EMANON's Posts

I'm just trying to be less of an asshole than I was yesterday.

Baby steps.

Fuck you.

Reposted from sklared4life

ProperDesastre and emiledi77 like this

the lonely curling brush guy - only he knows the pain that lives in you skinny NFL kicker

#olympics

emiledi77 and guggigirl like this

in the olympics bowling should be called pinball and pinball should ... holy crap remember pinball?

#olympics

emiledi77 likes this

when i said i would die for you i didn't mean you could kill me

#funny, #bold

emiledi77 and janineyvette like this

i am a man who chases dreams every day ... so go away and let me sleep

emiledi77 likes this

i hope i die quietly like my grandfather - not screaming and crying like the people in the car at the time...

i want FedEx & UPS to merge to form FedUP

the grass may be greener on the other side, but it also smells like doody all the time.

losing builds character but it also builds shallow graves for those who beat me.

quit when necessary but never give up

Reposted from EMANON

don't worry if you can't spell 'armaggedon' - it's not the end of the world

Reposted from EMANON

this kid asked me to explain "globular" warming so i told him i had a cold

quit when necessary but never give up

shankarrkn likes this

reposted by EMANON

i'm the un-silent majority, comrade

#pauly, #philosophy, #rocky, #IV

SimonLauper likes this

Remember Rocky, you fight great but i'm a great fighter

#rocky, #apollo, #creed, #philosophy

i love you like a fat kid loves cake

all changes are made as soon as you commit to act . so what keeps you from getting what you want right now?

#fortunecookie, #bold

it only seems like yesterday it was 2014

I'm growing my beard to mask boringness and my lack of personality. Also, I hate human contact.

Reposted from bold

bold likes this

i haven't spoken to my wife in years. it would be rude to interrupt her.

#fortunecookie

kbblackfox, misterlab and dor1316 like this

my genius friend can read maps backwards. i'm not that impressed. that's just spam.

#fortunecookie

kbblackfox likes this

the man who invented the mouse died today. sadly they couldn't right click and save him.

riles likes this

i am a terrible freelance journalist. poor lance is still in custody.

dor1316 likes this

a man got arrested for stealing helium balloons, police held him for a while then let him go

dor1316 likes this

kleptomaniacs
don't get puns because they take everything literally

in crowded places where you're never alone, it's especially lonely when you're by yourself

dor1316 likes this

borderline personality disorder refers to which "borderline" exactly?

i used to do things i wasn't proud of. i still do but i used to also.

#fortunecookie

guggigirl, bold, PenSword72 and wookie like this

hungry dogs bite the hand that feeds them. dead dogs bite the hand that loads the rifle.

#fortunecookie

wookie likes this

God is always watching. the least you can do is be entertaining.

#fortunecookie

swatchUSA, bold and wookie like this

light travels faster than sound. that's why some people look smart until you hear them speak.

#fortunecookie

swatchUSA, guggigirl and wookie like this

sex is not the answer. sex is the question. "yes" is the answer.

#fortunecookie, #sex, #joke, #funny

Strava and wookie like this

if onions make you sad no one will ever know

#fortunecookie

wookie likes this

a hippopotamus is just a really cool popotamus

#fortunecookie, #hippo, #joke, #oneliner, #contest

wookie likes this

there are 3 kinds of people in this world - those who can count and those who can't

#fortunecookie

wookie likes this

if you stop and wonder why the car keeps getting bigger and bigger... soon it will hit you

#fortunecookie

swatchUSA, dor1316 and wookie like this

what if there
were
no hypothetical questions?

#fortunecookie, #what, #if, #funny, #top, #winner, #contest

swatchUSA and PenSword72 like this

don't trust atoms. they make up everything.

#fortunecookie

wookie and PenSword72 like this

if your lover starts smoking, slow down and use a lubricant

#fortunecookie

jaybyrd, wookie and PenSword72 like this

alcoholics can't be lawyers because they never pass a bar

#fortunecookie, #funny, #bar, #humor, #joke, #lol

swatchUSA, wookie and PenSword72 like this

never go to Star Trek conventions dressed as Chewbacca or you'll look like a wookie

#fortunecookie

wookie and PenSword72 like this

Mexican train robbers always have loco motives

#fortunecookie

swatchUSA, wookie and PenSword72 like this

don't worry if you can't spell 'armaggedon' - it's not the end of the world

#fortunecookie

ProperDesastre, EMANON, SourceBlack, Sunshine123, phuamaxx, juliettebravo, MyM, UserOne, swatchUSA, guggigirl and 3 others like this

reposted by EMANON and UserOne

do i drink to excess? yeah, i'll drink to anything.

mom never saw the irony in calling me a sonofabitch

mucho amor to all my Boldomatic followers!

