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Wer seinen eigenen Weg geht, kann nie überholt werden.

22

a camel can work for 7 days without drinking.

I can drink for 7 days without working ;-)

#whoistheboss

35

I can't turn water into wine,
but I can turn pizza into breakfast

4

ProTip:

Treat every problem like your dog would,
if you can't eat or fuck it,
piss on it and walk away

#freeadvice

35

THE STONE YOU THROW MY WAY COULD BE THE STONE YOU TRIP OVER TOMORROW...

134

No single drop of water feels responsible for the flood.

34

it's a little known fact that fetishism existed long before mankind.

there was actually a small subgroup of dinosaurs that always wore high heels.

they were called myfeetaresoreus.

69

My boss told me to have a nice day. So I went home.

171

Löwe gehorcht nicht: Dompteur sichtlich angefressen

10

Käfer offenbar letztes Fahrzeug von VW mit korrekten Abgaswerten

12

You can call me on my shell phone.

20

I get far too little credit for all the things I don't say.

132

it's a little known fact that fetishism existed long before mankind.

there was actually a small subgroup of dinosaurs that always wore high heels.

they were called myfeetaresoreus.

74

HOME IS WHERE YOUR BAUCH DOESN'T HAVE TO BE EINGEZOGEN

73

“Have you ever had that feeling that you'd like to go to a whole different place and become a whole different self?”

24

"Was stört Sie an Ihren Mitmenschen am meisten?"

"Ihre Anwesenheit."

54

THE LESS YOU SAY
THE

12

I can't turn water into wine,
but I can turn pizza into breakfast

143

Even if your not successful in life, you are guaranteed to get two certificates.

86

If you are home alone tonight, remember there's no such thing as witches, ghosts or zombies.

Just real people who want to rob & murder you.

15

My Mum always said, "The dead won't harm you, it's the living you need to be scared of!"

23

motivation seems to be rare unless you are not involved.

54

Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?

15

I always decide to take a shower and wait like three hours and suddenly someone else starts taking a shower. And that's when I feel offended because I just wanted to go.

24

If you're the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room.

11

sorry, I'm not adele.
I don't wish the best for you, nor do I want to find someone like you.

I do however want to set fire to all your stuff.

15

With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything

363

Whenever I delete an app on my phone,
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •

583

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