Posts Liked by est24601

Never leave alphabet soup on the stove and then go out.

It could spell disaster.

"Trump's like an acholic who fires his doctor and starts getting medical advice from his bartender ."

You might
be the
beginning of the rest
of my life.

I can get delivery of coffee, fast food, groceries, electronics or medications without having to leave the house but still cannot find anyone to lose 25 pounds for me!

So depressing!

it's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas

Saving one animal won't change the world, but it will save the world for that one animal.

Best friends are those who treat you kindly behind your back.

I'm looking forward to seeing the Orange piece of shit in an Orange jumpsuit.

Someone should inform the jackass that Puerto Rico is a U.S. territory and they've been devastated by a terrible Hurricane.

It's the people with the least that give the most. Always is.

Sex?

Sure...

Maybe...

Can we discuss it later? It's too damned hot and I really just want to sleep-in until Sunday, okay?

The time has come, actually it's overdue, for the CIA to do what must be done.

Transgender Americans now in the military have already displayed more courage than their current commander in chief, who never served.

UPDATE: Trump says transgender people banned from military EXCEPT in cases where he or his sons would have to serve in their place.

That crucial moment on a first date when you realize

you'd rather be at home watching TV with your cat.

Trying to fit this year's booty into last year's pants.

SMART-ass: acronym

Superior
Mental
Acuity,
Rated
Tops
-
and
spectacular
seat

Despite my name. I actually rarely bite. And i never bark.

Proof aliens exist.
I have no idea how I ended up on this app.
No recollection at all.
And now I am stuck here.

Omg. Is this the "conference" abductees speak of?

OoO

Congressman and Senators during Nixon's presidency had integrity and ethics. They put Country before Party...

I like being at home in my own little world.
The real world is full of too many assholes.

Cat fur is just part of the decor in my house.

No Washington law firm or lawyers would take him as a client. Not only is he a terrible client, but has a reputation for not paying people. The attorney he finally got is doing it for reasons other than money. He already knows he won't be paid.

The GOP plans to pass a healthcare bill with no hearings and most don't know what's in it. Now THIS should be a crime. May every last one of them lose their office.

Odds are that Trump is one of the 7% of Americans that believe that chocolate milk comes from brown cows.

"I have Angelina Jolie's lips, it's just that they're in my underpants." -

Sarah Silverman on Twitter (07/18/2014)

The color Orange has been ruined through association. He should be hung in the town square for that alone!

He was a little confused with the brain tumor, so he'd give dogs treats way too often, forgetting that he'd just given them some. They're not liking the fact that the treat overload days are over!:(

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.

Q: what does Donald Trump have in common with a turtle on a fence post?

A:
-you know he didn't get there by himself
-he doesn't know what to do now that he's up there
-you wonder who thought it was a good idea to put him there in the first place
-he is elevated beyond his ability to function

The NSA contractor who leaked the document is a woman named Reality Winner. When he was asked if he had any contact with the leaker, Trump said, "Nope, Im TOTALLY out of touch with Reality."

~ Jimmy Fallon

Trump's been causing a lot of problems with the things he's tweeted recently, but the White House says he isn't concerned with being politically correct. Then they clarified their statement and said he isn't even concerned about being correct.

~ Jimmy Fallon

We talk about Donald Trump nightly on this show, but I thought when I came here to London I'd finally get away from him for a while. And then I get here, and who does he start a fight with? The mayor of London! While I'm in the city! He's following me!

~ James Corden

if you got your tongue caught in a mouse trap, you would start pronouncing it 'mouth trap' which is what it would be

apparently, rsvp'ing to a wedding invitation with "maybe next time" was not an appropriate response (9_9)

We live in a fragmented and disconnected culture. Politics are ugly, religion is struggling, technology is stressful, and the economy is unfortunate. What's one thing that we have in our lives that we can depend on? A dog or a cat loving us unconditionally, every day, very faithfully.
~ Jon Katz

If you need proof of the dumbing down of the world, take a smart device away from your kid, tell them to call their friends and plan an outing to see a movie at the local theater.

