fart's Posts

A clitoris is half dolphin half dinosaur, every man knows that.

#Science

kenwats, Fionacatherine and CurrentNobody like this

I put the Meth in Christmeth.

kenwats, Fionacatherine and CurrentNobody like this

Believe it or not, being offended is a choice and so is your tongue up my ass.

Ziya, satan and CurrentNobody like this

I eat a lot of snacks for someone who eats twelve meals a day.

#always, #hungry

Fionacatherine, Ziya, CurrentNobody and satan like this

Me: Men get sexier with age.

My mirror:
You pathetic ugly fuck.

CurrentNobody likes this

Sex so good,
I watched the video twice.

#igetit

CurrentNobody likes this

How to talk to a woman with PMS...

Run.

#PMS, #igetit

MyM and CurrentNobody like this

My favourite part about camping is the look of horror in the faces of the teenagers when I visit them in their tent at night.

#Camping

MyM and CurrentNobody like this

I'm in a very fancy restaurant. So please stop wanking off my voodoo doll.

CurrentNobody and Fionacatherine like this

Hello blond mustache, you must be the mother goddess of Walmart..

#Walmart, #Friends

Orkid and petegutz2 like this

Fuck
me like you owe me your heart

Orkid, kenwats, CurrentNobody, bold, fart and Campo like this

Your secrets are safe with me
mainly because no one is interested.

#confession

Fionacatherine, JodieT, kenwats, DominicLomax, CurrentNobody and AyWeiWei like this

Feeling cute, might throw a dolphin into the mixer or two.

#FeelingCute

bold and Krusa like this

When you're going to get a baby girl, name her Dave, so she'll learn a big lesson about life early on.

#dave

crafty, Orkid and CurrentNobody like this

I date tall girls to get high.

#dating, #high

crafty, bold, Fionacatherine and CurrentNobody like this

My heart is in flames.
Bring the marshmallows.

#love, #bites

Ziya, Orkid, eulekauzig, Andromenadda, comanzatara, Fionacatherine, dijana84, crafty, CurrentNobody, JodieT and 1 other like this

reposted by chipdicks

When life feels meaningless, use your toes to pick something up from the floor to feel better.

#funfact

Orkid, springfire, timothy21, SmokeShell, krubjas and janem803 like this

There is a special place in hell for people who enjoy group activities.

#2KindsOfPeople

Orkid, springfire, timothy21, krubjas, janem803, crafty and JodieT like this

Dear people who eat spaghetti on the first date, you're the real heroes in this society.

#Pasta, #Lovers

krubjas and timothy21 like this

no matter how much you hate yourself, your future self hates you more

#ouch, #love, #yourself

krubjas, timothy21, dannyzee, ThoughtBoy, CityCharacter, Orkid and UserOne like this

#DoNots

krubjas, timothy21, dannyzee, ThoughtBoy, CityCharacter and UserOne like this

#DoNots

timothy21, dannyzee, CityCharacter and UserOne like this

I thought my glasses were dirty. Turns out it's you.

#HotHotHot

IfAnimal, timothy21, crafty, Demetrius, kenwats, GreatSmile and CityCharacter like this

Make sure you turn the fan on before you crawl into my bed stranger.

#HotHotHot

timothy21 and crafty like this

Lobsters are funny.

Republicans are dicks.

#political, #Donald, #Salut

timothy21, Orkid and MyM like this

If you're happy and you know it, wag your fail.

#ThinkingOutLoud, #Tail, #Fail

timothy21 and beingme like this

You can't fix stupid, but you can buy me a drink.

#Thank, #you, #good, #talk

krubjas, timothy21, Orkid, BiteSenior, beingme, kenwats and PennyLame like this

Every day is Friday the 13th when you're with me.

krubjas, timothy21, beingme and kenwats like this

Sex so bad, even the neighbors filed a complaint.

#had, #cigarette

timothy21, beingme, dor1316 and InfluenceNoise like this

I fucked up before it became trendy.

#lifestyle

krubjas, timothy21, beingme and ThoughtBoy like this

It's never fair, mostly unpleasant but at least you assume to be kind of in control.

