Jonesey's Posts

I don't know where I'm going from here... but I promise it won't be boring.

#quote, #bowie, #newyear, #2018, #future

janem803 and bold like this

#metoo, #sexualharassment, #nottoday

shespeaks94 and janem803 like this

#georgemichael

emiledi77, Shea, michaelboss, Sunshine123, SourceBlack and shespeaks94 like this

"I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?"

#quote, #zsazsagabor

eulekauzig, janem803, emiledi77, Shea, eboy, purplechill, Kiks and Sunshine123 like this

If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely :)

#roalddahlday, #author, #quote, #roalddahl

janem803, Shea, purplechill, hannahe1198, SourceBlack and emiledi77 like this

Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful

#maryshelley, #quote, #onthisday, #greatwriters, #born1797

janem803, Shea, purplechill, emiledi77, PenSword72 and bold like this

The favorite curve I have is my smile, but feel free to check out the others - they're all great.

#marilynmonroe, #quote, #girlswithcurves

janem803, Shea, PenSword72, mizim, Kiks and emiledi77 like this

I see humans but no humanity

#munich

#2016, #munich, #humanity

Shea, bold, MoonBeamChild, PenSword72, Sunshine123 and emiledi77 like this

I don't want the UK to be that one person at the party that nobody talks to...

#remain

#brexit, #uk, #europe, #vote, #remain

Shea, Raeca, purplechill, Ziya, emiledi77, KnightofSIAL and bold like this

I have given away my whole soul to someone who treats it as if it were a flower to put in his coat...

#quote, #oscarwilde, #doriangray

Shea, hebdifescht, Sunshine123, naebitnae, emiledi77 and PenSword72 like this

Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

#quote, #yeats, #bornOTD

janem803, Shea, PenSword72, purplechill, emiledi77 and juneocallagh like this

Strong women intimidate boys...

and excite men

#women, #boys, #men, #equal, #girlpower

Shea, purplechill and emiledi77 like this

never put anyone on a pedestal, they'll always end up looking down on you

#highhopes, #expectations

Shea, Kiks, bold, UserOne and emiledi77 like this

Life is just a party; and parties aren't meant to last.

#prince, #quote, #RIP

Shea, Ziya, locupleto and PenSword72 like this

If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.

#alberteinstein, #einstein, #quote, #bewhoyouare

Shea, PenSword72, sis and bold like this

Be a flamingo in a flock of pigeons

#flamingo, #bedifferent, #unique

Shea, shespeaks94, locupleto and PenSword72 like this

Now then mardy bum, I've seen your frown and it's like looking down the barrel of a gun...

#arcticmonkeys, #lyric, #grumpy, #northernenglish

Shea, PenSword72 and shespeaks94 like this

If only I could stop falling in love with broken things, perhaps I could find the time to fix myself.

#love, #lovestory

Shea, Sunshine123 and purplechill like this

We are all broken, that's how the light gets in.

#ernest_hemingway, #quote, #truestory

janem803, Shea, Sunshine123, purplechill and PenSword72 like this

Delicious ambiguity...

#life, #ambiguous

Shea, Fionacatherine and PenSword72 like this

Dear Tummy,

I apologise for all the butterflies recently. I swear it's not my fault.

Blame him.

#lovesick, #butterflies, #lovestory

janem803, Shea, Sunshine123, purplechill and PenSword72 like this

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.

#oscarwilde, #love, #mystery, #women

Shea, Kaazaar, ManuTiger, hensch, Kiks and Sunshine123 like this

Everyday is a masterpiece even if it crushes you

#simonvonbooy, #quote

hensch, PenSword72, purplechill, Babs_77 and hebdifescht like this

Earth without art is just... "eh"

#tramquote, #art, #earth

janem803, MaScho, hensch, Sunshine123, Qball, UserOne and PenSword72 like this

There are those who are made for living and those who are made for loving.

#quote, #albertcamus, #love, #life

janem803, MaScho, hensch, kaylababy, KnightofSIAL, Qball and blackyblack like this

Dear Santa,

define naughty...

