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streetmedic

relax, i've seen worse

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Bold Points 15627

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streetmedic

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45

It's not as bad as you think

It's worse

30

"There are many things in life that will catch your eye

but only a few will catch your heart."

26

Some people waste too much effort *demanding* respect when it could be better utilized *earning* it.

23

Find something worth dying for,

then live for it.

22

It's hard to win the game when you're too busy complaining about the rules.

16

Boldomatic regrets to inform you that its current mission is cancelled.

20

I have my answer ready

But you have to ask first

21

Sometimes, all you need is a Q-Tip.

21

Music:

For when the feelings can't be put into words, but still need to be said.

22

"Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory."

--Dr. Seuss

17

You think I'm attentively taking notes at your meeting

I'm writing my grocery list

13

Blowing out someone else's candle won't make yours glow any brighter.

17

I don't program my kids with answers

I counsel them on the questions I think they should be asking

15

Head, heart, gut, or groin?

The one you listen to can make all the difference.

15

Whether you believe you can

or you believe you can't

you're right.

13

I seriously doubt that *everybody* was Kung Fu fighting...

15

Pfft.

Blizzard warning?

Snow problem.

11

My favorite cold winter weather activity is

going back inside.

13

“If you always do what you've always done, you always get what you've always gotten.”

--Jessie Potter

13

"The problem with constantly throwing rocks at someone is that, eventually, they have a big pile of rocks."

--Pat

18

Orwell's "1984" was intended as a warning,

not an instruction manual.

15

I used to think 90% of cool stuff I had ever read in the world had already been said by either William Shakespeare or Winston Churchill -- then I met Bolders.

18

Latest Subaru commercial:

"Go where Love takes you."

Me:

"Definitely don't go where Love takes you. Tell Love, 'Thanks, but I'm gonna just grab an Uber.'"

12

Only unintended ignorance can be remedied.

If someone is misinformed on an issue -- but it's by their own choice -- well, then there's really not much you can do.

13

Procrastinate now!

(Before it's too late.)

11

"Waaahhh" is when you don't get what you want.

"Wheee" is when you get exactly what you want.

"Whoa" is when you get too much of what you want.

"Whaaa---" is when you have no idea what you just got.

15

They tricked us into fearing the "witches"

when we should really have feared those who were burning them.

9

There is little point in "saving the planet"

if you are unwilling to save the people who are on it.

11

"Honesty doesnt mean that every thought in your head has to come out of your mouth."

16

$|\ /| | \ / | | \ / | | \ / | | \ / | | | | | | B | | B | | 0 | | 0 | | D | | R | | A | | G | | | | | |____| |____|$

8

Can't look for my glasses

until I find my glasses.

13

Devil with a halo or an angel with horns?

10

One day their eyes will open

just in time to see you've closed yours.

12

When you go around kicking bees' nests

You generally get just the bees

And none of the honey

9

Dear FitBit,

I really don't care how many miles I ran. Nor do I really care how much time I ran.

I would prefer to know how many tacos, cookies, or M&Ms I ran.

Thanks.

11

Lust is wanting to sleep with someone

Love is wanting to wake up with them

12

My birthstone is coffee bean.

11

"Life's not something you tuck away and wait to use.

Life runs out -- every day, every minute -- whether you use it or not."

13

"If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid."

--old military and emergency services saying

12

If you want and expect people to treat you in a certain way,

then give them good reasons to.

9

Look for a way

Not a way out

9

"It's me, right? I mean, it has to be me. Because there's no way in hell the entire rest of the world can possibly be this f-cked up, so I guess it has to be me."

--a very annoyed J.B.

8

Hard work pays,

but hardly working has better benefits.

7

Who the hell needs Halloween?

I've been wearing a mask, hunting for toilet paper, and stuffing my face with candy since March

11

"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story."

--Orson Welles

12

"If you're gonna critique me,

you better at least be as good

or better."

--Eminem, "Fall"

10

If you go through life thinking everything stinks wherever you go, you should probably check your own diaper.

14

If you're not losing at least some of the time

you're not challenging yourself enough.

9

Just because I didn't say more doesn't mean there wasn't more I wanted to say.

9

9

On behalf of most of the men, I just want to apologize to all the ladies:

I sat with some friends watching a game
and listening to a guy next to me chat up a lovely lady, and he was just insufferable. And I thought, "My God, is this what we sound like to them?!"

9

"When their feelings don't fit the facts, they may unconsciously revise the facts to fit their feelings."

-- B.E. & R.K.

10

How the hell did the map-maker know I was *here*?!

14

"Let it Go" is not just an over-played Disney tune--

it's actually some pretty solid advice.