#life, #at, #large

krubjas, janem803, beingme and ThoughtBoy like this

In case nobody told you - you're alone, nobody cares but we're in this together.

#glitch, #fool, #world, #realities

krubjas, timothy21, InfluenceNoise, GreatSmile, beingme and mehr like this

I like you but my dick is pointing in a different direction.

#lust, #compass, #outofcontrol

krubjas, timothy21, InfluenceNoise, GreatSmile, beingme and bold like this

*sends memes right after the break up*

#whatwasithinking

krubjas, timothy21, beingme and juneocallagh like this

She asked for love but it was not even on the menue.

#love

krubjas, Orkid, jmb, janem803, MyM, prubton and mehr like this

Life is not much fun, when you don't know to exist.

krubjas, Orkid, prubton, CityCharacter, beingme and SmokeShell like this

My parents live in France.
I chose to live in the moment.

#life, #choices

krubjas, timothy21, Orkid, MaScho, tide, Dwell, eulekauzig, petegutz2, Campo, Authlander and 7 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic

The universe wants to fuck me again. Tell the neighbors and remain calm.

#Fuckery, #Fuck

krubjas, timothy21, jmb, Orkid and JodieT like this

Insomnia invited me for breakfast.

#5wordstory

krubjas, timothy21, Orkid, Authlander, prubton, meohmy, phuamaxx, Sunshine123, beingme and bold like this

I heart you "talking" last night.

#firsthome, #flatmate, #uhuh, #plugs

krubjas, timothy21, JodieT, InfluenceNoise and janem803 like this

Hide your toothbrush or share your plaque.

#firsthome

timothy21, JodieT, meohmy and InfluenceNoise like this

Is that a toe nail in my breakfast bowl?

#firsthome

InfluenceNoise likes this

We measured the rent in nights to get wasted.

#firsthome

krubjas, JodieT and InfluenceNoise like this

I came.
We hunted penguin sized bugs.
And I felt home.

#firsthome

JodieT, InfluenceNoise and weekender like this

Who knew?

Everybody did.

krubjas, Orkid, prubton, KnightofSIAL, beingme and janem803 like this

It ain't gonna spank itself.

krubjas, janem803, JodieT and CityCharacter like this

History repeats itself
and so does my girlfriend.

Reposted from sosoandso

#LOL, #repeat, #Plo

krubjas, Orkid, KnightofSIAL and kenwats like this

It's a beautiful day to leave me the fuck alone.

#Amen, #Thanks, #world, #nopeeps

krubjas, Fionacatherine, janem803, DominicLomax, bold, Orkid, sosoandso and AyWeiWei like this

I found your girlfriend on craigslist.

#loyalty

AyWeiWei and Orkid like this

In their defence, they have none.

#thinkfreely

krubjas, crackbuttjoe, Orkid, GuyEye, weekender, fart and juneocallagh like this

reposted by weekender and weekender

If you ever think you're not pretty enough, imagine it's 2017 & you just lost your eye to a rusty nail.

#smilinggecko

krubjas, CandleTear and Orkid like this

If you ever think you have a shitty life, imagine it's 2017 & you see your 'selfie' in a polluted river.

#smilinggecko

krubjas, CandleTear, juneocallagh, Orkid and prubton like this

If you ever think you have a shitty job, imagine it's 2017 and you have to search food in the garbage to feed your family.

#smilinggecko

krubjas, yazmin, PennyLame, hanueli, DonSpaccafurnu, pontifex, akai, lumber, kolelo, mentalitas and 5 others like this

Save your sympathy,
provide aid.

#smilinggecko

CandleTear, Orkid, Sunshine123, Fionacatherine, Ziya and juneocallagh like this

Am I perfect?
No.
Am I trying to be a better person?
Also no.

#whatever

phuamaxx, JodieT and juneocallagh like this

I've seen enough porn to understand the meaning of life.

Reposted from Orkid

#genius, #plo

janem803, juneocallagh, Orkid, purplechill and GaylrdSprFckr like this

Stop rolling your eyes, you're not a blunt.

