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La petite mort

No funeral required

9

too excited to sleep

16

declan: uncle jj i had a bad dream.

me: come on, lay down in my bed.

declan: no! uncle keif farts in bed and it stinks. can we lay down in my bed.

me: lol, yeah come on buddy.

9

I want coffee and a nap

9

Be ULTIMATE

6

so, my boyfriend just let out the vilest most nauseating fart i have ever encountered, you know the kind that can retroactively sterilize 5 generations of one's ancestor's with just the smell alone. and as i'm gagging he smirks and say's "that's taco bell for you"

5

people who skip rocks on the pond are just perfecting their three-stone skip.

3

if you got a sweet tooth for a bitter pill swallow me whole

3

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