Nutmeg's Posts

Remember, you're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

Reposted from anonymous

Never hint to a printer that you're in a rush. Those bastards smell fear.

Reposted from anonymous

"YOU CAN DO IT."
- COFFEE

Reposted from cococaro

The demons just called, we meet at the bar.

Reposted from bold

Boldomatic likes this

you can't do epic shit with basic people

I'm opening a gym called "Resolutions". It will have exercise equipment in it for the first two weeks, then it turns into a bar for the rest of the year.

Reposted from est24601

stefan_noth likes this

Just remember.....if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Reposted from anonymous

Ich habe nachgemessen,
die Weihnachts-ferien waren zu kurz.

Reposted from anonymous

stefan_noth likes this

Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.

Reposted from againandagain

Loupi4614 likes this

FUCK
YOU,
YOU FUCKING FUCK

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

NukeSkywalker likes this

Lips that touch liquor touch other lips quicker

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

NukeSkywalker likes this

If you spent less time bitching about your life, you'd possibly enjoy it more.

Reposted from incitylights

I like the nights.

Some of my best days were nights.

Reposted from mjf

I WOULD LOSE WEIGHT

BUT I HATE LOSING

Reposted from mjf

Wenn du genug Alkohol trinkst, beginnt dein Gehirn dein Gegenüber zu photoshoppen.

Reposted from Loupi4614

ZoJ and Loupi4614 like this

Einfach mal Straßenarbeitern bunte Luftballons in die Hand drücken und zum 5-jährigen Geburtstag ihrer Baustelle gratulieren.

Reposted from anonymous

ZoJ and aehmpaeh like this

Ich gehe Karneval als Berliner Flughafen,
dann bin ich am nächsten Tag nicht so fertig.

Reposted from anonymous

How strickt is the
"I licked it-it's mine" policy?
Just asking...

baerble and bold like this

Statt wegzulaufen wenn das Leben dich mal wieder fickt....
einfach mal abwarten ob es danach noch kuscheln will.

ZoJ likes this

A strong confident woman looks for a man that can join her in her already full, happy life. She doesn't need him to rescue her from it.

Reposted from MissB

It all makes sense now.

Gay marriage and marijuana are beeing legalized at the same time.

Leviticus 20:13 says:
If a man lays with another man, he should be stoned.

We were just misinterpreting it!

Reposted from anonymous

My sarcasm only gets me in trouble when my
brain-to-mouth filter is
malfunctioning

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

NukeSkywalker and stefan_noth like this

Me: I wanna look good today.
Body: No.
Hair: Nope.
Face: Nice try.

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

NukeSkywalker and stefan_noth like this

If it doesn't make you afraid of going to the bathroom the next day, it isn't really hot sauce!

UserOne, PaolaChvz, mjf and bold like this

Lächle so oft du kannst.
Teile Deine Freude.
Hilf anderen.
Sei kindisch.
Behalte Deinen Humor.
Vergebe. Ja, vergebe.

Schätze den Wert echter Freundschaft.
Ignoriere nicht die,
die Du liebst.

Reposted from anonymous

stefan_noth likes this

Me: for Christmas I
want a unicorn.

Santa: be realistic!

Me: ok I want a
boyfriend.

Santa: what colour do
you want your
unicorn?

Reposted from dreamworld

a virgin getting pregnant, l can believe. but three wise men?

Reposted from avant-garde

stefan_noth and avant-garde like this

a virgin getting pregnant, l can believe. but three wise men?

Reposted from avant-garde

avant-garde likes this

Every family has one weird relative.

If you don't know who it is, then it's probably you.

Reposted from Luenchen

Luenchen likes this

If
Mondays were
shoes they would be Crocs •

Reposted from Lirpae..

Lirpae.. likes this

Hab mir gestern einen Terminkalender für 2014 gekauft.

Jetzt erstmal alle Montage im Kalender mit Arschloch beschriften.

