malwal's Posts

Children in the backseat can cause accidents.

Accidents in the backseat can cause children.

Reposted from pasquale85

janem803, pasquale85, kewiino and dor1316 like this

we had been trying to be adults for so long, and it wasn't until we were 18 and laying on the bathroom floor drunk that we realized that age is just a number and reality is learning that there is no such thing as being an adult, you only grow older, and if you're lucky,
a little wiser

Reposted from EmilyTudor

SimonLauper, Babs_77, nano560 and A.M. like this

no time for instagram.
too busy enjoying life.

Reposted from ohluix

nano560 likes this

Awe you make me feel all lovey dovey and shit

Get the fuck out

Reposted from PennyLame

i want to slowly go down on you and tease you. then rise up and fuck you hard.

sincerly,
gas prices

Reposted from anonymous

Wow, that was rather inappropriate.

Let's be friends.

Reposted from PennyLame

janem803 likes this

Wow, that was rather inappropriate.

Let's be friends.

Reposted from PennyLame

You.
Me.
Bed.
Now.

Reposted from soyy

janem803 likes this

When you are stalking your ex`s insta and accidentally like one of his pics from 2 years ago and you gotta deactivate your account and start a new life in china.

Reposted from dreamworld

janem803 and nano560 like this

This little hand gesture to the motorist who let you cross the street means nothing more than "thank you for not crushing me!"

Reposted from Babs_77

janem803 and Babs_77 like this

lick
me
'till
ice cream

Reposted from Kons7ant

janem803 and A.M. like this

Quick!
No time to explain...
grab a donkey

Reposted from anonymous

You
Me
No clothes
The wall

got it?

Reposted from Babs_77

Babs_77 likes this

CAN I HAVE YOU FOR BREAKFAST IN BED TODAY?

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

malwal and SimonLauper like this

Dear Life,
when I said,
'Can my day get any worse',
it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

SimonLauper likes this

Silence is a girls loudest cry.

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

When guys wait for the perfect girl, it's Playboy's fault.

When girls wait for the perfect guy, it's Disney's fault.

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

sex is best served nude.

Beauty doesn't have a weight limit •

Reposted from Lirpae..

Babs_77 and lollip2 like this

Put
the fun between your legs.

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

Babs_77 and lollip2 like this

Sometimes
I like to grab my own boobs just because, well, i can.

Babs_77 and lollip2 like this

I'm not saying you're a slut, but if your vagina had a password it would be '1234'.

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

2schaa, anthonymangham, Gabbem, brody, NukeSkywalker and anonyman like this

Don't you dare tell me what to do...
unless I'm naked and you tie me up first

Reposted from wickedpyxxie

2schaa, Gabbem, brody and anonyman like this

All you need is
love,

all you want is
sex...

All you have is
porn!

Reposted from loryane

Vallentuna, Sweden

anthonymangham, brody and anonyman like this

Sex? No thanks, my life fucks me every day

Reposted from nwallinn

BEFORE SEX...YOU HELP EACH OTHER GET NAKED, AFTER SEX YOU ONLY DRESS YOURSELF.

MORAL OF THE STORY: IN LIFE NO ONE HELPS YOU

ONCE YOU'RE FUCKED.

Reposted from bold

2schaa and brody like this

Relationships
without sex
are like happy
meals without
toys •

Reposted from Lirpae..

anthonymangham, brody and Lirpae.. like this

That three second lap dance you get when someone passes you to sit in your row at the movies.

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

anthonymangham and NukeSkywalker like this

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the libary.

magicalwordsforyou, Gabbem, kewiino, _Nathalie_, avant-garde, Babs_77 and bold like this

Everything in the world is about sex exept sex. Sex is about power.
- Oscar Wilde

magicalwordsforyou, kewiino, _Nathalie_, avant-garde, Babs_77 and bold like this

Shy on the streets, sexy in the sheets.

Reposted from nathii

magicalwordsforyou, kewiino, Babs_77, avant-garde and lollip like this

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

eboy, magicalwordsforyou, 2schaa, MeMyselfAnd..I, allisonrae, kewiino, NukeSkywalker and Babs_77 like this

I don't care if you're black, white, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, short, tall, fat, skinny, rich or poor.
If you are nice to me, I'll be nice to you. Simple as that.

