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Posts Liked by zed

Never forget 3 types of people in your life:

• who helped you in your difficult times

• who left you in your difficult times

• who put you in difficult times

119

pssst...

The guy serving your pint is one of us.

7

War is when the government tells you who the enemy is.

Revolution is when you figure it out yourself.

28

I don't care if you think I'm insane.

The unicorn who visits me in the night time says
I don't and
I believe him.

154

You look like something
I draw with my left hand.

959

there is nothing to fix when everything is broken

31

the greatest prison people live in is the fear of what other people think

45

if you have crazy friends

you have everything

14

some of the best moments in life are the ones you can't tell anyone about

160

and suddenly in a public place you forget how to walk

13

oh, you're so pretty.

but your personality killed it.

19

always remember

when i take both my headphones when you start talking to me

you're special

9

$here's my cup of care... \_/ oh look it's fucking empty.$

23

$don't judge a book by it's cover, my math text book has a picture of someone laughing on it.$

19

are you the joker, king or queen?

place your cards as they're coming.

19

Too dumb for science?
Try religion.

101

Relationship status:

Looking for a WiFi connection.

71

Men: if you ever want to know what a woman's mind feels like,imagine a browser with 2,837 tabs open.

All.The.Time.

96

the
only
DATES
i get are

UPDATES

50

Do you remember the time when we were all in peace?

Yeah, me neither.

74

YOLO

you only live online

93

I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.

197

YOU SHOULD STOP TELLING LIES ABOUT ME.

OR I WILL START TO TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU.

68

Your logic is flawed so you must be insane.

7

I have never been lied to by data in a .txt file which has been hand-aligned.

9

build a bunny a fire and he'll be warm for a day.

but set the fucker on fire and he'll be toasty for life!

10

Philosophy is unnecessary like art. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.

15

MANUALS
=========

solve create
problems problems

<----------- | -------------------------------->

tools that tools that tools whose
don't need need a manual manual
manuals but don't have starts with
one "how to read
this manual"

16

Of all the human weaknesses, obsession is the most dangerous.

And the silliest.

16

Seriously, when did having the attention span of a crack-addled monkey get redefined as a good thing?

17

Everyone talks about leaving the planet a better place for our kids.

How about we focus on leaving better kids for our planet.

23

Today's problems cannot be solved if we still think the way we thought when we created them.

Einstein warned us.

18

Bliss requires ignorance.

20

People fear what they
do not understand.

They always have.

31

The more you know, the less you need.

19

Drink and be merry for tomorrow you die.

6

Life is too short for ejecting USB sticks.

41

Cell phones ruined the fun from pushing a fully clothed person into the pool.

53

I remember the days when computer programs weren't called «apps».

38

Don't worry about those who talk behind your back, they're behind you for a reason.

99

The only thing we learn from history is that we don't learn from history.

101

until 0% battery do us part

77

If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you're fooling yourself. That's like expecting the lion not to eat you beacuse you didn't eat him.

103

THIS IS BY FAR YOUR MOST FUCKED UP IDEA EVER... I'LL BE THERE IN 10MINUTES.

208

My internet was down for 5 minutes so I went downstairs and spoke to my family.

They seem like nice people.

356

Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

70

I'm gonna ignore you so hard you'll start to doubt your own existance.

73

Doubt kills more ideas than failure ever will.

221

Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.

238

Dear Noah,

we could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving 'till 5.

Sincerly,
Unicorns

127

DONE IS BETTER THAN PERFECT

234

I may look calm but in my head I have already killed you three times AND hid the body.

241

There's "hell" in hello, "good" in goodbye, "lie" in believe, "over" in lover, "end" in friend, "ex" in "next", & "if" in life.

227

404: Life not found

81

90% of my socks are single, and you don't see them crying about it

105

The
difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza •

147

the truth only hurts when it should.

72

Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't.

140

I have an idea.

You sit back, you relax and you die unnoticed.

69

when
nothing
goes
right,

go
left.

275

Voices in your head - normal

Listening to them - common

Arguing with them - acceptable

Losing the argument - BIG PROBLEM

273

bad decisions make good stories

423

I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

310

You are
the average of the five people you spend the most time with •

58

i play the keyboard in a band called the internet

88

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.

159

Hey there Friday,
I've been waiting to see your sexy ass since Monday...let's do this.

100

BEAUTIFUL THINGS HAPPEN WHEN YOU DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM

THE NEGATIVE SHIT

132

optimists claim that we are living in the best of all possible worlds.

pessimists are scared that might be true.

135

Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.

396

i've
fallen
in love
with you,

but you
don't exist.

234

THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.

416

"You look tired"

is just a polite way for someone to tell you that you look like shit.

28

Dear parents, knocking WHILE you open the door to my bedroom
kinda defeats the purpose of knocking...

30

"I don't know.
Let's Yahoo it!"