#underthetree, #santa, #naughtygirl

hensch, Sunshine123, Jstas99 and PenSword72 like this

Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it but only you can feel its warmth.

#happy, #wetmypants

janem803, MaScho, hensch, sosoandso, locupleto, dor1316, mizim, Qball, eboy and PenSword72 like this

Alcoholic?
I prefer to call myself a "Drinking Enthusiast"...

#alcohol, #drinking, #booze, #sexdrugsrockandroll

hensch, bold, Sunshine123, mizim, Qball and PenSword72 like this

For the children who wish they were cellphones so that their parents would hold them and look at them all day long...

#lessismore

janem803, Jstas99, Boldomatic, PenSword72, Qball, hebdifescht, Pesca, janeh and bold like this

I'm a hopeless romantic with a dirty mind and high standards...

#love, #dating, #dirtygirl

hensch, PenSword72, madsenlena, Qball and Sunshine123 like this

Dear Liver,

This month is going to be tough - stay strong.

#december, #christmasdrinks

PenSword72, Qball, janeh and Sunshine123 like this

I don't know how to act my age; I have never been this age before.

#age, #growingup, #younginside

janem803, ZeepBella, Luenchen, revolte42, hensch, juneocallagh, Sunshine123, Kiks, purplechill, Qball and 1 other like this

reposted by hensch

Even if there was no gravity on earth, I'd still fall for you.

#lovegoals, #pillowtalk

INewTroNI, sirskitten1, Kara24xo, CountShelter, Griclair, petegutz2, janem803, Francisca21, emiledi77, Lieutenant and 48 others like this

reposted by RebiRebell, Krimi63, Boldomatic, dianetta, coco_lores, nereaaaah, l84aflight, dolly, jastinedibanga, gymnastgirl11 and 3 others

I'm replacing my heart with another liver so I can drink more and care less...

#needadrink

juneocallagh, dAn, Sunshine123, purplechill, locupleto, shespeaks94 and UserOne like this

I don't always pull, but when I do; it's a push door.

#lifefail, #dating

janem803, juneocallagh, PenSword72, Qball, no667 and Sunshine123 like this

Don't just look... squeeze it, bite it, smack it, own it.

#hotass

hensch, Jstas99, juneocallagh, ManuTiger and UserOne like this

My favourite thing about children is that I'm not responsible for any of them.

#sotrue, #kids, #freespirit

juneocallagh, bold, Qball and Sunshine123 like this

"Send me a pic"

is where a girl loses all respect for you

#sexting, #dickpic, #rudeboy, #dating

Jstas99, juneocallagh and Sunshine123 like this

I know I'm good for something.

I can be used as a bad example.

#badgirl

juneocallagh, Qball, Sunshine123, shespeaks94, Tanascha and eliane like this

Too cool for the weird kids, too weird for the cool kids

#coolkids, #weirdkids, #clique, #niche, #memyselfandi

juneocallagh, Tanascha and bold like this

Teeth.

Because blowjobs need to come with a gentle reminder of who is in charge.

#blowjob, #fridayfun, #girlsontop

Jstas99, juneocallagh, dor1316 and mzh like this

My life will end and so will yours.

Kiss me anytime...

#kiss, #lifeisshort, #live

janem803, mizim, juneocallagh, sarcaSM, Sunshine123 and UserOne like this

My devil had been long caged, he came out roaring.

#drjekyll, #mrhyde, #robertlouisstevenson, #trickortreat

juneocallagh, PenSword72 and Qball like this

"...Many things interested her, and nothing satisfied her entirely."

#quote, #ivanturgenev

lonelywolf, juneocallagh and Qball like this

I don't sweat I leak awesome

#awesome, #girlpower, #selflove

juneocallagh, Demetrius, bold, Qball and PenSword72 like this

I have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.

I'm also deaf in one ear.

