hefner91's Posts

Hey guys if you want me to do a song on tiktok comment bellow with the title and artist. I will try my best to do the song

Repost if you love your Dad

Hey let's see if this works. Take a selfie of yourself with some kind of food or drink. Let's see who actually does it?

You don't need to make a million
Just be thankful to be workin'

I visited a coffee shop where the wifi password was "we dont have wifi"
It was a very frustrating with the cashier

swatchUSA likes this

Only two more weeks of Summer Vacation then its back to work. At least its a job I like and love

We sat there and shot the bull about how it would be
If we could turn it all around and change this
C-R-A-P

When Spongebob knew the right words to say
There aint nothing you can say to stop me!!

Random guy from Spongebob: We finlly got enough people for a seven-mile spanking machine!!

Women don't fart. They however shoot tiny puffs of glitter, that sounds like a unicorn's laughter and smells like rainbows

Dance like noone is watching.
Because they're not.
They're checking their phones.

ZeepBella, dor1316 and MyM like this

Her: You think I'm ugly

Me: Beauty is in the electronic eye of the beholder. And you look great to me

If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.

Help me out on a very imporant debate....which one do you say?
Whipping cream
Or
Whipped cream

I don't always volunteer

But when I do I don't get a thank you.

Im glad I work at an elementary school. I love the kids sooo much. I also like when they have activities cuz I never had that when I grew up and had fun. I also went to that school so it lets me act like a kid sometimes

Random person: What do I do now??

Me: How are you still getting through when your block??

Random person: You can't stop GODS WILL

And if I always seem distracted Like my minds somewhere else
That's because it's true, yes it's true it's this stupid pride that makes me feel Like I have to follow through
Even half-assedly, loving you

MyM likes this

I put your picture away. Sat down and cry today. I can't look at you while I'm lying next to her

UserOne likes this

You dont think I can love you. You dont think I can love you. You dont think I can love you. But I can and I will and I do

Don't know if I'm sexy and I know it.
Or if I'm ugly and ignore it

bold likes this

Never say goodbye because goodbye means goinh away and going away means forgetting

emiledi77 likes this

Stay strong and be positive. We all struggle sometimes

emiledi77 and MyM like this

My exam results in a nutshell
You tried

bold, emiledi77 and Authlander like this

You can be pretty and still have some weight. Weight doesnt define how beautiful you are. Its what is inside that counts

janem803, UserOne, emiledi77, MyM, Authlander and bold like this

Who can we trust nowadays? I mean come on even your own family and your so call friends please

emiledi77 likes this

You guys I did it. I finally did it. I ran out of shampoo and conditioner at the same time

CowAmount, janem803, bold, michaelboss, tomas., emiledi77, wynter, cybersont, libu, sophh and 20 others like this

reposted by swatchUSA, Boldomatic and forever_young

Eating a snack while looking in the fridge for another snack

emiledi77 and Authlander like this

emiledi77 and Authlander like this

Kids with special needs are not weird or odd. They want what everyone else's wants --to be accepted!!! Can I make a request? Is anyone willing to copy and paste this in honor of all the children made in a unique way.

emiledi77 likes this

How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?

Reposted from 2schaa

emiledi77 and 2schaa like this

Why do we call it Google when we look something up. What if we were looking on yahoo!!!

ZeepBella likes this

The real walk of shame is when you have to all you cups and mugs from your room back to the kitchen

It's not what's under the Christmas tree that matters,

it's who's around it.

Reposted from girlwhoisjojo

Sorry about those texts you got last night, my phone was drunk.

Reposted from 2schaa

janeh, 2schaa and bold like this

I started volunteering at an elementary school last year around September October and since then I am there everyday from 7:00-3:00 and I only get paid three hours I help the kondergarteners the rest and I love it alot. I never thought Id get paid for helping kids at lunch time. But i appreciate it alot

Authlander and janeh like this

No flex zone, no flex zone
They know better, they know better No flex zone, no flex zone They know better, they know better
Won a gold medal and a gold bezel I treat these hoes special, now ya ho jealous Freak hoes, got several, they tens or better I'm a trendsetter, I'm a go-getter

Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same

Reposted from boricua1luv

janeh likes this

I'm glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole butt sniffing thing

janeh likes this

I played along, but it was not for recreation I left my home, but it was not evacuation I made a pact that I would finish what I started I admit the fact I was distracted and outsmarted Everything is Un- Everything is Unfin- Everything is Unfinished

janeh likes this

Dear automatic flushing toliet.
I appreciate the enthusiasm.
But I wasn't done yet

meohmy and janeh like this

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings

janeh likes this

Which came first, the idiot or sarcasm?