Reposted from anonymous

just checked my bank account

it sayd:
return everything you just bought expect the hooker heels... you might going to need those

Reposted from baerble

stefan_noth and NukeSkywalker like this

i have bad news for anyone who's shaken my hand.

Reposted from Duncanville

stefan_noth likes this

i have bad news for anyone who's shaken my hand.

Reposted from Duncanville

stefan_noth likes this

life isn't a fairytale.

if you lose your shoe at midnight you might want to slow down on the tequila.

Reposted from marcellati

NukeSkywalker and fuechsin like this

If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it, how bad a decision can it be

Reposted from anonymous

aoibh likes this

liebe diät,

es wird nicht funktionieren zwischen uns. es liegt nicht an mir, es liegt an dir. du bist geschmacklos, langweilig und ich kann nicht aufhören dich zu hintergehen!

Reposted from baerble

stefan_noth likes this

drinking rum before 10a.m. makes you a pirate NOT an alcoholic.

Reposted from anonymous

stefan_noth likes this

what if soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in spanish

Reposted from misswilkmar

kj55, stefan_noth and misswilkmar like this

I did it.

It was me.

I let the dogs out!

Reposted from anonymous

stefan_noth likes this

drinking rum before 10a.m. makes you a pirate NOT an alcoholic.

Reposted from anonymous

kj55 likes this

Vegetarier ist ein altes Indianerwort und bedeutet schlechter Jäger!

Reposted from dreamworld

ZoJ and stefan_noth like this

Immer wenn sich jemand an einem Blatt Papier schneidet, kann man im Wald einen Baum leise kichern hören.

Reposted from Loupi4614

ZoJ and Loupi4614 like this

Dieses Jahr verkleide ich mich an Halloween als Periode und komme zu spät damit sich alle erschrecken !

Reposted from anonymous

stefan_noth and bold like this

this is by far your most fucked up idea ever....

I'll be there in 10 minutes
wohoooo

Reposted from baerble

stefan_noth likes this

Frauen verlieben sich in das was sie hören, Männer in das was sie sehen.

Aus diesem Grund lügen Männer und Frauen schminken sich!

Reposted from anonymous

Sarcastic comment loading...

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 95%

wait for it... wait for it...

Reposted from anonymous

kj55 and beside like this

Home sweet mess.

Reposted from loryane

kj55 likes this

when karma comes back to punch you in the face, i wanna be there...

...just in case it needs help.

Reposted from anonymous

kj55 and stefan_noth like this

Falls Zeitreisende mitlesen:

Könnt Ihr meinem Vormittags-Ich im Supermarkt ausrichten, dass ich heute Abend doch Lust auf Schokolade habe ?

Reposted from anonymous

ZoJ likes this

what if soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in spanish

Reposted from misswilkmar

kj55 and misswilkmar like this

Beim Putzen fällt mir immer wieder auf, dass ich eigentlich mehr der Typ für Personal bin.

Reposted from Luenchen

beside and ZoJ like this

Der Mars-Rover «Curiosity» findet kein Methan auf dem Mars.

Also gibt es dort keine Kühe.

Und deshalb bestimmt auch keine Schokolade.

Bleib ich halt hier.

Reposted from anonymous

ZoJ likes this

You're
just four drinks away from my type •

Reposted from Lirpae..

Lirpae.., baerble and kj55 like this

i shaved my legs for this?

Reposted from anonymous

kj55 likes this

te:
[ ] amo
[x] quila

Reposted from baerble

both of us can't look good at the same time, it's either me or the house

Reposted from baerble

kj55 likes this

Hier im Büro sind wir alle zweisprachig.

Bis zum ersten Kaffee reden wir fließend Zombie, danach allmählich Deutsch.

Reposted from anonymous

ZoJ likes this

Ich war noch nie Fallschirmspringen, aber ich habe bei Google Earth schon mal ganz schnell rangezoomt!

Ich alter Adrenalinjunkie!