14

Sometimes, instead of getting frustrated, it's better just to shake your head, quietly mutter "What a bunch of fucking clowns," and refill your coffee.

14

Artificial intelligence

is no match for natural stupidity.

14

Every person has a self-destruct button

Every person reaches a point in their life where their finger hovers over that button

Some choose to press it

Some choose to drive on

11

All prayers are answered;

It's just that sometimes the answer is "no."

7

eating clocks

is time consuming

8

"The notion that we are products of our environment is our greatest sin;

we are products of our choices."

10

Some people can touch you just by looking at you

and speak to you just by hearing you.

10

Firefighters don't "run into burning buildings."

We walk.

13

Don't try to pretend you're some kind of helpless victim to circumstances you brought on yourself.

13

"I trust you" is a better compliment than "I love you," because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust.

13

a wise man once said absolutely nothing

13

When it literally takes five times as long to write the report as it does to extinguish the actual fire itself...

13

I'm not saying I'm a super nice guy, but I actually go to the trouble to thank Siri.

Also, I'm not saying I'm completely crazy, but I actually go to the trouble to thank Siri.

13

There are two kinds of people in the world:

Those who divide everyone up into two kinds of people

and those who don't.

13

Nihil habeo dicere. Non sum, ut in spatio et huc ad comment.

7

Once upon a time we talked about "victimless crimes."

Now instead we have crimeless victims.

6

Most of life lately

Is like an unfamiliar song

I don't know the lyrics

So I just try to hum along

8

Dear Karma,

Could we have a word, please, when you get a moment?

Thanks.

9

Your inability to understand something

doesn't make it untrue.

12

Forgiving you means I no longer dwell on what an ass you are.
It doesn't mean you are no longer an ass.

12

don't ask why someone keeps hurting you

ask why you keep letting them

12

Dont hurt someone whose only intention was to make you happy.

12

Pay no attention to people who talk about you behind your back.

They are behind you for a reason.

12

statistics stripped of their context are just propaganda

12

Walking away because you've given up and walking away because you're fed up are not the same thing.

12

"The publish request to boldomatic failed: The post contains invalid characters (#55357: ?). (error invalid-char)"

12

You can only be young once

But you can always be immature

8

"Chocolate" is really all I wanna see on my cookie ingredients label

Don't understand the need for "and other natural flavors"

Like what?

12

There are two kinds of people in the world:

Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data

8

Concerts, school, conventions, sports, meetings, amusement parks, ceremonies, all cancelled for a few weeks...

Cops, firefighters, EMS, nurses, doctors, military, utilities... yeah, we'll see you guys tomorrow...

11

The opposite of love is not hate.

It's indifference.

11

If you can remain friends with your ex

you were either never in love with them at all

or you still are.

11

Some days I just wanna be like:

"Good morning! How may I disappoint you today?"

8

i just did a week's worth of cardio by walking into a spiderweb.

11

The sword of justice is stuck in a pile of dollar bills.

11

"A lie has to be tended, watched, and guarded;

a truth, you send out on its own."

--Rick Riley

11

Pay attention when people react to your boundaries with anger and hostility. You have found the edge where their respect for you ends.

11

Can I get a large cream and sugar with a splash of coffee, please?

11

Fall for messy, not the perfect.
Fall for reality not the illusions..

11

six legs on any creature is my absolute limit

that's not negotiable

11

Too bad: All of your backpedalling, rug-sweeping, and blame-shifting would have provided a pretty good workout had you not saved all that energy by never once wrestling with your own conscience.

11

Yeah, so an acquaintance of mine just won another Olympic gold medal in judo today. No biggie...

So, how was your day?

11

Sometimes I clean so much fuzz out of the lint screen, I wonder how the hell there were even any clothes left to take out of the dryer.

11

Pro tip for the guys:

If you have to constantly tell everyone that you're the Alpha Male,

you're not the Alpha Male.

11

"Sometimes, if you want your own words to seem more profound, you can put them in quotes and then attribute them to an entirely made-up name of a completely nonexistent person."

--Edwin Frees, Middleby Gazette, 1947

11

Geez, you seem so surprised to learn that you're not the only person in the world.

11

So, do I have all this right?
You put hamburgers...
In the oven?
At 3:30 in the morning?
Then forgot all about 'em?
And filled the apartment with smoke?
So everyone else in the entire building had to evacuate?
I don't even know where to begin processing all that...

11

We all seem to instinctively seek validation from others

But the true win comes when you realize you don't need validation from others

9

Fully half the emails in my inbox are of the

"So, you forgot your password again, eh, dummy?" variety.

