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what doesn't kill you gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms, a sick sense of humour and the vocabulary of a fucking sailor.
Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side because it's fertilised with bullshit.
Fifty shades of grey is only romantic because the guy is a billionaire. If he was living in a trailer it would be an episode of criminal minds.
Don't take anyone for granted.
"Whenever someone says they did something 'Like a boss', I assume that means they didn't do it at all, and are merely taking credit for it!" ~ Bill Murray
sipping wine at home in the gathering twilight and longing for home
"Looking back at all the successes and failures in my life.... I can't help but be proud that at least the potty training thing stuck!"
Whenever I think I have lost you I am immediately proved wrong. Memories... are unexpected guests. Like you. - lonelyscribe
being told your enemy is my enemy too is the fastest way to lose the friendship ~
Every now and again my neighbours are listening to Pink Floyd on max volume.... Wether they want to or not.
Arguing with idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon... No matter how good you are, the bird is going to shit on the board and strut around like it won anyways.
My water tastes fancier because it's in a fancy cup!
When I was young, there was no internet. People used to have to walk for miles to call me an asshole.
Funny how people can be mad at the guy finding the fraud, but not the people wasting your money.
Just because I don't require much doesn't mean I deserve the bare minimum.
Find what you would die for and then live for it. •K. Mckee
Part of being an adult is knowing to pee before you blow your nose.
Where are the consciences of people nowadays?
HAS ANYONE HAD THE WRONG SODA COME OUT OF THE CAN?
Don't tell me what they said about me, Tell me why they were so comfortable to say it around you...
if my heart could speak, it would put my mouth to shame.
Glad to see so many embracing therapy. A few of you need an exorcism as well but... baby steps.
"How much to hire a church singing group?" "You mean a choir?" "Fine, how much to acquire a church singing group?"
It's like a breath of fresh air, yet people still insist on breathing in carbon dioxide out of stupidity.
If you spell the words "Absolutely Nothing" backwards, you get "Gnihton Yletulosba", which ironically means... Absolutely nothing.
My <spouse> asked me why I speak so softly in the house. I said I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening. He laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri laughed. The Tesla laughed.
Every now and again my neighbours are listening to Pink Floyd on max volume.... Wether they want to or not.
"IF SOMEONE SAYS IT'S RAINING AND ANOTHER PERSON SAYS IT'S DRY, IT'S NOT YOUR JOB TO QUOTE THEM BOTH. YOUR JOB IS TO LOOK OUT THE WINDOW AND FIND OUT WHICH IS TRUE."
NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHAT SHOES HANGING FROM WIRES SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
HAS ANYONE HAD THE WRONG SODA COME OUT OF THE CAN?
propaganda was devised for stupid
the ambition of some people to have a street named after them is alien to me. if anything, a pothole on the way to the cemetery should bear my name: georg's dent.
i hate small talk. i wanna talk about atoms, death, aliens, sex, magic, intellect, the meaning of life, far away galaxies, the lies you've told, your flaws, your favorite scents, your childhood, what keeps you up at night, your insecurity and fears... i like people with depth, who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. i don't want to know "what's up".
If I'm ever on life support, try turning it off, then on again.
it is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
maybe the aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory, but progress.
watch out for people who are always bragging about who they are. a lion will never have to tell you it's a lion.
i wanted freedom, open air and adventure. i found it on the sea.
out of sight of land the sailor feels safe. it is the beach that worries him.
the test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.
interesting how free advice is perceived as criticism, and paid advice is seen as professional help.
birds chirping Signed: (Subtitles)
With weird friends, ask questions. Always, always, ask questions. It's for your good. and this is coming from the weird friend.
If you can keep up with the speed of a snake's thought plan of action before it strikes, keep your frenemy close.
this is the year they need to start making whiskey wine.
My eulogy was ill timed, fundamentally flawed and full of half-truths and grammatical errors. Next time, I am going to write it!
Canned coffee crack!
a frenemy will feed you lies and be upset you don't eat
It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.
laundry today or naked tomorrow
You look like something I draw with my left hand.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying, "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
Whenever I delete an app on my phone, the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •
My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"
I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT
If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
LISTEN TO SILENCE
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything
I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.
If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself
Voices in your head - normal Listening to them - common Arguing with them - acceptable Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM
i just burnt my tongue on some food they say the ones you love hurt you the most
THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Sun goes down earlier for short people.
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
justice is a beautiful concept. unicorns too.
I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty and I could not have described it any better
Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.
10% of conflicts are due to differences in opinion. 90% are due to wrong tone of voice.
I like to be alone. But I would rather be alone with you.
i've fallen in love with you, but you don't exist.
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