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Posts Liked by nadav

If everybody was happy in a relationship there wouldn't be any good music.

13

We mermaids
smoke seaweed

19

Dear Santa, I don't want much for Christmas, I just want the person reading this to be happy

56

My biggest fear is a killer saying some funny shit while I'm playing dead.

52

Time is precious.
Waste it wisely.

18

Love isn't complicated.
People are.

27

Love is for lovers.
Beer is for drinkers.
I love beer.
Date me.

27

beer makes you see double and feel single

30

Whoever snuck the 's' into 'fast food' was a clever bastard.

23

When your "mom voice" is so loud that even your neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed

23

*•*•*•*•*•*•*
If it doesn't open,
it's not your door.

61

It's not what's under the Christmas tree that matters,

it's who's around it.

95

You better hope that Santa doesn't see your browser history

98

Even if there was no gravity on earth, I'd still fall for you.

117

you remind me of a software update, whenever i see you i think
"not now!"

140

The internet is both my best friend and my worst enemy.

82

Sitting in a bar having drinks with a friend...
I casually pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and said " That's us in ten years".

He said "That's a mirror, dipshit!"

108

be your own Valentine.
Love yourself.

9

everday is Valentine's day when you're in a real relationship

10

Would you be my valentine?

o Yes
o No
x No, but...you can still give me the chocolate box!

15

valentine's day
lentine's day
ntine's day
e's day
ay
ayyyy
ayyyyy vodka

25

you want to come into my life, the door is open. you want leave, the door is open. just don't stand in the doorway. you're blocking traffic.

76

The only reason why I like valentines day is becasue all the choclates are on sale

1

If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself

491

Break rules, not hearts.

410

It's like I'm the only drunk person at this yoga class.

279

A world where we are smarter than our phones

182

I want to sleep for two years and wake up with a degree, an apartment and money in the bank

269

A world

with a little less selfies

and a little more selfless.

244

Noticing how beautiful the city lights are at night while getting chased by the cops.

187

i think therefore

i don't have much in common with a lot of people

236

I'm so good, Santa came...

Twice!

32

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous.

I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I'm very disappointed with all of you.

163

Sometimes, navigating through the world wide web can be like trying to play a first person shooter using chopsticks to control
the keyboard and mouse.

52

It's not easy being psychic, but I already knew that.

101

This year I'm secretly stuffing the turkey with marijuana so everyone can relax and enjoy my cooking for once.

164

What makes night within us may leave stars.

96

sad people
love the rain
because they are
no longer crying alone

216

I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive:

"Hi".

159

if you rearrange the letters in

MOTHER IN LAW

you get

WOMAN HITLER

184

He asked me, "What's your favorite position?"

I said, "CEO."

33

Don't be sad laundry,
no one is doing me either

222

Anybody have any plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?

320

A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear.

Unless it's 3am.

And you're home alone.

And you don't have a baby.

427

My love is like a candle.

If you forget me, I'll burn your house down.

353

An Ex is called an Ex
because they're an
EX-ample of who not to date next time.

84

n(ex)t

65

You learn more
about a person
at the end of a
relationship
than at the
beginning •

68

in Denmark, we're so rich

we pay with crowns

564

*
LIFE HAS NO
REMOTE.
GET UP AND
CHANGE IT
YOURSELF.

128

I HOPE YOUR DAY IS AS NICE AS YOUR BUTT

1

Ego is a race.
And in this race, the winner is the loser.

453

Too dumb for science?
Try religion.

101

Never forget 3 types of people in your life:

• who helped you in your difficult times

• who left you in your difficult times

• who put you in difficult times

119

Calm down, browser.
I cant make a connection either.

326

My internet was down for 5 minutes so I went downstairs and spoke to my family.

They seem like nice people.

1135

i just burnt my tongue on some food

they say the ones you love hurt you the most

797

Yes mom I know my room is a mess it's a metaphor for my life, i'm trying to be poetic.

462

we live for nights nobody can remember with people we'll never forget

356

I wanted to write down exactly what I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty

and I could not have described it any better

583

I love waving at random people, because you know for the rest of the day they're trying to figure out who the hell you were.

310

until 0% battery do us part

77

Boldomatic Android app released.

59

What do you call the space between Pamela Anderson's breasts?
Silicon Valley.

140

If Adam and Eve were Chinese,
we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake.

98

100% of non-
smokers die too.

213

Always love a women for her personality.

They have like 10, so you can choose.