11

To a person whose only tool is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.

5

"In order for daylight to have any meaning, we must have the night."

7

When did we start letting the clown acts run the whole circus?

10

Key to life:

Find what you love to do,

they figure out a way to get paid for doing it.

10

Man walks into a bar. Sits down. Asks what the wifi password is. Bartender says, "Order a drink first."
Man orders a beer. Takes a sip. Asks what the password is again.

Bartender says "I told you: orderadrinkfirst. All lowercase. No spaces."

10

We've done a lot of debauched things without clothes,

but only after I showed you my fears, flaws, weaknesses, doubts, vulnerabilities, mistakes and scars did you finally see me truly naked.

8

In dog beers,

I've only had one.

10

A phrase like "it's not illegal" is often a dead giveaway that the person saying it knows their actions are wrong. Just because the law is on your side doesn't make you right.

10

Don't pay too much attention to your critics. Remember: at a sporting event, the crowd is making all the noise while the players are doing all the work.

10

Just because things aren't going the way you planned, doesn't mean they aren't going the way they should.

10

if you aren't capable of scrutinizing and questioning your own choices and actions, someone else will do it for you

10

"Imaginary obstacles are insurmountable.

Real ones aren't."

10

I wish real life had the same "go-back-fifteen-seconds-and-watch-that-again" button that my DVR remote has.

10

"Jazz is not dead; it just smells funny."

--Frank Zappa

10

"Working hard for something we don't care about is called stress; working hard for something we love is called passion."

--Simon Sinek

10

"I don't want the drama," he said.

"You should have thought of that before you knowingly got involved with a married woman," I said, "Instead, now you have drama."

10

-- your beliefs lead to thoughts
-- your thoughts lead to words
-- your words lead to actions
-- your actions make you who you are

(inspired by @naebitnae and badly paraphrased from Gandhi)

10

"Terrorism ... is anathema to what firefighters do and stand for ... A human victim is our highest priority, period."

--John Norman

10

some people are all sizzle and no steak

10

You may be a vulgar person and also say reasonable things.

10

"Soulshine.

It's better than sunshine.

It's better than moonshine.

Damn sure better than rain."

10

Dumping your dirty dishes into the sink

is not "cleaning up after yourself" in the kitchen.

6

Be careful: The toes you step on today may be connected to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow.

10

Why is the cemetary entrance gated?

Because people are dying to get in!

10

Don't forget to catch the season finale of "United States of America: The Series," airing tonight.

10

"Always do right -- this will gratify some and astonish the rest."

--Some fortune cookie I once got

10

"Poor decision-making when powerful interests are getting their way regardless of what the majority want bugs me."

4

I can't help but wonder how some of these people even managed to find a doorknob to get out of their own house today.

10

Ugh. Is this gonna be a long story?

10

Blame is past.

Responsibility is present.

10

"Wisdom is the reward for surviving our own stupidity."

6

If one of the Toy Story toys died, the kids wouldn't be able to tell,

and the other toys would have to watch while the kids played with the corpses.

10

When you type a text incorrectly

Backspace

Retype it

And it comes out even worse than the first time

Aaarrrggghhhffcckkhdbbsjffjgkfjtrjfjfjfjfjjfjffifjdjfnfjh!!!

10

Sometimes, you just take one look at a person and think,

"Douchebag."

10

Someday we should host a giant Bold party somewhere. We can all wear "Hi, my name is..." stickers with our Usernames on them. And we could even award trophies called "Boldies."

10

Get off my lawn!

And I'm keeping this ball, dammit!

10

Politics in America:

"I've already made up my mind --

please don't confuse me with the facts."

10

I have nothing against rich people getting richer

I have a problem with them pulling the ladder up behind them when they get there

10

"It is not 'forgive and forget' as if nothing wrong had ever happened, but 'forgive and go forward,' building on the mistakes of the past and the energy generated by reconciliation to create a new future."

7

"All in" attitude

"All out" effort

10

Don't expect perfection --

expect effort.

7

What do I want in the Christmas stockings?

Preferably, your legs.

But if not that, then I guess some Tic-Tacs and a Chapstick.

7

This time is different because this time im different

10

He disagreed with me, but made some really good points. He was well-informed, thoughtful, articulate, polite, yet quite modest about all of it.

So -- naturally -- I told him to shut the fuck up.

I mean, honestly, who needs that kind of shit?

10

I'm only responsible for what I say,

not for what you hear.

8

"Character" is doing the right thing even though you know no one is looking.

9

"Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is." --Richard Paul Evans

7

If you want to be sad, live in the past

If you want to be worried, live in the future

If you want to be happy, live in the present

9

Pessimist: "That glass is half empty."