#424, #ganja, #eye

juneocallagh, Orkid, meohmy, purplechill and GaylrdSprFckr like this

So, did Trump ban penguins from flying or nah?

#travel, #flying, #ban, #irony, #hadto

perellano, mehr, juneocallagh, prubton, satan, meohmy, MyM and SmokeShell like this

reposted by SmokeShell

me: how old is your baby?
her: 46 weeks
me, struggling w/the math: can I take him out for a beer?

#babies, #math, #beer

juneocallagh, prubton, SmokeShell and Authlander like this

Why wait?

Everything is fucked already.

#1155

bold, juneocallagh, MyM, SmokeShell and creatorbeats like this

lose people gain silence

prubton, CleoBe, Orkid, SmokeShell, jussayin, bold and PennyLame like this

reposted by Orkid

Dear people who leave voicemails,
why would you want to be ignored twice?

jussayin likes this

It's OK, funds.

I'm insufficient too.

SmokeShell, dor1316 and jussayin like this

"I just need some air."

*lights a cigarette*

Fionacatherine, bold, jussayin and PennyLame like this

Me: If I ignore them, they'll go away

Feelings: lol

key, SmokeShell, bold, dor1316 and jussayin like this

I'm not staying up all night to get lucky.

If it doesn't happen by 11 pm, I'm going to bed.

Reposted from SmokeShell

#lol

janem803, SmokeShell, bold, dor1316 and jussayin like this

answer for what you do

#wheniwas10, #alsich10war, #lession, #learnt

janem803, juneocallagh and bold like this

nothing more depressing than standing in a line for a salad bar

#really, #sad

prubton likes this

The year is 2025, the aubergine emoji has just been elected to congress.

#2025

juneocallagh, prubton, meohmy and AyWeiWei like this

The year is 2025.

My gender-neutral cat accuses me of attempted sexual assault after I try to pet it.

#2025

mehr, bold, petegutz2, kristiina, AyWeiWei, Authlander, prubton, meohmy and juneocallagh like this

My neighbor may not be funny but at least he's super annoying.

#myneighbor

petegutz2 and tide like this

Stop judging Start fucking

#stepout

petegutz2, phuamaxx, meohmy, Campo, kenwats, juneocallagh, JodieT, emiledi77 and Sunshine123 like this

It's impossible to eat your feelings, but it's fun trying.

#stepout

ZeepBella, Vandtastic, bold, EasierSaid246, phuamaxx, hebdifescht, purplechill, meohmy, JodieT, juneocallagh and 2 others like this

reposted by KarmaOfficial

No lust for a light version.

#stepout

EasierSaid246, Campo, emiledi77, bold, juneocallagh and Sunshine123 like this

reposted by KarmaOfficial

Ho Ho Ho
and a bottle of rum.

#thegrinch

bold, purplechill, EasierSaid246, Shea, emiledi77, prubton, annemarit, meohmy, Sunshine123 and juneocallagh like this

reposted by annemarit

The year is 2048. The grilled cheese emoji has
been elected president for a 2nd term.

#great, #america, #effects, #lost, #trust, #people, #sarcasm

roosterbear, NerdWord, Belieber1994, petegutz2, MyM, tide, locupleto, Hodir, shespeaks94, Vandtastic and 40 others like this

reposted by bold, Boldomatic, jupiter, CodeSwing and FruitFootball

Not funny America. Grab this clown by his pussy and throw him back into the circus where he came from.

#small, #hands, #little, #brain, #america, #funny, #again

EasierSaid246, PenSword72, purplechill, Dwell, Sunshine123, MMNK, JodieT, prubton, meohmy, bold and 1 other like this

Schere, Stein oder n' paar Bier mit mir?

#live

prubton, emiledi77, 2amadeus and MachineSand like this

Shut up.

I'm deep as fuck.

EasierSaid246, emiledi77 and prubton like this

Alcohol is never the answer unless the question is about why you need to hold onto the grass in the front yard to keep from falling off the earth

Reposted from Sasquatchprime

#dance

purplechill, emiledi77 and prubton like this

I'd like to apply to become a homosexual, please.

