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A friend told his wife "when I die, I hope to die while making love" She replied "well, at least we know your death will be quick"
never underestimate the power of stupid people in a large group.
I'm spending the year dead for tax reasons
* * ** B *o * * ^ * * / \ * * * * I__ l d * * l I l I l o / \ / /Illll\ \ m / / 00 \ \ a 00 t 00 i 00 c Our imagination takes flight!!!!
You know you're old when you get up in the morning and the first thing you do is make noise.
Don't hesitate. fumigate.
I love being single. I can be friends with so many people. And we can stay friends, because they don't have to put up with me full time. .......... :)
When you lose track of time, things begin to flow.
YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, SIMBA, MAKUNA MY TATAS •¿•
This house will never feel like home
Happy Earth Day Enjoy Earth while you can
Your secrets safe with me I probably wasn't listening
IF I'M WRONG EDUCATE ME. DON'T BELITTLE ME.
Before you fuck a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are
IF YOU'VE NEVER JUMPED FROM ONE COUCH TO THE OTHER TO AVOID THE LAVA YOU'VE NEVER HAD A CHILDHOOD!!
AFTER ALL THIS BULLSHIT WE BETTER BE IN THE NEXT BIBLE.
How would I test the popularity of politicians? I let them walk through the city center alone.
I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke
My wife is blaming me for ruining her birthday. That's ridiculous, I didn't even know it was her birthday...
You can throw all the shade you want. It's still sunny in my world.
IF YOU'RE FEELING A SUDDEN CALM. IT'S BECAUSE I TOOK YOUR VOODOO DOLL OUT FOR A PICNIC ON A GRASSY HILL. YOU'RE WELCOME!!!
s ilence t eaches u s to be l oud
Y'all gotta stop using all these damn filters on your pics. You go missing and the police are out there looking for Miss America instead of Bigfoot.
Sometimes you meet someone, and you know right away that you want to spend the rest of your life without them.
How would I test the popularity of politicians? I let them walk through the city center alone.
Q: what do you call a pussy that talks back? A: an answering cervix
If you should ask me to give you the reason for life that we know, Then together we flow like the river And together we melt like the snow
aww... yesterday was a palindrome day and i missed it 42424
s ilence t eaches u s to be l oud
I wish you had feeling like me >>>
we have no words to describe a reality that we had never imagined to be possible. but plenty words to describe how we feel about it.
Sometimes, when I close my eyes... I can't see.
yeah? well, you know, that's just like... your opinion, man
WHEN PEOPLE ARE SAD, I LET THEM COLOUR MY TATTOOS. SOMETIMES ALL THEY NEED IS A SHOULDER TO CRAYON.
I SUPPOSE I'M IN THE MINORITY BUT I ALWAYS LICK THE KNIFE WHEN I'M DONE, NONE OF THE OTHER SURGEON'S SEEM TO DO IT?
in the end, age is the only winner in this game called life that we all play.
whenever anyone has offended me, i try to raise my soul so high that the offense cannot reach it.
no, i do not understand my husbands theory of relativity; but i know my husband, and i know he can be trusted. - elsa einstein
cheating death one day at a time
My irritation does not lie with people who embrace faith. Rather, my ire rests solely upon those who choose to monetize and weaponize it for their own schemes.
A CHILD'S IMAGINATION IS A VERY BEAUTIFUL THING.
I'm glad my mother was a woman
Did Kelly Clarkson really lose weight on gummy bears?
there are only 2 genders, the 30 others are psy-choses
MOSTLY IT IS LOSS WHICH TEACHES US ABOUT THE WORTH OF THINGS.
thrills speak louder than words
"Ilumina a mina escura e funda O trem da minha vida..." Renato Teixeira, compositor, cantor e músico brasileiro, in 'Romaria'
"Todos dizem Coisas Definitivas; mas ninguém define a Coisa." Átila Guimarães, jornalista, comunicólogo, psicanalista
It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.
laundry today or naked tomorrow
You look like something I draw with my left hand.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying, "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
Whenever I delete an app on my phone, the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •
My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"
I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT
If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
LISTEN TO SILENCE
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything
I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.
If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself
Voices in your head - normal Listening to them - common Arguing with them - acceptable Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM
i just burnt my tongue on some food they say the ones you love hurt you the most
THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Sun goes down earlier for short people.
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
justice is a beautiful concept. unicorns too.
I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty and I could not have described it any better
Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.
10% of conflicts are due to differences in opinion. 90% are due to wrong tone of voice.
I like to be alone. But I would rather be alone with you.
i've fallen in love with you, but you don't exist.
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