Reposted from nwallinn

brody, GaylrdSprFckr, allisonrae and kewiino like this

I need some sexersize. Who wants to be my personal trainer?

Reposted from leslucas

anthonymangham and kewiino like this

i don't have a dirty mind, i have a sexy imagination.

Reposted from beesmoove

allisonrae and kewiino like this

The girls that say all guys only want is sex are the ones who only has that to offer

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

kewiino and avant-garde like this

that awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell, and then you hit the mirror...

Reposted from svenZ

avant-garde likes this

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

2schaa, anthonymangham, allisonrae and NukeSkywalker like this

The sexiest thing about smoking cigarettes is the part where you don't smoke them.

Reposted from anonymous

2schaa, kj55 and allisonrae like this

You can't ruin a friendship with sex.

That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.

Reposted from unicornly

anthonymangham likes this

I’ve heard sex is a killer..

Want to die happy?

Reposted from Lirpae..

allisonrae and Lirpae.. like this

I don't like being this sexy but I mean, somebody has to do it

Reposted from anonymous

allisonrae and kewiino like this

It has been a long week... I need one of those hugs that turn into sex.

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

2schaa, anthonymangham, allisonrae and GaylrdSprFckr like this

life is short. have loud sex.

Reposted from authentiquemo

allisonrae likes this

"Sex without love is better than no Sex at all."

Hugh Hefner

Reposted from lilymarlen

allisonrae likes this

Lisa Sparks had sex with 919 men in 12 hours, holding the world record of most partners in a day.

Oral sex was illegal in Canada untill 1969.

juneocallagh, Vandtastic, prubton, UserOne, ellenicole, stussen, kewiino and SimonLauper like this

reposted by ellenicole, ellenicole and prubton

Ska vi leka brandbil? Du tjuter och jag sprutar.

mjf, stussen and kewiino like this

dont have phone sex you will get hearing aids

Reposted from anonymous

stussen, kewiino and unflat like this

Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

Reposted from slavina

stussen likes this

My level of immaturity changes depending on who I am with.

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

lexigarcia, NukeSkywalker, 1276227, Babs_77, SimonLauper and makalapua like this

The problem with people is that they can never admit their fault -
I would admit mine if I had any

Reposted from thormanjr

lexigarcia, Babs_77, makalapua and thormanjr like this

Human brain: On the right side theres nothing left, and on the left side theres nothing right.

anthonymangham, lexigarcia, Babs_77 and makalapua like this

I WANT TO BE THE REASON YOU LOOK DOWN AT YOUR PHONE AND SMILE.
AND THEN WALK INTO A POLE.

magicalwordsforyou, kj55, lollip, kir4s_w0rld, kewiino, PenSword72 and malwal like this

90% of my socks are single, and you don't see them crying about it

Reposted from makaycarrier

Babs_77 and malwal like this

When people think about sweden they see blond women with blue eyes and big boobs.

GaylrdSprFckr, lollip, Loupi4614, Babs_77 and malwal like this

I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.

Akatrine, kj55, Gabbem, chillout, Loupi4614, Babs_77, malwal and GaylrdSprFckr like this

reposted by anthonymangham

FIGHT FOR YOUR WORLD, NOT YOUR COUNTRY.

anthonymangham, Babs_77 and malwal like this

HAVING 100 ORGASMS A YEAR CAN INCREASE LIFE EXPECTANCY BY 3-8 YEARS!

n.schi, magicalwordsforyou, lollip, Loupi4614, Babs_77 and malwal like this

Johnny Depp lost his virginity at 13 years old.

malwal likes this

An orgasm can burn 100 calories.

beccamx3, Loupi4614, malwal, lollip and Babs_77 like this

SEX, HUGS
AND SOCKS
WITH HOLES

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

Loupi4614, malwal, redvelvet14, GaylrdSprFckr, cop99 and NukeSkywalker like this

GO FUCK YOURSELF

...and let me watch.

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

Loupi4614, malwal, asadansari154, jaykay and GaylrdSprFckr like this

I just took a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

Reposted from anonymous

Loupi4614, malwal and kj55 like this

Sex, Drugs & Alcohol are not the answers...

unless you're asking what I've got planned for the weekend.

