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Posts Liked by Wilaus5000

SEX POEM

Sex is good
Sex is fine
Doggystyle & 69
Just for fun or getting paid
Everyone likes getting laid

Sex is evil
Sex is a sin
Sins are forgiven
So stick it in

Roses are nice
Violets are fine
I'll be the six
If you be the nine

26

I had to pass this along from my brother.

"try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is".

10

10 Km
47,48 min

done.

1

If you accidentally make an eye contact with someone around the room that means they want to have a pokemon battle with you!

8

the number of "followers" you have not make you better than anyone else.

hitler had millions, jezus had 12.

2

3

Hurt me, hurt me, I love the pain...

and they say I'm insane, I think not!!!!

6

Think from outside the box, collapse the box and take a fucking knife to it.

35

Wife says to her husband, "Your boss called today and said you were fired." Husband says, "FUCK HIM!" Wife says, "I already did. You go back to work on Monday."

44

I don't afford a wedding ring, so I hope an onion ring is enough.

21

bands announcing tour dates

Africa
Japan
Jakarta
Narnia
Middle of Atlantic Ocean
Everywhere that you're not

17

me: put cinnamon on the waffles

keith: what's the difference?

me: ugh, cinnamon is sweet. cumin is a mexican spice. you're flavoring a waffle not a chimichanga.

9

i like to walk my dog in different areas of my apartment complex...

so that way he expands his territory and his glory knows no bounds.

9

i hate it when people beg for likes...

like if you agree.

15

don't let people tell you "you are what you eat" if that we're true lord voldemort would be a unicorn.

8

Turbo tax might just be the worst video game, ever.

10

people say i'm a quiet person...

actually i sit around and listen to your converations and find your weaknessess, where i will use at a later time to destroy you.

16

don't like my tatoo's, fine i can cover them up...

your face on the other hand.

11

How am I suppose to make big life decisions when I still have to sing the alphabet in my head to get to the right letter.

58

Living faster than the speed of regret.

40

my grades aren't that bad for a person who has the urge to drop out of school every 25 minutes

22

I thought of you today,

and it pissed me off.

9

whenever I'm traveling I always get tripped out at the fact that this is someones actual hometown like they know every back road and how to get everywhere and they've probably had tons of memories in this city

but I'm just someone passing by

31

you don't have a Valentine on Valentine's day. some people don't have a mom on mother's day or a dad on fathers day so....

SHUT THE FUCK UP.!

20

age 9: worried about internet people finding me in real life

now: worry about people from real life finding me on the internet

44

stupid
muggles!

9

What's the difference between a northern fairytale & a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."

A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

12

my logic:

you're hot,
I'm ugly

opposites attract so love me

14

If you can't handle me at my worst then leave because I don't have a best
I'm always awful

18

everyone who was born before the end of 2012 should all pretend the apocalypse actually happened in december. we should all have our was stories and pretend to be veterens and tell our kids and grandkids stories about when we defeated the zombies. and we should write about it in the textbooks and say that people who deny that it ever happened just had their minds erased by the aliens.

14

I LOVE RUMORS!

I FIND OUT SO MUCH ABOUT ME THAT I DID'NT EVEN KNOW.

15

I hate it when I lose something and my parents say
"well I guess you didn't care about it enough" like you've lost me in a grocery store before so

19

and then god created saturn

and he liked it

so he put a ring on it

44

"you support gay rights so you must be gay"

I also support animal rights do I look like a fucking alpaca to you?!

45

If your snapchat story is 200 seconds or more you better be skydiving and doing backflips with jesus because trust me your life is not that interesting

13

do you ever want to die but you can't because your mum will get mad at you.

11

it's not a party...

until the sausage comes out.

14

Why do people say heads up when you should duck?

147

Autocorrect changed "you're so wise" to "you're so wide", & now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home.

20

I need no chains, or tethers/For possession
is not the aim/Not in a worldly sense, anyway...

And I may not be sure, where I stand with you, still/But, I am sure I want to stand with you; still/And wander and fall and fly and flow; free/Knowing that, is enough, for now... • apa

19

let me
fall asleep
beside you
let me
spread my wings
underneath you
let me
scream in joy
right above you

24

you know Boldomactic is a great app when the screen does'nt tilt when you turn your phone.

15

Animal
sounds cumming*
from
bushes

...What?!

12

Creating and keeping track of passwords has become a technological bane of my existence.

22

welcome to our society, you will be judged by what you wear, how you act, and what you look like. enjoy your stay.