145

i've been single for a while and i have to say it's going very well.

i think i'm the one

168

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day unless you have dinner with me.

97

I'm worried.

I think I might be a people person.

66

Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

94

Sorry, but your password must contain a capital letter, two numbers,
a symbol, an inspiring message, a spell,
a gang sign,
a hieroglyph and the blood of a virgin.

200

PISSING
EVERYWHERE ISN'T
VERY
CHANEL

42

just spooning my boyfriend...

out of his container...

its ice cream.

52

I knocked out a guy who said bacon sucks. No one talks about my friends that way

82

HD porn is so clear that you can actually see how disappointed their parents are.

43

NEXT STOP

BE YOURSELF

49

A dyslexic man walks into a bra ..

56

It's so quiet in the office today, I can hear myself not working

86

I put redbull in my coffee this morning instead of water.
And now I can see noises.

77

"In life , we never loose friends, we only learn who the true ones are."

33

My bed time is when my cell phone battery reaches 5%

24

each time you open a book and read it, a tree smiles knowing there's life after death.

38

I've found the key to happiness

Stay the hell
away from
assholes

35

selfie's are to photography as wanking is to sex

33

Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while you are waiting.

134

Two beers and a glass of rain please.

33

LOVE IS THE NEW BLACK.

52

they say, 1 out of every 3 people cheat in a relationship.

not sure if it's my husband or my boyfriend

89

Being famous on Instagram is like being rich on Monopoly.

121

HOME IS
WHERE THE WIFI
CONNECTS AUTOMATICALLY

32

My body is a temple, but it's one of those temples in Thailand where they let monkeys shit all over the place.

39

If a guy just likes you for your legs, thighs, and breasts, send him to KFC.

36

Let me tell you a bit about my background...

Well, It's green.

80

sHE is
brOKen

62

Relationships
without sex
are like happy
meals without
toys •

74

That moment when you get into the van and there is no candy.

63

Could I borrow your face for halloween?

75

find a job
you love
and you never work
a day in
your life

90

Let your actions
echo your words.

72

[P]erson

[I]n

[M]anagement

[P]osition

45

They asked me for drugs, so I told them about your smile.

119

a relationship without trust is like a phone without service

what do you do with a phone without service? you play games

138

"I've never faked an origami in my life!"

15

my ex has one very annoying habit.

breathing.

96

Suicide doesn't take away the pain, it gives it to someone else.

54

I may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I'm someones double vodka!

108

STOP PRESSING REPLAY ON THE THINGS THAT NEED TO BE DELETED FROM YOUR LIFE

140

IF I WANT TO READ FICTION,

I'LL BUY A NEWSPAPER.

58

The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world.

I'm sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.

73

most legendary knight

12

Those who love peace must learn to organize as effectively as those who love war.

~ Martin Luther
King

6

Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers.

108

Let's play
"Your clothes don't like you."

80

Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

170

Can't Stop Drinking About You

95

travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer

47

Close some doors, not because of pride, incapacity, or arrogance, but simply because they no longer lead anywhere •

24

There comes
a point when you have to realize you'll never be
good enough
for some people..
the question is,
is that your problem or theirs?

33

currently...
I'm fucking busy
-and unfortunately it's not the other way around.

93

When guys wait for the perfect girl, it's Playboy's fault.

When girls wait for the perfect guy, it's Disney's fault.

123

It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, its mine.

88

sometimes, the best form of birthcontrol is a good lighting.

45

Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. Me? I use coupons to get pizza...

112

dont have phone sex you will get hearing aids

58

ok glass
keep calm and launch siri

3

LIRON?

2

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Pervert.

1

90% of my socks are single, and you don't see them crying about it

148

lets have a moment of silence for all those who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride stationary bicycles.

125

cheers to the men we love
and the jerks we got.

61

It's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones.

I'm always like "I love you" and they're like "Uhm..thank you for choosing Romans Pizza..."

80

THIS IS THE BEGINNING
OF
ANYTHING
YOU WANT.

75

Last year I joined a support group for antisocial people. We haven't met yet.

122

beer makes you see double and feel single

79

everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear.

115

My friend said only onions made him cry, so I threw a melon at his face.

111

laugh and the world laughs with you,

snore and you sleep alone.

83

a life with purpose

is the purpose
of life

10

if humans
stood in a line around the equator,
most of them would drown

53

Lost your phone?
Didn't have your contacts backed up?

Don't worry, the NSA has them all saved for you •

37

The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.