As the Millennial Generation would say,"Epic fail!"

I wish Trump would decide if Comey is leaking or lying, because accusing him of leaking lies doesn't make much sense.

Non-existent,
Nothing...before you were born and after you die...

You're 27 years old. Not 17. You aren't the smartest person on the planet anymore but you are smart enough to know this, so~KNOCK IT OFF!

We are all tomorrow's memories.

If we're lucky.

The biggest war is the one we are all fighting every single day.

The war on apathy.

You will never be as young as you are right now.

So live life now because there is no tomorrow.

You accuse me because you know that the finger really points at you.

There is always something there to remind me...

Be off now...song. Go play in someone else's mind.

PC Frank Reagan can eat crackers in my bed any day;)

Whew! Didn't realize how tired I was...until I woke up in a strange, sad world. I think I need to go back to the unknowing world of sleep, where nothing exists...

Waiting for 1st Republican in congress to stand & say "The prez is batshit & not fit to lead": I will build a statue of u in a public square

SAD FACT

99% of the population cares who wins
in an election.

About 30% care
enough to vote.

If you replace I with We,

even illness
becomes wellness.

When I was a baby,
I didn't understand what was happening around me, but I learned from it.

Now that I'm an adult,
I don't understand what's happening around the world, and it scares me.

yesterday was spring. today it's winter again:(

I know everything seems red alert level right now, but the House is VOTING ON THURSDAY to end health care for 24 million of your neighbors.

People
Go
But
How
They
Left
Always stays

I would have had to google who Obama's press secretary was at a given moment. I miss the boringness of competence.

Every American, regardless of party affiliation, should be outraged at this attack on our democracy.

I don't believe Mike Pence was 'kept in the dark'. They're trying to 'save' him...just in case.

This is serious shit. Too serious for Republicans to sweep under the rug, just to grab whatever they can while holding all the cards. They'll be no fucking way to avoid the magnitude of what has and continues to happen with this group of clowns. Very dangerous clowns. Who owns these clowns?

Trump consulted Page, hired Manafort, and appointed Flynn. Each was dismissed only after investigators discovered their Russian connections.

He worked with the Russians to undermine American democracy. Lock him up! What are we waiting for? Just imagine if this were the other party!

Hmm...4,000 state and federal lawsuits against the 'man'. He's driven by total ignorance...I'm not sure the American Presidency can withstand 4 yrs of Donald Trump.

$. =@@. . '/ @ @ @ \ \ \ \ || "@@" ) . . H || . : \_ / || . - ' | / ' - ' \ || . - ' | | | | | || | !____ | | __ | | || | . - ' . - ' \ | | / || ' . ____ . - ' ( / / | || \ / /__\ /_/._| || ) ( \_ )\_ ) | : : | /__\ | : : |$

Grief is a personal thing.
No one can tell you how to do it.

Should Donald Trump
be President?

A) No
B) A

This pathetic election boils down to who is the less scary one.

It's at the bottom of a long list of evil but Trump saying "Obama" without the basic respect of adding "President" first is infuriating.

The little respect I had for Rudy Giuliano after 9/11 is now gone.

I have never felt so 'stressed' during a presidential election. Maybe because I'm also going through the worst possible time right now. I have been extremely angry, though. The year the Supreme Court chose the president...

RESPECT for WOMEN is one of the GREATEST gifts a father can show to his son

I didn't like the idea of building a wall, but maybe it's not a bad idea after all. Keep stupid out.

We were happy for quite a few years.

Then we met.

I had a job at a soft
drink factory once.

But I quit after a few
months because it
was soda pressing.