Optimist: "That glass is half full."

Engineer: "That glass is twice as big as it needs to be."

9

"You know my fury about people is based precisely on the fact that I consider them to be responsible, moral creatures

who so often do not act that way."

9

Even dogs are smart enough to know: if you don't want to get bitten back, don't bite.

9

Sorry,
I'm looking for a mutually empowering experience, not armchair psychology and a playback of all that's "wrong" with me, from someone who's perfect.

9

There's always a little truth behind every
"just kidding"
A little knowledge behind every
"I don't know "
A little emotion behind every
"I don't care"
And a little pain behind every
"it's okay"

9

You know you're really bending over backwards to give someone the benefit of the doubt when you go from thinking they're evil to instead considering,

“Maybe they're not malicious after all; maybe they're just really f-cking stupid.”

9

"Oh, you do crossfit? Really? I didn't know. You've never once mentioned it,"

said no one, ever.

9

me: >> logs into bank app with password <<

them: "Would you like us to remember this device?"

me: >> checks box << "Yes, I would like you to. You won't. You never do. But I would *like* you to."

9

I tried that Japanese decluttering trend where you hold each thing you own and throw it out if it doesn't give you joy. So far I've thrown out all the vegetables and the electric bill.

9

Did you ever have one of those days when you feel like you missed a meeting or a memo or a text message that the entire rest of the world seems to have gotten?

9

"Between the velvet lies, there's a truth as hard as steel."

9

"Integrity has no need for rules."

--Albert Camus

8

"I will hurt you for this. A day will come when you think you're safe and happy, and your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth. And you will know the debt is paid."

--Tyrion Lannister

9

Dammit, I didn't climb this high to just coast the rest of the way!

9

my grip may slip

but I will not let go

9

It takes two people to make a marriage, but you only need one to make a divorce.

9

"Panic will save your life, provided you are the first to panic and are headed in the right direction."

--Francis Brannigan

9

It would seem "crazy" is now the new "normal."

9

9

Even if you hear a bad story about me,
understand, there was a time i was good to those people too, but they won't tell you that.

9

"Look at it this way: The person you divorce is never the person you married, anyway."

--Liz

9

Thank you for deciding I was your trash.

Now I'm somebody else's treasure.

9

I will be an inspiration and set a shining example...tomorrow.

Today...I think maybe I'll just go ahead and hit that snooze button an extra time or two.

9

It would be nice if more things could be decided simply on the basis of whether or not they're actually right or wrong. It gets old hearing "that's not what the law says" or "that's not the rule" all the time.

9

I'm not deleting you because we disagree.

I'm deleting you because you're being an insufferable, obnoxious, immature, douchey, intergalactic jackass...

because we disagree.

9

Humble people don't think less of themselves.

They just think of themselves less.

9

Never ruin an apology with an excuse.

9

"When this woman drops a hint, she uses a bomb sight."

--Michael Crichton

9

It will only hurt for about 75 years...

It will only hurt for about 75 years...

It will only hurt for about 75 years...

9

I'm not a communist; I'm all for the free market and capitalism. But when you buy a $1 million home just so you can bulldoze it and build another, newer house in its place, that may be as close as one can get to making a reasoned argument that it's possible to have too much money.

9

"Never ever depend on governments or institutions to solve any major problems.

All social change comes from the passion of individuals."

9

The good news is things could always be worse.

The bad news is things could always be worse.

5

If there's something on your mind, will you just come out with already, for crying out loud?

You're wasting time, and we're not getting any younger.

5

The danger is real.

But the fear is a choice.

9

Two tears in a bucket:

Fuck it.

5

Plenty of people say "can't"

when what they really mean is "won't"

9

There are those who walk in and out of our lives, but the ones that really matter leave footprints.

9

fuck social media

6

Daily Physics Lesson

The fundamental building blocks of the Universe are:

1) protons

2) electrons

3) neutrons

4) morons

9

What you're not saying

is coming in loud and clear.

9

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world.

Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

8

Just do it.

We'll rationalize it later.

9

The nervous moment when the State Trooper flying up the high speed lane suddenly slows and slips in behind you...

5

Sometimes you know you're doing the right thing, not by who's patting you on the back, but by who you're pissing off.

8

Give your hardest job to your laziest employee and they'll figure out the easiest way to do it.

8

People are so reactionary

They instantly fly off into a tizzy and are lighting torches and grabbing pitchforks and ranting and raving before they even have a handle on what the real story is

Poor things

8

Does "Turn the air conditioning down" mean

"I want it warmer in here," or

"I want it cooler in here?"

