nsa's Posts

Republicans have too many Daddy issues.

#republicans

nsa, UserOne and TrainBirthday like this

"Join our annual convention for people with tiny dicks and even smaller brains"

- NRA

#NRA, #rifles

KnightofSIAL likes this

"Okay, bye."

- President Trump

Killing people is bad but NRA paid for our lunch.

#loyalty

BeatMeter and swatchUSA like this

Peng!
Peng!
Peng!

#loyalty, #NRA, #USA, #politics, #$$$

BeatMeter likes this

Sure. It's all fun and games until they round us up and turn us into food for the alien invaders.

Reposted from BeatMeter

#PLO

KosmicKarma and Ziya like this

Finish the weekend by offending someone on the internet.

#lifehack, #NSA, #politics

KosmicKarma, Ziya and dor1316 like this

Still haven't been able to locate Trump's brain.. Send help!

#Trump, #hipocrate

KosmicKarma, meohmy and Zariem like this

Got a new boss today. Creep. Tiny hands. Probably sucks KKK dicks.

#Trump

BeatMeter, Ziya, FrankFilocamo, tinsoldier, emiledi77, JodieT, dor1316, SourceBlack and meohmy like this

There's a Pokemon hiding in your moms dildo drawer.

#pokemon, #spoiler, #alert

comanzatara, jmb, BeatMeter, Mrs.Hollerman, badcid, drjgelb, janem803, stargater, PenSword72, FrankF and 21 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, lokomao, rosarye, sambrush, aryo and aryo

Challenge accepted

#stranger

SourceBlack, swatchUSA and emiledi77 like this

We can neither confirm nor deny that this is our official account.

#NSA, #life

KosmicKarma, Zariem, SourceBlack, JodieT and mylisa1970 like this

What's
the country code for Iran again?

#showerthoughts

Gragan, Campo, mng and mylisa1970 like this

You know how you will sometimes say, "I never got the email"? We have it.

#NSA, #Emails, #save, #HaHa

KosmicKarma, bold and JodieT like this

#electionpledge, #nzztoolbox

FireShop, Qball and 2kcinnay like this

#electionpledge, #nzztoolbox

krzten, JodieT, dor1316, fart and juneocallagh like this

interviewer: why should we hire you?
me:
interviewer:
me:
interviewer:
me: You still eat that?*

*points at donut

#jobinterview

SimonLauper and JodieT like this

75% of road trips is doing smell checks.

#roadtrip, #van, #office, #who?

hensch, JodieT, haddock and pztk like this

Sincerely,
Fuck You

#manners

krzten, i.OF.THE.5TORM, rudeamplitude, dor1316 and lyriccynic like this

OMG
this loser gets NO texts
LOL

#yourcellphone, #kindifsad, #lol, #manners

JodieT and lyriccynic like this

Breaking:

Iran has an affair with your Mum.

#Iran, #love, #affairs, #news, #romance

phitsha, Luenchen and satan like this

reposted by satan

I can appreciate you from a distance too,
you know.

#hifromthevan

krzten, Rooney, cooledpizza, Interessant and dor1316 like this

Be careful what you post on the Internet. People may read it.

#advicefromthevan

hensch, JodieT, Interessant and dor1316 like this

Saw your "no makeup" selfie. You should wear makeup.

#advicefromthevan

hensch, dor1316 and Gabbem like this

Silently judging people not so
silently.

#remotecontrol

Qball, dor1316 and Gabbem like this

Sorry I vaccinated your baby while you were at yoga.

#healthandsafety, #elephanttrunk

misfatima and JodieT like this

Making friends is hard, first things you'll need are a large net and a van.

#searching, #for, #love, #friendship, #guantanamo

krzten and JodieT like this

Who swallowed my gum?

#notimeforthat

www.bbendemol.ch

SimonLauper and misfatima like this

the teenage version of us would've been burning cars right now

#stayawayfromvan, #rebellion, #youth

Lieutenant, PenSword72, annairie, SteveBob, bold, prubton, PennyLame, dAn and chipdicks like this

reposted by PennyLame

We're also faving your draft Boldomatic posts.

Lieutenant, chipdicks and SimonLauper like this

If you're going to spy on celwbrities and hack phones, show some ambition. Join the NSA.

