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MissB

Carrie Bradshaw's archenemy.

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MissB

My biography will be titled "Be Yourself And Other Ways To Stay Single."

100

Haters will see you walk on water and say its because you can't swim.

109

I hate when people say you don't need alcohol to have fun... Well you don't need running shoes to run but it fucking helps.

63

Do you believe in miracles?

Me neither.

I believe in risks, faith and tequila.

55

People who wonder whether the glass is half empty or half full miss the point.
The glass is refillable.

127

Porn is so unrealistic. I just took a shower with my boyfriend and all he did was stand in the corner shivering for 20 minutes while he handed me a bunch of shampoos.

51

A group of kids is called a migraine.

49

Out of all of my body parts I feel like my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least a thousand eye rolls a day.

63

I'm not pregnant but I'm eating for two, me and my inner bitch.

She likes tacos.

48

It's not easy being psychic, but I already knew that.

29

This is your Sunday evening reminder that you can handle whatever this week throws at you.

35

She wears strength and darkness equally well, the girl has always been half goddess, half hell.

29

The thing I love most about Boldomatic is that no one can send me Candy Crush game invites.

59

I love the kind of hugs where you can physically feel the sadness leaving your body.

62

I'm having a fruit salad for dinner. Its mostly grapes. Actually, its all grapes. Fermented grapes. Okay, I'm having wine for dinner.

66

People think that being alone makes you lonely, but I don't think that's true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.

63

Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it.

28

I don't like being told what to do unless I'm naked.

45

The same boiling water that softens potatoes hardens eggs. Proving it's all about what you are made of, not your circumstances.

52

Optimist:
Someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it's more of a cha-cha.

43

I won't cry for you, my mascara is too expensive.

37

Eat spaghetti
to forgetti
your regretti

46

RESPECT EXISTENCE
OR
EXPECT RESISTANCE.

50

Sometimes I can't figure out if I'm in preschool or in high school...

Oh wait... I'm at work.

55

just spooning my boyfriend...

out of his container...

its ice cream.

19

Are some of my posts stupid?
Yes.
But who's following who here?

46

I don't regret the things I did wrong.

I regret the good things I did for the wrong people.

43

I'm not really anti-social.
I just know that 93% of people are not worth being social with.

59

No matter how real your quotes are, there are some people who will never hit the like button just because its you that posted it.

47

Everyone talks about leaving the planet a better place for our kids.

How about we focus on leaving better kids for our planet.

49

He asked me, "What's your favorite position?"

I said, "CEO."

33

Sometimes you don't realize its love until you can sense its potential to destroy you.

40

I'm not going to be the girl you marry, but I'll be the girl you'll be thinking of 20 years from now while you engage in polite sex with your boring wife who fakes her orgasm to make you feel better about your receding hairline.

41

Single doesn't always mean lonely and relationship doesn't always mean happy.

47

There is nothing more intimate in life than simply being understood.

45

In French, you don't really say "I miss you." Instead you say "Tu me manques," which is closer to "You are missing from me."
I love that. "You are missing from me." You are a part of me, you are essential to my being. You are like a limb, or an organ, or blood. I cannot function without you.

42

The first to help you up are the ones who know how it feels to fall down.

25

I think part of the reason we hold on to something so tight is because we fear something so great won't happen twice.

47

It's actually the voices outside of my head that bother me the most.

39

A simple woman knows her limits, but a wise woman knows she has none.

34

Our break up was due to religious differences.

He thought he was God.

I didn't.

64

Confidence is not "They will like me."

Confidence is "I'll be fine if they don't."

31

Too often, I find myself comforting others with the words I want to hear.

53

Sometimes you have to self destruct in order to self discover, and understand that the only person you must learn to let go,

is you.

40

don't break my heart.

you live there.

39

Once you realize your worth, you'll stop giving discounts.

41

No I can't go to the gym, I'm in the fitness protection program.

43

If there was no money and everything depended on your moral standards, the way you behaved and how you treated people...

How would you be doing in life?

22

I can't possibly fuck up the entire universe,
so that's a relief.

33

The sad truth is so many people are in love and not together and so many people are together and not in love.

38

Don't waste sunsets with people who won't even be there for the sunrise.

29

Our love is like dominoes.

I fall for you.

And you fall for another.

43

I don't have enough middle fingers for today.