#boldomatic

Babs_77, guggigirl, tweetybird, EMANON, lollip2 and Lirpae.. like this

Ozzy once snorted a line of ants, thus showing them how to boogie

#ozzy, #antBoogies

wickedpyxxie, kj55, SimonLauper, Lirpae.. and bold like this

german chocolate cake makes my nipples hard

#nipples

SourceBlack, aehmpaeh, Gabbem, rabbitcarrot, kj55, Lirpae.., bold and tweetybird like this

touch me i'm dick

#singles, #thesupermovie

Tropha, Gabbem, rabbitcarrot, EMANON, tomislaw and tweetybird like this

i'm bored like a game only without the potential for hootenanny

#hootenanny, #is, #a, #real, #word

dor1316, kj55 and GaylrdSprFckr like this

ich bin ein auslander - Pop Will Eat Itself

#PWEI, #music

Having room is the key when you're hung to the knee

-Goldmember

#pimp

allisonrae, lollip and sarcaSM like this

Smile uncontrollably and the world smiles with you. Laugh uncontrollably and they'll think you're on drugs.

#smile, #wisdom, #sofunny

misterlab, EMANON, lollip, Leolila and Babs_77 like this

Viagra turns pimps into hardened criminals

#pimp

misterlab, lollip, EMANON and Babs_77 like this

Pimps know how to sell big girls as great pillows for post-coital dozing

#pimp

lollip likes this

a pimp knows the difference between a girlfriend, a call girl and a wife.
prepaid, postpaid and unlimited access

#pimp

lollip, EMANON and Babs_77 like this

nobody puts pimpy in the corner

#pimp

EMANON and Leolila like this

in BOld English, "Tea" stands for Terrific

#bold, #tea, #joke, @tea

ene, EMANON, Lirpae.., Babs_77, tweetybird and lollip like this

post your pimp name and make it super!

#pimp, #pimpname, #post

Babs_77 and lollip like this

i'd like to smack you silly with my bulky beef dangle

Mia.Sade88, wickedpyxxie, tweetybird, misterlab, lollip, bold and Lirpae.. like this

Snooki would be so sexy if she completely changed everything about her entire existence permanently

#snooki, #jerseyshore

EMANON, scottphillips, lollip and Lirpae.. like this

aehmpaeh, Babs_77, tweetybird, lollip and Laurahagebutte like this

pimp on. pimp until your dreams come true.

#pimp

Babs_77, tweetybird, lollip and Laurahagebutte like this

Bo knows pimping

#pimp

tweetybird and lollip like this

sweet pimp Alabama

#pimp

piepa likes this

stop the government shutdown with OBAMAPIMP

#pimp, #obama, #government

Babs_77, swatchUSA, EMANON and queen_misfit like this

PIMP: because I took over for U in PUMP

#pimp, #pun, #funwithwords, #butseriously

wickedpyxxie, pmc, PenSword72 and allisonrae like this

"im" always surrounded by "PP"

#pimp

wickedpyxxie, PenSword72, EMANON and allisonrae like this

i have frequent urges to P

#pimp

there's always room for pimp ... and that room always has booty

#pimp, #booty, #sofreakinfunny

allisonrae likes this

EMANON + Pimp = EMANOOKIE

Hawthorne, United States

#pimp, #contest, #vote, #for, #me, #please

EMANON likes this

i love you. and by "you" i mean me.

dreamworld, swatchUSA, allisonrae, lollip and tweetybird like this

Rocky and Tito sitting in a tree P-I-M-P-I-N-G

Reposted from EMANON

lollip likes this

Rocky and Tito sitting in a tree P-I-M-P-I-N-G

#pimp

allisonrae, lollip, tweetybird, EMANON and GaylrdSprFckr like this

reposted by EMANON

sweat is made of urine. makes me regret licking my classmates clean after wrestling in gym class.

