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TheBestQuotes

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TheBestQuotes

Never say "OOPS!" always say "Ah, Interesting!"

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If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

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Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us. -Jerry Seinfeld

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I blame my mom 4 my poor sexlife. All she told me was 'the boy goes on top n the girl underneath.' 4 3 yrs my husband n I slept in bunkbeds.

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Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having. - Mitch Hedberg

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This isn't Burger King, you can't have it your way.

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"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning."

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If you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of Johnson's No More Tears, would it create beautiful irony?

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