33

Just because a poisonous snake doesn't bite you now, doesn't mean it's still not poisonous. Some people never change.

23

Most of my adult life has been spent convincing people "I wasn't that drunk."

34

Many people die when they are 25 and aren't buried until they are 75.

30

Telling a black man to respect police so they don't get killed is like telling a woman to dress appropriately so they don't get raped.

25

There are two reasons why we don't trust people:

1. We don't know them.
2. We know them.

39

Ironically I'm watching an exercise infomercial because I am too lazy to get the remote.

33

If I have to fight for your attention then you can just keep that shit.

35

Not all girls are made of sugar, spice and everything nice.

I'm made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.

37

Some people talk to you in their free time and some people free their time to talk to you.

35

No matter how good of a women you are, you will never be good enough for a man who isn't 'ready.'

36

Just because you are offended, it doesn't mean you are right.

36

You can't fix yourself by breaking someone else.

25

Balloons are so weird...

"Happy birthday, here is a plastic sack of my breath."

44

Never leave someone who touches your soul more than your body.

24

My goal is not to be better than anyone else but to be better than who I use to be.

22

Sometimes home isn't four walls, its two eyes and a heartbeat.

34

Sometimes the universe removes a person from your life for your protection.

Don't run after them.

26

What's the difference between an obstacle and an opportunity?

It's your attitude.

27

If you want to know what someone fears losing, watch what they photograph.

25

You can sin with me or spend the night alone.

27

Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is if you disagree with someone's lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is to love someone, means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You dont have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.

30

You need you more than you need them.
Trust me.

39

I don't think America should elect any president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.

31

There are teenagers having unprotected sex but have cases on their cell phones. Just let that sink in for a moment.

34

Spoil me with loyalty.

I can finance myself.

26

Spend your life doing strange things with weird people.

24

What this world needs is a group hug.

28

I'm not heartless, I've just learned how to use my heart less.

26

I'm just an asshole with feelings.

18

My life has too many tabs open.

31

Always give a lazy person a difficult task... He'll find an easy way to do it.

24

At some point you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them.
The choice is yours.

21

Goals so big you get uncomfortable telling small minded people.

24

The first 18 years of your life are like a free trial. After that its like Pay-To-Play.

32

Before you go denying middle eastern refugees a new life here in America just remember that the Christmas Nativity story you're about to set up in your front lawn with the fake baby Jesus, is about a middle eastern couple desperately seeking shelter.

25

Not to brag, but I can ruin any conversation by being too honest.

28

And the PRINCESS lived happily ever after,
in HER OWN big castle,
with all HER OWN money,
and she took care of HERSELF.

The end.

29

What is more dangerous, a gun or a thought?

A gun gives you the opportunity but a thought pulls the trigger.

25

We're all so desperate to be understood, we forget to be understanding.

29

All I ever wanted was unpredictible kisses and unforgettable laughter.

19

Sometimes you have to care less to see if they will care more.

26

ITEMS EVERY WOMAN SHOULD OWN:

1) Little black dress
2) Cute flats
3) Strappy s- ok now that the men have stopped reading,
we revolt at dawn.

22

Ice cream for dinner because I'm an adult and I can.

32

People watch you for two reasons: to build you up or to break you down.

Pay attention to who's paying attention.

19

Females keep a lot of shit to themselves. Like, you'll have her before she lets you know and you'll lose her before she says its over.

20

Before you ask me for advice, you should know that I'm a grown woman who refuses to wear any bandaid without a Disney princess on it.

21

We look up at the same stars, and see such different things.

25

The challenge is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else.

17

If you have to ask what she wants, you can't give it to her.

19

Adulthood:

Knowing things you'd rather not.

31

Girls aren't moody. They just have days that they're less likely to put up with your shit.

15

I wasn't being over sensitive, he was being over asshole.

23

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

30

Sleep doesn't help if its your soul that's tired.

30

I can't wait for the day you realize you fucked up.

20

If we allow a female to become president, what's next? Female doctors? Female racecar drivers? Female mothers?! Female women?!

32

Karma will take care of what is meant to be.

19

Everyone should believe in something.

I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.

26

You will never look like the girl in the magazine. The girl in the magazine doesn't even look like the girl in the magazine.

33

Everything in your life is a direct reflection of a choice you once made.

If you want different results, make different choices.

27

The best way to get over someone is probably with your vehicle.

