input beer is proportional to the output piss.

...a Scientist once told me that.

sexymom, epstein, ene, ACHunter, Gabbem, 2schaa and Celestial like this

Today, I'll be mostly eating yogurt.

mjf, ene, ACHunter, guggigirl, Ms_Ntlebi, Gabbem and Celestial like this

I've come to discover men have two emotions. Hungry and Horny. If he doesn't have a hard on.....make him a sandwich

@Gabbem

melissadesyr, Moon-D, BerlinGirl2014, darkstarrr, mell, DebiLynn, dor1316, sexymom, sarcaSM, epstein and 4 others like this

I see her...she sees me. We walk towards each other half excited, half nervous. We lock eyes and in that instant nothing else matters. I walk past and smile, tracing her previous steps.

...and then the awkward moment when I walk into the unisex toilet and we both realise shes just taken a poo.

janem803, melissadesyr, riles, soyy, sarcaSM, ene, ACHunter, abe and Celestial like this

ok ok so my ears are big but please stop comparing me to a wing nut

#bunny

SimonLauper, bold, mylisa1970, ene, 2schaa, ACHunter and guggigirl like this

so how do you want your eggs in the morning? "unfertilized" she said

#bunny

melissadesyr, timtomdan, riles, epstein, caberera12, bold, ene, 2schaa and ACHunter like this

A laugh is the same in every language.

Reposted from ACHunter

DebiLynn, dor1316, sarcaSM, ene, swatchUSA and ACHunter like this

The speed at which a woman says "nothing" when asked "whats wrong" is inversely proportional to the severity of the shitstorm coming your way

@Fountainhead

janem803, Sunshine123, UserOne, Verenita, Fountainhead, PaolaChvz, melissadesyr, sophh, darkstarrr, Maiq-the-Liar and 28 others like this

reposted by emrose, darkstarrr, stevemagpie and Alicar4

If at first you don't succeed. Sky Diving's not for you

soyy, caberera12, Luenchen, kj55 and ene like this

I'm not saying that I'm big foot, I'm just saying nobody has ever seen me and big foot in a room together

Reposted from ene

Alicar4, dor1316, swatchUSA, pallav, Belieber1994 and ene like this

I invented the internet

#misquote

mjf, kj55 and ene like this

reposted by taufan

That awkward moment when you and your work colleague lock eyes and realise the smell originated from YOUR bum

@abe

kj55, abe and ene like this

You can only say WTF so many times a day until you just decide to start drinking

I'm nearly there

melissadesyr, Pesca, shimmer_07, BerlinGirl2014, darkstarrr, Stephanieg215, timtomdan, PenSword72, soyy, epstein and 4 others like this

reposted by soyy, talonart, Stephanieg215 and BerlinGirl2014

When a woman says "what?". It's not because she didn't hear you. She's giving you another chance to change what you said

@guggigirl

timothy21, jmb, janem803, Verenita, niniel, BerlinGirl2014, shimmer_07, hannahe, NMRN, DebiLynn and 10 others like this

reposted by oda00m

Oh, interesting. Let me just write that on my list of things I don't give a shit about.

#misquote

ellenicole, mariechen_xo, 2schaa, ene and swatchUSA like this

reposted by fcuesta

If it's on the internet it must be true

#misquote

hallowelt, GOD, ene and swatchUSA like this

Oh! You hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY and we meet in the bar

melissadesyr, dor1316, freeyomind, satan, ene, 2schaa, Belieber1994 and swatchUSA like this

reposted by darkstarrr, freeyomind and freeyomind

Friday
Everyone
Absolutely
Raring to go

...we got the FEAR

Reposted from topbuzz

ene likes this

Dont you just hate the overuse of hashtag?

#gotcha

caberera12, satan, swatchUSA, ene and 2schaa like this

Some people in my job just need a high five.

In the face.

With a chair.

BerlinGirl2014, mjf and ene like this

Someday son... someday far from now when you have your own kids you'll understand why your mother drinks

melissadesyr and ene like this

what the world needs is split peas

#peace

2schaa likes this

Learned a great new trick today:
When you want to slap someone, do it and shout "Mosquito"

...It really works

kieradoerksen7, topbuzz, Slotter6, aerowise, riles, rudeamplitude, Celestial, Raheel, ene and Gabbem like this

reposted by aerowise

The other day someone told me you can make ice cubes from leftover wine. I was confused........ whats leftover wine?

@sera_la_dera

melissadesyr, ryanvetha, ACHunter, Babs_77, cbah, eliane, caberera12, Celestial, brenzy, judib and 5 others like this

reposted by GaylrdSprFckr and MissB

I dont need "Anger Management" classes,

You need "Shut the fuck up" classes

True story

melissadesyr and ene like this

At what point does it become awkward when your fitness instructor starts showing you HIS muscles

mjf, Gabbem, ene and allisonrae like this

That awkward moment when you've just picked up a box of condoms in the chemist and your female boss bumps into you "for a chat"

satan and Luenchen like this

Never trust a warm toilet seat

@celestial

petarrrrr, jmb, eulekauzig, juneocallagh, EmpressTygress, emiledi77, Campo, Mapiya, akoruruth, perellano and 49 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, RhiannonM97, DeLana, reng94, reng94, NicholasGiau, cedbuzz, karenkalama, naomibrutbell, naomibrutbell and 18 others

Today I get my qualification in 'human'. Party at my place.

riles likes this

ah man.....where did I put my Hamster's water bottles again?

#lifehack

Gabbem and ene like this

who knew brain juice could be so filling

#lifehack

ene likes this

That awkward moment between you and the cleaner when the eyes tell all...

lin2810 likes this

That moment when you realise it's an ad for sanitary towels.

He who has no shoes dances in socks

#socks, #francisetsonami

Gabbem likes this

Well that just knocked my socks off

#socks, #francisetsonami

Gabbem and ene like this

SOCKS spelt backwards equals SKCOS. Think about it my friend.

#socks, #francisetsonami

ene likes this

Don't eat yellow snow

freeyomind, soyy, lin2810, Gabbem and ene like this

Never ever go into a cubicle with the toilet seat already down

kj55 likes this

#socks, #francisetsonami

ACHunter, kj55 and ene like this

The angle of incidence = the angle of reflection. So if you're perving at someone in the mirror, the likelihood is that they're doing the same to you

kj55 likes this

never, under any circumstance tickle a baby while changing their nappy

ene likes this

When i was just a little sheep, I asked my mother what would I be. Would I be famous, would I be rich. Here's what she said to me: Shut up and eat your grass before father comes home.

#sheeple

ene likes this

Friday
Everyone
Absolutely
Raring to go

...we got the FEAR

ene likes this

reposted by topbuzz

Merry Christmas!

- From the Alzheimers Club

2schaa, ene and kj55 like this

reposted by yourijesse

Some people say I have my Grandmothers eyes. Upon reflection I probably should have waited until she died to acquire them

kj55 likes this

One of these Sheep is not like the others...it's you Gerald, you unsettle me with your death stare

#sheeple

PenSword72, mjf, ACHunter, kj55 and Gabbem like this

ok ok, who just farted?

#sheeple

timtomdan, ACHunter, bold, kj55, eliane and satan like this

reposted by kj55

If at first you succeed, how will anyone know how hard it was? Moan my friend, moan until someone notices

kj55 likes this

never under any circumstance go into a cubicle without your shoes and socks

kj55 and satan like this