You're walking slowly up the hill of life and before you know it, you're heading downhill so fast, you're trying not to topple over head first:(

We're only 4 weeks into summer. The Back to School commercials are a bit depressing:(

You don't have to be the best to be the winner

$Once you get in --> __ _______________ \ / ___________ \ \ / / _________ \ \ \ / / / _____ \ \ \ \ / / / / \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ bold_/ / / / / \ \ \ \_______/ / / / \ \ \__________/ / / \ \_____________/ / \________________ / Can't get out$

$\ | | | / ( o o ) |~~~ooO~~( _ )~~~~~~~~~| | please!! treat people | | the way u would want | | to be treated by them.| |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ooo~~~| | ___ | ___ | | | | | ooO Ooo$

Smile but want to cry.

Talk but want to be quiet.

Pretend like you're happy but you aren't.

Of course I don't have a multiple personality disorder and neither do I.

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The physical pain can do a number on your brain:(

The word diarrhea.
Looks like it was written in a hurry.

Dear Yahoo, I don't need any breaking news updates. I have enough drama on my own.

Even if your not successful in life, you are guaranteed to get two certificates.

I just called my boss & told him I have explosive diarrhea.

It's my day off, but I like to keep him informed.

You'll be constantly tired except
for right
before you need to go
to sleep.

I'm still looking for that elusive medication that has the instruction:

"Take with alcohol"

Don't swear,
it isn't fucking proper manners!

Oh Mr. Sun,
Sun, please shine down on me.

Even if I die tomorrow, I feel like it all has been worthwhile.

Flying has become nerve racking enough in recent years-now we have these fucking idiots flying drones in commercial air space. I'll stay on the ground, thank you very much!

Put someone's genitals into your mouth and no one bats an eye

eat a chip off the ground and everyone loses their minds.

When I am sad and feeling blue, I think of time spent with you.

friend is a word we use everyday most of the time in the wrong way. you can look the word up again and again but the dictionary doesn't know the meanng of a friend

ahhhh sunday a relaxing day. but you know monday is right around the corner

yesterday is today's memory and tomorrow is today's dream

No amount of plastic surgery can change the ugly inner truth.

I went out to find myself, but I got lost.

Can you
FUCK
read between
YOU
the lines.

Silence is golden but telling people to go fuck themselves is priceless.

Because we believe ourselves to be better parents than our parents, we expect to produce better children than they produced.

~ Judith Viorst

Be patient,

even a toilet
can only handle
one ASSHOLE
at a time.

If a predator kills and eats a hyena,

does the hyena die laughing?

I sent a text to my young daughter asking her to take my coke out of the freezer. After I hit 'send', I saw that autocorrect had changed coke to cock.

I'm special.

I know this because when I arrived at home from the grocery store, I found a red sticker stuck to my shirt that said so.

I don't hate people. I just prefer when they're not around.

Good night all,

therapy cat says
I need my beauty rest.

Breaking free from the world that I have created for myself.

If someone points at your black clothes and asks, whos funeral it is, you just look around the room, and answer, 'haven't decided yet.'

i'm pretty much the master of handling things completely wrong.

Going out to buy some
cat food for my therapy cat.

I like to keep him happy.

Can't forget
my birth certificate, because without it no one would believe I was born.

How do I get off
this roulette wheel
of life?

Leaving the comfort of the known for the uncertainty of the unknown.

Sometimes the smallest light can brighten the darkest night.

You make my insides turn in a way that doesn't make me question if I have food poisoning.

Isn't it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like "I don't know how to hold a pencil."

SILENT and LISTEN are spelled with the same letters.

Boldmatic makes me like people I never met... Facebook makes me dislike people I know in real life.

All my bills say "Outstanding".

I guess that means I am good!

It's amazing how a small, selfless act of kindness can have a ripple effect. Sometimes even a profound effect. So, let's get out there and take our world back from the haters, one act of kindness at a time, small or large.

the ugliest thing i have ever seen, is a human being without compassion. •

the hardest part of growing up is realizing your parents are growing older•

only trust some~one who can see these three things in you:
the sorrow behind your smile, the love behind your anger and the reason behind your silence

people want you to be real

until your real and say something they don't like.

always leave people better than you found them.

hug the hurt, kiss the broken, befriend the lost, love the lonely •

"having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness. "

confidence is silent.

insecurities are loud.