Reposted from anonymous

ZoJ likes this

Schokolade die nicht dick macht, das wärs...
Aber nein, wir müssen ja zum Mond fliegen!!!

Reposted from swisscub

ZoJ and beside like this

Irgendjemand hat dem Essen im Büro-Kühlschrank Namen gegeben.

Heute hatte ich ein Sandwich namens Markus und der Joghurt hieß Stefan.

Reposted from anonymous

ZoJ and kolarg like this

The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world.

I'm sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.

Reposted from anonymous

Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning Satan shudders and says, "Oh no...she is awake!"

Reposted from IO_N_O

Hab grad meine neue Ultraschall-Zahnbürste ausprobiert -

stehe jetzt mit 92 Fledermäusen und Batman im Badezimmer!

Reposted from anonymous

ZoJ likes this

Anybody can be cool....

but awesome takes practice..

Reposted from anonymous

Auf der Waage
stehen und
"Highscore !"
brüllen.

Reposted from anonymous

ZoJ and stefan_noth like this

ihr armen männer in zu engen jeans

da sucht ihr was in der hosentasche und holt euch versehentlich einen runter

Reposted from baerble

There's just one legitimate synonym for Friday:

boom shakalaka

Reposted from bold

bold likes this

you know you're desperate for an answer if you look on the 2nd page of google

Reposted from baerble

what if birds aren't singing and they're screaming because they are afraid of heights...

Reposted from Flockae

Schokolade die nicht dick macht, das wärs...
Aber nein, wir müssen ja zum Mond fliegen!!!

Reposted from swisscub

I ALREADY KNOW THAT I'M GOING TO HELL

AT THIS POINT IT'S REALLY GO BIG OR GO HOME

Reposted from bold

baerble likes this

I'm never wrong. I once thought I was wrong, but it turned out I was mistaken.

Reposted from hemko

kj55 and NukeSkywalker like this

Add a touch of magic to your cold by putting glitter in your mouth before you sneeze.

Reposted from hemko

kj55 and baerble like this

tauben sollten alle kleine kopfhörer tragen

dann würde das kopfnicken beim gehen viel cooler rüberkommen

Reposted from baerble

ZoJ likes this

dawn you mirror!!!

that's not what I look like in my head

Reposted from baerble

kj55 likes this

weird is a side affect of awesome

Reposted from baerble

Akatrine and kj55 like this

ja, das fleisch ist von glücklichen tieren!

wir haben ihnen drogen gegeben und sie beim ficken erschossen

Reposted from baerble

ZoJ likes this

All I drank was the local ice tea and now I feel like shit. Damn you long island!

Reposted from TravelDexter

kj55 and NukeSkywalker like this

ich hab die wassermelonen getragen

Reposted from baerble

Dear small line of dirt that won't go into the dust bin.

F*** you!

Sincerely
Me

fuechsin likes this

dawn you mirror!!!

that's not what I look like in my head

Reposted from baerble

kj55 likes this

MONDAY
FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCK

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

NukeSkywalker and kj55 like this

Ich behaupte ja nicht, dass es noch lange regnen wird, aber mein Nachbar baut irgendwas aus Holz und um ihn herum stehen jede Menge Tiere.

Reposted from ga_reb

ZoJ likes this

Habe heute einen "Coffee To Go"
im Sitzen
getrunken...

Fuck the System..!

Reposted from anonymous

baerble and ZoJ like this

Wenn ich im Keller das Licht ausmache, laufe ich um mein Leben.

Reposted from ga_reb

prubton, Yakooza, Loupi4614, Linda89, ZoJ and stefan_noth like this

When women ask you for a opinion, they don't want to hear your opinion, they want to hear their opinion in a deeper voice.

Reposted from ga_reb

kj55 likes this

Süss, wenn Eltern im Migros auf der Suche nach unbelastetem Gemüse nicht merken, dass ihr Kind gerade den Griff des Einkaufswagens ableckt.