#enough

wizlosophy, bold, purplechill, emiledi77, PenSword72 and prubton like this

Fuck it. Fuck it,
real good.

#framed

janem803, PenSword72, JodieT, emiledi77 and juneocallagh like this

Leaving a better planet to our kids is a great idea just don't forget to leave better kids to our planet.

#framed

PenSword72, purplechill, JodieT, bold, juneocallagh and emiledi77 like this

I'm an underwear model and I'm only in town for one night if anyone is looking for a brief encounter.

#Tweet, #from, @pippydrydocking

janem803, bold, MyM, Dwell, emiledi77 and prubton like this

That funny moment when the Pokémon you stare at turns out to be a crackhead...

#PokemonGo

PenSword72, kenwats, bold, prubton, Parole, emiledi77, PennyLame and JodieT like this

Pokewhat the fuck is that even about

#pokemon

Shea, meohmy and emiledi77 like this

Here's a little fucknugget for you.

prubton, purplechill, emiledi77, meohmy, Authlander and bold like this

Pro Tip:

Never take parenting advice from a woman
with glitter on her tits.

#turnoff

PullAFinger, prubton, debby87, Dwell, kenwats, Sunshine123, JodieT, ErikSmit, emiledi77 and vladtheimpala like this

reposted by emiledi77

Pussy, yet chemistry is not.

dixychick, Lieutenant and Authlander like this

"But have you tried giving up on trusting people?"

#therapy

prubton, debby87, dixychick, Jamille and JodieT like this

reposted by emiledi77

So I called roadside assistance, but they didn't want to hear about my issues unless it had to do with my car...

#therapy

janem803, debby87, dixychick, Jamille, PGivane, meohmy, Authlander, sophh, JodieT, purplechill and 2 others like this

I'm glad dinosaurs are extinct because I'm pretty sure I'd try to ride one after a few drinks.

#drunktexting

Jamille, phuamaxx, meohmy, KnightofSIAL, juneocallagh, purplechill, JodieT, bold, UserOne, Lieutenant and 1 other like this

I'll do your taxes if you tell my mom we're dating.

#drunktexting

dixychick, Campo, bold, meohmy, KnightofSIAL, juneocallagh and JodieT like this

Don't be sad fitness bracelet, I also don't have a purpose in life.

#purpose, #life

dixychick, bold, Authlander, phuamaxx, locupleto, ruhip, meohmy and Sunshine123 like this

One extra Day in the year and the Irony in it being a Monday....

Reposted from anonymous

#plo

dixychick, meohmy, JodieT, RulesOfLife and sudeshna like this

Being a parent is so much easier when you don't have kids.

#parenthood, #kids

EasierSaid246, PolhuntP, meohmy, purplechill, bold and JodieT like this

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

Reposted from iheartcheese

#plo

PolhuntP, JodieT and juliettebravo like this

Look, we're not telling you to take LSD. We're not. But if some scientists say it's good for you well, we're not going to argue with them either. That's just science.

www.dazeddigital.com

#lsd

dixychick likes this

If the conductor doesn't throw that stick I'm gonna lose my fuckin mind.

- A musical dog

#myluckydog

EasierSaid246, dixychick, Phnom and JodieT like this

Arizona:

I will be getting most of you pregnant tonight.

dixychick, sarcaSM and JodieT like this

You know what goes great with an orgasm?

A snack and a nap.

#pillowtalk

dixychick, Phnom, Sunshine123, meohmy, bold, JodieT and Qball like this

*batman voice

Leave your panties on, I already came.

#pillowtalk

Orkid, bold, Phnom, mng, timothy21, MMNK, Qball and sosoandso like this

What you see is what you are going to regret.

#pillowtalk

PolhuntP, Phnom, Sunshine123, meohmy, JodieT, MMNK, Parole and Qball like this

Do you know when the new David Hasselhoff album's coming out?

#pillowtalk

DeadPoet, JodieT and Qball like this

Able and willing.