Reposted from swisscub

malwal, Babs_77, GaylrdSprFckr and kj55 like this

I’ve always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can’t judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

malwal, Babs_77, jaykay, GaylrdSprFckr, cop99, NukeSkywalker and kj55 like this

my life is like a porno movie,
without the sex

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

malwal, jaykay, NukeSkywalker and kj55 like this

There are four basic human needs; food, sleep, sex and revenge.

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

malwal, kj55 and GaylrdSprFckr like this

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.

Unless you' re in prison.

Reposted from Boldomatic

malwal, Babs_77 and kj55 like this

what ever happened to sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll?
all we've got left is aids, crack and techno!

Reposted from beesmoove

malwal likes this

When you feel that nobody loves you,
nobody cares for you,
everyone is ignoring you,
and people are jealous of you.
You should really ask yourself:

Am I too sexy?!

Reposted from _Nathalie_

anthonymangham, malwal and _Nathalie_ like this

Don't add winky face emoticons to anything unless you want me to take it sexually.

Reposted from 27thAvenue

2schaa, PenSword72 and malwal like this

Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. Me? I use coupons to get pizza...

emox, Sherry89, Andy-bee, prubton, JKGermany, beewla, Mapiya, rachelfox, itchyPitchfork, eboy and 67 others like this

reposted by GaylrdSprFckr, theviledevil, Boldomatic, cedbuzz, alexisjovonni, taly, maryann, uselesspanda, marchelo, RoAr67 and 31 others

We live in a world were losing your phone is more dramatic then losing your virginity.

karolinastr, xxyz, magicalwordsforyou, 2schaa, Babs_77, cop99, hemko, littlethings, stussen and malwal like this

H.O.E.S =
Happily Offering Everybody
Sex.

magicalwordsforyou, Babs_77, janmishka, hemko, stussen and malwal like this

Sex is like High School... You miss one period and you're in trouble.

magicalwordsforyou, Babs_77, littlethings, janmishka, stussen and malwal like this

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: In life no one helps you once your fucked.

stussen and malwal like this

Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.

n.schi, 2schaa, malwal and stussen like this

Sex is nature, and I belive in going along with nature.

stussen likes this

A guy with a gun enters a bar.

"Who the fuck had sex with my wife?" he snarled.

A voice was heard in the background, "You don't have enough bullets mate!"

FullCircle, perellano, YellowViking, magicalwordsforyou, epstein, 2schaa, hannahe, LovellaMay, Flash6387, Luenchen and 12 others like this

reposted by NukeSkywalker, KELLEY and Steph.Jade626

I wonder how the humans discoverd sex at the very first beginning... Like "Hey, lets try to put the thing between my legs in the hole between your legs..?"

magicalwordsforyou, mjf, rgray007 and term like this

Sex jokes are not funny. I mean cum on people.

Reposted from bold

rgray007, _Nathalie_ and bold like this

others have sex in the kitchen, I eat in bed

Reposted from anonymous

rgray007 likes this

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as he could, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
- Woody Allen

Trissyrenee, bold and malwal like this

Fighting for peace is like Fucking for virginity.

magicalwordsforyou, hemko, rgray007, term and malwal like this

Spooning

For girls: cute, warm and straight to sleep.

For boys: face full of hair, dead arm and an awkward boner.

magicalwordsforyou, kewiino, rgray007, stussen, bold and malwal like this

never make eyecontact while eating a banana.

janmishka, rgray007, term and malwal like this

Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

rgray007 and GaylrdSprFckr like this

Om livet var ett spel och du var tärningen så skulle jag pussa dig för tur, rulla dig runt på bordet och hoppas på sex.

term, stussen and malwal like this

sex without love is better than no sex at all...

CountShelter, GeoRocka, sofie-dahler, urswestermann, UserOne, amanda_ln, ykay91, mooymkt, Flash6387, SimonLauper and 14 others like this

reposted by wickedpyxxie, shannonkwok, KELLEY, RokkedalMerc and tayymobb

only the dead fish follow the stream.

littlethings, hemko, rgray007, term, malwal and bold like this