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JakeWeisman

Comedian, Diva

twitter.com/weismanjake

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JakeWeisman

The trick to being a good person is to feel terrible about yourself and keep re-learning how little you know right up until the moment you die

1

I keep a gun in my house just so if anyone breaks in they can find it and easily kill me

3

When you’re young you only let people have sex with you if they’re in love with you and when you’re an adult you only let people have sex with you if they’re not in love with you

3

You can say a lot of bad things about me but at least I don’t refer to a job as a gig

1

What’s a good way to get younger people to appreciate classic works of art? Tell them it looks like them.

4

Why kick a member of Trump's team out of your restaurant when you can just cum in their food

1

It's nice to be able to go home for the holidays after a long year of hard work and get the reward of feeling stressed out of your mind by your insane, depressing, dying family, depleting you even further of your energy, as you get ready to tackle a new calendar year

2

By now you know if you'll be alone tomorrow and you've probably also figured out that you deserve it for that thing you did that not many people know about but you know you did it and it was very bad and you deserve to be alone tomorrow and think about what you did wrong

1

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