#nsa, #nude

chipdicks, angela101, bigdaddydubs and allisonrae like this

Nude celebs & your little brother's diary

#midnightsnack

Gabbem, bold and allisonrae like this

Morals?

I can't even hold in my farts.

#moral, #nsa

Jay95, MyM, zohatariq, aerowise, annairie, satan and ccz6ih like this

reposted by satan

Dear Ally,

I'm deeply sorry but we can't help you with the movie you asked for. It may come as a surprise but we aren't Facebook.

Sincerely, NSA

"Stop giggling Mark I'm writing a letter!"

@allisoncarmody, #MarkInTheVan, #customer, #service

kj55, aerowise, allisonrae and JodieT like this

Reposted from hypervigilante

#ooops

chipdicks and allisonrae like this

Please send more chicken fries.

#DearMrPresident, @blackvan

A.M., SimonLauper and dAn like this

Spying is never having to say you're sorry.

#nsa, #nosorry

krzten, kj55, haiden_, allisonrae and dor1316 like this

Are your nudes in good hands?

#dontthinkso

tomtom99, kj55, Gabbem and dor1316 like this

To all the days when you can't actually say what is on your mind because it's not dinner table safe or NSA friendly, fuck you guys.

Reposted from anonymous

#dinnerisready

kj55, pztk, allisonrae, SimonLauper and litjackson like this

NSA customer
service pledge:

You speak / We listen

Reposted from kj55

aerowise, bigdaddydubs, Gabbem, kj55, rudeamplitude, donnadjbrwngm and dAn like this

SHIT
PISS
&
CORRUPTION

Reposted from SimonLauper

#selfie

SimonLauper and riles like this

Shh, they're watching us...

Reposted from kj55

#funny

krzten, crashley2402, BreeBree and kj55 like this

My favorite door is the backdoor.

#NSA

chamaismind, pztk, iandrewquotes, nehachawda.93 and SimonLauper like this

I keep tinfoil on the head of my dick so the government can't read my mind.

#NSA, #Lifehack

mzh, krzten, Jay95, bold, annairie, satan, kj55, petezaboy, pztk, MartinV95 and 10 others like this

reposted by MartinV95, satan and Jay95

pssst...

The guy serving your pint is one of us.

#UK, #love, #NSA

blushinglifes, kj55, jimmyjamesjoe, zed, macntosh, Belieber1994 and dAn like this

shhhhh...
she caught us smoking crack

krzten likes this

No YouPorn...
I do not want to play poker,

I'm at work.

#nightshifts, #boring, #porn

onesoul, Jay95, PenSword72, Moon-D, ellien, dashq, haiden_, pztk, Akatrine, GaylrdSprFckr and 9 others like this

reposted by GaylrdSprFckr, Jay95 and onesoul

We are not bad children.

We are employees.

Reposted from anonymous

#application, #letter

aerowise, pztk, johnny7utd, nehachawda.93 and Belieber1994 like this

Be nice to America.

Or it will bring democracy to your country.

Reposted from anonymous

#listen, #up

postair, roy1992, SireArnaud, pztk, genius8305, mistatrixsta and josefibbla like this

I'm going to undo the duct tape for a minute so you can agree how romantic this is.

#nsa, #romance

Sirskitten, janem803, SourceBlack, mzh, Davidmayhem, haiden_, will_dicris, pztk, Prince.jatt, mistatrixsta and 19 others like this

reposted by satan, blucutie, blucutie, rudeamplitude and shenouda

Tell your friends and family that you love them today. We could take them away from you at any moment. *

#NSA, #family

epstein likes this

Oops, we did it again.

pztk, Einhorn_Elli, epstein and dAn like this

The worst thing about conspiracy theorists is their webdesign.

#truestory

krzten, pztk, Akatrine, richjaybitch, nomAnomAnathan, skazacy, Danime, josefibbla, dAn, epstein and 4 others like this

Sorry for stealing your reposts.

mouse, satan, Gabbem and casaper like this

We apologize. We will change.

#AprilFools

kj55, epstein, dAn and bold like this

The order was clear:

"Figure out a way to show the whole world our dicks."

