67MadMax's Posts

Definition of a household according to dads:

A group of people and animals in your house, that breaks more than you want to fix...

Every day...

#provocative, #dad, #life

Ziya, eulekauzig and CurrentNobody like this

reposted by CurrentNobody

I have money growing on my back

Too bad my wife can reach it easier than I can...

#money, #wife, #relationship

buzzielizzy and CurrentNobody like this

When you see a brilliant post that you want to repost...

...and then you notice the massive typo...
#nevermind

buzzielizzy and Ziya like this

If it's such a great idea, why should I keep it to myself?

buzzielizzy and janem803 like this

Disappointment:

When you cross the street at a zebracrossing, but there's no one there to stop for you

FrankFilocamo, UserOne, ZeepBella and guggigirl like this

Did you ever see a woman's face after you told her how the toilet had trouble flushing your huge turd?

I just did! :-D

FrankFilocamo, UserOne, juneocallagh, ZeepBella and janem803 like this

Empty space
is actually
full of opportunity

UserOne, juneocallagh, ZeepBella, endlessky, hanna1, jussayin and FrankFilocamo like this

Beter een goeie buur
dan een verre vriend

#myneighbor

ZeepBella, jussayin and mehr like this

Behind every great man, there is a great woman

And behind every great woman, there's some guy staring at her ass...

Reposted from 67MadMax

juneocallagh, ZeepBella, janem803, FrankFilocamo and jaybyrd like this

When you wake up and your dreamgirl is still there

#grateful

#grateful

ZeepBella, janem803, MyM, foenix, purplechill, FrankFilocamo and juneocallagh like this

'Funny accent. Where's he from?'

'The Pub'

ZeepBella, Janskii, mehr, phuamaxx, Authlander, creatorbeats, JodieT, FrankFilocamo and jussayin like this

reposted by FrankFilocamo

Out of bed and into the rollercoaster

Just had two rides already; what's next?..

Good morning, world

janem803 and purplechill like this

What do you call it when you're barely getting along juggling 25 balls and somehow a burning torch is thrown in?

Life...

ZeepBella, FrankFilocamo and purplechill like this

With inspiration

all your powers become Superpowers

#superpower

janem803, aquarius57, purplechill and FrankFilocamo like this

When you throw dirt, you lose ground.

Reposted from bold

purplechill and FrankFilocamo like this

Kisses so deep that our souls fucked well before our clothes ever even hit the floor.

Reposted from Dwell

janem803, Dwell, FrankFilocamo, juneocallagh, dor1316, bold and ZeepBella like this

Trust me...
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be this sexy.
But hey, shit happens.

Reposted from Dwell

Dwell, FrankFilocamo, dor1316 and ZeepBella like this

PARENTHOOD.

THE SCARIEST
HOOD YOU'LL EVER GO THROUGH.

Reposted from juneocallagh

FrankFilocamo, juneocallagh and dor1316 like this

I know milk is good for you, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking!?

janem803 and juneocallagh like this

I'm not really
a control freak

BUT...

let me show you the right way to do that

janem803, guggigirl, juneocallagh and idiomatic like this

That feeling when all hell broke loose on Boldo, but I'm on my way to pick up my new car

*sunshine*

janem803, juneocallagh, ZeepBella, idiomatic and FrankFilocamo like this

Why do I lock the toilet door when I'm home alone?...

buzzielizzy, janem803, guggigirl, juneocallagh, idiomatic and FrankFilocamo like this

reposted by buzzielizzy

the best feeling in the world is when you hug someone and they hug you back tighter.

Reposted from jaybyrd

janem803, idiomatic, jaybyrd, purplechill, ZeepBella and FrankFilocamo like this

i really do deserve more credit for not acting on the evil, twisted thoughts that run through my mind on a daily basis.

Reposted from jaybyrd

janem803, emiledi77, purplechill and jaybyrd like this

Trump for President is funny in a cartoon

Just like all other fun stuff that goes wrong there but was never meant to happen for real

#Trump, #disaster, #electionpledge

emiledi77 and purplechill like this

Men are like floortiles; if you lay them good the first time, you can walk over them for life..

#men, #relationship, #sex

janem803 and emiledi77 like this

I didn't GIVE you
THE FINGER
just like that!

you've completely EARNED it

Reposted from ErikSmit

FrankFilocamo, walkabout, emiledi77, ErikSmit and purplechill like this

Today is your day

grab it,
shake it,
hug it,
now go out and enjoy it!

#today, #inspiration

janem803, ZeepBella, emiledi77, ErikSmit and purplechill like this

I never argue

I just explain why I'm right

walkabout, emiledi77, DygytAlice and ErikSmit like this

I love getting up early in the morning!

You know, like, around noon...

