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Ladies,

never ever fight over a man. Fight over a job, parking space, your space in a long line. . . the last chicken wing. But never over a man. NEVER!

17

"Gosh! I'm just trying to be friendly!"

No. No you're not. You want my body, my time, my energy, and my companionship. None of these am I willing to give. So now you choose to act like a bitter five year old.

Pathetic.

10

Keep telling yourself that, and I promise, you'll regret having to find out yourself that you're starting to believe your own lies!

6

Fell asleep in a soda and woke up at 4 PM so that's how my life is going.

11

"be strong,"

I whispered to my wifi signal.

8

Did I imagine this is what my life would be like? That I would be this pathetic? Huh.

Honestly, I never thought I'd live this long.

9

When you're suffering a physical wound around people you know, they are quick to notice, even quicker to offer help.

Not so much when it's in your head. I bleed out, every day.

9

You know you're single and lazy when you drop a yorkshire pudding in the cat food and you just pick it up, wipe it and eat it anyway.

9

I hate people who remind me of myself.

7

It shouldn't feel like this, the way I have to try and talk myself into living every morning.

I ran out of arguments long ago.

6

The blue pill advert,
The lady is so happy,
He got a hard on.

3

I can literally look into the creative side of your lazy brain of your skull and see how you created that awfully constructed pun in your head.

2

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