#NSA, #military, #computerscientist, #threesome, #beginning

pztk, Danime and epstein like this

NSA.

The only part of government that ever listens.

Reposted from anonymous

Interessant, haiden_, pztk, Rohi, LutherBlissett, mouse, loso81, satan, stephinity, Babs_77 and 3 others like this

We're hiring.

[must speak German]

#NSA, #ad, #jobboard, @slotter6

mimsmarie, riles, RVR3, satan and helveticaner like this

Sorry for creating the selfie fad but we had to get updated pictures of you somehow...

#selfie, #nsa, #apology, #duckface

dor1316, pztk, Rohi, oneever, thomasjcf21, riles, BreeBree, nomAnomAnathan, mycripley, mjf and 5 others like this

reposted by mycripley, oneever, mouse and ChrisRota

It's always Valentine's Day if you have a van.

#interview, #intimacy

haiden_, pztk and mouse like this

Confirmed.

V. Putin to join the two-man bobsleigh.

#breaking, #news, #russia, #smallspoon, #gay, #sochi, #olympics

mouse and dAn like this

War is when the government tells you who the enemy is.

Revolution is when you figure it out yourself.

#by, #AntiNWOalliance, #muhaha

onesoul, SourceBlack, mzh, Jay95, SireArnaud, mouse, dor1316, pztk, Akatrine, lowc and 18 others like this

reposted by brody, patuljak, dnewman, ca35a7, Melanie8, oneever, bigdaddydubs, Jay95 and onesoul

The biggest prank we ever pulled was George W. Bush.

#society, #usa, #favorite, #troll, #cowboy, #forget, #prism

SourceBlack, Jay95, Interessant, swatchUSA, dor1316, pztk, Akatrine, riles, loso81, josefibbla and 4 others like this

reposted by patuljak, loso81, dor1316 and Jay95

I wouldn't want to swap the serenity of a nighttime donut for a proper job.

#office

mjf likes this

this NSA stuff has got me worried, granny porn is not to everyones taste

Reposted from davegibson

pztk, allisonrae and Gabbem like this

'Spying' is such a strong word.

#stop, #bullying, #nsa

krzten, haiden_, dor1316, Rohi, jakobking13, dAn, allisonrae and scottluper like this

Everytime you get the "Oooops" message on Boldomatic, an excited NSA agent jerks off.

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

#in, #your, #face

GaylrdSprFckr and Babs_77 like this

Notes to self:

- put werewolves on the watchlist
- clean the van
- find secret spot for notes to self

#NSA

dor1316 and pztk like this

Let's blow Edward Snowden's whistle.

#newyear, #resolution

mouse and dAn like this

Keep the van tidy.

#newyear, #resolution

krzten, dor1316, allisonrae, Nina-Aliyah, swatchUSA and PenSword72 like this

The NSA would like to remind you to call your mom.

krzten, dor1316, pztk, riles and scottluper like this

N ational
S anta
A gency

BreeBree likes this

Homework sucks.

dAn and brody like this

We at Secret Service like to use the phrase "shhhhhhhh..."
a lot.

pztk likes this

The F.B.I. buys its spywear second-hand.

roosterbear, dor1316 and dAn like this

Ear infection symptoms.

Please speak more clearly in all phone calls.

Thanks! -NSA

#seasons, #greetings, #van

dor1316 and BreeBree like this

Dear Angie,

don't forget to shave your legs!

#merkel, #bathtub, #justsaying

dor1316, kj55 and imtottem like this

OBEY

...just kidding

#obey, #law, #order, #trust

sudars, pztk, kaprii, epstein, allisonrae and kj55 like this

o angela, what's a little distrust between friends

• obama to merkel

Reposted from tweetybird

kj55, Babs_77 and tweetybird like this

dear NSA, my computer crashed. please send the backup to my known IP.

thanks for cooperation

Reposted from ernstrose

campino, bigdaddydubs, pztk, dor1316, Jooks, melisa78, bnjmn, VSchller, zeit_lupe, charlieblower and 8 others like this

NSA liked
a post
of yours

Reposted from aehmpaeh

kurzvor12, pztk, dor1316, cajsa, riles, emelyusoof, kaprii, Belieber1994, eagle77, stephinity and 13 others like this