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I'm like a natural disaster;
I just can't control myself.

37

"What's this song? It's flippin' awful!"

"It's Prince, Dad. Purple Rain."

And you are no longer my father.

17

procrasturbation
(n.)

procrastinating by masturbating.

15

*looks up own name*

12

"My brain is at the airport, but the flight will be delayed.."

11

Buy a wig, they said. It'll look natural, they said.

10

There's a hole in my heart that can only be filled with carbs

9

It's like the world is

Like my life is

Behind a wall

A wall of smoke

And nothing gets through to me
I'm numb and that's not how it should be

8

He's just so cozy

8

Five minutes into 'Up':

Why am I doing this to myself

Where are the tissues

How can I make this stop

7

When I use the words:
"I'd be so proud if he were my son"

Instead of:
"Phwoar!"

That's how I know I'm getting old.

6

I don't know which is more lethal, my drink or sniffing this permanent marker...

6

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