#pillowtalk

janem803, Sunshine123, meohmy, Qball and WordNerd like this

Asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain.

KnightofSIAL, Sunshine123, locupleto, WordNerd, timothy21, phuamaxx, janeh, makalapua and Qball like this

Be fearless -
Fart as loud as your anus will allow.

#lessismore

janem803, janeh, GaylrdSprFckr and meohmy like this

In Goods we trust

#lessismore

Parole, janeh, swatchUSA, locupleto, bold, Blitzkrieg, Campo, GaylrdSprFckr, MMNK and janineyvette like this

Be the gift someone is waiting for.

#lessismore

janem803, Dwell, vladtheimpala, walkabout, Jacky97, edje, llamabat, Junomea, SceneMind-Cat, Vandtastic and 46 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, dolly, DavidUoba, singhnandranie, Chopsuey, 3175233986, beatriz33, wendylaforce and edje

Fuck Faith.
Fuck Destiny.
Take Control.

#lessismore

janeh, phuamaxx, juneocallagh, biubiu and Sunshine123 like this

Hey America
your mom stuffed the turkey, and i stuffed your mom.

Now open your goddamn borders and buy Trump a Tacco.

#borders

janeh, radufs and UserOne like this

I'm in the Christmas spirit & all you guys are talking about is pizza, tits and borders.

#borders

janeh, radufs, Sunshine123 and Qball like this

A horse walks into the bar and the bartender tells him to leave because they only serve people. Later the horse sues for discrimination, wins the case, also the lottery AND marries the princess.

#truestory

janeh, phuamaxx, meohmy, Sunshine123, De_liefste and chipdicks like this

Your clothes always look better when they're on the floor.

#fashion, #advice

janem803, janeh, locupleto, bapu, phuamaxx, purplechill, mzh, Sunshine123, meohmy and Qball like this

Bite marks or it didn't happen.

#lust, #flesh, #sex

janem803, janeh, locupleto, phuamaxx, Sunshine123 and meohmy like this

I unfriended everyone on Facebook I don't like. The only friend I have left now is somebody's dog.

#facebook, #cull

leeC2014, locupleto, JodieT, MyM, phuamaxx, chipdicks, purplechill, Qball, meohmy and Sunshine123 like this

Don't tell me this one was planned.

#siblings

JodieT, MyM, phuamaxx and Qball like this

Waffles are just pixelated pancakes.

#showerthoughts, #breakfast

Sunshine123, JodieT, phuamaxx, Qball and WordNerd like this

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because they'll never find the body.

#relationship, #EX

janeh, Juspit, meohmy, bold, Sunshine123, De_liefste, Qball and JodieT like this

We got a tornado warning,
and I'm too scared to open my windows.
I don't want any sharks in my house.

#tornado, #breeze, #sharkattack

Orkid, meohmy, haddock, bold, someecards, MyM, Sunshine123 and JodieT like this

Can't tell if I'm hungover or if everyone in the universe is mad at me.

#21HangoverTweets

bold, phuamaxx, Qball and MyM like this

We live in an age where my hangover lasts longer than your relationships.

#21HangoverTweets

phuamaxx and Qball like this

I've been puking all morning... At what point am I aloud to stop calling this a hangover and just declare myself a fountain?

#21HangoverTweets

bold and phuamaxx like this

I drank too much wine last night and now I feel like a Billy Joel song.

#21HangoverTweets

JodieT likes this

The way hangovers felt when I was 20 is how I feel all the time now.

#21HangoverTweets

phuamaxx likes this

They should rename the "family size" bag of chips "hangover size."

#21HangoverTweets

Whenever I'm hungover someone always says 'alcohol is poison'. Yeah but it's a really weak poison that makes things more fun.

#21HungoverTweets

phuamaxx likes this

I have the paper towel usage of a much wealthier man.

#fetish

phuamaxx, meohmy and JodieT like this

My girlfriend has this fetish where she only exists in my fantasy.