8

I was either standing in your shadow

Or blocking your light

Though I kept on trying

I could not make it right

8

Attitude gets you in the door

Competency keeps you there

8

Surprising quote from the 12-year-old daughter after a sleepover at a friend's:

"Dude, she sucks at hosting things!"

8

We keep trying to make the world idiot-proof

and they keep inventing better idiots.

6

be a radiator

don't be a drain

8

All trust is risk
and every choice has consequences.

8

Fate decides who you meet in life, Your heart decides who you want in your life,
Your behavior decides who will stay in your life.

8

Are you being honest with yourself, or are you feeding yourself a line of sh!t?

If you were, would you even know it?

If you did, would you even admit it?

5

Think hard.......!!
What mistake have you been blaming on others that requires some level of accountability on your part.....???

8

To love,
and
to attack,

are two of the most personal, and intimate things humans will ever do to/with each other.

I'm a fool about lots of things - but I don't fool myself about that.

8

You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

(By the way, I should probably also warn you that the same goes for "stab," too.)

8

I Don't Need The Last Laugh I Have Been Laughing The Whole Time

8

Don't judge my Story by the Chapter you walked in on.

8

I feel like I am already tired tomorrow

8

I have trust issues because people have lying issues

8

Think jogging or lifting weights is tiring?

Try "being the bigger person" or "taking the high road" all the time.

That sh!t will sap your energy faster than *any* gym workout.

8

I'm going to make a voodoo doll of myself and give it a backrub.

8

"I used to believe I was such a great romancer
Then I came home to a woman that I could not recognize
When I pressed her for a reason she refused to even answer
It was then I felt the stranger kick me right between the eyes"

8

yeah, not sharing those brownies, though

they can fend for themselves

8

Life is not always a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes, playing a poor hand well.

7

You built walls where there should be windows, and installed windows where there should have been walls.

8

I'll never drink again!

Oh, look, Fireball!

8

Unfortunately, the internet helps perpetuate people's misconception that others might actually give a sh!t about their opinion.

8

* *

Hello.
I find you simply fantastic.
Please repost this message and tag someone who you think the same of.

* *

8

I wanna go out today

But I don't wanna hafta go out to do it

If I could go out, but stay in, that would be perfect

8

I'm well aquainted with my flaws.

You cannot shock me by pointing them out.

8

"The law will befriend whomever pays it."

-- Stephen King

8

"History may not repeat itself, but it rhymes."

--James Eayrs

8

I
DON'T
WAN'T
PERFECT
I
WAN'T
HONEST

8

"All I had was a voice. I didn't know anything about no singing."

--Percy Sledge

8

So busy trying to remember to forget,

that I forgot to remember.

8

"Raising parents is hard."

--@jpgm

8

Life has a funny way of getting in the way of life.

8

"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you."

--Ovid

8

IF
I
LET
YOU
IN
PLEASE
DON'T
BREAK
ANYTHING.

8

"Self-awareness is like an onion: there are multiple layers to it, and the more you peel them back, the more likely you're going to start crying at inappropiate times."

--Mark Manson

8

Black Friday deals? Pfft. If they said, "You can buy this item without dealing with obnoxious crowds, stay warm, sleep in and save time, but we're going to charge you 20% more," I'd take *that*deal every time!

8

"If it feels like it's you versus the world, chances are it's really just you versus yourself."

8

Please, not right now...

(...and actually, not later, either. I was just being polite.)

8

I really need to stop trying to plan things out.

I'm having the most accidentally productive day today.

8

But:

I DON'T WHAT I ORDERED!

I WANT WHAT YOU ORDERED!

8

Lasagna

is spaghetti-flavored cake.

8

"Everyone thinks they're a special case..."

--Martin Cruz Smith

8

"Infidelity isn't in the sex ... it's in the secrecy.

It isn't whom you lie with. It's whom you lie to."

--Frank Pittman

8

In general,
I'd say we're trending in the wrong direction.

8

If either Apple or Android can figure out a way to implement a "No, wait! Holy shit! Unsend that last text message!"-button on their phones,

they'll put the other company the fuck outta business overnight.

8

"What is done to children, they will do to society."

--Karl Menninger

8

Those people you never hear from until they need something...

8

"The cry of the poor is not always just, but if you don't listen to it, you will never know what justice is."

--Howard Zinn

8

2019: Stay away from negative people.

2020: Stay away from positive people.

8

Don't listen to what they say.

Watch what they do.

