Search for #hashtags, @writers or keywords

Posts Liked by elsurfista

you know you're getting old when you prefer sleep over sex

6

Donald Trump: Climate change isn't real!
Mother Nature: Here, hold my covfefe.

42

The night hides a world,
but reveals a universe.

~ Persian Proverb

17

ADULT LIFE:

IF YOUR'RE NOT TIRED,
YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

32

Always trust everything you read on the Internet. Always.

35

In the age of Google, knowing the right questions to ask really is more important than knowing the answers

23

She: "I can't sleep."

He: "Evil never sleeps."

25

When you're
in a hurry
and
everything else
is in slow
motion

18

Sometimes;
I question my sanity,

Sometimes;
it replies.

39

MAKING MISTAKES IS BETTER THAN FAKING PERFECTIONS.

26

If inner demons like ice cream, too?

15

dear life,

would you at least start using lubricant?

20

I'm a World trapped in a Person. It's up to you to explore me.

24

Look for the good because the bad comes itself.

33

the most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any

30

Lust is honest.
It demands sex. Love is sly; it creeps up on you and expects pancakes in the morning and text messages in the day.

44

I KNOW THEY SAY THERE ARE LOTS OF FISH IN THE SEA,
BUT YOU'RE MY NEMO.

33

Let me yin your yang.

59

One beautiful heart is better than a thousand beautiful faces.

37

We are living in the age of global warming and human coldness.

41

You made me a better person.

Without changing me.

37

Forget the past, but remember the lessons.

28

Life is too short to worry about the bottom of the toothpaste tube.

69

Disappointment cannot
exist without expectation.

32

NEVER REPEAT YOUR MISTAKES.

UNLESS THEY ARE REALLY SEXY.

32

only someone who cares about you can hear you when you're quiet

60

everyone smiles in the same language

56

NO, I am not an alcoholic. I just have a lot of things to celebrate.

22

Being unique, just like everyone else.

79

My alone time is sometimes for your safety.

35

Revenge isn't good, but make good stories

20

The axe forgets but the tree remembers.

97

WORDS ARE THE MOST POWERFUL DRUG USED BY MANKIND!

31

The circus in my head demands more popcorn.

65

The caterpillar does all the work,
but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

18

The hardest thing is this world is to live in it.

28

Guess what i'm wearing..?

The smile you gave me..^_^

35

Characterize people by their actions and you will never be fooled by their words

29

The truth hurts only once

A lie hurts everytime you remember it.

150

The risk I took was calculated..

But man,

I'm bad at math..

116

Compering yourself
to others is an insult
to yourself.

48

listen carefully to what people don't say

162

IT'S GOING TO BE ONE
OF THOSE DAYS.

THE VOICES IN MY HEAD ARE FIGHTING.
MY IMAGINARY
FRIEND IS RUNNING WITH SCISSORS.
AND ONE OF MY
PERSONALITIES WANDERED OFF.

96

9x-7i > 3(3x-7u)
9x-7i > 9x -21u
-7i < -21u
i <3u

104

The most annoying thing about people is remembering you are one of them.

119

Love is unconditional. Love is, "I know you're a fucking psycho maniac, but I'm willing to deal with that."

117

Best friends don't care if your house is clean. They care if you have wine.

44

Soda became vodka, bikes became cars, kisses became sex.

Remember when dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth, and mom was your hero?

Race issues were about who ran the fastest, war was only a card game. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow.

And we couldn't wait to grow up!

50

Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of
luck.

- Dalai Lama

60

Love begins, where words end.

46

I always learn from the mistakes of others who took my advice.

44

I Now Pronounce You Man and WiFi. And then they lived happily everafter....

34

:(:

you decide

49

You better hope that Santa doesn't see your browser history

98

It's not what's under the Christmas tree that matters,

it's who's around it.

95

- = +

38

I don't need an inspirational quote, what I need is a freaking cup of coffee!

22

LOVE like it is your last...

LAUGH like it is your first...

LIVE like it is your only...

Chance

38

FIRST DATE
(noun)

Two people meet for the first time and try awkwardly to hide their bad habits.

31

first date:
when mortals try and create their own fate

21

If you ever feel powerless, remember that a single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a whole restaurant.

115

we just use the future to escape the present

111

10% of conflicts are due to differences in opinion.

90% are due to wrong tone of voice.

279

Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM

273

Whenever I delete an app on my phone,
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •

583

My guardian angel spends most of his time sighing and saying
"Dude, don't drink that".

58

"You only live once?"
FALSE
You Live Everyday

You only DIE ONCE.

135

Can you imagine parents nowadays explaining to their kids how they met?

"Well, it all started one day when your dad 'liked' one of my selfies."

218

Surprise your body. Be sober

21

lazy is such an ugly word

I prefer the term selective participation

93

I really want to throw a party with fake alcohol and see how many people get drunk.

63

a successful vacation is when you use everything you pack.

8

I WAS BORN TO BE AWESOME. NOT PERFECT.

