knot's Posts

im odd. i cant even.

i call a do over

#firstkiss

dAn likes this

reposted by TynaeTriplett

if it isn't fast and slow, hard and soft, heavy and uplifting, sweet and salty, frightening and exhilarating, and ending with a breath and a smile youre doing it wrong.

#firstkiss

juneocallagh, asdfgh and elsimon like this

jump in with both lips

#firstkiss

PenSword72 and juneocallagh like this

the smell of snow before the first fall.

my favorite drinking buddy got me pregnant so i cut him off twice

friends don't let friends get pregnant.

she knew it was wrong but ate it anyway. alice grew to the size of a house that day

if i feel 6 inches shorter whenever you speak, youre probably an asshole.

PenSword72 likes this

my big girl panties shrunk 3 sizes today.

if you must use phrases like "wet slug" when describing a first kiss, you may want to avoid a second.

#firstkiss

i disagree with your lifestyle but i respect your right to live it. carry on harmless random persons and be merry.

and when it all falls down.

im tired of playing nice with people who suck. but then id also like to keep my job... or so im told.

you can call it your beard all you want.

we both know the truth is it's my saddle.

Life would be so much easier if I didn't have a conscience.

Reposted from anonymous

before shopping for mattresses you must consider that

a firm mattress makes for better sex while

a soft mattress makes for more restful sleep and

there is no middle ground.

therefore you must seriously evaluate your priorities

or buy 2 beds.

buglove likes this

God will never lead you where His strength cannot keep you.

Reposted from buglove

makalapua and buglove like this

boys please remember: whether driving or fucking, never pull out if someone is coming.

jyrr, mylisa1970 and Gabbem like this

reposted by jyrr

im sorry I screamed out "cat's got your tounge" while you were going down on me.

robi316 and makalapua like this

reposted by buglove

It`s not drinking on the job if you weren`t planning to do any work.

Reposted from anonymous

marvingoff likes this

my feed is getting dull... time to add more writers.

if a little is good, more must be better!

dor1316 likes this

If someone gives you the middle finger, ask them, "what time?".

Reposted from kj55

emma-freitag, dor1316, marvingoff and kj55 like this

hush now and take it like I taught you to.

youre like a dog chasing a car. even if you catch it, you wouldnt know how to drive it.

Pesca likes this

youre like a dog humping a teddy bear. youre doing it wrong.

your anger with my happiness only makes me happier.

:P

please take antidepressants as prescribed. attempting to reduce the dosage by cutting may result in a jagged little pill. and you outta know how pissy that made alanis.

#happypill

batgirl3034 likes this

please take antidepressants as prescribed. attempting to reduce the dosage by cutting may result in a jagged little pill. and you outta know how pissy that made alanis.

that awkward moment when you realize youve been absent-mindedly stroking your pool cue in a lewd-ish manner and everyone noticed.

that awkward moment when your kids catch you eating the chocolate you hid from them so you wouldn't have to share.

dor1316 likes this

people ask me why I'm always smiling. if I said because I'm imagining them naked, that'd be wrong... right?

If someone hates you for no reason,
give that motherfucker
a reason.

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

I survived Monday. I must be immortal!

Dip it in chocolate and it'll be fine.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

_Nathalie_ likes this

$Dear math, I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems.$

Reposted from anonymous

marvingoff and kj55 like this

i'm wearing my friday socks.

they're like normal socks, but they're ready to party.

Reposted from t_treeman

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY
AND MAYBE
A LITTLE BIT NAKED.

Reposted from cococaro

I don't make mistakes,
I date them.

Reposted from frauheinrich

I like the nights.

Some of my best days were nights.

Reposted from mjf

You look like something
I draw with my left hand.

Reposted from _Nathalie_

buglove and _Nathalie_ like this

If the whole world was blind, how many people would you impress?

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

buglove, marvingoff and NukeSkywalker like this

BY THE WAY,
I'M WEARING
THE SMILE
YOU GAVE ME.

Reposted from NukeSkywalker

marvingoff and NukeSkywalker like this

I can't eat corn. It makes me pee. But not corn on the cob. I can eat that.
-child logic

mom, you can't let the cat get too hot or she'll have kittens. you better put a fan on her.
-child logic

I am not impressed with your perverted mouth breathing

the eyes see what the mind knows.

marvingoff likes this

reposted by marvingoff

today I dont feel like doing anything. I just wanna lay in my bed. dont feel like pickin up my phone so leave a message at the tone. cuz today I swear im not doin anything. nothin at all.

The right way to kiss a woman:
Push her up against a wall,
hold her arms above her head and kiss her like you mean it! :-*

Reposted from guggigirl

all of lifes problems can be fixed with chocolate. .. except diabetes.

putting on new socks gives me an immediate ego boost

Getting out of the shower after shaving your legs feels like heaven... until you sneeze. Then you just wasted a half hour of your life. Heres a tissue.

buglove likes this

I wish I had boobs so people would stop making eye contact with me.

Reposted from GaylrdSprFckr

Slotter6 and GaylrdSprFckr like this