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Posts Liked by Millisan

Dear Life,
when I said,
'Can my day get any worse',
it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

86

Once they stop talking to you, they start talking about you.

31

Sometimes
sharing a
shower is all we can do to
help the environment

64

too cold, too early, too monday

67

I hate when people say you don't need alcohol to have fun... Well you don't need running shoes to run but it fucking helps.

63

Everyone should believe in something, I believe I'll have another beer

87

I’ve heard sex is a killer..

Want to die happy?

41

Whenever I delete an app on my phone,
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •

583

Sorry,
I wasn't paying attention..
I was thinking about having
sex with you •

27

I can turn wine into sex.

Your turn, Jesus.

18

not sure if i need sex, sleep, or to punch somebody in the face.

52

Light is easy to love.

Show me your darkness.

175

home is where the pants aren't

52

Twerking and Selfie have been added to the dictionary.

Future and Hope have been removed...

75

laugh and the world laughs with you,

snore and you sleep alone.

83

If women ruled this world, there would be no wars.

Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

248

Life is like photography,

we develop from negatives.

16

Anyone who says their wedding day was the best day of their life, has never had 2 candy bars falling out of a vending machine at once.

17

this awkward moment, when an emo goes to Mc Donald's and orders a Happy Meal...

13

MOM:
what does IDK, LY, TTYL mean?

DAUGHTER:
i don't know, love you, talk to you later

MOM:
ok, i'll ask your sister

16

You don't know something? Google it.
You don't know someone? Facebook it.
You don't find something? MOM!

47

Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did except you •

49

that awkward moment between your birth and your death...

12

you look like a before picture

37

Whatever you do always give 100%..
unless you're donating blood •

108

106

You look like something
I draw with my left hand.

959

At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.

24

inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. but he shuts up when I eak cake.

8

You know you're lazy when you get excited about canceled plans •

7

SWAG

1

Whenever I delete an app on my phone,
the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting axed •

532

Face your problems, don't facebook them...

2

YO FRIDAY!

Welcome back you sexy son of a bitch!

We've been lookin' for ya since Monday!

10

in the toy story movies, are the sex toys alive, too?

6

Sex is not the answer.
Sex is the question.
"Yes" is the answer.

9

my girlfriend told me to go out and get her something that makes her look sexy.

So I came back drunk.

13

You know that look woman get when they want sex? Me neither.

9

GAY MARRIAGE is legal in 6 states, but having sex with a horse is legal in 23 states.

good going, america.

14

why do i have a button to like my own posts? of course i like em. i'm hilarious.
and sexy!

15

Everything happens for a reason!

Sometimes the reason is that you are stupid and you make bad decisions.

64

If plan A fails, remember that you have 25 letters left.

18

I nefer fail!

34

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals.

I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

6

I would love some car sex...or just sex...or just a car.

9

“I'm not a smart man, Jenny, but I know what love is.”

11

i love mainstream.

because hating mainstream is too mainstream

8

I LOVE YOU BECAUSE WE HATE THE SAME STUFF.

19

I love cockporn

Excuse me,
I mean

I love Popcorn

Totally got confused here...

24

I love my sixpack so much,
I protect it with a layer of fat.

33

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