75

The key to a long relationship:
keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.

52

Like occasionally, I don't know where to put the anger. So I go zen. One must be calm when dealing with stupid.

15

shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is not a fine art
shoplifting is n

40

Bureaucratic jargon wordsmith and slangulator.

12

They display an observable nature of only being aware of the good intentioned attributes to their actions, as if it so effectively shrouds the larger, darker part of this moon; so much that they no longer have to acknowledge that it even exists within the confines of their delusional mind.

6

Then who
made the
aliens?

9

Do you ever just like flex your foot wrong and it cramps and you're just like this is it, this is how it ends.

28

hangman teaches us a lot.

it teaches you that by saying the wrong things you could end someones life.

15

you know your mum is mad when she starts off her sentence with "you know i just find it funny" because there's a 99.9% chance she did not find it funny.

12

decapitating random filthy peasants...

because you can.

9

rabbits jump and live 8 years. dogs run and live 15 years. turtles do nothing and live 150 years, lesson learned.

42

Sometimes I can't take all of the stupid.

14

you know your getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while your down there. ..

20

spanking, because cheeks we're made for blushing.

12

ugh, i wish there was a translator button on this app.

12

You make me smile...

And also super horny, but that's not the point.

14

Understand,
when I go to defcon five, it'll take more than the
Dunkin' Donuts squad.

Maybe She-Ra?

11

Write your thoughts, before they gang up on you.

29

go ahead.

call me weird
for noticing.

13

Good friends take your drink away when they think you've had too much. Best friends say "Bitch, you better drink that! We don't waste that shit!"

29

My mouth tastes like I made bad decisions last night.

30

That's what she said!!

16

googling your symptoms when you dont feel well is most efficient way to convince yourself youre dying.

2

no one understands my pain because none of my friends have read the book

3

people who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics.

16

Hi i'm Pep Pee La Pew say kitten, I think I'm in love, come here and let me press to you like a suction cup...

oooh la la

5

I know what I bring to the table so trust me I'm not afraid to eat alone

6

People who leave the clicking noise on when texting, who hurt you?

50

What would I do without boldomatic and without the many awesome people here?

Its one of the most amazing things that has ever happened to me :)

19

Love takes off masks
that we fear
we cannot live without
and know
we cannot live within

(James A. Baldwin)

37

you saw it.

you wanted it.

you asked for it.

you got it.

12

take off all your bedtime clothes. lay back and enjoy the show. i'm going to kiss you from head to toe.

11

i use to be addicted to soap, but now i'm clean.

13

Gewalt - die Bankrotterklärung
der Intelligenz ?

9

Who else is ready to punch Jack Frost in the SNOW BALLS!

7

The desire to love is to give.

The desire of lust is to get.

15

Lord Bless My Bold Friends!

HUGS....

9

N o war
E xchanges (w/o money)
W ater and food for all
T ruth
O ne religion
P eace all over
I deas
A ltruism

16

A world

with a little less selfies

and a little more selfless.

23

If you've Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you're okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?

30

I'll be the first to admit all the horrible, nasty things about myself. But, one thing I'm NOT, is a pathetic dumb bitch, who can't take a hint. I just prefer giving someone the opportunity to achieve the balls, to tell me they hate me, directly.

But, sometimes, a coward is a coward... Okay, then.

26

Just so useless, ignored, and reviled. Like long-forgotten tenements, langushing; abused and abandoned. Only leveling them, and carting away the rubble will remove the stench of piss and neglect, that the elements could not. Nothing redeeming. Nothing salvageable. Well, alright.

5

Ich zu meiner Frau:

Schatz, Ich muss mein T-Shirt waschen!

Welches Waschprogramm soll ich nehmen?

Was steht denn auf dem T-Shirt drauf?

"AC/DC"

13

I cheated on my fears...
broke up with my doubts...
got engaged to my faith...
and now, I'm marrying my dreams.

4

3 words, 15 letters. Say it, and I'm yours...

I have watermelon

1

When are you too old to die young?

2

life is the start, death is the goal. suicide is cheath, let the game begin.

1

N o
S uch
A gency

4

3

Saturday Night!

Raise your glass! If you are Wrong in all the Right Ways!

5

moved along , saw nothing, came back, now its all gone dark

2

Perché un mondo senza musica
non si può neanche immaginare,
perché ogni cuore anche il più piccolo
è un battito di vita e d'amore

9

I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

34

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself

491

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