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Posts Liked by quoteme

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'

29

Jokes about Tofu are really tasteless

22

Patience is for beginners
I prefer to freak out right away

33

it's so hard being a single mother when you don't have any kids and you're a male.

33

The lifetime you gain by drinking 2.5 liters of water every day is spent pissing.

31

I could write the story of my life with all the words I never said

103

Good fucking luck USA

82

I need to get in shape because if I were murdered right now, my chalk outline would be a circle.

75

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