10

I would not want to be involved in a fight with a person who bleeds every month and still lives.

225

SOMETIMES IS YOUR SILENCE THE BIGGEST INSULT.

28

Work until your idols become your rivals.

298

I finally stopped caring what other people think.

I hope everyone's ok with that.

30

Monsters don't sleep under your bed.

They sleep inside your head.

66

Well your face is pretty...

but you'll have to put a bag over that personality.

27

Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.

42

I wouldn't have to manage my anger, if people would manage their stupidity

34

A clever person solves a problem.

A wise person avoids it.

24

My door
is always
open.

Hopefully
you'll leave.

39

My heart and my brain only agree on one thing..

Food •

34

Seek respect, not attention.
It lasts longer.

41

Dont depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness

37

soon as you realize love is in the air, somebody farts.

203

sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants

29

Kids learning from TV

What Flickering lights mean:

1% electrical problems

99% demons

21

The England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today.

It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope said Jose, age 6.

28

There's a time and place for everything.

Whatever you're thinking, yes.

13

If no one thinks you
can

then you have to

20

With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything

783

I CAN IGNORE YOU SO HARD, YOU FEEL LIKE THE INTERNET EXPLORER.

54

That wonderful, wonderful moment when you hit the person you hate the most full force in the face with a football accidentally.

It just proves that there is a God, and he is hard at work.

13

If you're ugly, please leave before I wake up.

17

Telling a girl to "calm down" is like trying to baptize a cat.

566

Today, 2 year olds can unlock an iPhone, open and close their favorite apps all by themselves.

When I was that age,
I was eating dirt.

617

until 0% battery do us part

337

After a long weekend without your phone, you learn whats really important in life.

Your phone.

10

I've got nothing against God. It's his fan club that I can't stand.

36

Telling someone they can't be sad because others have It worse is like saying someone can't be happy because others have it better

21

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think its cute.
I just think it's crazy how many people bring knives on a date.

91

Dear Ex,

Please don't be fooled by Adele, you'll never find someone like me.

203

Do you remember the time when we were all in peace?

Yeah, me neither.

74

7 BILLION PEOPLE, 14 BILLION FACES.

117

Never judge a book by its movie.

10

Don't grow up, it's a trap.

70

you're the biggest april fools joke ever

8

it's easier to get free WiFi than it is to get free water and people act like nothing is wrong with the world

5

YOU ARE AS TRUE AS DEMOCRACY IN CHINA.

10

HOW CAN WE WIN, WHEN FOOLS CAN BE KINGS?

9

YOU ARE A PEARL.
AND DO YOU KNOW HOW PEARLS ARE FORMED IN OYSTERS?
THROUGH CONSTANT IRRITATION.

10

If I wanted to please everyone, I were born as Nutella

311

To be in the 1%, you have to do what 99% won't.

288

Dear Ex,

Please don't be fooled by Adele, you'll never find someone like me.

377

The world is full of nice people.
If you can't find one, be one.

69

Dear Heart,

Please stop breaking..
you weren't made in
China •

50

only when a mosquito lands on your testicles, you realize there's a way to solve problems without using violence.

60

Do you believe in miracles?

Me neither.

I believe in risks, faith and tequila.

183

having a vagina doesn't stop me from believing that my balls are bigger than yours.

201

My mind isn't dirty. Your mind is just innocent.

12

If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you're fooling yourself. That's like expecting the lion not to eat you beacuse you didn't eat him.

230

Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone's throat.

152

roses are red
violets are blue
vodka is cheaper
than dinner for two

33

If I had a dollar for every time I said I'd never drink again, I could probably buy my own bar.

45

Yeah, you're pretty from a distance...
at night... under a rock.

83

100% of non-
smokers die too.

213

What if when we die the light at the end of the tunnel we see is just us being pushed out of another vagina?

163

YOU SHOULD STOP TELLING LIES ABOUT ME.

OR I WILL START TO TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU.

9

That moment when you smile in the middle of a kiss.

9

The first word I want to teach my kid is "brains".

Then, until he/she learns another word, I'll have the cutest little zombie ever.

184

remember when i asked you for your opinion? yeah, me neither

21

I romantically stand outside your window and hold up my iPhone to blast OUR song...

...a 30sec ad video
plays first.

109

Sorry, but your password must contain a capital letter, two numbers,
a symbol, an inspiring message, a spell,
a gang sign,
a hieroglyph and the blood of a virgin.

200

beautiful things don't ask for attention

159

I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look...that one is shaped like an idiot."

5

The guy who discovered milk...
What was he doing with the cow?

5

I hate it when the voices in my head go silent...

I never know what those fuckers are planning...

10

Sex with an ex.

Same as if you shower and wear your dirty underwear again.

10

So lets find a bar so dark we forget who we are.

74

Keep reaching for the stars.

But, please, get a better deodorant.

98

You know that voice that says, "Don't do that"?

Yeah, I don't have one of those.

99

Dear Alcohol,

we had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer.