Said by no one ever.

29

"Everything has a reason"

When I punch you in your face, remember,
I have a reason.

38

Sometimes my brain is like the Bermuda Triangle.

Information goes in...

...then never to be seen again...

37

I love it when someone insults me.
That means that
I don't have to be nice anymore.

53

Here's an idea:

You go away and I'll stop ignoring you.

33

If google can't find the answer,
then it's not a really question.

39

Dear human,
you get mad at me when I wake you and you get mad at me when I don't.

Sincerely, confused alarm clock.

27

Men have a basic understanding of complex ideas.

Women have a complex understanding of basic ideas.

42

"You are what you eat" - That's funny, I don't remember eating a legend lately...

47

I've
NEVER
faked
a sarcasm
in my life.

56

It's really rude to talk while I'm interrupting.

41

"Are you free tomorrow?"

No... I am f**king expensive.

62

I don't make typos.

I make new words.

41

"Imperfection is beauty,
madness is genius
and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous
than absolutely boring."

29

Walking around the kitchen like Pac Man when you're hungry.

52

You never know what you've got until it's gone.

For example, internet connection.

44

No one is perfect. That's why pencils have erasers.

34

Social networking is like a club.

Twitter is the dance floor.

Facebook is where people are crying in the toilets.

And Boldomatic is the place where people are at their mobile phones and write drunk messages...

45

I have a black belt in sarcasm

90

Run Monday run.

This world is not made for you.

41

Sometimes
smiling is the best revenge

51

They told me to follow my dreams...

...So I took a nap...

56

I forgive and forget,

because I have a good heart and a terrible memory.

70

We didn't lose gold.

We won silver.

49

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

75

You can't laugh at yourself?

Don't worry.
I can do it for you.

63

I'm not ignoring your calls. I just enjoy my ringtone.

95

I'm sorry, what language are you speaking?

It sounds like bullshit.

73

Some people are like clouds.

When they disappear,
it gets a brighter day.

84

smart phones, smart cars,
smart television...

when are they going to start making smart people?

110

I wouldn't say you're stupid.

You are.
But I wouldn't say it.

129

I love finding money in my clothes.
It's like a gift from me to me.

123

I have to stop saying
"How stupid can you be?".

I think people are starting to take it as a challenge.

172

Of course your opinion matters,

Just not to me.

162

i'm not
anti-social.

i'm
anti-stupid.

195

I love listening to lies when I know the truth...

226

The synonym for reality is offline.

226

Whenever I delete an app on my phone,
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •

10

nothing to fear but fear itself

11

GOOD PEOPLE DISOBEY BAD RULES

11

Dear god, I've got to get out of here.

12

You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun.

11

Dear Mind, please stop thinking so much at night, I need to sleep.

10

a smooth sea never made a skillful sailor.

12

In a room full of clocks, I still check my iPhone to see what time it is.

12

its so simple in my head yet so strangely complex when i open my mouth

12

I'm back!

I had to send in my iPhone for repair.

12

Sometimes it's like why get back up to get knocked down again?

11

you don't have control
you don't have control
you don't have control
you don't have control
you don't have control
you don't have control
you don't have control
you don't have control
you don't have control
you don't have control
you don't have control
ctrl + alt + delete

11

I did in bed... I did it on the couch... I did it in the car...

Texting is such an obsession.

13

If you receive a text from me late night, please discard it.

My phone is drunk.

12

Sometimes getting lost in the music is all it takes to remind me everything will be alright

11

all the hardest, coldest people you meet were once soft as water. and thats the tragedy of life.

12

HOME IS
WHERE THE WIFI
CONNECTS AUTOMATICALLY

13

Waiting outside for a store to open makes me feel like “that guy” like “hey I’m that asshole you don’t wanna serve at 8am!”

14

Escaping to my musical headphoned world

12

Sometimes you need a song to say what you can't.

16

No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress.
You're still way ahead of everyone who isn't trying.

15

IMAGINE

If trees gave off WiFi
signals, we would be
planting so many trees
and we'd probably
save the planet too!

Too bad they only
produce the oxygen
we breathe.

14

PUT YOURSELF IN A POSITION WHERE YOU NEED NO FRIENDS

12

Don't judge me by my past.

I don't live there anymore.

13

Do you ever get tired of switching masks for people?

15

You're living in a dream world, Neo.

19

A person who truly loves you is someone who sees the pain in your eyes, while everyone else believes in the smile on your face.

16

Change may make you miserable at first but just remember you’re not crazy and you did this for a reason.

14

dear customer service,

first of all you should know that i am typing this with my middle finger.

14

so many humans so little humanity

16

The wifi at my apartment sucks.

That's it, I'm cracking the neighbor's password.

20

love is an open door.

an open fridge door..

37

I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty

and I could not have described it any better

296

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