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est24601

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est24601

I don't do drugs or drink.

At my age, I get the same effect just standing up too fast.

56

I swear if my
memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

51

I'm opening a gym called "Resolutions". It will have exercise equipment in it for the first two weeks, then it turns into a bar for the rest of the year.

33

Of course size matters.....

Nobody wants a small cup of coffee.

49

I can't wait to hide all the Easter candy for the kids inside my stomach.

31

My biggest fear is a killer saying some funny shit while I'm playing dead.

35

As you get older your eyesight weakens yet you can see through people much better.

19

What do people do with all the extra time they save by texting "K" instead of "OK"?

36

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