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Posts Liked by zmmi

Did you know, that 3-4 glasses of wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit.

143

How do you know when you are too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree then realize it was your air-freshener.

85

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

111

DO NOT BELIEVE ALL THE THINGS YOU TELL YOURSELF
LATE AT NIGHT.

102

everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear.

115

better
to loose
a lover
than
to love
a loser

134

please,

keep sending me drunk text messages. they are really funny and amusing. and i totally understand what they mean. and i definitely need 17 texts in a row to figure it out.

sincerely,
sober

57

Me: I'm so over him
Vodka: No you're not, you should text him
Me: Really?
Vodka: Yes! 25 times

33

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