34

The only people I owe my loyalty to are the people that never made me question theirs.

26

My head says gym but my heart says tacos.

26

Two people don't fall in love because they share the same bed. They fall in love because they share the same dreams.

20

But love has to be stronger than hate, or there is no future for us.

15

Ships don't sink because of the water around them. Ships sink because of the water that gets inside of them. Moral of the story, don't let what is happening around you, get inside of you and weigh you down.

30

I don't insult people, I just describe them.

20

Instead of "Have a nice day," I think I'll start saying "Have the day you deserve."

You know, let karma sort that shit out.

20

We were all humans until race disconnected us, religion separated us, politics divided us and wealth classified us.

29

You'll eventually ruin a good thing if you're always questioning it.

19

Be
brave
enough
to
break
your
own
heart.

22

I don't watch soccer.

If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I'd take my friends out to a bar.

14

Let's not spoil our great sex with friendship.

17

I've kissed more bottles than boys and honestly a hangover hurts less than a heartbreak.

22

I ask you to please excuse my table manners, I was making room for the table dancers...

18

Let's have a "Who's better in bed?" contest.

I hope to be a sore loser.

21

Next time, I'll try to wait until you're finished crying to initiate make up sex.

10

Whenever people post "I'm the one your mom warned you about," I always assume they have Herpes.

15

Art is how we decorate space.
Music is how we decorate time.

25

Legend says, when you can't sleep at night its because you are awake in someone else's dream.

So if everyone could stop dreaming about me...

THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

26

The male ego is more sensitive than my g-spot.

23

You survived what you thought would kill you. Now straighten your crown and move forward like the queen you are.

24

Stuck somewhere between try harder and why bother.

31

More
fuck
yeah,
less
fuck
that.

30

I suck at apologies so,

unfuck you.

27

If you cannot put your heart into it then take your heart out of it.

21

BOSS

*holds a 37 minute meeting about wasting time*

24

Don't lose your mind trying to stay on someone else's.

22

Not everyone you lose is a loss...

21

Is "I need money" an emotion?

Because that's all I ever feel.

26

I only grow apart from people who don't grow.

16

As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices - take it or leave it.

22

People who play tough on the internet are my favorite kinds of losers.

14

Better late than never.
But never late is better.

17

Shout out to my arms for always being by my side.

18

The most important project you will ever work on is you.

18

I can't believe its been a year since I didn't become a better person.

25

I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, like no offense or anything but I don't even know what I'm doing right now.

26

Alexithymia,
(noun, Psychiatry.)
ey-lek-suh-thahy-mee-uh

The difficulty of describing, experiencing and expressing your feelings to other people.

18

It's so cold outside, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!

20

Kanye West named his child North West.

What if Alicia Keys named her son Car?

25

If his name starts with A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y or Z he is likely to ruin your life.

You have been warned.

19

Marry the one who gives you the same feeling you get when you see your food coming at a restaurant.

26

I hope that one day you are as happy as you are pretending to be.

16

I just got called lazy...
I almost replied.

22

She's not pissed, she's disappointed. There is a huge difference. Pissed is because she knew you would and disappointed is because she never thought you could.

20

One of the most expensive things you will ever do is pay attention to the wrong person.

26

Smonday

The moment when Sunday stops feeling like a Sunday and the anxiety of Monday starts to kick in.

24

I'm glad I don't have a thigh gap. I almost dropped my phone into the toilet but I caught it with thunder and lightning.

20

I'm going to get where I'm going even if it means I have to drop you off on the way.

23

Every time I get hungry I say things I can't take back.

19

I'm at the age where dating is:

Are we doing this or not? Because I have shit to do.

18

And even if you are not here to stay, I'm happy the universe allowed your soul to stop by.

26

Replace my heart with a liver so I can drink more and care less.

19

Never let the same flame burn you twice.

20

Trust me.
I never lose.

Either I win or I learn from it.

11

Why should I chase you when I'm the catch?

16

My dancing style is "There's a spider on me."

19

Some
of
the
darkest
nights
produce
the
brightest
stars.

23

Be a good person but don't waste time proving it.

14

A person who feels appreciated will always do more than whats expected of them.

25

Close some doors. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they no longer lead somewhere.

21

He said I can get off whenever I wanted, so this bus driver is my new soul mate.

11

Are you wifi because I'm having a hard time connecting to you

12

It's ok to live a life others don't understand

22

Who wants to give up on society and go live in a tree house with me?

