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I hope the Halloween kids will stop ringing at my door soon, I'm almost out of Sardines.

37

Salt on my lips instead of lipstick.

14

I often use Pretzle Logic...it's just the way my mind works

I also have an illogical need for pretzles

11

Baby, you're sweet as salt.

8

now i could wupe yo ass but that would only hurt the physical and that can easily heal over time
now when i fuck yo bitch i hope you think about yo actions as it eats away at yo mind

2

I was at the park and some kids were playing soccer. Their ball rolled over to me and a salty 11 year-old boldy declared,"That's my ball. Give it to me."

Kid was lucky I didn't have my multi-tool on me or else he would have gotten a shredded ball back! Little shit!

3

Bacon is overrated.

2

Thank you, for making me laugh.

Even when I wasn't supposed to, because I was the joke you were making fun of, and you were angry.

Even if that was every time.

3

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