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Posts Liked by hollisterbabe

Keep your face towards the sunshine
and shadows will
fall behind you.

234

The only Pill that would make me Happy is the one that brings you back to life.

127

I can think of absolutely no acceptable situation where a grown man should be taking a bathroom mirror selfie.

211

You make me smile...

And also super horny, but that's not the point.

363

soon as you realize love is in the air, somebody farts.

203

a pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty

16

one day you will ask me which is more important? my life or yours?

i will say mine and you will walk away not knowing that you are my life

38

Think how different your life would be if you've never met the person who changed everything.

25

Your ex asking " to be friends" after you break up is kind of like kidnappers asking you to "keep in touch" after they let you go.

43

It's never a good sign when the restaurant staff bring meal from home for lunch

26

my mom 0.00002376 seconds after I open the fridge: Don't hold the fridge open so long!

41

The mirror is my best friend because when I cry it never laughs.

(Charles Chaplin)

29

The officer said "You drinking?"
I said "You buying?"
We laughed and laughed...

I need bail money.

29

I had a dream that I was drowning in orange soda. Turned out it was just a Fanta Sea.

43

When you stretch, and your inner porn star moan accidentally comes out •

27

Maybe she's not on her period... Maybe you are just an asshole....

62

The blurred picture around the smartphone is called life.

60

People who press the elevator button like 500 times. Chill down, it's not a clitoris.

44

There is a pretty good chance I'll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people.

178

Just saw a butterfly with a girl tattooed on its lower back.

147

A church is a hospital for sinners, not a club for saints.

206

People don't want to hear about your diet.

Just eat your lettuce, and be sad.

196

Trust your heart, it beat before you were able to think!

230

Lets lay in bed all day, and trade sexual favours, for trips to the fridge.

146

damn.

don't you hate it when you think you're out buying organic veggies and when you get home you realize they're just regular donuts?

makes me mad.

138

I have mixed drinks about feelings. ..

144

if i had 1$ for everytime i got called beautiful i'd have 1$

thanks mom

200

The blurred picture around the smartphone is called life.

261

"You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches."
-Dita Von Teese

34

Fireflies, tiny fairies, solstitial bandits, steal pieces of the sun to paint the night for romantic interludes

94

Never depend on someone else to make you happy, that's what alcohol is for.

222

Sometimes, you just have to put tape on your nipples and go running in the rain.

124

What if when we die the light at the end of the tunnel we see is just us being pushed out of another vagina?

33

I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look...that one is shaped like an idiot."

92

What if the cure for cancer is trapped inside the mind of someone who can't afford an education?

72

"Don't worry,
the spider is
smaller than
you"

"...yeah, so is a
grenade"

176

The first word I want to teach my kid is "brains".

Then, until he/she learns another word, I'll have the cutest little zombie ever.

61

Doubt kills more ideas than failure ever will.

221

if energy can neither be created nor destroyed, what if our souls are a fragmented collection of other people's souls from the past and future? what if our dreams are their memories?

70

I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.

197

Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. Me? I use coupons to get pizza...

78

only when a mosquito lands on your testicles, you realize there's a way to solve problems without using violence.

60

Normal is getting
dressed in clothes
that you buy for work
& driving through traffic
in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, aaaand the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to leave in it...

55

YOU SHOULD STOP TELLING LIES ABOUT ME.

OR I WILL START TO TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU.

68

Me: for Christmas I
want a unicorn.

Santa: be realistic!

Me: ok I want a
boyfriend.

Santa: what colour do
you want your
unicorn?

123

I'm gonna ignore you so hard you'll start to doubt your own existance.

73

Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

70

Your pants say yoga, but your ass says McDonalds!

48

Haters will see you walk on water and say its because you can't swim.

109

My goal for 2014 is to accomplish the goals of 2013 which I should've done in 2012 because I promised them in 2011 and planned in 2010.

101

I 'm gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer's.

53

Music is life. That's why our hearts have beats.

120

I may look calm but in my head I have already killed you three times AND hid the body.

241

Faster than the speed of light is when you can take a bottle of beer out of the fridge before the light comes on.

20

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.

C. S. Lewis

43

lovers

that word really bums me out

..unless its between cheese and pizza

28

Tequila + me = lucky you!

35

The
difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza •

147

if you walk a mile in my shoes you'll end up at the bar.

61

After all is said and
done, a lot more will be said than done.

106

If Adam and Eve were Chinese,
we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake.

98

If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you're fooling yourself. That's like expecting the lion not to eat you beacuse you didn't eat him.

103

7 BILLION PEOPLE, 14 BILLION FACES.

117

Did you know that if you put your ear up a strangers leg you can hear them say:
What the fuck are you doing?!?

