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Posts Liked by lillystar

Been 4 months on my gym membership and nothing changed so far!
Guess it's time to go in person and check what's the problem!

29

All is well in Fantasyland.

15

Welcome to Adulthood.

I hope you like

Ibuprofen.

29

I can't wait to never fall in love again.

29

WE ARE DROWNING IN INFORMATION
WHILE STARVING FOR WISDOM

44

If you can't let your past die,
it won't let you live.

51

Dogs can be our best friends, but a cat will never tell the police where the marijuana is

51

Negative people need drama like oxygen. Stay positive and you'll take their breath away.

163

Try to be less of a fucking piece of shit than you were yesterday.

- Buddha

295

10% of conflicts are due to differences in opinion.

90% are due to wrong tone of voice.

279

Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.

286

I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

310

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

459

I don't miss you,
I just miss not being
able to tell you things.

Like go fuck yourself.

46

you remind me of a software update, whenever i see you i think
"not now!"

140

a friend isn't your friend until they defend you in your absence

168

If you find yourself, how will you know it's you?

109

It's okay.

My comebacks are as epic as my fuck-ups.

120

Light is easy to love.

Show me your darkness.

175

I do not spew profanities.

I enunciate them properly like a fucking lady.

89

I'm only avoiding you because you stole my yogurt in a dream I had

91

The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success

213

When ego is lost, limit is lost. You become infinite, kind, beautiful.

270

have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered...

"who ties your shoelaces for you?"

280

Yeah, I tried to order a burrito at the ATM. So what?

82

I just don't have the energy to shit butterflies and piss rainbows today.

178

you are the
tree standing
in the middle
of a hurricane
with both middle
fingers up in the air.

145

Seeing a cockroach on your bed isn't the problem, the real problem would be if it disappeared. . . .

148

I CAN-CER VIVE

135

Be careful who you make memories with, those things can last forever.

235

I don't really want it if I have to show you how to give it.

122

Dad, you've always been like a father to me.

99

to avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.

162

he who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool

87

Me: I want a magical unicorn for Christmas!

Santa: Be realistic.

Me: OK, I want 5 minutes to myself each day to have my coffee hot and pee in peace.

Santa: What colour unicorn would you like?

185

Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.

265

Can't wait for the day some kid grows up and sues their parents for plastering their face all over the Internet.

194

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself

491

If you have to ask if it's too early to drink wine, you're an amateur and we can't be friends.

189

i think therefore

i don't have much in common with a lot of people

236

Can february march?

No. But april may

310

I'm multitasking,

I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time

393

may the bridges I burn light the way

205

Better grab my dumbrella.

It's really stupid out there today.

294

MAYBE SHE'S BORN WITH IT,
MAYBE IT'S AN INSTAGRAM FILTER.

192

EVERYONE'S IRISH ON MARCH 17th

71

You shouldn't just read everything you believe.

135

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.

249

Dear Sneeze,

If you're going to happen, happen.

Don't put a stupid look on my face and then just leave.

251

To Quote Hamlet
Act III, Scene III
Line 87,

"NO"

241

Dont make me choose between you and food because I would miss you.

333

Unless you can question your own beliefs, you have no place questioning the beliefs of others.

202

My boss doesn't like the nickname I gave him. It's awful to see Princess Dickhead crying.

201

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle

344

That moment between Netflix episodes where you see your reflection on the black screen and wonder what the fuck you're doing with your life

234

And here starts another week without me being rich or famous.

182

In 1814 Women had no rights

In 1914 Women fought for some rights

In 2014 Women are always fucking right

222

actually, we are created to love each other.

simple.
and so hard to do too.

131

die with memories,
not dreams.

329

Go Jesus! It's your Birthday!!

121

santa gets all the credit

and i get all the bills...

177

We have each other and everything else is background noise.

191

Quick!
No time to explain...
grab a donkey

134

You know something bad is about to happen when someone says

"Hold my beer and watch this."

214

Sometimes I feel useless but then
I remember
I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

394

They asked me why I don't have tattoos...
so I told them:

"Do you see a Ferrari
with bumper stickers?"

50

My children are dyslexic; they think 'Dad' is spelt ATM.

25

We all know someone who speaks fluent shit.

62

I hope you step on a Lego.

69

What are calories?

Calories are the little bastards that infest your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter while you sleep. My wardrobe is infested!

3

This is not Winter;

This is the world's largest Human Freezer!

3

On your mark...

Get set...

