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Posts Liked by MartinV95

Most of the time I am convinced I have lost it. But sometimes, I think I am the main line of truth in the universe.

201

I've never seen a Mcdonalds or a Burger King under construction.

They just show up.

389

I
MISS
YOU.

4

Laughing so hard no noise comes out; so you just sit there clapping like a retarded seal.

3

Dear who ever is reading this, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
and someone out there is crazy about you.
So please don't forget to
SMILE

3

Money is like manure. If we spread it around, it does a lot of good, but if we pile it up, it stinks.

28

A successful relationship requires falling in love multiple times, but always with the same person.

62

I hear voices...

shouldn't have left my headphones at home.

3

"LSD can make you lose weight."

Makes sense. It's kind of hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it.

7

A bicycle runs on fat and saves you money,

a car runs on money and makes you fat.

4

she's a mess of gorgeous chaos & you can see it in her eyes.

332

I'm going to ride you like i ride my bike,

with punctured rubber.

5

Riding a bike is like riding
a metal frame with tires, a handlebar, a seat and pedals...

1

Ride me like theres no tomorrow

1

don't
care
what
they
say.

2

a lot of adults make fun of our generation but sometimes they forget that they're the ones who raised it

1

I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweet heart

2

stop worrying about life, you're not going to survive it anyway

1

When I hold you in my arms at night
Don't you know you're sleeping in a spotlight
And all your dreams that you keep inside
You're telling me the secrets that you just can't hide

16

My immaturity keeps me young.

104

you can't have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time

146

The
only thing stronger than a mother's love is a
garlic breath •

103

Let's do the rabbit thing.

115

I just awesomed all over the place.

317

THIS "NORMAL" YOU SPEAK OF DOESN'T SOUND FUN AT ALL.

416

Pretty?

Beautiful!

She's got these
eyes that just -

and her hair, wow -

and her laugh...

10

Violets are blue, roses are red, what is it going to take to get you into bed?

9

If i had $1 for every time i thought about you,
I would have $1, because you never left my mind.

47

"five more minutes" zzzzzz

10

Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Nevermind, it's too long."

Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Nevermind, you won't get it."

41

Why are there never any Good Side Effects?

Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle & see
"May cause extreme sexiness".

20

"It's easy to take off all your clothes and have sex, people do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, futures, hopes, and dreams... that's being naked."

26

Asking who's the "man," and who's the "woman," in a same-sex relationship is like asking which chopstick is the fork.

• Ellen Degeneres

30

sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

18

There is a band called 1023MB. They haven't had any gigs yet.

6

If you don't understand it fully, then don't speak on it.
Too many people have full opinions with half the facts.

12

It's sexy when they bend over and show some thong unless they're your boss and your boss's name is Dave.

9

A second chance doesn't mean anything if you haven't learned from you'r first mistake

1

There's two ways to avoid a hangover..

Don't drink or don't stop

11

I keep tinfoil on the head of my dick so the government can't read my mind.

20

What doesn't kill you... can still leave you paralyzed from the neck down.

17

how to make money from facebook:

1. go to account settings
2. press 'deactivate your account'
3. go to work

18

Quite ironic that disabled toilets are the only toilets big enough to run around in.

22

You must be tired after everything
we did in my dreams last night.

143

May all your ups and downs be between the sheets.

54

Shy on the streets, sexy in the sheets.

59

Hey there Friday,
I've been waiting to see your sexy ass since Monday...let's do this.

100

Throwing fertilizer at people that need to grow up.

105

Today I finally did it! It feels so good, been weeks, maybe months since last time!

Yes. Today I finally took out the trash

2

all of me,
loves all of
you

1

push me up against a wall and do what you want

1

Face down, booty up, that's the way we like to fuck.

4

-Police: 'Knock Knock'
-Me: Who is it?
-Police: It's the Police!
-Me: What do you want?
-P: We just wanna talk.
-M: How many of you are there?
-P: 2
-M: Then Talk to each other

102

i'm at that awkward age where half of my friends are having babys and the other half is too drunk to find their phones.

55

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."

23

CAN I HAVE YOU FOR BREAKFAST IN BED TODAY?

70

you are not fat

you have fat

you also have fingernails

you are not fingernail

74

Growing old is
mandatory.

Growing up is optional.

140

Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.

396

isn't it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that's just like
"i don't know how to hold a pencil"

90

if u think seven years of bad luck is bad for breking a mirror try breaking a condom

4

if i said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me ?

3

Those who are heartless, once cared too much.

162

Of course, foreigners steal your job.

But maybe, if someone without contacts, money or speaking the language steals your job, you're shit?

40

SEX IS A SENSATION CAUSED BY TEMPTATION. A GUY STICKS HIS LOCATION, IN A GIRLS DESTINATION. TO INCREASE THE POPULATION OF THE NEXT GENERATION. DO YOU GET MY EXPLANATION OR DO YOU NEED A DEMONSTRATION?

7

Sex on television cant hurt you unless you fall off.

24

I had a cheap circumcision it only cost $10,
it was a total rip off

1

the sexiest thing a girl can wear is no make up, pyjamas and wet hair. nothing can beat that

10

You remind me of my big toe, cause i'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture I own

273

tHis is A VEry SErious teXt post WITH no hidden MEaning.

20

Moanday
Toungeday
Wetday
Thirstday
Freakday
Sexday
Suckday

6

Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.

4

"FUCK YOU!"

"You wanna?"

2

it goes on.

1

My doctor asked if anyone in my family was suffering from mental illness. I said; "no, we all seem to enjoy it"

812

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