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Posts Liked by chris5742

Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

259

90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women either.

317

If life gives you lemons, a simple surgery can give you melons.

14

I've got nothing against God. It's his fan club that I can't stand.

18

Don't call women "whores".
That could be somebody's mother.

Besides, whores have feelings too....just ask your mom.

24

The lesbians next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday, very nice, but I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch!

24

Maybe Hitler was so mad because no one ever High-fived him back...

29

May I buy you a cocktail?

Alcohol is bad
for my legs.

Do they swell?

No. They
spread.

30

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