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Time stretches and squeezes.
Stars realign.
The universe conspires, 
manoeuvres, orchestrates.

And here you are, thinking people meet by coincidence.
Finally realized I was never asking for too much, I was just asking the wrong person.
And somewhere amongst the myriad of endless cubicles a lone "cute cats" video plays...
Don't be surprised when you finally look up from your smartphone and discover everyone around you is gone.
I believe we were all born to be real, not perfect!
lets push all the elevator buttons
Let's just get there... We can live a little on the way back.
Valentine's Day Idea:

Let's go bar hopping and fake a proposal in each one so people buy us drinks all night and we get drunk for free

My body
My rights
I'm your masseuse for a tragic ending.
Most people write 'congrats' because they don't know the spelling of 'congrajoolashions'.

I don't trust people who don't have hobbies, like what do they do when they're not being an asshole?

I thinkValentine's Day and April Fool's Day mean the same thing most of the time.
Wenn Du dich auf Probleme konzentrierst, wirst Du mehr Probleme haben. Wenn Du dich auf Möglichkeiten konzentrierst, wirst Du mehr Möglichkeiten haben!

look mom

counting friends with no hands
We are the result of 3.8 billion years of evolutionary success...

I'm having some people over Sunday afternoon to stare at their phones.

You're all welcome 
if you can spare the time.
Stress is caused by giving a Fuck
Screaming for no reason is an effective way of making sure your colleagues avoid you.
We're all on the same boat,
just different seats.
i think i may need professional help. . .
a chef,a butler and a maid should do it.
"Verstehst Du mich akustisch nicht oder intellektuell?"
I always have to forget people that have no memory of me ...

        B A L S A M ! 
        Deine Worte 
      sollten in eine   
   gepackt werden.
this is a
in a

 I'm on the soultrain tonight!

Ich warte auf den Tag NACH Valentinstag. So viel Schokolade zum halben Preis!
Our relationship is defintely 'Beauty and The Beast"

(If anyone calls her 'beast' they'll get a punch in the nose!)
“This report is subpar. I expected better from you.”

“Its time for me to go to yoga class and center my chi.” 

“I just signed us up for a wine and paint class.”

Hahaha, I'm just adulting you guys....

What if one isn't enough?
i think i may need professional help. . .
a chef,a butler and a maid should do it.
      Sobald ich meine wohlausgewählte
        Obertrikotage dezent entblättere
 kommen hinreißende Dessous hervor...

             ...nur etwas frustrierend wenn
    ausschließlich die Katze Interesse an
           den Bändern und Spitzen zeigt!
Diejenigen, die glauben, dass etwas nicht möglich sei, sollten diejenigen nicht unterbrechen, die es tun.

Miss you
Hab nur Honigwaffen
Verspiel nie einen tollen Menschen
Jeder Topf hat einen Deckel.

Ich glaub' ich bin ein Wok!
hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness .
Q: whats the difference between a pecker and a paycheck?

A: you dont have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck ;-)

I guess it's gonna be a quiet weekend here on boldomatic, what with a week full of all these nsfw ideas and all ~
out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. i will meet you there .
If you look at the human genital arrangement, it would actually make more sense for girls to wear pants and for guys to wear skirts... but I am not the one starting this movement also ;-)

I' m not stubborn.
I have a stable opinion!
Ring the bells that still can ring 
Forget your perfect offering 
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in .
For a cat, being drenched in water must be like feeling wet socks all over their body
Things come to those who wait.

They are called leftovers.

It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.
laundry today 
naked tomorrow
You look like something 
I draw with my left hand.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
My internet was down for 5 minutes so I went downstairs and spoke to my family.

They seem like nice people.
Whenever I delete an app on my phone, 
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •
My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"


If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything
I love waving at random people,  because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself
Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM
i just burnt my tongue on some food 

they say the ones you love hurt you the most

others have sex in the kitchen, I eat in bed

Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Sun goes down earlier for short people.
justice is
a beautiful concept.
unicorns too.

If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.
I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty 

and I could not have described it any better
10% of conflicts are due to differences in opinion. 

90% are due to wrong tone of voice.