Reposted from anonymous

before you judge me, make sure you're perfect

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

sunny71 likes this

Sometimes...
You just gotta treat life like a bad lay...
Make funny faces & pretend you're having a good time.

Reposted from 2schaa

2schaa likes this

"You are what you eat" - That's funny, I don't remember eating a legend lately...

Reposted from _Nathalie_

_Nathalie_ likes this

Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different.

Reposted from guggigirl

That was funny.

But I don't like you. Therefore I shall not laugh.

Reposted from 2schaa

2schaa likes this

I need sleep

or I get stupid.

Reposted from anonymous

'Hear
what
I mean,
not what
I am saying'.

Reposted from anonymous

Why is pizza a circle but the box is a square?

Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy

If love was a song. I would be the music behind every lyric you sing

My shoe box Shoe box of lies Shoe box Shoe box of lies Did somebody tell you This is how it's supposed to be? Or did you just find it And you don't want any more from me?

My shoe box Shoe box of lies Shoe box Shoe box of lies

It's a long way back home
To pack up and leave again
Together alone
You without me again

It's like a dream - you try to remember but it's gone, Then ya try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn, When ya try to see the world beyond your front door Take your time 'cause the way I rhyme's gonna make you smile

I didn't ask to be famous, but I'm not sore. Cause you can see my face in the window of every store. Now I'm a New Kid on the Block, well I'm twenty-three and they won't let me grow up.

Hey I'm a cow, I'm curious
Hey watch me now, I'm furious
Hey I'm a cow, I'm full of hate
Hey watch me now, I'm on your plate

Authlander likes this

Turn 'round - say it to my face
No sound - Everything's a race
Lose ground - lost in your embrace
Leave town - never leave a trace

When your in an aisle at a store and you fart and it smells badly then someone goes down the same aisle as you and you think to yourself I hope it doesnt smell. Please Dear God I hope it doesnt smell

If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you'd never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else's phone. Ever.

Reposted from 2schaa

PennyLame and 2schaa like this

Marry me So we may snuff out everything we've ever cared about I have no doubt that this will sting; no one will be spared Without our love,
We'd just be normal people Marching forward Normal people? Who? You and me? No it can't be!

If you just realize what I just realized, Then we'd be perfect for each other, And we'll never find another. Just realize what I just realized. We'd never have to wonder if We missed out on each other now

janem803 likes this

I have loved and I have waited Been picked up and been sedated mental health is overrated

She says she wants to live in a movie I say I want someone else to stand behind me And write it all down Cause I can't be bothered Doing it myself. And I don't want the responsibility of proving it's importance.

hefner91 likes this

You run away You could turn and stay But you run away from me.
I tried to be your brother You cried and ran for cover I made a mess, who doesnt I did my best but it wasnt enough

The band Barenaked Ladies is made up of fully clothes men yet there's not a band names Fully Clothed men where it's made up of barenaked ladies

How can I keep going on like this. I have no game and it seems that I barely exist. Which way should I go. If I go that way it might be the way that I know. Getting carried away with everything I have. It should always be full and never be half. Lost with you is great. Even if we were late

I dreamed last night my mom found out I was gay and she took everything away and threw me out of the house and I had nowhere to go. All the guys who said they were there for me they weren't

So we go Toe to toe
Never knowing what our cards were Even though Blow by blow We can not let down our guard We should know That if we show
Just a small amount of kindness We won't go toe to toe anymore

Does anyone else replaces a song name with their own. Or is just me

Authlander likes this

I'm just a dumb boy. Who wasn't paying attention. When everyone left for land and he decided to stay on the boat. Now look ahead there's a storm. How can I get out of here? In the ocean is where I was found. Laying on the beach so helpless. Everyone said oh well Josh