#truestory, #deafpeopleproblems

blacknote, kara.zorel, janem803, BiteSenior, harlequina, Lieutenant, only4me, anna.pohorecka, juneocallagh, bonnapart and 24 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, 3175233986, huzy, kraem, pipi87, mgamal87, agneymenon, carlott, nutty_v, MeGoOo90 and 5 others

Life is far too important a thing to ever talk seriously about.

#oscarwilde, #quotes, #monday

sui-generis, juneocallagh, dor1316, Qball, UserOne, bold and Sunshine123 like this

Sometimes no pants are the best pants...

#pants, #commando, #havefun

janem803, juneocallagh, PenSword72 and Qball like this

You have to be odd to be number one

#drseuss, #quote, #genius

juneocallagh, locupleto, Qball, Pesca, PenSword72 and sanhyd like this

And the memories become faint, like a sun bleached photograph or a dream of a dream...

#healing, #movingon, #time, #dreams

janem803 and juneocallagh like this

My dentist said I need a crown and I was like "I know right"

#princess

juneocallagh and Qball like this

I would love to say that you make me weak in the knees, but to be completely truthful, you make my body forget is has knees at all.

#weakintheknees, #quote, #tylerknottgregson, #love

Jstas99, mizim, juneocallagh, Sunshine123 and PenSword72 like this

Lucky for you, I make parties fun.

#partygirl, #funtimes

juneocallagh and dor1316 like this

Alcoholics go to meetings.

Drunks go to parties.

#iamadrunk

mzh, meohmy, DygytAlice, juneocallagh, eboy, shespeaks94, Qball and PenSword72 like this

reposted by juneocallagh and panzo64

I am most offended by the easily offended.

#offensive, #dontreadit, #freedomofspeech

shespeaks94 likes this

Remember if you ever need a helping hand, it's at the end of your arm.

#audreyhepburn, #doitmyself

Qball, dor1316 and bold like this

Relationship status:

Sleeping diagonally across the bed

#winning

mizim likes this

Guy: I'm not looking for a relationship.

Girl: It's ok, you didn't pass the audition.

#sorrynotsorry, #moveon, #sillyboy

Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.

#quote, #life, #sotrue

PenSword72 and dor1316 like this

reposted by geespot.x and hazelderi

She's got bite marks on her tongue from all the things she never said...

#life, #quote, #holditin

Jstas99, dor1316, Pesca, shespeaks94 and bold like this

I am silently correcting your grammar

#grammar, #queen

dor1316, Qball and PenSword72 like this

We're just monkeys in shoes.

#monkey

dor1316 likes this

Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes... including you.

#AnneLamott, #true

I'm not searching for my other half because I'm not a half...

#love

niharikaj and shespeaks94 like this

Let's get drunk so I can kiss you and blame it on the vodka

#drunkkiss, #secretcrush, #mmmvodka

Jonesey, PenSword72 and no667 like this

Mondays are fine, it's your life that sucks...

#turningpoint

sandy_396, hebdifescht, Qball and PenSword72 like this

Things I am always down for, no questions asked:

Pizza
Beer
Pizza and beer
Naps
Boxset binge

#easyrider, #chillingtime, #letsdoit

PenSword72 likes this

During the heatwave remember to stay hydrated. And remember; beer is 95% water...

#weekend, #beer, #sun, #bringiton

PenSword72, Pesca and no667 like this

My heart is a wild animal, that's why my ribs make a cage...

annairie, Qball and PenSword72 like this

Dear Greece,

You can have your weather back when you pay your bills.

Yours sincerely,
England

#heatwave

Too tired to eat, too hungry to sleep...

#lyrics, #exhaustion

Pesca and PenSword72 like this

Imagine being deaf and learning that farts make a noise...

#funny, #thinkaboutit

Qball, PenSword72 and UserOne like this

I WHISPER "WHAT THE FUCK" TO MYSELF AT LEAST 20 TIMES A DAY.

Reposted from delight_ecards

#ecards, #repost

Jstas99, wendleworld and PenSword72 like this

Things not to do on a date, number 6:

Premature ejaculation

That is all.

#date, #justsaying, #poorguy, #toohot?

Pesca and PenSword72 like this

Things not to do on a date, number 5:

Order the hottest dish on the menu at the Thai place.