Go Fuck Yourself!!!!

3

Dear middle finger, thanks for sticking up for me.

7

CONGRATULATIONS

My tallest finger wants to give you a
standing ovation.

33

Life. When I asked "can my day get any worse...?"

It was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

12

I don't exercise. If God wanted me to bend over, he'd put diamonds on the floor

- Joan Rivers

32

The man is the head of the house, but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head anywhere she wants

27

My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"

367

TREAT ME LIKE A JOKE, AND I'LL LEAVE YOU LIKE IT'S FUNNY.....

82

The most important rules of life:

1. use things, not people

2. love people, not things

40

I don't have a DIRTY mind...

I have a SEXY imagination!

37

If I wanted to please everyone, I were born as Nutella

311

Dear Ex,

Please don't be fooled by Adele, you'll never find someone like me.

377

With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything

783

My internet was down for 5 minutes so I went downstairs and spoke to my family.

They seem like nice people.

1135

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

734

On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese.
I lost my poor meatball, when somebody sneezed.
It rolled off the table, and onto the floor.
And then my poor meatball, rolled out the door...

178

I've never seen a Mcdonalds or a Burger King under construction.

They just show up.

389

I'm having one of those days that's not a Saturday.

233

My love is like a candle.

If you forget me, I'll burn your house down.

353

Don't be sad laundry,
no one is doing me either

222

soon as you realize love is in the air, somebody farts.

203

if i had 1$ for everytime i got called beautiful i'd have 1$

thanks mom

200

Maybe she's not on her period... Maybe you are just an asshole....

256

just wanted to update everyone on the fact that absolutely nothing new is happening in my life

203

Show a girl you don't care and she'll chase you. Show a woman you don't care and she'll replace you.

250

I'm in competition
with no one..
have no desire
to play the game of being better than anyone..
just simply trying to be better than the person I was yesterday •

445

If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphillis!

407

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

823

find something worth dying, and then live for it.

13

I'm so good at algebra that I could replace your x and you wouldn't even know y.

17

less walls &
more bridges

70

train your mind to see the good in every situation

16

You know what's awesome?

Finding a person who won't give up on you, even when you've given up on yourself.

14

Can we start the weekend over again?

I wasn't ready...

29

War is expensive!

Peace is priceless!

53

shortest horror story:

monday

24

That moment when your hormones decides to ruin your childhood.

24

I wish you would listen closer to the songs I play. The lyrics are the words I fail to say.

224

No matter what kind of instant noodles you buy, they all taste like poverty and loneliness.

181

I followed my heart and it led me into the fridge.

61

Dear Heart,

Please stop breaking..
you weren't made in
China •

50

If you can love the wrong person that much, imagine how much you can love the right one.

115

Normal is getting
dressed in clothes
that you buy for work
& driving through traffic
in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, aaaand the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to leave in it...

55

Have you ever looked at someone and thought...

'Yep... you have a person locked in your basement.'

163

What if the cure for cancer is trapped inside the mind of someone who can't afford an education?

72

I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.

197

YOLO

you only live online

93

When guys wait for the perfect girl, it's Playboy's fault.

When girls wait for the perfect guy, it's Disney's fault.

88

Me: for Christmas I
want a unicorn.

Santa: be realistic!

Me: ok I want a
boyfriend.

Santa: what colour do
you want your
unicorn?

123

Men: if you ever want to know what a woman's mind feels like,imagine a browser with 2,837 tabs open.

All.The.Time.

96

I'm not as random as you think I salad.

25

I'll have a café mocha vodka valium latte to go please.

240

I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don't have.

182

THIS IS BY FAR YOUR MOST FUCKED UP IDEA EVER... I'LL BE THERE IN 10MINUTES.

208

I'm gonna ignore you so hard you'll start to doubt your own existance.

73

Being famous on Instagram is like being rich on Monopoly.

269

better
to loose
a lover
than
to love
a loser

173

The synonym for reality is offline.

226

The
difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza •

147

BEFORE SEX...YOU HELP EACH OTHER GET NAKED, AFTER SEX YOU ONLY DRESS YOURSELF.

MORAL OF THE STORY: IN LIFE NO ONE HELPS YOU

ONCE YOU'RE FUCKED.

325

After all is said and
done, a lot more will be said than done.

106

I HATE BEING
BIPOLAR
IT IS AWESOME

340

don't give up on your dreams.

keep sleeping.