8

The early bird may catch the worm

But it's the second mouse who gets the cheese

8

it's easy jumping onto a tiger's back

the trick is jumping off

4

-- When you go to that townie function where most of the people know you as a couple with Her.
-- Only you and Her are no longer a thing.
-- And every other person smiles, greets you, glances over your shoulder, and innocently asks "Are you here with Her?" and "Where is She?"

8

You know you're a parent when picking up another human being to smell their butt is not only perfectly normal, but pretty much a job requirement.

8

There's a new shithead around every corner.

8

There must be something wrong with me, or I'm just an ol' stick-in-the-mud:

I really couldn't care less about New Year's...

8

"The days are long

The years are short"

--Rob

8

Dear mosquitoes,

I wouldn't say you exactly ruin *everything*,

but you ruin a *lot*.

8

"There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root."

8

I don't want to end the year on bad terms with anyone

So apologize to me

8

I try to run at least a couple of miles every day because it helps to clear my head.

Although I admit I still don't know if I'm trying to catch up to something or get away from something.

7

My wish to remain anchored is in direct conflict with my desire to drift away.

8

no
stories
without
coffee
first

8

I will no longer cross oceans for people who would not even jump over a puddle for me.

8

I'm not a Democrat or a Republican; I'm reasonable.

8

A successful relationship requires falling in love multiple times, but always with the same person.

8

Find arms that will hold you at you weakest times, and a heart that will love you at your worst.

8

It's not even winter,

and I'm already sick of winter.

7

"It's your mind that tricks you into leaving every time,

"It's your heart that talks you into staying where you are."

7

"Come on, Mav, do some of that medic shit!"

(EMT on Engine 5, ironically invoking Top Gun to the paramedics on Medic 1, after encountering a critical patient on a call)

7

You haven't lived until you've played rock-paper-scissors with your kid, in SCUBA gear, sitting on the bottom, ten feet underwater.

7

When you're happy, you hear the music.

When you're sad, you hear the lyrics.

7

Sometimes in life, the only thing you can do is to just drive the car into the tree

and worry about sweeping up the glass later

7

Twitter/Instagram "influencer"

noun:

Someone who posts about what everyone else is doing without actually really doing anything themselves.

7

Frequently: seeing is believing;

but almost as often: believing is seeing.

7

You can't put a woman on lay-away and then expect her to be around when you finally get your shit together.

7

There's something wrong with your character if opportunity controls your loyalty.

7

I think most of the people who say they are afraid "everyone will get the wrong idea" are actually worried everyone will get the *right* idea.

5

"Literally"

is the new

"figuratively."

7

Don't blame them for who they are blame yourself for thinking they were different

7

Sometimes, you have to give up on people.

Not because you don't care but because they don't.

7

Just because you have a reason

doesn't mean you have an excuse.

7

Public service announcement from your friendly neighborhood StreetMedic:

Drive safely, or the paramedics and trauma team will get to see you naked.

7

While it's usually true that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, sometimes it's the loudest mosquito who gets swatted first.

7

It's always the same river

But it's always different water

4

enter password: abc123

sorry, incorrect: abc123

incorrect. reset? yes

create new password: abc123

sorry, your new password can't be the same as your old password.

7

Maybe you giving up
on me could be
the best thing that's
ever happened to me.

7

Why would you expect to put the squeeze on a scumbag and get anything out of them other than scum?

7

When you once told me I was "perfect" for you, I didn't think you *literally* meant I would never be allowed any mistakes.

7

Train your people to do the job the way you expect it to be done, then -- for crying out loud -- get the hell out of their way and let them do it!

7

There are a Million Way's To Say " I Love You"

"Put Your Seatbelt on"
" Watch Your Step"
" Get Some Rest"

You Just Have To Listen

7

I will no longer look back,
I'm not going that way.

7

Enjoy the little things in life. One day you will look back and realize they were the big things.

7

The best feeling is when someone new comes along and appreciates everything about you,
that someone else took for granted

7

Hey, Studly, here's a pro-tip:

Until you realize you first need to make her feel *safe*, she's never going to go on to feel anything else.

You're welcome.

7

Losing someone's trust is like crumpling a piece of paper. You can smooth it out, but it will never be the same.

7

ProTip:
In the long run, remedying your bad character beforehand is usually a lot less work than trying to conceal it afterwards.

7

"Whenever you stumble and fall, I will be there."

--the ground

7

They think they're Chandon in a champagne glass, but they're just doggie doo-doo in a Dixie Cup.

7

presidential elections:

"anyone who would be *good* at the job wouldn't *want* the job"

--my parents

7

No need for a temper tantrum; it's just cereal.

7

"You don't have to help me,

but don't hurt me."

--Dave

7

"Capiche?"

