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Posts Liked by ximelmor

Ohh so you think Im cute when Im angry?? Well get ready because Im about to get GORGEOUS

5

Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.

381

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

22

Bärte sind aus der Nähe meistens eine Enttäuschung

4

I don't have enough money to go on vacation, so I'm just going to get drunk until I don't know where I am.

24

Ich knan kuam gulaebn, dsas ich das heir tsätalchich lseen knan.

14

why stop dreaming when you wake up?

13

Nimm deine Hand aus meiner Hose!

Ich zähle bis Tausend!

13

wenn jeder verdammte regentropfen ein sonnenstrahl wäre ...

14

the prettiest clothes are worn to be taken off

11

I'm
looking forward regretting tonight

31

I wanted to burn a lot of calories today.
So I lit a fat kid on fire.

3

Is it ok if i come by helicopter?

8

Sing like you wrote it. Dance like no one's watching

9

The world is a book and those who do not travel read only a single page.

15

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

23

age doesn't define maturity

10

Im sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid... I really thought you already knew...

22

Act like a lady think like a boss

6

Get lost in the music

6

Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire.

7

I'm not nice
just two faced

4

I miss my pre-internet brain...

8

I miss my pre-internet brain...

36

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here, we should dance.

143

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

111

we stop checking for monsters under our bed,
when we realize, they are inside us.

29

EASY:
A term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

4

You make me wish I had more middle fingers.

11

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying

19

Did you know that if you put your ear up a strangers leg you can hear them say:
What the fuck are you doing?!?

100

Wieso sollte man nach dem Maya Kalender leben, wenn es doch den Pirelli Kalender gibt?

15

21.12.2012

Rumors say the 21st of Dec was the Maya's version of April Fools Day.

15

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying

13

Fuck this, I'm going to marry someone rich

78

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments

69

At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.

24

my sarcasm is so advanced that people actually think i'm stupid.

145

i don't hate you...
i'm just not necessarily excited about your existence.

19

1000 boldness points

7

Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 32 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 1. Now close your eyes.

It's dark, isn't it?

109

bad decisions make good stories

423

You look like I need another drink.

140

stop selling leggings to hippos!

6

of course women don't work as hard as men...they get it right the first time.

3

A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings

7

A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings

5

Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips

9

The next time you think you're perfect, try walking on water

5

I'll clap

when I'm impressed

12

Happy Thanksgiving

Unhappy turkey

11

BOLDYWOOD

3

an Irishman walks out of a bar.
observed no one ever.

8

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

3

Scheiß Party, wenn ich meine Hose finde, gehe ich!

3

you are my sunshine, you make me happy

2

condoms prevent minivans

15

no money
-
no honey

11

destroying everything seems like the best option.

17

a smile is the best makeup any girl can wear

142

A girls sleepy voice is seriously the sexiest shit ever.

9

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