You're not using my bathroom buddy.

#date, #ouch, #cleantoilet

dor1316 and PenSword72 like this

Things not to do on a date, number 4:

Leave bite marks on her ass...

... OK maybe you can do that ;)

#date, #naughty

Jstas99, Qball, PenSword72 and shespeaks94 like this

Things not to do on a date, number 3:

Fail at trying to match her beer for beer.

Yes I will walk you home. No I will not be inpressed.

#date, #lightweight

Qball and shespeaks94 like this

Things not to do on a date, number 2:

Tell her she has nice boobs but could lose some weight...

erm, ok bye

#date, #truestory, #manners

Pesca likes this

Things not to do on a date, number 1:

Turn up wearing a baseball cap

Hello, are we 17 or hiding a bald patch?

#date

Qball and PenSword72 like this

Never judge a book by its author.

#creativedivergence, #creativesareweird, #books, #author

Jstas99 and PenSword72 like this

i can't afford a holiday so i'm just going to drink until i don't know where i am...

#holiday, #friday, #weekend, #fun, #alcohol

wendleworld and bold like this

Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

Reposted from Boldomatic

eboy and dor1316 like this

I'm like a rollercoaster...

You must be tall if you want to ride.

#naughty, #172withoutheels, #tallboys

Feeling
Ready for
Intensive
Drinking
All weekend
Yeah!

#friday, #timefordrinks, #weekend

PenSword72, Qball and annairie like this

It's amazing how potatoes give us fries, crisps, and vodka...

Get your shit together every other vegetable.

#funny, #vodka, #needadrink

oliviaschnee likes this

It's better to be full of wine than full of shit...

#friday, #wine, #fullofshit

Pesca and PenSword72 like this

Classy women don't have one night stands, we have auditions...

You didn't get a call back.

#relationshit

ngan, annairie and kfasheldon like this

I am single.

And you will have to be really amazing to change that.

#relationshit

ellenicole, Jstas99, perellano, eboy, ngan, only1alyssa, annairie, dor1316, juneocallagh, PenSword72 and 1 other like this

Never get jealous when you see your ex with someone new, because our parents always taught us to give our used toys to the less fortunate...

#relationshit, #breakup, #perfecttiming

Jstas99, jcbatesy, shespeaks94, dor1316, juneocallagh, PenSword72 and Qball like this

If you are sad about being alone on valentine's day, just remember no one loves you on the other days of the year either...

#relationshit

ellenicole, Jessica6, locupleto, ladiesman217, Krimi63, mng, ngan, shespeaks94, only1alyssa, juneocallagh and 3 others like this

reposted by Krimi63 and Afterbath1013

For the first time in a while she was truly happy... then she remembered she was drunk.

#relationshit, #lovebeer

Pesca, only1alyssa, ElfiEdel, chipdicks, juneocallagh, avant-garde, PenSword72 and Gabbem like this

When I get sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead.

#barney, #life, #philosophical

kfasheldon, Demetrius, Qball and avant-garde like this

Take my advice. I don't use it anyway...

#lessons, #advice, #free

niharikaj, perellano, Qball and Strava like this

After I exercise I always eat pizza.

Just kidding...

I don't exercise.

#pizza

eboy and bold like this

If Britney Spears can get through 2007, you can get through today.

#hardlife, #tuesdayblues

Pesca, PenSword72, Qball and bold like this

My biggest problem with the urban jungle...?

There are too many monkeys.

#jungle, #idiots, #everyday

Qball, shespeaks94, PenSword72 and kfasheldon like this

i'm not looking for a life partner, just someone who can keep up with me...

#love, #realmen, #northerngirl

mizim and Demetrius like this

Why are there no card games in the jungle?

Because there are too many cheetahs.

#jungle, #imhereallweek, #childhoodjoke

PenSword72 and Demetrius like this

Life is not a fairy tale, if you lose a shoe at midnight you're drunk.