No idea what you're talking about

7

Lots of small dick energy coming out of the Kremlin lately.

7

7

The irony of iPhone life is that the thing plays music, navigates, takes pictures, browses the web, and shows sports,

yet somehow still manages to absolutely SUCK at being a telephone

7

Some people remind me of those dogs who chase cars down the street; I can't help but wonder what those people think they're going to do with the car once they actually catch it.

7

"The belonging you seek is not behind you - it is ahead."

(Yeah, I just quoted a Star Wars movie - so what?)

7

i like it when you smile, but i love it when I'm the reason.

7

"Respond,"

but don't "react."

7

Did you know:

55.33% of statistics are completely made-up?

7

eBay seller: "payment must be received within 24 hours"

also eBay seller: "but, of course, I can take my sweet-ass time getting your item shipped out to you"

4

Cant get a straw in a local restaurant without explicitly asking for one because “environment,” but no one seems to know how to stop the tsunami of paper junk that goes directly from the mailbox to the recycle bin without even being opened. Every. Single. Day.

7

discontinued air-freshener scents:

"bad doggeh!"

7

THE DEPARTED: When Dingham responds to a police tech demanding to know "who the f-ck" he is by saying, "I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy."

7

"A system of justice that chiefly operates behind closed doors will sooner or later be a system that ... leads to abuse.”

7

Heard in the truck this morning, on the way to school drop-off: "That's dumb. A real dragon would never do that." Wait -- what? o_O

7

sleep won't do shit if your soul is tired •

7

"Only one is a wanderer; two together are always going somewhere."

--'Vertigo'

7

Rookie mistake:

BBQ ribs and The Walking Dead -- not really the best combination.

7

Rule 1: if the upstairs toilet clogs, the plunger will be downstairs.

Rule 2: if the downstairs toilet clogs, the plunger will be upstairs.

Rule 3: in spite of rules 1 and 2, there's still really no justification for owning two plungers.

7

I'm not "judging"

I'm "drawing the obvious conclusion"

7

Just once I would like one of my vote decisions to come down to something a little more substantive than "Well, I guess this choice sucks a little bit less than the other one."

7

It's nice that you have almost completed your Master's degree in "personal space and boundaries," but it's obvious you still haven't fulfilled the "effective interpersonal communication" prerequisite yet.

7

In the dark of night, when the brain is awake and the body is asleep -- that's the stuff dreams are made of.

In the light of day, when the body is awake and the brain is asleep -- that's the stuff nightmares are made of.

7

"...she now rarely turned on the television. It was easier to listen to the refrigerator with it off..."

--Stephen King

7

Don't let the heart that didn't love you, keep you from the one that will.

7

If you're circling text with a hi-liter, you're kinda missing the point.

7

Breakdowns often lead to breakthroughs.

--Mark Goulston

7

I gave you 10$,
He gave you 20$,
You felt that he was
better just because he
gave you more. But he
had 200$ and all I had
was 10$

7

"Half of music is silence."

7

S: "Pepperoni and cheese don't go together."

D: "I guess you've never heard of pizza."

S: silence

7

Why do they call it "babysitting?"

When I'm watching the kids, the last thing I ever do is sit.

7

Once you have fled up into a tree, this is how to tell a brown bear from a black bear:

If the bear climbs the tree, kills you, and eats you, it's a brown bear.

If the bear knocks the tree down, kills you, and eats you, it's a black bear.

7

7

The average person spends two weeks of their life kissing.

But who wants to be average?

7

"Our current social environment dictates that experts are not allowed to disagree with emotions."

--Imogene Davis

7

The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.

7

Trusting is hard.
Knowing who to trust is harder.

7

Seriously...

Nobody wants to hear your inane FaceTime conversation. Turn that sh!t down.

7

Not feeling very worky today

7

It's Tuesday

But I'm still Mondaying

7

It's not procrastinating if I have no intention of doing it.

7

So in retrospect, in 2015 not a single person got the answer right to “where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

7

"If you do not know where you're going, any road will get you there."

--Lewis Carroll

7

Everything I ever really needed to know I learned from the inside of Snapple caps.

7

i don't think there will be enough coffee or middle fingers for this shit!

7

Never be afraid of square one with a new person

Square one is where all of the amazing happens

7

if you feel what I feel, words are unnecessary, if you don't, words are a waste

7

"You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You're so vain,
I'll bet you think this song is about you"

--Carly Simon

But, Carly, the song *is* about him... ???

7

"Yeah, I wouldn't eat that if I were y--

Nothing. Never mind."

--overheard at the firehouse

7

Two hikers spot a grizzly bear. One takes off running.