He was homeless when you first saw him. He said one word and you got scared and then you ran. You ran for a long time. You see him now sitting on the ground and you keep walking. One of these days. You will talk to Josh and you'll be wearing a white dress

Oh well why's a Joshdown. Oh well why's a Joshdown. Never had he ever been hungrier for food. If you see him lock up your food. He will come in the middle of the night. That's when he's more hungrier

Because of you. I find it easy to lie to you and everyone that I know. Because of you I was traated like a peice of crap so now I'm affraid to even fall in love with anybody else. And this is all because of you

hefner91 likes this

I like choclate I like vanilla. I like chocolate and vanilla. I dont like onions I dont like tomatoes. I dont like onions and tomatoes
Anything I do I love you. Anything else I can do for you? Anything I do I love you and is there something else I can do for you. Why do you have a mouse in the house?

Thought of the day:

Has anyone ever peed sneezed and farted at the time

When you have to pee so badly

And you sneeze

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

She got a body like an hour glass
But I can give it to you all the time
She got a booty like a Cadillac
But I can send you into overdrive

She got a body like an hour glass
But I can give it to you all the time
She got a booty like a Cadillac But I can send you into overdrive (Jessie J)

Love me for me
And not for someone I would never be
Cause what you get is what you see
And I can't be anymore than what I am
Love me for me
Or don't love me

Dear Instagram followers. Stop tagging me in stupid random posts that I dont even care about. If you keep doing that the only option I have to do is block you so STOP!!!!!!

you remind me of a software update, whenever i see you i think
"not now!"

Reposted from jaybyrd

jaybyrd likes this

Every time I put my phone on silent, it decides to play 'hide and seek'

Reposted from anonymous

Having to sing the alphabet because you can't remeber a letter after

When I accentially make a noise that sounds like a fart I'll do it again and again to make sure that people know I didn't actually fart

Cheerish the family friends and pets you have around you. You never know one day they might not be with you

Life is what happens to you when your internet data pack expires.

Reposted from huzy

I can't stand to wait in line long
So I built a new machine
It just measures up the distance
and then eliminates the folks between

sometimes all you need is 1 million dollar and a new identity.

Reposted from eliane

Girl would you be my, would you be my
Sweet little something
Baby well get by well get by
Sweet little something
Give me just one night
So let me ask you
Girl would you be my, would you be my
Sweet little something

New Spongebob: Monday 7th 2015 @ 5:00 pm on Nickelodean

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer

Reposted from Vandtastic

"We have everything here, why should we go somewhere else?"

Reposted from _Nathalie_

_Nathalie_ likes this

I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smelly

Authlander and bold like this

You are the love of my life You turn the key that makes me drive You make me feel alive inside, thank you, yea thank you Cause you know the passcode to my heart You push the buttons that make it start beating, beating

I hate everyone on my fb saying their against gay marriage. I bet if their son or daughter was gay or lesbain they would support it. Then Id say what the fuck really your dumb. Talk trash then turn around and support it. Their dumb. Love is love no matter who you love.
#LoveisLove

Who lives in a rockmate under the sea!
Patrick star!
Sometimes act dumb all day!
Patrick star!
Goes jellfishing with his best buddy spongebob
Patrick star!
Ready?
Patrick star! Patrick star! Patrick star!

your mind needs as much exercise as your body. thats why I think about jogging every day

Reposted from mikedot

Once a month
when everything
and everyone
just sucks.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

A good way to loose weight is stand with one leg on the scale and the other on the ground

I tried to catch fog once....

I mist

You don't need a cape to be a hero.

Reposted from SteveBob

We all bleed red, we all taste rain, all fall down, lose our way,
We all say words we regret, we all cry tears, we all bleed red

Let's say we're sorry before it's too late. Give forgiveness a chance. Turn the anger into water before it slips through our hands

Friendship is like a violin;

The music may stop now and then,

But the strings will last forever.

