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I have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.

I'm also deaf in one ear.

34

Cinderella never asked for a prince, she asked for a night off and a dress.

45

Years, lovers and glasses of wine should never be counted.

29

When asked if he'd rather have a baby brother or a baby sister, my brother gave it some thought and answered:
"A bicycle."

57

So, what do you think is the meaning of life?

- me attempting small talk

39

So you think I'm weird?

That's ok, you'll be sure in a minute.

47

I'm just an asshole with feelings.

18

When people start praying before a meal,
I close my eyes and imagine how cold my food is getting.

32

After the letter, he
camps outside her house.
In pouring rain, he waits,
for her to come home.
He asks for another chance; she says yes. Sixty years on, he laughs, and, reminds her of the day, they almost didn't make it.

33

I'm just glad to have smarter people around me.

25

I went for a walk in the countryside today, and
fell down some rotten
wooden steps. Still, at
least I did it in stile.

32

Science flies you to the moon, religion flies you into buildings.

19

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