Who used all the toilet paper?

Some ASSHOLE...

" If you have
an erection
that lasts
for more than
4 hours..."

...call me!

Don't ask me a question if you are not going to listen to the answer.

Sometimes you get so used to the pain, that it just feels normal.

The phone charger in my car quit working. I guess I'll have to buy a new car.

Nothing like having to wake up extra early on a Monday morning to hurry up and finish the things you never got around to doing when you had two whole days to do them.

I would rather be alone by myself than alone with somebody else.

Having a nice ass does not give you the right to act like one.

The greatness of a nation and the morals of its people can be judged by the way it treats its animals.

-GHANDI

Fireworks and alcohol don't mix. Some drunken fool had the bright idea to put a mortar on his head and light it. Now his friends have to live with the awful memory of seeing their friend blow his head off:(

We should have sex if we're ever somehow both in bed and awake at the same time.

I miss my dogs~the few that weren't bothered by fireworks or thunder:(

I check the weather by looking at the volume of your back sweat.

$:)\____/(: {(@)v(@) {|~- -~|} {/^'^'^\} m-m Owl$

How to have a flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

My tiny toe helps me to find furniture
in the dark.

Looking back at myself a year ago:
how embarassing

Looking back a month ago:
how embarassing

Looking at myself right now:
how embarassing

Being the only one in the work group that doesn't 'do lunch' with the rest of the clique.

Cats can be funny.

They will insist on going out, but then just sit for a while and want to come back in. Other times they want to come in, but when you open the door they stop half way in and stand there for a while before deciding to turn around and go back out again.

your mind needs as much exercise as your body. thats why I think about jogging every day

I may look like I'm trying to help but in reality I'm pushing the "close elevator" button as hard as I can.

How do deer know to cross at those signs?

they say you dont know what you have untill its gone not true you knew exactly what you had you just never thought you would lose it

bad bad day got home from work and my sons pet sheep passed away we had her since birth

say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind

stand up for what you believe in even if you are standing alone

everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. be kind . always

I'm the type of person who looks at the menu for 5 minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.

How to talk to me when I'm in a bad mood:

Don't.

That awful, helpless feeling you have after learning one of your children is going through a difficult, emotional, life changing crisis, through no fault of her own, and there is not a damn thing you can do about it. Just awful.

I have to keep reminding my horse to keep a watch on the trail for rocks, fallen branches and uneven ground and such, and I will take care of the chore called sightseeing.

Almost halfway done with 2015 and I still haven't done shit.

Summer is here. I'm so excited. I wet my plants.

Do you ever have a plan for the day and suddenly it's 4pm and you've achieved literally nothing?

May my butt get fatter and my stomach get flatter

amen.

If I grow up I want to be 'Winnie The Pooh' or 'Goofy'.

Technically if you don't cut the cake and just eat the whole thing with a fork, you still only had one piece.

My thoughts and prayers go out to anyone trying on summer clothes.

i was never
good at listening
to other people.
so what makes
you think you
are special?

have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered...

"who ties your shoelaces for you?"

If Helen Keller could be taught manners, what the hell is wrong with your kids?

If my cat talked to me in English, I would talk back in Meow.

There is no
substitute
for the touch
of another
human being.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle

When I was a boy, my Momma would send me down to a corner store with $1,
and I'd come back with 5 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles
of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea, and 6 eggs.
You can't do that now.
Too many fucking security cameras...

If you don't fit in, you're most likely on the right path.

do twins ever realise one of them was unplanned?

The first testicular guard, the "cup", was used in hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Don't believe everything that you think.

my day starts backwards, i wake up tired and go to bed wide awake.

$•• •• •• •• •• •• •• •• ¯\_(oo)_/¯$

Last night I dreamed that there was a room full of people exactly like me!

I hated them all.

Better grab my dumbrella.

It's really stupid out there today.

the only valentine's day cards
I'll accept are credit cards