mjf, allisonrae, Babs_77 and PenSword72 like this

momma told me there'd be days like this. she also told me i was a terrible accident with no redeeming value

misterlab likes this

we are an elite race of our own. the curious, crazy, and freaks

allisonrae, Babs_77, tweetybird, PenSword72 and misterlab like this

i stopped working out when i realized that i didn't give a shit about anything anymore

dor1316, Babs_77 and misterlab like this

Reposted from sarcaSM

scottphillips, allisonrae, Babs_77 and EMANON like this

Thus spoke Zarathustra -
How do I spell my name again?

Reposted from sarcaSM

allisonrae likes this

Your mother is so classless, she could be a Marxist utopia.

Reposted from Maxendak226

allisonrae likes this

today i ate out while having take out. what a world, kids...

@tea

Babs_77, PenSword72, EMANON and tweetybird like this

sleep - you bitch, come back and finish what you started

Reposted from tweetybird

dor1316, allisonrae and Babs_77 like this

tongue- the meal that tastes you back

Babs_77 and tweetybird like this

no hard feelings. but go ahead and feel my hard-ings.

Babs_77, misterlab and tweetybird like this

i cant belive i worked this hard to be this poor

Reposted from misswilkmar

SourceBlack, Strava, bold, allisonrae, Babs_77, misterlab, tweetybird and misswilkmar like this

im not actually funny. im really mean but people just think im joking.

Reposted from misswilkmar

allisonrae and Babs_77 like this

Men who say women belong in the kitchen obviously dont know what to do with them in the bedroom.

Reposted from misswilkmar

@misswilkmar

allisonrae, Babs_77, misterlab and misswilkmar like this

allisonrae and Babs_77 like this

We live in a country where it's easier to become famous through excessive drug use, home pornos, and twerking than by being an intelligent, useful, generous, courteous human being.

Reposted from anonymous

dor1316, Babs_77, EMANON and misterlab like this

Since making the decision to close my business, my bank account seems like a countdown to my homelessness.

Reposted from anonymous

when not in doubt
vodka

Reposted from tweetybird

there's no 'i' in "team" but there's no "i" in "you suck" either

mjf, Babs_77, misterlab and tweetybird like this

give me one good reason to be like everyone else and i'll berate you mercilessly

bold, guggigirl, allisonrae, Babs_77, misterlab and PenSword72 like this

why do all your warm places smell so funny?

Babs_77, allisonrae and tweetybird like this

i smile because you've all finally driven me insane

dor1316, PenSword72 and tweetybird like this

now by "no" do you mean "definitely"?

allisonrae and tweetybird like this

if you do that again, i swear i'll tell you to stop

PenSword72 likes this

if you insult me in a dream you better wake up and apologize

@allisoncarmody

allisonrae, misterlab and PenSword72 like this

i forgive you. dumbass.

PenSword72 likes this

that just happened

mjf and allisonrae like this

those days when it seems no one is alone, I get lonely when i'm by myself

we sure are cute for two ugly people

#camping with my therapist makes me like a wigwam and a teepee - TWO TENTS

#camping

you're not the dumbest person in the world. But if he should die...

mjf, guggigirl and tweetybird like this

Mr. door-to-door salesman, my question to you is "How to get blood drops out of the doormat?"

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

allisonrae and GaylrdSprFckr like this

die, die, my darling

Reposted from EMANON

#post, #funny, #new, #popular, #top, #trending

America: where reality is a show

Reposted from EMANON

#america, #popular, #post, #writer, #social

allisonrae likes this

America: where reality is a show

allisonrae likes this

reposted by EMANON

die, die, my darling

reposted by EMANON

DO NOT READ THE NEXT SENTENCE

you little rebel I like you

Reposted from againandagain

On a drunk scale from 1 to "where are my pants", I was David Hasselhoff.

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

GaylrdSprFckr and bold like this

i'm a heterosexual activist

allisonrae and EMANON like this

nipples are only seams, it seems

fat people scare me

allisonrae likes this

penis. silly looking, really.

touch me where it smells funny

Nanuet, United States

#funny, #trending, #top, #writer, #popular

allisonrae and bold like this

I'm exactly like you only different

allisonrae likes this