#morning

janem803 likes this

an itchy toe is not that much of a problem...

...unless you're doing 130kph down the highway...

buzzielizzy and FrankFilocamo like this

reposted by buzzielizzy

I hate when people say you don't need alcohol to have fun... Well you don't need running shoes to run but it fucking helps.

Reposted from MissB

i have no idea what i'm doing.

Reposted from jaybyrd

janem803, FrankFilocamo and jaybyrd like this

'Do you want a perfect life?
I think my life is perfect and if you vote for me, I will give you the illusion that your life is perfect as well.

It's a promise!'

said the illusioni... ehm... politician

#electionpledge, #nzztoolbox

Pushparawat likes this

"Any of you f*ckin' pigs móve, and I'll execute every motherf*ckin' last one of you!"

#PulpFiction

RTFM

Read The F*cking Manual

#urbandictionary

FrankFilocamo likes this

Sometimes
you have to
give up
on people.
Not because you don't care,
but
because
they don't.

Reposted from De_liefste

janem803 likes this

music is what feelings sound like.

Reposted from jaybyrd

UserOne, jaybyrd and bigbat101 like this

that feeling when they announce a speed trap on the radio and you realize you just passed it full throttle...

janem803 likes this

I don't judge you on your religion, your culture or your favorite flavor of chewing gum

I judge you on the way you treat me

Reposted from avant-garde

janem803 and urmom123 like this

lower your voice a little

talk slower

pause

and you'll sound wise
no matter what you say

buzzielizzy likes this

that feeling when you think you made the most brilliant post ever

and it gets 0 likes

janem803 likes this

Drunk is when you feel sophisticated,but can't pronounce it.

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

Pushparawat likes this

...no added sugar...
...freerange...
...biological...
...without childlabour...

Isn't it weird how things that used to be normal, have transformed into Unique Selling Points?...

#newnormal, #inspire

You are a unique person,

just like everyone else...

#newnormal, #inspire

FrankFilocamo likes this

Have you ever met a normal person?

Did you enjoy it?...

#newnormal, #inspire

FrankFilocamo, foenix and Thoughtmonger like this

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think "oh shit it's the cops"?

Reposted from anonymous

@boldstatment:

janem803, FrankFilocamo, DygytAlice and Thoughtmonger like this

A man never looks more castrated than when pushing his shopping cart topped with his wife's tampons

You know something bad is about to happen when someone says

"Hold my beer and watch this."

Reposted from anonymous

bigbat101 likes this

When a man opens the car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

FrankFilocamo, ladiesman217, UserOne, dor1316 and NukeSkywalker like this

you can't have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

Have you ever met a regular person?

Did you enjoy it?

ladiesman217, Sunshine123, dor1316 and bigbat101 like this

When I was a kid....

No wait, I still do that.

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

ladiesman217, dor1316 and NukeSkywalker like this

If you didn't want me to build a pancake catapult why did you leave me unsupervised for 4 and a half minutes?

Reposted from chipdicks

ZeepBella and bigbat101 like this

spilling a full beer you paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon

Reposted from anonymous

@avant-garde

ladiesman217, UserOne, dor1316 and bigbat101 like this

hint #382 that I failed at becoming a top notch racecar driver:

the night before the first race of the season I'm making the kids' beds.

bigbat101 likes this

Dating ad:
Woman with content seeks man with character.

dictionary:
- replace 'content' with 'big boobs'
- replace 'character' with 'big €$'s'

FrankFilocamo and ZeepBella like this

reposted by ZeepBella and FrankFilocamo

I will not tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I did and what happened after that :)

Reposted from Thoughtmonger

So when is this 'old enough to know better' supposed to kick in???

Reposted from lalaland

FrankFilocamo likes this

Autocross voor Dummies:

onderstuur: je gaat met de voorkant de sloot in.
overstuur: je gaat met de achterkant de sloot in.
PK's: hoe hard je de sloot in gaat.
koppel: hoe diep je de sloot in gaat.

#MadMax nl

Wisdom doesn't always come with age.
Sometimes age comes alone.

phuamaxx, FrankFilocamo, swatchUSA, guggigirl, JodieT, MyM, UserOne and dor1316 like this

reposted by mylisa1970 and FrankFilocamo

you can have so much fun taking a oneliner out of its context...

#getoutthereandburnit

I wish traffic was more like sex, so I wouldn't mind it taking so long

Behind every great man, there is a great woman

And behind every great woman, there's some guy staring at her ass...

MyM likes this

reposted by 67MadMax

Of course I talk to myself.

Sometimes I need expert advice.

Reposted from anonymous

I don't know what's worse:
The warm toiletseat or the mental picture of the bastard while (s)he warmed it up for you

UserOne and cooledpizza like this