ThatCarlGuy's Posts

Many people took to Twitter to complain...

#allitsgoodfor, #entitlement, #twitter, #socialmediasucks, #socialmedia

Authlander and FrankFilocamo like this

Life is short and Love is always over in the morning.

#sistersofmercy, #templeoflove

Authlander, FrankFilocamo and Ziya like this

I was born to be on Team Wait Here!

Authlander likes this

"Hey. Whats a nice girl like you doing in a place like this? "
"I needed a quiet place to fart."

#pickuplinesgonewrong, #escaped, #terribleflirt, #fartsarefunny

FrankFilocamo, PenSword72, UserOne and Authlander like this

I'm going to call my autobiography,
"Pervy McWheels is Dead: The Carl Howard Story".

#autobiography, #storyofme, #customersaretheworst

FrankFilocamo and Authlander like this

I find as I get older that I'm spending way too much time telling inanimate objects to fuck off.

#grumpy, #nopatience, #argh

PenSword72, Bartjan, Authlander, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and Ziya like this

I'm a quarter short? Man, my whole life is a quarter short!

#life, #comingupshort, #badluck, #luck, #bad

FrankFilocamo, Shea, PenSword72 and Authlander like this

Our families motto is "Maybe we'll get lucky this time".

Bartjan, PenSword72, Authlander, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

When I find myself with a moral crisis I ask myself "What would Superman do?".
It's similar to what Jesus would do unless Superman was directed by Zack Snyder. Then it means I'm going to punch you in the face for 25 minutes before breaking your neck.

#manofsteel, #superman, #zacksnyder

Bartjan, Authlander, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and Ziya like this

I'm standing at a bus stop surrounded by French Emerson students.
"Hey guys. How do I say that I want a medium coffee with milk in french? "
They all have blank looks on their faces.
"Well I'm glad we're all putting this extra effort in."

#learning

PenSword72, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

Mr. Freeze? Is he a bad guy?
Well he's really just misunderstood. His wife was sick.

#batman, #mrfreeze

PenSword72, Authlander, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

I need it to symbolize the duality of mankind while at the same time letting people know that we sell hockey equipment and cut keys.
- graphic designer hell.

#graphicdesign, #customersaretheworst

PenSword72, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and Authlander like this

You want to win people's hearts not harden them.

#love, #understanding, #education

PenSword72, Authlander, FrankF, FrankFilocamo, Sunshine123 and naebitnae like this

Gorillas, Alligators, and Trump! Oh my!

#trump, #wizardofoz, #oz, #socialmedia, #socialmediasucks

PenSword72, swatchUSA, Authlander, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and Ziya like this

My safe word is Don't Stop.

UserOne, juneocallagh, FrankF, FrankFilocamo, Ziya and Authlander like this

Winnie, that's a nice name. I once had a stuffed animal named Winnie. It wasn't really a stuffed animal. It was more like a ziplock bag stuffed with cotton. I drew a face on it with marker.

#sad, #stuffedanimal

Bartjan, UserOne, juneocallagh, PenSword72 and Authlander like this

"I don't get it. Why do you keep calling her Tracy?"

"Because she's hates being called Jill"

FrankFilocamo, juneocallagh and Authlander like this

There is an unspoken animosity between Carl's with a C and Karl's with a K.

Bartjan, Ziya and Authlander like this

Violence solves nothing.
- Megatron (?)

Bartjan, Authlander, FrankF and FrankFilocamo like this

Man, this party totally sucks. I'm going to go pee due to boredom.

Bartjan, UserOne, juneocallagh, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and Authlander like this

I spent a week and a half being read to by a drug dealer in preparation for this farce

Ziya, FrankF, FrankFilocamo, Authlander and bold like this

Honey, you know I'm always here for you. As long as there are no bees around.

Bartjan, UserOne, juneocallagh, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and Authlander like this

I hear she's on set filming Butt Story 2: You've got a Friend in Me

FrankF, FrankFilocamo and Authlander like this

That's impossible, I wouldn't even know where destinies balls are.

somachmers73, bold, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and Authlander like this

Look at us. We're just 3 people wearing pants and having a normal conversation.

Bartjan, juneocallagh, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and Authlander like this

I wouldn't be able to review Arrow episodes. It would read like, "When I looked away from my phone, Oliver was shooting at someone and his group was fighting. Then they did an Island flashback and I checked Facebook. I think Felicity started crying so I fast forwarded through that. ".

#arrow, #badlywrittentv

whatever. likes this

You know what they say, "That's the way the cookie does that thingy it does there.".

FrankFilocamo and Authlander like this

Personally, I've always liked your status updates. They're cute, yet fuckable...

FrankFilocamo, pho1, Bartjan, naebitnae, MyM, cybersont, juneocallagh, ene, Shea, meohmy and 4 others like this

reposted by Boldomatic, PaulEdgars and pho1

You have to try to be cool when you're already Super

FrankFilocamo and Authlander like this

People are relying too much on their phones to get them through the day. It's like Smart Phone, Stupid Brain.

#idiot, #smartphone, #readinstructions

FrankFilocamo, FrankF and Authlander like this

If the Rainbow Connection doesn't move you to tears then you are not alive.

#muppets, #movies, #theloversthedreamers

PenSword72, FrankF, FrankFilocamo and Authlander like this

I just rolled my eyes so hard I'll have to wear glasses again.

FrankFilocamo, juneocallagh and Authlander like this

It's funny how coach on an airplane means shitty but when it's about purses its amazing.

janem803 and Authlander like this

Hysteria is the enemy of rational thought... why do I get the feeling I'm being stared at?

Authlander likes this

If I sit next to you for too long am I going to die from Smartass Poisoning?

Ziya, FrankFilocamo, FrankF, sis and Authlander like this

My husband and I thought Deadpool was the one about the resurrection and the Roman soldiers.

No. You're thinking of Risen.

I wish we had figured that out an hour and a half ago.

Authlander likes this

His nickname at the academy was "Shut the Hell up".

FrankFilocamo, sis and Authlander like this

3 Hours playing Mario Kart makes me uneasy getting behind the wheel of a real car.

#mario, #mariokart

Authlander and Sunshine123 like this

I think Lewis Black is fixing my printer.

FrankFilocamo and Authlander like this

Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb!

#batman

Ziya, guggigirl, schoenerlesen, locupleto, PenSword72, btruckle and Authlander like this

reposted by Authlander

Bad Grandpa? It was the WORST Grandpa.

Authlander likes this

Is there anyway I can get this off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?
-Fox Mulder

Authlander and Sunshine123 like this

Customer : How can Paul Walker be in Brick Mansions if he's dead?

long pause from me.

Me: I think he is all CG.

Customer : Oh cool! Two for that one.

Authlander likes this

My husband and I want to see Hateful Eight but do we need to see the other seven to understand it?

#movies, #hateful8, #funnyquestions

whatever., MovieQuotes, btruckle, Sunshine123, bold and Authlander like this

Hi. I've looked everywhere but I can't seem to find theater 14A.

Sir, that's the rating of the movie. You're in number 6.

UserOne, btruckle and Authlander like this

i know we were just joking around about it before but this time you're actually fired.

hensch, bold and Authlander like this

Can I get a medium chocolate Toby with sprinkles?

ummm its called TCBY.

Authlander likes this

actually that's Ghost Rider but I'm going to give you points for knowing Red Skull.

Authlander likes this