Reposted from BreakedBoy

I hate it when I am singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong

Parents: " We can hear you sing in the shower"
Me: "I dont sing in the shower, I perform and Im awesome"

We're preparing you for the real world.
Hate to break it to you but the real world has calculators

You turn me on, I like what I see When you bounce that thang, like a trampoline Girl it's your song, You know you a freak So bounce it for me, make it go trampoline

the lion and tiger might be powerful...
but the wolf does not perform in the circus

Reposted from sputn1k

My mom says I have bad anger issues
All I did was yell at the can opener and try to throw it across the kitchen. It wouldn't open the can

Whoever snuck the "S" into "fast food" was clever

UserOne, Fionacatherine, wynter, mylisa1970 and kirstenrae like this

reposted by mylisa1970

My day usually starts off pretty good.
Then people

UserOne, Authlander, fart and ZeepBella like this

It's gorgeous outside.
I think I'll take a nap.

Reposted from 2schaa

2schaa likes this

It's all fun and games until your jeans don't fit

meohmy and ZeepBella like this

I can't wait to hide all the Easter candy for the kids inside my stomach.

Reposted from est24601

I wish the voices in my head would at least take turns.

Reposted from UserOne

It's all fun and games..... until your pants can't snap

It's all fun and games....until your pants can't snap

That moment when you see food for the first time all day and you start shaking

Attention Brittany Aunt Lisa and Mother
calm down it's just a text

Attention Brittany Aunt Lisa and Mother
calm down it's just a text

If we all pretend tomorrow is Sunday we might just get away with it.

Reposted from VamosBarca

I have an irrational fear of speedbumps but, I'm slowly getting over it.

Reposted from 2schaa

janem803, UserOne, bold, 2schaa and ZeepBella like this

We all think we're smart
until we try to turn on
someone else's shower.

Reposted from Ms_Ntlebi

Ms_Ntlebi likes this

You have 24hrs to spend $1 Million Dollars.
What would you buy?
Where would you spend it?

Im trustworthy. Im nice and caring. I dont smoke drink or cuss. But it seems that noone wants to talk with me when I ask them

I am kind and respectful. I dont cuss or smoke. I can be trustworhty. I have a good heart warm heart. I am a great listener. If you give me a chance you will see you will not regret it

janem803 likes this

I am the farmer. I work in the fields all day. Dont want to alarm her but I know it was meant to be this way

I gained all this weight out of love, not hate
I've got so much love to give (give me a break)
I'd love to sleep in late, but that dessert looks great.
Was it something I said or was it some I ate?

Squidward hates Spongebob. Like all of us hates homework

Where does the time go when it's not around here?
You and I never shared all that much
When I leave I'll be all right, I'll keep in touch
As your road narrows, so mine grows wider
As I leave I turn and wave to the Great Provider

Who's lonely now?
Who's reaching out to no one? Who's lonely now?
It takes one to know one
I changed my mind; you said that I could change it back I wanted space, and now change has fallen through the cracks
If I'm again beside your body dont tell me where its been. Its cruel and unusual

But I don't tend to worry 'bout the things that other people say
And I'm learning that I wouldn't want it any other way
Call me crazy but it really doesn't matter
All that matters to me is she

Hey I'm a cow, I'm curious
Hey watch me now, I'm furious
Hey I'm a cow, I'm full of hate
Hey watch me now, I'm on your plate

And who do you think I am?
And who do you think I'll be without you?

Am I the only one who had to dress you up
To see how you fell down?
Am I the only one who needs you to go,
Go on about me?
Am I the only one who loves when you leave

You live above your dad's four-car garage
With your vinyl and imaginary entourage
If I pull up in a U-Haul, pack up quick
So we can get out of this town, 'cause it makes me sick

Everything under the sun
Now that I'm without you again
I wake up and eat
I go back to sleep
And let my nightmares repeat

A is for alegebra I learn it in school. A is what fonzie said cuz he was very cool. A is for acting. A is for Adult which is what I'll never be

I'm so sick of fighting and that effigy you're lighting looks An awful lot like whose name I just can't quite place And though you say it's not supposed to be me or any entity Still through the flames and smoke I see I recognize that face

These Apples are delicious. As a matter of fact they are she said. Can all this fruit be free?

