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sometimes we grow from the roots
sometimes we grow from the heart

Shout out to all my fellow procrastinators who are scrolling through social media right now instead of doing whatever productive thing you should be doing.

We should start a club
( but not now, maybe later )
YOU NEVER REALLY LEARN TO SWEAR UNTIL YOU LEARN TO DRIVE.
JUST FINISHED READING
 "A HUNDRED THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE"...
I WAS QUITE SURPRISED TO SEE 
"SHOUT FOR  HELP"
WASN'T IN THERE...
I'm having a hard time keeping up with all your birthdays every year - so from now on I'm wishing you all a HAPPY BIRTHDAY forever!

<3 <3 <3
patrick goes to confession says: 4give me father 4 i have sinned- i have been with a loose woman. priest says: patrick callahan is that u? patrick says yes father. priest says was it linda calhoun? pat says i cannot say father i dont want to ruin her reputation. priest goes on to name 4 more, each time pat refuses to say. priest says: well patrick, if youve been w a loose woman n wont say who, then you cant be an altar boy 4 4 months. after confession, his buddy tim said: what did you get? patrick says: 4 months vacation and 5 good leads!
I will be posting telepathically today.

So if you think of something funny, that was me.
The biggest difference between money and time:

You always know how much money you have, but you never know how much time you have.
it is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple.
expectation is the mother of all frustration
How much truth can you handle?
it is beauty which captures your attention, but personality which captures your heart.
FIGHTING FOR PEACE IS LIKE SCREWING FOR VIRGINITY.
People who say they don't have time for my bullshit need to learn how to manage their time better - wake up an hour earlier!
Dear Over-Bearing Sports Parent,

Your constant yelling of directions to your kid kills trust - trust in their coach, trust in themselves and trust in your ability to give direction. Just shut the fuck up and allow the coach to do the job they have volunteered to do.
When love makes your heart take flight, it's difficult to come back down to Earth.
It's a 5 min walk from my house to the pub.

It's a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.

The difference is staggering.


I OFFERED A TEDDY BEAR DINNER,
BUT HE SAID NO THANKS I'M ALREADY STUFFED.
There are three types of people:

         Dream maker
      Dream catcher
       Dream stealer

Which are you?
if pinocchio said 'my nose is going to grow now', would ne be lying or telling the truth?
Over the course of my half-century of meandering experience I've done many things for money I'm not proud about. Like getting up early and going to work.
When I say "we'll see", there's a 100% chance it's not happening. I may even throw in a "oh, that sounds like fun!" for decoration, but it's still not happening.
work sucks. thats why it isnt called fun.
I CAN'T KEEP UP, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO EVERYONE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES.
how did I not
 know before 
or thought 
to just try a 
sake warmer carafe 
for whiskey or cognac 
but that I did, Winter, is 
looking warmer already
without a need to chase
the fleeting warm just to 
sit, sipping slow fire for a 
 sure slide of sun, slipping 
slowly, surely, down till the 
heart's toasty, is as a warm
as the soul's surfeit. This is
life's small pleasures being
perfectly blissfully joy! Life, is
in small slow sips as this - La Chaim!
People who say they don't have time for my bullshit need to learn how to manage their time better - wake up an hour earlier!
The lights from Las Vegas are so bright that when I walked outside after dinner it still looked like twilight outside and not 8 PM.
American elections completely mirror the old adage: "The more things change, the more things stay the same."
There have been nearly 3000 Gods so far but only yours actually exists.

The others are silly made up nonsense.

But not yours.

Yours is real. 

- Ricky Gervais
0h, ein Kommunist hat mich bei facebook geaddet...


Leningrad ab.
SOMETIMES THE THINGS THAT HOLD YOU BACK ARE ONLY IN YOUR HEAD...
I will be posting telepathically today.

So if you think of something funny, that was me.
work sucks. thats why it isnt called fun.
it is beauty which captures your attention, but personality which captures your heart.


Autumn's moon fishes for
stars with silvery beams
but only a comets burning
blazes by, silence afire
above restless Willow's
parched penchant
thirsting the dew drops
strewn on grassy knoll's
oblivious: Like love, resting
on souls scenic while heart's
wounded hankering hungers on
Please don't forget!

Tonight, the moon will be visible from the earth.

The last time this happened was last night.
Why did Noah build an Ark, when he could simply have paid more taxes to stop climate change?
Some people exercise every day.

Right now, I'm watching a show I don't like because the remote fell on the floor.


Night's sweet silence sounds
unbroken, sighing stars,
sticks silvery song on sky's
scenic stave stretched
across infinite eternity's
endless poetry, puts
poet's muse madly
murmuring music in
heart's hankering hunger:
Wanton will-o-wisp's
dance lit by some stray
phantom firefly's flaunting
Embracing the fullness of time  being present, moment to moment.

(If you want to test this out, sit in front of a clock for a minute, and focus your mind onto the clock face the whole time. 

Not only will this likely be an unusual activity for you, but, by giving the clock your full attention, you'll probably be surprised by just how long sixty seconds can feel.)
I just had a physical.

The doctor said, "Don't eat anything fatty"

I said "Like bacon and burgers?"

He said "No fatty, don't eat anything!"
I have begun to invest in stocks.

Beef, Chicken, and vegetable.

One day I hope to become a bouillonaire.
Did you know? 

There are more aeroplanes at the bottom of the sea than there are submarines in the sky.
Why is it called emotional baggage instead of a griefcase?
Fine, I apologize for referring to reading as "spreading book cheeks"
I am not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure.
Over the course of my half-century of meandering experience I've done many things for money I'm not proud about. Like getting up early and going to work.
For $100 I'll "accidentally" bump into your ex, give them the up and down, and say "ew"

It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.
laundry today 
or 
naked tomorrow
You look like something 
I draw with my left hand.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
Whenever I delete an app on my phone, 
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •
My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"
I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.





     LISTEN TO SILENCE
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything
I love waving at random people,  because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself
Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM
i just burnt my tongue on some food 

they say the ones you love hurt you the most


THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.

Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Sun goes down earlier for short people.


If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
justice is
a beautiful concept.
unicorns too.
I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty 


and I could not have described it any better
Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.
10% of conflicts are due to differences in opinion. 

90% are due to wrong tone of voice.
I like to be alone. 
But I would rather be alone with you.
i've
fallen
in love
with you,

but you
don't exist.