100

Sorry, but your password must contain a capital letter, two numbers,
a symbol, an inspiring message, a spell,
a gang sign,
a hieroglyph and the blood of a virgin.

170

Never trust a warm toilet seat

59

BEFORE SEX...YOU HELP EACH OTHER GET NAKED, AFTER SEX YOU ONLY DRESS YOURSELF.

MORAL OF THE STORY: IN LIFE NO ONE HELPS YOU

ONCE YOU'RE FUCKED.

325

recently, i called my mother at 3 am. just to let her know how it is, when she calls me on sunday 1 pm.

74

don't give up on your dreams.

keep sleeping.

155

100% of non-
smokers die too.

213

until 0% battery do us part

77

i'm wearing my friday socks.

they're like normal socks, but they're ready to party.

83

How am I meant to control my life I can’t even control my hair

125

If women ruled this world, there would be no wars.

Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

202

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY
AND MAYBE
A LITTLE BIT NAKED.

265

we live for nights nobody can remember with people we'll never forget

70

I wish I could trade my heart for another liver so I could drink more and care less.

78

If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphillis!

111

Yes mom I know my room is a mess it's a metaphor for my life, i'm trying to be poetic.

140

I wish I had boobs so people would stop making eye contact with me.

146

LET'S DO SOME "WE SHOULDN'T BE DOING THIS" THINGS.

262

I don't make mistakes,
I date them.

172

I live for the nights that I can't remember with the people I won't forget.

97

They should ask us who we are instead of what we want to be.

67

The creative adult is the child who survived.

491

I WANT TO HAVE TEXT WITH YOU.

257

Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

628

You are only as good as the drinks you mix, the tables you dance on and the friends you roll with.

524

Sex with an ex.

Same as if you shower and wear your dirty underwear again.

223

Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.

620

Everyone's curious

But no one really cares.

178

Telling a girl to "calm down" is like trying to baptize a cat.

148

You remind me of my big toe, cause i'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture I own

273

The sex was so good even the neighbours had a cigarette.

283

I like the nights.

Some of my best days were nights.

241

I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty

and I could not have described it any better

296

Try to be less of a fucking piece of shit than you were yesterday.

- Buddha

295

I just awesomed all over the place.

317

Negative people need drama like oxygen. Stay positive and you'll take their breath away.

163

others have sex in the kitchen, I eat in bed

367

I just took a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

271

I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

310

i just burnt my tongue on some food

they say the ones you love hurt you the most

270

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

312

I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT

250

There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."

539

laundry today
or
naked tomorrow

577

It's not illegal. It's just frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.

1546

This isn't a beer belly, it's a fuel tank for my love machine!

37

Alcohol should be served in Capri Sun pouches. When you can't get the straw in the hole you've had enough.

82

We read things so fast sometimes that we don't notice mistakes. It's like there's an autocorrect in our head fixing the words before we even read them.

47

You'd better listen to your heart because I think your mind is fucked.

107

YOU'RE JUST LIKE THE LAST PIECE OF PIZZA. EVERYONE WANTS IT, BUT NOBODY DARES TO TAKE IT.

74

my "i hate you" face must look very similar to my "tell me more" face.
i'll have to work on that.

85

Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.

534

she's a mess of gorgeous chaos & you can see it in her eyes.

332

Faster than the speed of light is when you can take a bottle of beer out of the fridge before the light comes on.

263

Let's go camping.

In a hotel.
With a pool. And a spa.

427

Money is like manure. If we spread it around, it does a lot of good, but if we pile it up, it stinks.

196

Here's a tissue, you have a little bullshit on your lip.

445

Ironically, the fight between the mind and the heart always ends up hurting the liver.

417

If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.

572

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone?... That's common sense leaving your body.

395

Dear Ex..

When you see me, i want you to recognize what you had, regret what you've lost, and realize what you're never getting back.

Sincerly Me

388

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

734

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

326

I tripped and fell in love.

Don't worry, I brushed that shit off.

409

Not full of get up & go so much as lay down & die.

181

I am one Candy Crush invite away from murdering someone.

386

A lot of people cry when they cut onions, the trick is not to form an emotional bond.

396

that awkward moment when I'm drunk
and you're still ugly

478

The trouble with jogging is, by the time you realize you're not fit for it, it's too far to walk back •

409

Most of the time I am convinced I have lost it. But sometimes, I think I am the main line of truth in the universe.

201

I don't watch soccer...

If I want to spend 90 minutes watching people struggling to score, I take my friends to a bar.

398

Anybody have any plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?

320

I've never seen a Mcdonalds or a Burger King under construction.

They just show up.

389

I wish I had boobs so people would stop making eye contact with me.

458

Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?

379

A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear.

Unless it's 3am.

And you're home alone.

And you don't have a baby.

427

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