I love you Intermittently
I love you intermittently
When immeasurably Turns to intermittently There's no use in going on Except for fear of being wrong
Every morning I just hit the ground yawning... Stick around if you enjoy disaster Cause if you cant see what Im after you must be blind

The girl works at the store sweet Jane St. Clair
Was dazzled by her smile while I shopped there
it wasn't long before I lived with her
I sang her songs while she dyed her hair

ZeepBella likes this

The lights are on but nobody's home my elevator doesn't go to the top I'm not playing with a full deck I've lost my marbles The lights are on but nobody's home my elevator doesn't go to the top
I'm not playing with a full decl Ive lost my marbles

If I Had$1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a monkey (havent you always wanted a monkey!) If I had a $1000000 Id be rich

The phone rings, it's early, it's seven o'clock.
Sh says sorry I woke you, but I just had to talk You know last night, remember when I tried to choke you? I didn't mean it, I was drunk, it was only a joke. You should know that by now, when the chequered flag comes down. Noone has won the race

Yes dear I love you,
but sometimes I think that love's not enough for you.
So you want to play mind games, well that's fine, go ahead, la la la I can't hear you. Here you are
and you're a hundred thousand miles away; They say that absence makes the heart grow fungous

Now I'm a New Kid on the Block,
well I'm twenty-three and they won't let me grow up.
I went down to register for the draft,
well I got up to the counter, and the lady there just laughed

AbbyPenguins likes this

I like soup, and I like ice cream sandwiches too.
I like fish sticks,
but I love you.
You don't believe me, you say all I think about's myself.
Let me explain, don't walk away

I never thought there'd be days like this, there was always someone at my door.
I never thought I would ever miss, and the crowd would always holler for more.
But now it seems all that people want is what I used to be,
and every time I try to do so

You know Im not the king of bedside manor. Im the Tom Jones who lives next store. Nope not anymore

When I was born they looked at me and said. What a good boy What a smart boy What a strong boy. When you were born they looked at you and said. What a good girl What a smart girl What a pretty girl

UserOne and ZeepBella like this

I concede you were right about this place. I can make a perfect likeness of your body if I trace. I can hold you until you turn down the lights. And I cant see. I put my hands around your neck. You wrap your arms around me

You can be my yoko ono. You can follow me wherever I go. Be my yoko ono. Oh no here we go our life is one big fun o no here we go as yoko says oh woa woa

Drove downtown in the rain. Nine thirthy on tuesday night. Just to check out the late night record shop. Call it impulsive call it compulsive call it insane but when Im surrounded I just cant stop

They called me chicken legs. They called me four eyes. They called me fatso. They called me Josh (cuz thats my name)

I can get a job I can pay the phone bills cut the lawn cut off my cholesteral I can work overtime I can work in a mine. I can do it all for you but I dont want to

Hello City
Second night at the warehouse and my mock turtle neck just squeaks

$Dear Math Please grow up and solve your own promblems Im tired of solving them for you$

Are you ready kids "Aye Aye Captain"
I Can't hear you "AYE AYE CAPTAIN"
Ohh...
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea
"Spongebob squarepants"

Merry Christmas everyone. Have a great day with your family and friends

Authlander likes this

Actions speak Louder, but only when they're spoken to
It's not weak to remake amends the way I've chosen to
Hide and seek And somewhere ahead we'll find a way to trust
And we'll go I'll be your hero
I'll be your man I'll be your best friend 'til the end Sixty

Thanks for pretending not to see me when I was pretending not to see you in order to avoid a miserably awkward conversation that neither of us wanted to have.

Reposted from anonymous

Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than
Less than perfect
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing
Less than perfect

I didn't fall down, I just got an instant view of the ceiling.

Reposted from AbbyPenguins

remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesnt love you

meohmy likes this

We all may die alone. But that doesnt mean we need to live alone

meohmy likes this

The easiest thing about having friends is somtimes all we have to do is trust them

My dad said "push this away" in his sleep

GabiGabler likes this

"Someday"
How the heck we wind up like this why werent we able to see the signs that we missed

Chick-ity china the chinese chicken

Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost
Anyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost

How is the neighbor downstairs? How is her temper this year? I turned up your tv and stomped on the floor just for fun!

I can get a job I can pay the phone bills I can cut the lawn cut my hair cut off my cholesteral I can work overtime I can work in a mine I can do it all for you but I dont want to

Why say anything nice? When you can say nothing at all

I can hide out under there I just made you say underwear

Do you like you? cause I like you?

If smart is me then dumb must be you