I saw the video.

We need to talk.

37

be the change you wish to see.

22

I'd rather walk alone than with a group going the wrong direction.

4

Hey Santa, you know who else liked to judge people?
That dude Hitler.

54

I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look...that one is shaped like an idiot."

136

LET
ME

ENTERTAIN
YOU

14

Smart has the brains, but stupid has the balls.

20

Everytime you find some humor in a difficult situation,
you win •

27

5 kinds of fear

1. panic
2. terror
3. 15 missed calls from mom
4. "we need to talk"
5. "wrong password"

33

Life is tough.
Get a helmet.

32

A true friend accepts who
you are, but
also helps you become who
you should •

33

Make the party worth the hangover

121

Chocolate
doesn't ask
silly questions..
chocolate understands •

51

promises
are immune to circumstances

57

a virgin getting pregnant, l can believe. but three wise men?

80

Me: for Christmas I
want a unicorn.

Santa: be realistic!

Me: ok I want a
boyfriend.

Santa: what colour do
you want your
unicorn?

153

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.

82

out of all the lies i've told, 'just kidding!' is my favourite.

94

If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it, how bad a decision can it be

76

I put redbull in my coffee this morning instead of water.
And now I can see noises.

77

life isn't a fairytale.

if you lose your shoe at midnight you might want to slow down on the tequila.

71

When a man says you're ugly, he's just being mean. When a woman says you're ugly, she's just jealous. When a child says you're ugly, you're ugly.

139

I need more drinks and less light.

52

My laziness is exactly like the number 8. If it lays down, it becomes infinite.

19

Dear Life,
when I said,
'Can my day get any worse',
it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

86

play
today

work
mañana

22

LAUGH like you're 10
PARTY like you're 20
TRAVEL like you're 30
THINK like you're 40
ADVISE like you're 50
CARE like you're 60
LOVE like you're 70

23

IMAGINE

If trees gave off WiFi
signals, we would be
planting so many trees
and we'd probably
save the planet too!

Too bad they only
produce the oxygen
we breathe.

97

Definition of HELL

Your last day on
earth, the person
you became meets
the person you could have become.

70

I may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I'm someones double vodka!

108

Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't.

129

the brain is the most important human organ, it works 24/7/365.
from the beginning of your life till the moment you fall in love...

157

Can't Stop Drinking About You

95

It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, its mine.

88

Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. Me? I use coupons to get pizza...

112

before you SPEAK, LISTEN. before you ACT, THINK. before you QUIT, TRY. before you SHIT, look for PAPER.

122

Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

170

When guys wait for the perfect girl, it's Playboy's fault.

When girls wait for the perfect guy, it's Disney's fault.

123

The best mind altering drug is truth

63

I don't care if you think I'm insane.

The unicorn who visits me in the night time says
I don't and
I believe him.

154

what's the difference between a homeless guy and a hipster?

-the iPhone

105

putting

the cart

before

the horse

1

sê
a-
temporal

4

Treat your meat and seafood with respect for their sacrifice!

2

Don't be a bitch,
be
the bitch.

3

think about why you started.

2

all
messy
here <3

1

The best thing to hold on to in life is each other.

5

took a nude photo of myself. with the lights off.

you're welcome.

131

The synonym for reality is offline.

102

to me 'drink responsibly' means don't spill it.

106

better
to loose
a lover
than
to love
a loser

134

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY
AND MAYBE
A LITTLE BIT NAKED.

145

I'm gonna ignore you so hard you'll start to doubt your own existance.

148

The
difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza •

136

I like creating awkward silences

73

"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing. Unless you're at a funeral.

72

Can you
FUCK
read between
YOU
the lines.

82

What if the cure for cancer is trapped inside the mind of someone who can't afford an education?

144

Music is life. That's why our hearts have beats.

140

the problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubt, while the stupid people are full of confidence.

-Charles Bukowski

177

When i die i want my tombstone to offer free WiFi so people will visit me more often.

114

There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."

722

Weekends are like an orgasm.
It takes a lot to get there and when you finally did, it's over in no time...

232

Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

259

Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

628

TOMORROW

a mystical land where 99% of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored

157

I HATE BEING
BIPOLAR
IT IS AWESOME

340

i am as motivated as the guy who drew the japanese flag.

263

Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

163

more
talent
less
ego

183

hell yeah
its friday.

219

Free to choose,
but not free from the consequences of the choice.

227

What happens in Vegas...
ends up on Facebook.

190

don't give up on your dreams.

keep sleeping.

496

You drink too much.
You swear too much.
You have no morals.

You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend!

281

It's better to be late, than to arrive ugly.

449

i remember when music cost money and water was free.

401

i remember when music cost money and water was free.

401

404: Life not found

439

Everything is made in China. Except babies. They are made in vaChina.

265

my life.
my choices.
my mistakes.
my lessons.
not your business.

261

my life.
my choices.
my mistakes.
my lessons.
not your business.

261

show more

About Help Contact Copyright Privacy Terms