1

drinking rum before 10 am makes you a pirate NOT an alcoholic.

6

I'm your pirate dancer...

Trina Turner

6

Keep your Bold,
we want your

GOLD

14

booty & rum .

circa 1194

3

KEEP CA . . .
-
WHY IS THE RUM GONE?

12

:concerning love

we are all pirates

stealing each other's hearts

9

WHY DOES IT TAKE PIRATES SO LONG TO LEARN THE ALPHABET?

BECAUSE THEY CAN SPEND YEARS AT C.

LOL!

3

what makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven...

81

The most Ominous message I have *ever* received in Any social medium:

NSA is now following you

58

i want you to know that someone out there cares.

not me, but someone does.

38

Woke up this mornin' and a voice in my head said: Smile! Things could be worse, ey? I smiled, and things got much worse...

61

"what" and "if" - two words as non-threatening as words come.

but put them together and they have the power to haunt you for a lifetime...

"what if..?"

68

Men: if you ever want to know what a woman's mind feels like,imagine a browser with 2,837 tabs open.

All.The.Time.

135

NSA liked
a post
of yours

78

Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than dinner for two.

25

Music is life. That's why our hearts have beats.

140

Can you
FUCK
read between
YOU
the lines.

82

"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing. Unless you're at a funeral.

72

i don't have a bucket list, but my fucket list is a mile long.

55

Yes, we can!
Yes, weekend!

17

Dear absolut vodka,

You promised you'd make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer.

I saw the video, we need to talk.

44

you're so hot, i'd instagram you without a filter.

12

Five...
Four...
Three...
Two...
One...

SKIP AD I>|

2

I wish someone would look at me the same way I look at pizza.

2

why did the hipster burn his mouth?

he ate the pizza before it was cool.

5

Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. I use coupons to get pizza.

6

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

7

If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I love pizza.

7

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

23

Greater than my modesty is only my penis.

60

Darling, the distance between your dreams and reality is called action.

56

I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.

17

Yawning is my body's way of saying 20% of battery remaining.

9

Oh so you're a model? Who is
your agency, Instagram?

23

Why do hipsters love the subway?

Because it’s so underground!

27

Why does the hipster like ice?

Because it was water before it was cool.

23

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY
AND MAYBE
A LITTLE BIT NAKED.

265

I wonder if the clothes in China
say, 'made around the corner'.

76

They say you are what you eat.

Somehow I can't remember eating a fucking legend.

23

stormes make trees take deeper roots.

10

you there, friday!

welcome back, you sexy son of a bitch! i have been looking for you since monday!!

4

chocolate doesnt ask silly questions.

chocolate UNDERSTANDS.

19

sometimes i like to stand in front of the toaster and try not to flinch when the toast comes out.

6

writing. like. this. doesnt. make. your. point. any. stronger. it. makes. it. look. like. your. computer. has. asthma.

10

me: i wanna go on a diet.

food: hahahahahahaha - no.

10

"mom, i'm going out tonight..."

"with your friends?"

"no, with terrorists..."

20

nobody is perfect.

i am nobody.

10

i always give 100% at work.

10 % Monday
25 % Tuesday
38 % Wednesday
22 % Thursday
5 % Friday

10

i am too sexy for my ex.

10

what's the difference between a homeless guy and a hipster?

-the iPhone

99

All that I am,
or ever hope to be,
I owe to you.

84

the
only
DATES
i get are

UPDATES

143

relationship starts with ...
"can we talk?"

and ends with ...
"we need to talk."

141

better
to loose
a lover
than
to love
a loser

134

to me 'drink responsibly' means don't spill it.

106

YOLO

you only live online

131

Opinions are facts marinated in bullshit.

112

Home sweet mess.

264

FIGHT FOR YOUR WORLD,
NOT YOUR COUNTRY.

147

Dear Noah,

we could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving 'till 5.

Sincerly,
Unicorns

127

And I think to myself...

295

I wish I could trade my heart for another liver so I could drink more and care less.

313

BEAUTIFUL THINGS HAPPEN WHEN YOU DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM

THE NEGATIVE SHIT

372

I love you so much I want to move to a country where I can legally own you

276

i play the keyboard in a band called the internet

318

Do not have unprotected
text.

244

I just took a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

360

How am I meant to control my life I can’t even control my hair

254

90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women either.

317

Home sweet mess.

409

night time is the right time

55

I would exercise but
it makes me spill my drink.

52

The sex was so good even the neighbours had a cigarette.

327

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