25

We cling to music, to poems, to quotes, to writing, to art because we desperately do not want to be alone. We want to know that we aren't going crazy and someone else out there knows exactly how we are feeling. We want someone to explain the things we can't.

16

If you can't be a poet, be the poem.

19

It's not easy being easy.

14

I heard you're a player...
Nice to meet you.

I'm the coach.

21

Everyone has a chapter they don't read outloud.

18

My enemies are going to be so sorry if I ever get out of this bean bag chair.

20

When we begin to love ourselves enough we stop chasing those who don't love us at all.

19

I will leave such an imprint on your heart that anyone you entertain after me will have to know me in order to understand you.

19

Some words are impossible to say drunk:

1) Cinnamon
2) Specifically
3) Antarctic
4) Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

24

And suddenly, we were strangers again.

24

Everyone doesn't like me, and that's okay because not everyone matters.

17

Would you believe in what you believed if you were the only one who believed it?

23

Don't let jealousy fool you, it's just another name for insecurity. How other people treat you is their karma. How you react, is yours.

17

I don't pretend to be anything that I'm not.

Except sober.
I've pretended to be sober a few times.

22

No snowflake ever feels responsible for an avalanche.

17

And if you call me at 4am, too sad to even say hello, I will listen to your silence until you fall asleep.

19

A divorce is not a failed marriage. Getting out before you kill them is a success.

17

In high school I was voted "Most Likely to Bring Shame on the Entire Class"

23

My pride is stronger than my feelings. Don't play me. I could think of you 24/7 and you still wouldn't hear from me.

19

I want to get more comfortable being uncomfortable. I want to be more confident being uncertain. I don't want to shrink back because something isn't easy. I want to push back and make more room in the area between I can't and I can.

21

Lose the girl who has been with you through everything and I promise you that in the end you will be more hurt than she is.

12

Kanye and Kim make the perfect couple.

She's got a big ass and he is a big ass.

23

Why can't I be obsessed with fitness like I am with Boldomatic?

23

Wine is like duct tape.

It fixes everything.

16

I don't need a husband. I just need someone to come over and make me coffee in the morning and then leave.

11

Find
what
you
love
and
let
it
kill
you.

22

How can there be world peace when we are all at war with ourselves?

23

Come sleep with me.
We won't make love.
But love will make us.

22

I skipped dinner last night so I should be skinny any minute now.

23

I'd imagine the worst part about being a penguin is after you lose an argument, you'd attempt to waddle away angrily but still look adorable.

22

Treat your new relationship like a pregnancy and don't talk about it with others until its at least 12 weeks in.

17

I know what I bring to the table, so trust me when I say I'm not afraid to eat alone.

16

Someone once told me not to bite off more than I could chew. I said I would rather choke on greatness than nibble on mediocrity.

15

Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill and not doing it because you would miss them.

18

You assume I give a fuck.

That's cute.

13

Don't
confuse
a smile
with happiness.

19

Have you ever seen a storm roll in? That's how she loved. A drop or two to start. Then the flood.

11

Next dude that complains about the friend zone will be step-son zoned. I will literally marry your dad and step-son zone you.

Try me. I dare you.

15

I
only
write
when
I'm
falling
in
love
or
I'm
falling
apart.

17

Don't tell me what was said about me.

Tell me why they were so comfortable to say it to you.

18

If Hillary Clinton wins in 2016 it will be the first time two presidents have had sex with each other.

12

Is everything okay?
l l
l l
V V
Yes No
l l
l l
V V
Let's go have a drink.

16

People ask me all the time "Where does your enormous inner strength come from?" And then I proceed to read them off a list of all the medications I take with my vodka.

19

Some people aren't loyal to you, they are loyal to their need of you. Once their need changes, so does their loyalty.

17

I give good moral support.

Minus the "m" and the whole support thing.

20

Love me or hate me, both are in my favor. If you love me, I'll always be in your heart. If you hate me, I'll always be in your mind.

16

Sometimes you just have to let negative people live in their own little negative world with their negative opinions, negative thoughts and negative bank accounts.

13

If I had another heart, I would let you break that one too.

18

Don't judge my story by the chapter you walked in on.

17

To be human
is to be broken and
broken is its own
kind of beautiful.

21

Where do spiders find dates?

On the web.