#fairytale, #drunkstories, #moderncinderella

eliane likes this

If you have to ask if it's too early to drink wine, you're an amateur and we can't be friends.

#friends, #drinking, #wine, #goodtimes

PullAFinger, merle7, MissHulk, Sherry89, pinacolada, emma-freitag, savagefiend, michaelboss, ErikSmit, locupleto and 30 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, Wilaus5000, miia91, despalominos, anyguy, bruno_bukowski, bruno_bukowski, saby, beachlove, tiny1516 and 18 others

Shoes,
Booze,
and men with tattoos

#newtopia, #wishlist, #yesplease

Jstas99 and no667 like this

sex on the first date

;-)

#newtopia, #cheeky

jaybyrd, kj55 and Gabbem like this

If you fall, I will be there

- Floor

#readitsomewhere, #funny

Jstas99, perellano, wendleworld, blackboxmagic and dor1316 like this

the best way to prepare vegetables is to throw them in the bin whilst you order a pizza...

#breaktherules

blackboxmagic, GaylrdSprFckr and bold like this

Dear Santa,

Please bring me a fat bank account and a slim body. And don't mix them up like you did last year...

#naughtysanta

janem803, eboy, PenSword72, supermom and Gabbem like this

It's no use going back to yesterday because I was a different person then...

#quote, #aliceinwonderland, #lewiscarroll, #newtattoo

Jstas99, _ATOMIC, blackboxmagic, anjellica, Axe2760, Demetrius, hebdifescht and Gabbem like this

Dear Santa,

I would pay good money for your list of naughty boys...

#christmas, #santa, #badgirl

janeh and Gabbem like this

Marry the one who gives you the same feeling you get when you see your food coming at a restaurant.

#advice, #life, #love, #funny

Kiks, hannahe1198, locupleto, millemusen12, ElfiEdel, Martika, blackboxmagic, anjellica, eboy, bold and 5 others like this

nobody notices what i do until i stop doing it...

#working

ElfiEdel, PenSword72, blackboxmagic and bold like this

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

#grammar, #pun

Davidmayhem, wendleworld, Demetrius and dor1316 like this

tell someone you love them today, because life is short.

BUT SHOUT IT AT THEM IN GERMAN BECAUSE LIFE IS ALSO TERRIFYING AND CONFUSING

#ichliebedich

mizim, PenSword72, blackboxmagic, riles, Demetrius and dor1316 like this

What's the difference between Bono and Santa?

Santa gives you things you want.

#christmas, #funny, #U2, #itunes

The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return...

#moviequotes, #moulinrouge, #love, #dreamer

Axe2760, dor1316, Gabbem and Demetrius like this

When life hands you lemons, make a lot of gin and tonics...

anjellica, belma., Gabbem and bold like this

READING
SERIOUSLY
HARMS IDIOCY

eboy and dor1316 like this

if you broke my heart i would still scoop up the pieces and put them in your hands...

janem803, Griclair, Jstas99, _ATOMIC, mizim, only1alyssa, Dalie, hazelderi, riles, kj55 and 18 others like this

reposted by Demetrius, monsieur, makalapua, truthseeker57 and juneocallagh

You took off all my clothes, I was only dressed in your tattoos...

#songlyrics, #yesplease

Demetrius likes this

I already know I'm going to hell.

At this point it's basically go big or go home.

wendleworld, zech, belma., dor1316, bold, Demetrius and hebdifescht like this

Quitting facebook is the new adult version of running away from home.

locupleto, blackboxmagic, Strava, Demetrius, bold and hebdifescht like this

Grammar: the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.

mizim, hannahe1198, UserOne, StinkyBreath, blackboxmagic, niniel, anjellica, belma., eboy, bold and 1 other like this

I don't get drunk.

I get awesome.

anna.panayi11, Tanascha, Sunshine123, UserOne, blackboxmagic, Strava, hebdifescht and bold like this

Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said you were leaving at 10.

Sincerely,
The Unicorns

Jstas99, blackboxmagic and anjellica like this

No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats, remember approximately one billion Chinese people couldn't care less...

hebdifescht likes this