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If the sky comes falling down,
for you,
there's nothing in this world I wouldn't do.

15

I used to have a six pack

I drank it.

20

heyhey Friday,
i have been waiting for you...

24

Holy crap! I have to be on my best behavior. I just found out God is following me.

18

Hey new followers! Welcome, and thanks a bunch. If you like food and oxygen, we are definitely going to be friends.

24

Where the fuck did Monday go?

11

I wish your heart was
as sensitive as my nose.

20

Due to unfortunate circumstances,
I am sober as I'm writing this.

18

Stupidity is a disease that hurts only smart people.

17

The moment when you've been on your feet all day and you sit down for a rest and when you try to get back up...but then your body tells you...are you kidding me!

16

Ever have that eerie feeling someone is watching you?

15

Ya know, you gotta really think when dealing with stupid people, but with REALLY stupid people, you need to be prepared and preferably with aspirin on stand-by.

13

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