Reposted from ga_reb

ZoJ likes this

Richtig erwachsen bist du erst, wenn dich die Feuerwehr aus der Schaukel vom Kinderspielplatz rausschneiden muss.

Reposted from ga_reb

ZoJ likes this

Ich behaupte ja nicht, dass es noch lange regnen wird, aber mein Nachbar baut irgendwas aus Holz und um ihn herum stehen jede Menge Tiere.

Reposted from ga_reb

ZoJ likes this

weather report from the UK:

yes, there is weather

Reposted from ernstrose

kj55 likes this

"polizeikontrolle! haben sie getrunken?"

"los pikatchu, donnerschlag!"

"haben sie gerade einen hamster nach mir geworfen?"

Reposted from baerble

ZoJ likes this

Chuck Norris kennt Victoria's Secret

Reposted from anonymous

ZoJ likes this

Sommer heisst jetzt Swinter.

Manche nennen in auch Wommer.

Reposted from anonymous

ZoJ likes this

I'm gonna kill you.
Hahaha.
No, seriously. Run.

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

kj55 likes this

Never
make eye contact while eating banana.

Reposted from bold

kj55 likes this

And I think to myself...

Reposted from Boldomatic

kj55 likes this

I just want you to be happy..
and maybe
a little bit naked •

Reposted from Lirpae..

baerble and kj55 like this

STOP MAKING STUPID PEOPLE FAMOUS!

Reposted from BJcore

kj55 likes this

I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.

Reposted from Boldomatic

Akatrine and kj55 like this

ich vererbe 100 Franken an denjenigen der wortlos im Sensemannkostüm zu meiner Beerdigung kommt

Reposted from baerble

stefan_noth likes this

a fact of life:
after monday and tuesday even the calender says W T F.....

Reposted from beesmoove

stefan_noth and kj55 like this

I'm actually not funny, I'm just mean but people think I'm joking

Reposted from baerble

kj55 likes this

I hate when people see me at the super market and they are like: "hey, what are you doing here?" and I'm just like: "oh, you know, hunting elephants."

Reposted from soene

kj55 likes this

I have to stop saying
"How stupid can you be?".

I think people are starting to take it as a challenge.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

kj55 and _Nathalie_ like this

Ich bin mir ziemlich sicher, dass Meister Yoda den Google -Übersetzer programmiert hat...

Reposted from Heppy

kj55 and Heppy like this

Life can be amazing when you're a bit strange

mjf, kj55 and fuechsin like this

I hope you step on LEGO.

Reposted from hemko

stefan_noth and kj55 like this

Dear Karma,

I have list of people you've missed

Reposted from anonymous

kj55 likes this

Dear absolut vodka,

You promised you'd make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer.

I saw the video, we need to talk.

Reposted from anonymous

kj55 likes this

Mit voller Blase noch schnell in die Migros Brot holen und nicht wissen, ob man einen Rentner mit Kleingeld an der Kasse erwischt.

Leben am Limit.

Reposted from anonymous

ZoJ likes this

SORRY, I COULDN'T HEAR YOU THROUGH ALL THE FUCK I WAS NOT GIVING.

Reposted from Broccolum

UserOne, Akatrine and kj55 like this

I Do Whatever My Rice
Krispies Tell Me to do.

Reposted from naebitnae

kj55 likes this

Das war kein Filmriss,
ich wurde geblitzdingst!

Reposted from anonymous

Nutmeg and kj55 like this

I may look calm but in my head I have already killed you three times AND hid the body.

Reposted from Boldomatic

kj55 likes this

I just took a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

Reposted from anonymous

kj55 likes this

I just took a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

Reposted from anonymous

kj55 likes this

So kange wie der Frühling braucht um zu kommen, müsste es eigentlich ,,DIE Frühling''
heissen!!

Reposted from anonymous

So kange wie der Frühling braucht um zu kommen, müsste es eigentlich ,,DIE Frühling''
heissen!!

Reposted from anonymous