Tsuffy's Posts

I want to sleep...

Förstår du detta, så äger du!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

How would I know, I can't read minds.

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A fool always finds a greater fool to admire him.

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The frightened tourist: "Are there any bats in this cave?"

The guide: "There were, but don't worry, the snakes ate all of them."

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Wish I had been born 1000 years ago! Why is that? Just think of all the history that I wouldn't have to learn!

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If time does not wait for you,

Dont worry!

Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy Life

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Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?

A: We don't know. Never happens.

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There are moments when everything goes well; don't be frightened, it won't last.

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Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal

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I wish I was a teddy bear, that lay upon your bed, so everytime you cuddled it, you cuddled me instead.

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Three dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks. To be as rich as his child believes. To have as many women as his wife suspects.

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Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Kentucky State Lottery?

The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

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This is little strange. A couple in England named their new daughter Kia because she was delivered in the back seat of a Kia. No one was happier than her older brother - Hospital Bed.

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The city is not a concrete jungle, it is a human zoo.

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DAD: Don't be selfish. Let your sister use the sled half the time.

SON: I do, Dad. I use it going down the hill and she gets to use it coming up.

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Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? A. Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses!

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How do you identify a true music lover?

A man when he hears a woman singing in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole instead of his eye!

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Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!

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Know why a room full of married people looks so empty?

There's not a Single person in it

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First prisoner: What were you convicted for?

Second prisoner: Nothing. Honestly...for nothing.I stole a wallet, but there was nothing in it!

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It was once said that a black man would be President 'when pigs fly'. Indeed 100 days into Obama Presidency and there is Swine flu.

An Irishman saw a notice outside a police station which read: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY.

So he went in and applied for the job!

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Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called ship-ment but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?

DAUGHTER TO MOTHER AT THE DINNER TABLE: "There's war, disease, poverty, and violent crime all over the world...and your greatest concern is me not eating peas!"

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People never say "It's only a game" when they're winning.

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My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

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How many lawyers dose it take to change a light bulb?

3, 1 to climb the ladder, 1 to shake it, and 1 to sue the ladder company.

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One idiot said to the other, "You know, there are really only three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.

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No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening.

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Why do we drive on parkways when we park on driveways?

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Some people live because it is illegal to kill them!

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Q: Why do all Afghans carry a piece of sandpaper?

A: Because they need a map.

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If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on your head-lights, what happens?

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Boy asked his mother, Mummy, am I descended from a monkey? The mother replied, I don't know, son. I never met your fathers folks.

avant-garde, hemko and kj55 like this

Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening", and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

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I'd climb the highest mountain. I'd swim the ocean blue, I'd do anything my dear- Just to get away from you

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I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

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Roses are red, violets are blue,

Shorter the skirt better the view.

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Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

Pupil : A teacher.

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Pupil: Would you punish me for some thing I didn't do?

Teacher: No, of course not.

Pupil: Good, because I didn't do my homework.

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Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

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Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class.

Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.

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Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.

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This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog

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reposted by ljcreative

Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"

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Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?

A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

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Q. Why do midgets laugh when they run?

A. Because the grass tickles their balls!

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What's your dad getting for Christmas?

Bald and fat.

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my friend had his tongue shot off in the war. never talked about it.

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one time, when i got hit by a car, i died.

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life is like a box of life. and chocolate is chocolate.
they're not the same at all.

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why is a tomato a fruit?

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$math sucks.$

dtgnkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

~ pass out ~

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a duck is just a small goose, and a goose is just a swan with a shorter neck

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i'm sick of all the colored pictures with text.