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Posts Liked by jeppesen05

My goal for 2014 is to accomplish the goals of 2013 which I should've done in 2012 because I promised them in 2011 and planned in 2010.

101

i sock at spelling

58

life is what happens when you put your phone down.

153

in Denmark, we're so rich

we pay with crowns

192

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

3

Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Nevermind, it's too long."

Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Nevermind, you won't get it."

4

Live your life. Take chances. Be crazy. Don't wait. Because right now is the oldest you've ever been and the youngest you'll be ever again.

13

Enjoy life while you can, because one day you won't be able to.

16

99.9% of men would suck their own cock if they could.

11

you looked really good

...in the past

10

Saying you're a good person doesn't make it so.

16

left my headphones at home. now l need to socialize

19

Happy Monday,

says no one ever.

18

Snakes don't have arms. Just one of the reasons they suck at bowling.

21

Valentins-Day

is just another holiday that makes you fat.

15

We enter and exit this world alone.

16

The worst enemies are the ones that used to be friends •

44

McDonald's, making people fat since 1940.

55

Sex is a sensation
caused by a temptation.
A guy sticks his location, in a girls destination.
To increase population of the next generation.
Do you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?

121

Sex? No thanks, my life fucks me every day

117

Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. Me? I use coupons to get pizza...

78

Sex with an ex.

Same as if you shower and wear your dirty underwear again.

223

I said, "I love you" as I sat by him sipping my wine.
That's when he asked me, "is that you or the wine talking?"
I replied, "Oh, sorry. That was me talking to the wine."

160

"Don't worry,
the spider is
smaller than
you"

"...yeah, so is a
grenade"

176

lovers

that word really bums me out

..unless its between cheese and pizza

28

i just burnt my tongue on some food

they say the ones you love hurt you the most

270

Ladies, lets take extra long to look stunning for all the guys we'll be ignoring tonight.

137

Calm down, browser.
I cant make a connection either.

128

Common sense is a flower that doesn't grow in everyone's garden.

102

I still have no idea why it's called a beauty sleep when you wake up looking like a fuckin' troll!

168

Ego is a race.
And in this race, the winner is the loser.

453

Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

70

The synonym for reality is offline.

226

if you walk a mile in my shoes you'll end up at the bar.

61

If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you're fooling yourself. That's like expecting the lion not to eat you beacuse you didn't eat him.

103

I'm gonna ignore you so hard you'll start to doubt your own existance.

73

Dear Noah,

we could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving 'till 5.

Sincerly,
Unicorns

127

DONE IS BETTER THAN PERFECT

234

Music is life. That's why our hearts have beats.

120

better
to loose
a lover
than
to love
a loser

173

I may look calm but in my head I have already killed you three times AND hid the body.

241

100% of non-
smokers die too.

213

404: Life not found

81

90% of my socks are single, and you don't see them crying about it

105

WRITE SOMETHING
DRAW SOMETHING
SING SOMETHING
COOK SOMETHING
BUILD SOMETHING
SEW SOMETHING
MAKE SOMETHING

BUY NOTHING

250

Yes mom I know my room is a mess it's a metaphor for my life, i'm trying to be poetic.

140

The
difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza •

147

life is simple

people are complicated

136

BEFORE SEX...YOU HELP EACH OTHER GET NAKED, AFTER SEX YOU ONLY DRESS YOURSELF.

MORAL OF THE STORY: IN LIFE NO ONE HELPS YOU

ONCE YOU'RE FUCKED.

325

Never
make eye contact while eating banana.

339

What if we are all particles on a grilled cheese sandwich?

31

Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't.

140

don't give up on your dreams.

keep sleeping.

155

Dear Ex,

Please don't be fooled by Adele, you'll never find someone like me.

203

Put your "faith" between my legs.

77

Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iPhone, open and close their favorite apps all by themselves.

When I was that age,
I was eating dirt.

169

I woke up this morning ready to go and work, so I pushed the snooze button and gave my lazyness a second chance.

53

when
nothing
goes
right,

go
left.

275

recently, i called my mother at 3 am. just to let her know how it is, when she calls me on sunday 1 pm.

74

Telling a girl to "calm down" is like trying to baptize a cat.

148

bad decisions make good stories

423

If women ruled this world, there would be no wars.

Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

202

i'm wearing my friday socks.

they're like normal socks, but they're ready to party.

83

You are
the average of the five people you spend the most time with •

58

My internet was down for 5 minutes so I went downstairs and spoke to my family.

They seem like nice people.

356

I wish I could trade my heart for another liver so I could drink more and care less.

78

i play the keyboard in a band called the internet

88

FLY LIKE AN EAGLE.

FUCK LIKE A RABBIT.

111

The
only thing stronger than a mother's love is a
garlic breath •

103

Quiet people have the loudest minds.

355

I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

310

some people can't sleep because they have insomnia, I can't sleep because I have internet connection

71

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