mklp123's Posts

I just burned myself on a slice of pizza

so I guess it's true what they say: love hurts

#wisdom, #love, #pain, #pizza, #food

UserOne and GaylrdSprFckr like this

I still have no idea why it's called a beauty sleep when you wake up looking like a fuckin' troll!

Reposted from Ms_Ntlebi

#repost, #wisdom

signec95 likes this

Joke of the day: two women sitting next to each other minding their own business

#JokeoftheDay, #women

UserOne and Slotter6 like this

I HAVE THE BODY OF A GOD

(unfortunately
it's Buddha)

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

#repost, #bodyofagod

miller4 likes this

My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"

Reposted from Nanoolsen

#repost

Don't have phone sex, you might get hearing aids.

Reposted from freeyomind

I'm in such bad shape, the only times I do sit-ups are when I sneeze!

Miss.V and miller4 like this

reposted by signec95

You're so fat that when you fell, I didn't wanna laugh..

but the ground was cracking up!

The only question in life is why kamikaze terrorists wore helmets..?

freeyomind likes this

We were at the beach in California and my dad is a pretty big guy..
While we were lying there tanning, Green Peace came and threw my dad in the ocean saying "save the whale!"

When he was back in the ocean, the wales started singing "we are family!"

bold likes this

What's 5 inches long, has a head on it, it's in a mans pants and women love to blow it?

- money $

freeyomind likes this

reposted by signec95 and ellenicole

I'm sick about all the Irish stereotypes!
As soon as I finish this drink, I'm punching someone.

Reposted from bold

bold likes this

It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.

Reposted from bold

I would exercise but
it makes me spill my drink.

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

freeyomind likes this

Ups...just got caught peeing in the swimming pool. The damn lifeguard shouted so loud, I almost fell in.

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

UserOne likes this

If you see someone crying, ask if it is because of their haircut •

Reposted from Lirpae..

chipdicks and Lirpae.. like this

There are 3 kinds of people.

Those who can count, and those who can't!

Slotter6 and freeyomind like this

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

-The mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.

curvema, supermom, DeepWordsDude, Bigbasturd, dangrb, Bigi, MobyDick, kaylababy, joakimrnneberg, alleycat43 and 17 others like this

reposted by GaylrdSprFckr, little_hippie, Heddrixx, DarkBlack, tearsandbombs, YourNightmare, emilchris, Success_Quotes, specialty, Stephanieg215 and 4 others

If you can't decide,
always go for the version that makes the better story.

GaylrdSprFckr likes this

When in doubt, get them out!
( . )( . )

GaylrdSprFckr likes this

life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're morbidly obese.

UserOne likes this

reposted by UserOne