20

When someone asks you to listen to a song its because the lyrics mean everything they are trying to say.

21

I
have
mixed
drinks
about
feelings.

21

Men: "I don't trust anything that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die."

Women: "I don't trust anything with two heads and only one brain."

17

I think "dildo" is a perfectly acceptable insult.
Like, I would call you a dick but you're not real enough.

19

I don't pay attention to the world ending. It has ended many times for me and began again in the morning.

21

Don't lose yourself just because you found somebody.

18

Be careful who you make memories with. Those things can last a lifetime.

17

If I really wanted a man to listen,
I'd write
it on my tits.

21

I'm not a ride or die kind of girl... I have questions:

1. Where are we riding to?
2. Why do I have to die?
3. Can we get food on the way?

12

Thunder makes the noise but lightning steals the show.

15

If you're nervous, it means you give a damn.

21

A mistake repeated more than once is a decision.

21

That's the problem with putting others first, you've taught them you come second.

21

Do not fall in love with people like me. I'll take you every where and kiss you in every beautiful place so that you can never go back to them without tasting me. Then I'll distroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave, you will finally understand why storms are named after people.

21

Love hurts. Thats why pizza burns the top of your mouth.

21

Your inspirational quote has inspired me to correct your horrific spelling and grammar.

10

It's easy when you are single and all the quotes you read describe a perfect person you've created in your mind. But what do you do when you are in a relationship and the quotes no longer make you think about the person next to you?

13

Removing toxic people out of your life is actually not the difficult part.

Not feeling guilty about it is.

21

Don't play with someone else's emotions just because you are unsure of your own.

21

Look, I can either be on time or sober, but not both.
Pick one.

18

Taking naps sounds so childish.

I prefer to call them horizontal life pauses.

21

When someone says "Wanna see something gross?!" I automatically assume they are going to show me wedding photos.

14

Kindness is a language the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

18

Ignoring the signs is a good way to end up in the wrong destination.

19

Christian people say "No one is born gay," but fail to realize no one is born "Christian" either.

16

I date guys with beards because growing and maintaining a beard takes patience. The kind of patience it takes to put up with me.

18

If a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen no matter what. So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit.
No exceptions.

20

I'm just a girl standing in front of a fancy paper towel dispenser with a motion sensor wondering why science hasn't cured cancer yet or found that missing plane from last year.

14

Flowers grow back, even after they are stepped on.

And so will I.

20

Love is in the air?

Wrong. Nitrogen, Oxygen, Argon and Carbon Dioxide are in the air.

20

My friend Google told me...

13

It's not enough to tell me that you care, when we both know that words are empty air.

17

A truth that's told with bad intent, beats all the lies you can invent.

12

What if every time we blinked we took a photo and when we died went back through our own personal photo gallery?

17

The more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love them.

20

I want a guy that makes me laugh just as hard as he makes me orgasm.

18

Everything is always easier to get into than to get out of.

18

There is this girl bolding a bunch of sad and depressing love bolds...
Even I'm starting to miss her ex.

20

Just because you can do more that your fair share doesn't mean you should.

14

It's all fun and games until your pants don't fit anymore.

20

The most evil demons you will face are the ones that appear when you are all alone. And with that said, please remember, you will never truly be all alone.

17

I have physical scars all over my body but its the mental ones I'm worried about anyone seeing.

20

Go out and do something. It isn't your room thats a prison, its yourself.

16

I talk a lot of shit for someone who can't put her panties on without falling over.

18

Sometimes I sit quietly and wonder why I'm not in a mental asylum. Then I take a look around at everyone and realize...

Maybe I am....

18

The sunrise, of course, doesn't care if we watch it or not. It will keep on being beautiful, even if no one bothers to look at it.

15

The biggest challenge after reaching success is shutting up about it.

20

I have never once been offered free drugs from a stranger even though I was taught this was a common threat.

11

Every meal I have ever ate has gone to shit.

17

Getting drunk is like borrowing happiness from tomorrow.

16

The only thing we do right is make love. And we both know that's not enough.

17

Happy birthday to someone old enough to remember what it was like to poop without a smartphone.

14

It took me a long time to realize you shouldn't be friends with people who never ask how you are doing.

19

How do people find their soul mate in the first two months of college? It took me four months just to find the administration building.

19

People with a good sense of humor have a better sense of life.