#fetish

meohmy, JodieT, Choco_Bonnet, Raeca, chrisstubi and Qball like this

nothing
dry of
magical

#wonderofthesea, #wwf

meohmy, De_liefste, haddock and JodieT like this

Pro Tip:

If you ignore the 'check engine' light for long enough, your car just gives up and turns it off.

#protip

janem803, brody, paullam, Blitzkrieg, Qball, juneocallagh, janineyvette, juliettebravo, hebdifescht and MyM like this

Pro Tip:

Die to get out of your student loan debt.

#protip

PenSword72, bold, Qball, JodieT and juneocallagh like this

Doing things you hate is just the price you pay to avoid loneliness.

#protip

paullam, bold, Qball, juneocallagh, juliettebravo and hebdifescht like this

Pro Tip:

If it seems too good to be true, you're probably still sleeping.

#protip

Juspit, ElfiEdel, Qball, JodieT, juneocallagh and MyM like this

Pro Tip:

Carrying heavy thinks makes you look busy and people will avoid you.

#protip

Juspit, Qball, juneocallagh and MyM like this

*looks at menu and thinks

which one of these will make me fart the least

#firstdate

PullAFinger, Orkid, paullam, radufs, 1stHODIR, Qball, MyM and UrsusUssersihl like this

reposted by PullAFinger

#electionpledge, #nzztoolbox

Affrodittel, JodieT, Qball, meohmy, shespeaks94 and mehr like this

#electionpledge, #nzztoolbox

JodieT, Qball and shespeaks94 like this

I'll turn off gravity and feed you Margaritas

#electionpledge, #nzztoolbox, #ThankYou

Affrodittel, JodieT, Qball, meohmy and mehr like this

Let's turn political debates more into something like Jersey Shore.

#electionpledge, #nzztoolbox

JodieT, Qball and mehr like this

You want some freedom with those fries?

#electionpledge, #nzztoolbox

sarcaSM, bold, Affrodittel, JodieT, droritzz, Qball, meohmy, mehr, janineyvette and rahelstern like this

I'll take terrorism over totalitarianism

#electionpledge, #nzztoolbox

Qball likes this

If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention.

#electionpledge, #nzztoolbox

Affrodittel, mehr, janineyvette and rahelstern like this

I'd get off the couch for you.

#reallove

Fionacatherine, prubton, M_K, ladiesman217, juneocallagh, mzh, Juspit, brody, swatchUSA, Babs_77 and 14 others like this

reposted by PennyLame, misa1104 and prubton

Color your dreams to escape the routine.

#escapetheaquarium

bapu, PenSword72, JodieT, MyM, Qball, radufs, Jamille, sosoandso and meohmy like this

If nothing else, believe in art.

#escapetheaquarium

PenSword72, JodieT, mng, radufs and sosoandso like this

Art is the only way to run away without leaving home.

#escapetheaquarium

JodieT and radufs like this

Art is what you can get away with.

#escapetheaquarium, #warhol

PenSword72, JodieT and sosoandso like this

If it disturbs you, it's art.

#escapetheaquarium

sosoandso, soon and radufs like this

e-cigarettes are too much like sucking a robots dick

#cigarettes, #ecigarettes

PullAFinger, Orkid, EasierSaid246, prubton, ladiesman217, scapa, brody, Jamille, hebdifescht, infamousifall and 13 others like this

reposted by satan, jaybyrd, catzzz, infamousifall, noh and PullAFinger

Yeah, I tried to order a burrito at the ATM. So what?

#weekend, #disorder, #sojudgeme

prubton, lonelywolf, ladiesman217, brody, paullam, PennyLame, satan, GaylrdSprFckr, AngelicAngelia, agnivaroy and 20 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, AspynGirl, Redick, gri, Viciouse31, itchyPitchfork, agnivaroy, agnivaroy and AngelicAngelia

It could be worse...

you could have met me in real life.

#online, #offline, #reality

ladiesman217, locupleto, bold, ElfiEdel, Jamille, belma., PennyLame, phuamaxx, haddock, satan and 2 others like this

reposted by satan

"Kim doesn't understand what a blessing I am to her."