155

you can't have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time

146

The
only thing stronger than a mother's love is a
garlic breath •

103

I wish I could trade my heart for another liver so I could drink more and care less.

78

Growing old is
mandatory.

Growing up is optional.

140

i play the keyboard in a band called the internet

88

Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

628

If fantasy was realistic -
reality would be fantastic.

181

BEAUTIFUL THINGS HAPPEN WHEN YOU DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM

THE NEGATIVE SHIT

132

Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.

620

optimists claim that we are living in the best of all possible worlds.

pessimists are scared that might be true.

135

Sex with an ex.

Same as if you shower and wear your dirty underwear again.

223

You are only as good as the drinks you mix, the tables you dance on and the friends you roll with.

524

Home sweet mess.

264

justice is
a beautiful concept.
unicorns too.

320

I just awesomed all over the place.

317

THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.

416

There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying,

"I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."

539

Whenever I delete an app on my phone,
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •

583

You look like something
I draw with my left hand.

959

Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.

396

why do i have a button to like my own posts? of course i like em. i'm hilarious.
and sexy!

15

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

22

Most googling i do on my mobile has only one reason:
to prove someone wrong

17

There is a big difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you're shit.

21

If there was an award for laziness.. I'd probably send someone to pick it up for me.

18

We are the unwilling,
led by the
unqualified, doing the unnecessary
for the ungrateful.

33

Creativity is Intelligence having fun.

18

Mondays aren't so bad. It's your job that sucks.

22

oversexed
and
underfucked

29

I was just checking out at our local grocery store when i noticed the guy behind me bying a box of condoms. I looked at them and we made eye contact. So in an effort to lighten the mood i reach out to grab my bottle of ketchup and said: Hey, i see we both bought something to put on our wieners.

24

Wouldn't it be ironic... to die in the living room?

43

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how Lance Armstrong was treated, especially after what he achieved winning seven Tour de France titles while competing on drugs. When i was on drugs, i couldn't even find my bike!

28

Facebook is a lot like ancient egypt.
People write on walls and worship cats.

28

90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women either.

94

Job Interview:
"What's your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."

65

90s Kids Are Dope!!

1

Hey there Friday,
I've been waiting to see your sexy ass since Monday...let's do this.

1

Keep reaching for the stars.

But, please, get a better deodorant.

98

You know that voice that says, "Don't do that"?

Yeah, I don't have one of those.

99

Follow your inner moonlight;

don't hide the madness.

63

If men could get pregnant, not only abortion would be legal, but birth control would be free, mandatory and bacon-flavored

80

i've been single for a while and i have to say it's going very well.

i think i'm the one

168

I'm worried.

I think I might be a people person.

66

I visited my psycho- therapist the other day...

he cried a lot.

68

Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

94

It is not our differences that divide us. It's our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.

121

Pain
is just
a French
word for bread.

138

The only thing we learn from history is that we don't learn from history.

166

When people tell me I'm insane, the voice in my head tells me I'm normal.

141

Haters will see you walk on water and say its because you can't swim.

212

thank god
i'm an atheist!

118

having a vagina doesn't stop me from believing that my balls are bigger than yours.

201

Girls we love for what they are; men for what they promise to be.

87

Did you know that if you put your ear up a strangers leg you can hear them say:
What the fuck are you doing?!?

258

Spring needs to stand up to winter and kick it in the snowballs.

174

I don't give a fuck.
I mean I do, but fuck it.

37

After I drink coffee I like to show the empty mug to the IT guy to tell him that I've successfully installed Java. He hates me.

77

There's no need to be popular when you have amazing friends.

26

I need more friends, not in facebook but in real life...

11

°•°

I'm watching you...

19

i've regretted the things i didn't say, rather than the things i did...

17

If you think the economy is more important than the environment, try holding your breath while counting your money.

39

Here's a signed picture of my ass.

*

23

Inspiration comes from admiration.
Admiration from beauty.
And beauty from within.

10

HTML is not a sexually transmitted disease.

19

life is too short ...
smile while you still have teeth!

24

You know what else is gluten-free at this party? The door.

20

Sometimes,
I grab my boobs.
Because, well,
I can.

28

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

20

If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you're fooling yourself. That's like expecting the lion not to eat you beacuse you didn't eat him.

103

Back to work?

I'd rather shit in my hands and clap.

1

Relationship status:

Looking for a WiFi connection.

71

I wished people looked like their personalities

27

Respect your emotions for what they are, but don't let them define who you are.

27

Prince Charming is gay and living with Mr Right.

35

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