14

$Sorry I can't come into work today, I fractured my motivation.$

19

We don't have to agree on anything to be kind to one another.

19

And when he tells you he loves you, does he say it with affection? Or does it sound more like a warning?

14

When someone won't let you in, eventually you stop knocking.

19

Even a rose is a weed if it grows where it is not wanted.

11

There are years that ask questions and years that give answers.

19

Life is about balance. Be kind, but don't let people abuse you. Trust, but don't be deceived. Be content, but never stop improving yourself.

17

Another Friday night in the house and I just realized, even the trash goes out more than me.

16

I know there are millions of women out there who look better than me, which is why I make sure I have more to offer than just my appearance.

19

That's it, I'm totally over you!

And now I'm under you.

Behind you.

Beside you.

And over you again.

19

I hate that I cry when I'm frustrated because people be thinking they hurt my feelings but I'm really just trying not to kill you.

15

Cinderella never asked for a prince.
All she asked for was a night off and a dress.

16

She talks about you as if you put the stars in the sky.

18

I'd have better people skills if I worked with better people.

14

I think there is a difference between loving the idea of someone and loving who they actually are.

17

I'm not crying there's just over priced college education in my eye.

16

My father taught me to never date someone who talks smoothly around you from the start, because if someone likes you they should be a little nervous and honestly I think thats some of the best advice anyone has ever given to me.

19

I'm one bad relationship away from becoming an inspirational bolder.

19

A pretty face gets old.

A nice body will change.

But a good woman will always be a good woman.

19

The right person at the wrong time is the wrong person.

17

We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.

17

I can't even play hard to get, I'm already hard to want.

16

Roses are red, and so is my wine, refill my glass and I'll be just fine.

19

Stop getting distracted by things that have nothing to do with your goals.

15

I'm getting really tired of using my own money to buy myself nice things.

17

I like my money right where I can see it.
Hanging in my closet.

8

I don't understand how my apartment gets so messy when all I do is sit in one spot on my laptop all day.

18

I could fuck up 25 times in a row and it still wouldn't be any of your business 25 times in a row.

16

Accents are the different fonts of language.

18

I'm tired of meeting the same people in different bodies.

18

Don't let your tongue mention someone else's faults. You are also full of faults and others have tongues too.

17

I'm just here for the free grammar lessons.

18

Movie makers should be required by law to depict CPR accurately and with correct technique in their films because movies provide the only impression of CPR that many people often get.

9

You know you're on the right track when you become uninterested in looking back.

14

The bad news-
Nothing lasts forever.

The good news-
Nothing lasts forever.

17

I'm tired of getting fucked in ways that don't end in an orgasm.

15

I don't think people understand that liking me is an option, but respecting me is not.

18

Its strange.
I felt less lonely when I didn't know you.

18

If anyone needs me I'll be falling in love with strangers on the internet.

15

Maybe a relationship is two idiots who don't know a damn thing except the fact that they're willing to figure it out together.

18

I think the key is not to think about it too much.
If it works, who cares why it does.

17

Why flip the bird that's already flown away?

18

Baby, I only chase dreams, not people.

16

Drinking tequila is like pressing the snooze button on reality.

16

My biggest fear is not dying, really. It's more that I am afraid of time. And not having enough of it. Time to figure out who I'm suppose to be. Time to find my place in the world before I have to leave it. I'm afraid of what I'll miss.

16

I don't care how attractive you think you look.
If you have an ugly heart, you are ugly to me.

12

Find a man with a brain.

They all have penises.

18

Well, well, well...
If it isn't the feelings I've been trying to avoid.

18

I wanted to change what happened...

But what happened changed me.

16

I identify with Tinkerbell because she needs attention or she dies.

14

I hope that one day you have the courage to run away from everything that makes you miserable.

18

Confidence isn't walking into a room with your nose in the air and thinking you are better than everyone else. Confidence is walking into a room and not having to compare yourself to anyone in the first place.

18

I've fallen in love with adventures and now I wonder if that's why I've fallen in love with you.

18

great minds think alike but dirty minds work together

18

One day, I will probably run this country. Not today, though. No, today I tried to drink from a bottle with the lid still on.

Twice.

18

Alcohol is like a push up bra for your personality.

18

Forget about Prince Charming, go for the wolf.

He can see you better, hear you better AND eat you better.

17

Why are middle school girls skipping the awkward stage and going straight to pretty? No, no. You get braces and wear blue eye shadow.
Do your time.