"Where are you going? You can't outrun a bear!"

"I don't have to outrun the bear! I just have to outrun yooouuu...!"

7

Bring over your sexiest clothes, and let me dress you with my eyes.

7

"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world."

7

"There is a cult of ignorance in the United States ... a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.'"

7

Everyone is so convinced that they're right

that they don't care whether they're right.

7

Accept the unchangeable

Change the unacceptable

6

Pleasure is merely the shadow that happiness casts against the wall. You can't convert pleasure into happiness. That is like trying to make an omelette out of photographs of eggs.

7

I'm only crying in one eye!

7

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didnt exist.

7

Some people really have boundary issues...

7

2017: thanks for the lessons

2018: lets do this

7

If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine;

it's lethal.

7

No, I don't know him

But I know his type

7

When you love what you have, you have everything you need

7

Yes, I write down errands I've already completed today on my "to do" list, anyway, just so I can cross them off right away.

So what?

7

I really thought in 2018 we had finally evolved past the point where people still walk out of a bathroom without stopping at the sink, first.

Evidently not.

7

A woman doesn't want perfect, she wants honesty.

7

If you approach a woman with the intent of simply brightening her day a little, rather than trying to get something out of her, it generally yields better results for everyone.

7

Another 12-year-old daughter quote:

"Whether it's a diamond ring or a lollipop ring, I'd be fine with either. But that's just me."

7

Thought about you again today.

In fact, just assume every day that I've thought about you.

I'll let you know when I don't.

7

I spent twenty minutes trying to fix a broken clock tonight.

At least I think it was twenty minutes.

7

Slowly going insane,

but - really - it's not my fault!

7

I'M MATURE BUT NOT LIKE MATURE-MATURE

I PAY MY OWN BILLS BUT STILL I SAY,
'RIGHTY TIGHTY LEFTY LOOSEY'
TO FIGURE STUFF OUT!

7

A yellow traffic light means "go faster" to some people.

7

For every one pleasant, functional, level-headed person you meet who leaves you thinking, "Hm, maybe there's hope for the human race, after all,"

you meet twenty others who leave you saying, "Oh, my God, we're all doomed..."

7

Find Arms That Will Hold You At Your Weakest Times Eyes That Will See Your Beauty At Your Uglest Times And A Heart That Will Love You At Your Worst

7

How beautiful would you be if you saw in the mirror your character instead of your face?

7

Apparently
holding yourself
to a higher standard only works if you get support from people who understand it.

7

Your "toxic"

is making me "talk sick"

2

Hey, school shooters,

cut the crap!

Seriously.

7

Saw Roger Waters with the son. Roger is 78.

Couple weeks ago, saw Paul McCartney with the son and daughter. Paul was 79.

Old guys kicking in the post-COVID concert door, showing all the youngsters how it's done

6

"Pain is inevitable.

Suffering is optional."

--Haruki Murakami

6

Somewhere down the line I suspect you're gonna be pretty p!ssed off at yourself once it finally dawns on you just how good I actually was.

6

Don't speak faster than you think,

Don't think faster than you feel

And slowly, surely it all catches up

7

Don't tell me about the nasty thing someone said about me.

Instead, tell me why they felt comfortable enough to say it to you.

6

People in the dark dislike it when the light comes into their life.
The light exposes the mess they have created for themselves.

6

Its because I see loyalty, love and strength in her eyes.

Its what I admire about her.

6

FOR TODAY . . . . . . .

• Drink your coffee

• Stay focused & positive

• Don't freak out

• Remember, stabbing people is wrong !

• Are you wearing pants ?

6

The people who have stayed inside, worn masks in public, and socially distanced during this entire pandemic are the same people who are used to doing the whole group project by themselves.

6

If you don't make your possiblies into shalls, your didn'ts will turn into should'ves.

6

They say to practice "social distancing."

I'm finding "anti-social distancing" has actually been working really well, too.

6

I'm not immature.

You're just a big doody head.

6

Take notice of the
people who make an
effort to stay in your life.

6

Managers maintain direction

Leaders change it

6

From a discussion with one of the kiddos, which had begun about the Salem Witch Trials:

"People are so gullible. And once they get scared, forget about it... And we haven't matured as a race, all these years later. We're just scared about different sh!t."

6

hike
more,
worry
less

6

I was trying to figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger...

...then it hit me.

6

just saw a guy at starbucks.
no iphone, no tablet, no laptop.

he just sat there drinking coffee.

fucking psychopath.

6

The squeaky wheel may get the grease

But it's the loudest mosquito who gets swatted first

6

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