#kimye

Jamille, PennyLame, timothy21 and PenSword72 like this

"My greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live."

#kimye, #Kanye, #West

Jamille, timothy21, PenSword72, radufs and DonSpaccafurnu like this

Now tell me how old your baby is in MINUTES.

#birth, #parents

GaylrdSprFckr, MyM and shespeaks94 like this

Forecast:

Like yesterday, only a bit more hopeless.

#life, #prospect

Jamille, belma., PennyLame, satan, GaylrdSprFckr, timothy21 and juneocallagh like this

I may or may not be thinking about drinking hand sanitizer.

#badhabits

Jamille, belma., PennyLame, JodieT, annairie, UserOne, satan, GaylrdSprFckr, timothy21, PenSword72 and 4 others like this

reposted by satan

People say "just be yourself" and then complain when I urinate on them...

#whats, #wrong

paullam, GaylrdSprFckr, timothy21, MyM, juneocallagh and meohmy like this

I don't HAVE to be on top of your inbox...

Missionary will do.

#susy

petegutz2, vladtheimpala, M_K, UserOne, timothy21, abregob, NukeSkywalker, ikyoulikey, Strava, MyM and 26 others like this

reposted by PennyLame, Boldomatic, Mathilda, Viciouse31, csvanholm, truthseeker57, stormyray28 and emiledi77

Happy Valentine's Day, baby.

*makes out with pillow*

#relationshit

Jamille, timothy21, juneocallagh, sophh, PennyLame, writersgirl, shespeaks94, chipdicks, Qball, meohmy and 2 others like this

If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.

#morning, #sleep, #wakeup

sirskitten1, neve.b, nochzweimal, Orkid, MindBlown, Vandtastic, sss63, harlequina, JanuaryJungle, Lieutenant and 73 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, novy, naujla, truthseeker57, cedbuzz, jebentleuk, binnenbrand, sierramandres, dj-666, Jacob_Dallas and 13 others

shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is n

Reposted from aguiladescalza

#is, #not?

brody, Jamille, timothy21, juneocallagh, Qball, chipdicks, rahelstern, janineyvette and PennyLame like this

Try not to be an asshole.

#newtopia

brody, juneocallagh, Qball, kj55, Blitzkrieg, PenSword72 and antihero like this

Leave your comfort zone before you find something worth staying for.

#newtopia, #Banksy, #Inspired

ChrisRota, a_mars_bar, Vandtastic, emiledi77, skyblue99, ikyoulikey, eRna, shespeaks94, juneocallagh, GaylrdSprFckr and 9 others like this

reposted by emiledi77, a_mars_bar and jupiter

When tyranny becomes law, rebellion becomes duty.

#newtopia, #jefferson

Jamille, juneocallagh, raoul2cool, psyghostis, kj55, PenSword72 and riles like this

Ignorance is a crime.

#newtopia

Campo, sunny71, brody, eRna, ZeepBella, juneocallagh, raoul2cool, Qball, bold, AliceMckfly.75 and 11 others like this

Respect for individuals and the diverse contributions of all.

#newtopia

timothy21, juneocallagh, GaylrdSprFckr, raoul2cool, mehr, kj55, meohmy, riles and PenSword72 like this

Question everything.

#newtopia

Krisargent, phuamaxx, Authlander, Lieutenant, PolhuntP, ladiesman217, brody, Raeca, Jamille, timothy21 and 17 others like this

reposted by hannahavery22, JillNYC, smurfy3, Smylz, Godzilla, jebentleuk and ohrory

Selfies won't fill the void.

#fortunecookie

Orkid, azerbaijan, PolhuntP, locupleto, timothy21, lovegracestyle, eRna, juneocallagh, Qball, swatchUSA and 2 others like this

Where can I file
a petition to rename Jehowa's witnesses to Jehowa's farts?

Jamille, timothy21 and juneocallagh like this

Must be noisy when Santa masturbates with all those jingle bells on.

#naughtysanta

brody, Jamille, timothy21, juneocallagh, chipdicks, PenSword72 and mehr like this