12

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.

18

Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong.

18

Spend time with your parents, treat them well. Because one day, when you look up from your phone, they won't be there anymore.

18

Both genders should know how to cook because feminism nor sexism will help you when you are hungry.

18

If you are a homophobe, just remember that homophobe spelled backwards is ebohpomoh.
Which makes no sense, just like your views.

18

I hate getting up at stupid o'clock in the morning.

18

If you find me offensive then I suggest you quit fucking finding me.

16

I think the reason we are born with two hands is so we can pet two dogs at once.

16

If you can't fix something, maybe it isn't broken.

9

Where are we on developing wine slushies?

13

When all the trees are cut down, when all the animals are dead, when all the waters are poisoned, when all the air is unsafe to breathe, only then will you discover you cannot eat money.

13

I'm bringing sexy back.

Apparently, there was a misunderstanding and I never should have been allowed to purchase it in the first place.

9

I'm
Baccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!

15

Girls will take what you give them.

Women will take whatever the fuck they want.

16

Q: So what do you look for in a guy?

A: Per$onality i$ definitely one of the mo$t important thing$ !!! ;)

13

I wish at school they would talk to kids about depression, anxiety, eating disorders and self harm. Not just bullying.

Because sometimes its not other people that make us feel like shit, its ourselves.

17

If you are not losing friends then you are not growing up.

14

One of the greatest tragedies in life is to lose your own sense of self and accept the version of you that is expected by everyone else.

15

I wish I lost weight as fast as I lose motivation.

17

If you see me in your dreams. Just take my hand and follow me. I promise to have you back before you wake up.

17

Relationship status:

In a committed relationship with Netflix and Chinese food.

17

I whisper "what the fuck"
to myself at least 20 times a day.

17

I think she was afraid to love. It scared her. She was the type to like things concrete. Something you could point to and know what it was. And I think that's why she struggled with love. She couldn't touch it. She couldn't hold on to it to make sure it never changed.

15

I use to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me.

Now I walk in and wonder if I like them.

17

I don't associate with people who blame the world for their problems, because you're your own problem, and you're also your own solution.

6

I'm trying this new thing where if someone gives me a compliment, I'm going to believe it.

13

This Christmas, we are all going to sit and stare at our phones like a normal family.

17

Sometimes you can play all the right cards and still lose.

13

"A system cannot fail those it was never built to protect."

13

Not to brag, but I don't even need alcohol to make bad decisions.

17

Life is like an elevator, sometimes on your way up you have to stop and let some people off.

16

It absolutely messes me up that you can accidently create a human life but you can't accidently create a pizza.

17

Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone?

16

I don't blame people for talking behind my back... They've obviously heard about what happens when you talk shit to my face.

17

Remember ladies, Christmas is over so if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff its because you're a whore.

17

Whenever I weigh myself I always subtract 15 pounds. I don't think boobs, brains and an ass this perfect should count against me.

17

I don't care about anyone not liking me. You bitches barely like yourselves.

17

Push yourself. Do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex's house down. I believe in you.

15

You have to come to terms with the fact that your future might not involve the people who are around you now.

17

That light at the end of the tunnel better be a neon bar sign and not some religious shit.

17

You know what they say about men with big feet...

Big socks ;)

11

I just Googled "Do identical male twins have the same size penis?" in case you were wondering how my Friday was going.

17

Society: Be yourself.

Society: No, not like that.

17

We need to make it so thin that it will fit perfectly between the center console and the driver's seat.

- iPhone Inventors

17

I'm getting really sick and tired of underwear and responsibilities.

17

Wanna know the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

14

College is like losing your mom in the grocery store for four years.

17

Some
people
aren't
really
all
that
they
"post"
to
be.

17

Touch
me
without
using
your
hands.

15

I want to be wined, dined and sixty-nined.

17

The only man I will ever chase after is the ice cream man. The rest of you can fuck off.

17

People won't behave if they have nothing to lose.

17

I'm a big fan of space. Both outer and personal so just leave me alone.

13

And it was after months of silence that I realized we make better strangers than we ever did anything else.

17

I'm going to go lay under the Christmas tree until my family wakes up to remind them that I am a gift.

17

Home is where you can say anything you want because no one is listening anyways.

16

I swear it was Friday like 9 minutes ago.

16

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