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You're only true friends if you can text the person to call you in ten and they pretend there's an emergency.

13

Trump was right about running the government like his businesses;
It is failing, shut down and
his employees aren't
getting paid

8

the neighbor is in my yard having sex with my garden gnomes...

should i call the police or what?

12

Save
Our
Souls

6

Mayday, Mayday

5

James Bond and me in this dream I just had:

Bond: How deep is your watch good for?

Me: Uh, 3 meters.

Bond: You're going to need a new watch.

5

Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part. Notice that!

4

It's all fun and games until...

You're the one in the Emergency Room having to explain that foreign object lodged in your nether regions!

4

EMERGENCY BAPHOMET STATUE IN A BOX

IN CASE OF IMPEDMENT TO THE SEPERATION OF CHURCH & STATE, CRACK OPEN THE BAPHOMET STATUE IN BOX. EVERYONE WILL LOVE IT.

BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE CONCERNED MOMS FOR SATAN

4

"911, what's your emergency?"

"There was a horrible accident, people are bleeding, some are dead, ... (faint meow in background) sorry, I'll have to call you back after I feed my cat."

3

Are we there yet?

3

my callipygeous derrière
a permanent bomb threat on its own

3

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