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When I go to someone's house and they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors.

19

I don't trust joggers, they're always the ones finding the dead bodies.

-Just sayin

5

Let's lighten the mood a little. I read a few things I found funny today and thought I might share...

4

If I ever go missing, just follow my kids.
They can find me anywhere I try to hide.

4

When I see lovers' names carved in trees, I don't think it's cute, I just think it's strange how many people take knives on dates.

4

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