Mr.Helsted's Posts

the only thing keeping me from killing you are oreoes...

and moral, but dont they go hand in hand?

#moral

bitch don't kill my vibe

#breakup

elisalaurin and liarsk like this

#narcissism

you know, i don't really want banana pancakes.

thou mother said

#yourmomsaid

All i see are smiley faces.

It's starting to scare me.

#happypill

Slotter6 and magicalwordsforyou like this

out, ive gotta get cha.
out, ive gotta get cha.
out, ive gotta get cha.
OUT OF MY HEAD!
GET OUT!

#happypill

happy pill, more like crappy pill

#happypill

What if i told you, that i like you?

#whatif, #like, #awsm

My girlfriend asked me why i was breathing so heavily.

I wasn't.

#horrorstory

Babs_77 likes this

My sister told me mommy killed her. Mommy says i don't have a sister.

#horrorstory

jjualnea, Chloooe, Stokn, yourfavourite, henny509, kj55, JuliaRaven, Neolight, ene, PenSword72 and 7 others like this

reposted by juneocallagh

The doctors told the amputee he might experience a phantom limb from time to time. Nobody prepared him for the moments though, when he felt cold fingers brush against his phantom hand.

#horrorstory

My daughter wont stop crying at night.

I went to her grave and told her to stop.

It didn't work.

#horrorstory

Regenbogenpony and dor1316 like this

"Mesa called Jar-Jar Binks. Mesa your humble servant."

#horrorstory

Day 312. Internet still not working.

#horrorstory

I can't move, speak, breathe or hear. If i knew it would be this lonely, I would have been cremated instead.

#horrorstory

dor1316 likes this

world (sex) cup

#worldcup

Bea(meatballs)uty

#meatballs, #beauty

somehow the tapwater from home always seems the best

dor1316 and 2schaa like this

WHEN THE PAST CALLS, LET IT GO TO VOICEMAIL.
IT HAS NOTHING
NEW TO SAY.

#ex

Ever looked at your ex and wondered
"Was i drunk the entire relationship?"

#ex

When your ex sais

"You'll never find anyone like me"

Just say

"Thats the point"

#ex

X'es

Now thats a f**k i havent given in a long time.

#ex

janem803 likes this

One does not simply,

add his ex on facebook

#ex

janem803 and swatchUSA like this

I know we broke up, and i regret it.

To show you my regret i will send you texts inspired by www.letsgetbacktogether.com/despair
ten times every hour for the rest of your life! :*

#ex

#ex

One of the most important days of my life was when I learned to ride a bicycle.

#ride, #snakerides

janem803, PenSword72, Gabbem, swatchUSA, dor1316 and jakobmarstrand like this

reposted by swatchUSA

Buy the ticket, take the ride.

#ride, #snakerides

swatchUSA, dor1316 and jakobmarstrand like this

I think the thing to do is enjoy the ride while you're on it.

#ride, #snakerides

swatchUSA, dor1316 and jakobmarstrand like this

some of the most important things in life you never forget, like your first kiss or riding a bike.

#ride, #snakerides

janem803, margirrubio, swatchUSA, dor1316 and jakobmarstrand like this

dancing is like riding a bike.

#ride, #snakerides

dor1316 and jakobmarstrand like this

On a bike, being just slightly above pedestrian and car eye level, one gets a perfect view of the goings-on in one's own town.

#ride, #snakerides

dor1316 and jakobmarstrand like this

Perhaps people, and kids especially, are spoiled today, because all the kids today have cars, it seems. When I was young you were lucky to have a bike.

#ride, #snakerides

swatchUSA, dor1316 and jakobmarstrand like this

if you worried about falling off the bike you'd never get on.

#ride, #snakerides

swatchUSA, dor1316 and jakobmarstrand like this

i bet you you didn't read that extra 'you'

janem803 and dor1316 like this

"Your father i am"

- Darth Yoda

I believe that sex is one of the most
beautiful,
natural, wholesome things you can buy for money.

#sex

ellenicole, RishabhDixit and MeMyselfAnd..I like this

If sex were shoes i'd wear you out. But i
wouldn't wear
you out in public.

#sex

ellenicole, RishabhDixit and KowalTheMan like this

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing

#sex

bfmoen and olalav like this

Good things come to those who wait...

#sex

ellenicole and dor1316 like this

Sex is an emotion in motion.

#sex

dor1316 likes this

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

#sex

blucutie, AmyLynn418 and dor1316 like this

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer

#sex

Y our
M outh
C an
A nal?

#sex

Dogs have owners, cats have staff.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch

-Jack Nicholson

Guys: why are girls obsessed with being skinny?

Guys: eww, fat girls!

The only diference between genious and stupidity is that genious has its limits.

The only mystery in life is why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Never argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience

I asked God for a bike, but i know God doesn't work that way. So i stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

mjf likes this

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruitsalad

jakobmarstrand likes this

I think we all do heroic things, but hero is not a noun, its a verb.

jakobmarstrand likes this

"I know very little about acting, im just an incredibly good faker"
-Robert Downey Jr.

jakobmarstrand likes this

EVERY
VILLAIN IS A
HERO IN HIS
OWN MIND

Friendship is like art. I dont know a shit about art.