Posts Liked by Maracuya

Love is saying
"I know you're a fucking psycho manic but I'm willing to work
with that."

cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places.

It's been almost 3 years since the end of the world in 2012.

In 1814 Women had no rights

In 1914 Women fought for some rights

In 2014 Women are always fucking right

'the less you know

the sounder you sleep'

Me: I want a magical unicorn for Christmas!

Santa: Be realistic.

Me: OK, I want 5 minutes to myself each day to have my coffee hot and pee in peace.

Santa: What colour unicorn would you like?

Let's get drunk
and tell each other how
we really feel •

When shit becomes valuable, the poor will be born without assholes.

~ Henry Miller US author (1891 - 1980)

TRUST ME
YOU CAN
DANCE

- Vodka -

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid.
I really thought you already knew.

We are only limited by our own imagination -

and money.
and talent.
and genetics.
and time.
and other people.

let's go for it!

This long distance relationship
isn't going to work.
Fridge, you're moving to my bedroom.

Dear naps,

I'm sorry
I was a jerk to you in kindergarten

A good
man can make
you feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world..

oh sorry,
that's wine..
wine does that •

1984 2.0

I'm sure whatever you want to say can wait until you are smarter.

look,
my middlefinger
likes you

sun

of a beach

Top ten things men understand about women.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

what's the difference between a homeless guy and a hipster?

-the iPhone

There are laws to prevent rich people from being robbed by poor ones.

But there is no law to prevent poor people from being sistematically robbed by rich people.

Jesus' last tweet:

Hanging out with two buddies.

#Crucifixion

• LOVE •
a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.

$__ __ \/----\/ \0 0/ WOOF! _\ /_ _| \/ |_ | | | | | | _| | | | | |_ "--|_|--|_|-" BOLDOMATIC MASCOT$

The creative adult is the child who survived.

The feeling of sand between your toes.

Are you a photographer only by having a CANON?

How is a poor man a lot like a rich man?

They both have an iPhone

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Diet rule #1:
If nobody
sees you eating it,
it doesn't contain any calories.

how did we get here?••••

$....................../´¯/ Fukoff•••• ....................,/¯../ .................../..../ ............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸ ........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\ ........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...') .........\.................'...../ ..........''...\.......... _.·´ ............\..............( ..............\.............\...$

WRITE SOMETHING
DRAW SOMETHING
SING SOMETHING
COOK SOMETHING
BUILD SOMETHING
SEW SOMETHING
MAKE SOMETHING

BUY NOTHING

"Life is all about ass. You're either covering it, laughing it off,
kicking it, kissing it, busting it or trying to get a piece of it."••••

Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos - what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

I just took a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

if it looks, smells and tastes like shit,
you shouldn't have tasted it.

i hate writing.
i love having written.

- Dorothy Parker

sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding the other person is a complete idiot.

Now, Google's smartphone: Nexus.

Someday, Youporn's smartphone: Plexus.

Are you happy, Henry?

A mí lo que más me gusta es despertar transformado en cucaracha.

Release Your Inner Badass.

If monday had a face,

I would punch it.

10 ways to break the ice
Does a new client leave your mind as frozen as a Hollywood actress’s forehead? Are you a non-stop motor mouth with your friends but totally tongue tied at work? Some people have the gift of gab; for others it’s an acquired skill. Either way, in this people-lovin’ business, it’s critical to be able to hold your own with the clients in your chair even if they’re reserved or difficult. Maybe you don’t have time to digest “The Wall Street Journal” and the “New York Times” every morning, but you do have to show up to work with something to say. Here are 10 ice-breaking tips to get the conversational ball rolling and keep it cruising in the right direction.

1. Ask questions that can’t be answered in monosyllables—unless the reply will lead to a follow-up you already have in mind. For example, a question like, “Have you always lived here?” can be responded to with a conversation-stopper like, “yes,” or “no,” but you can then easily move onto a more open-ended query like: “What do you like best about the neighborhood?” or “Where did you live before?”

2. It’s okay to put yourself in the conversation if it will ultimately switch the focus to the person in your chair. Asking, “Did you see George Clooney’s new film?” elicits a
”yes” or “no” and could go nowhere, while, “Seen any good movies lately?” sounds forced. Better to say something like, “I’m going to George Clooney’s new movie. What do you think of him?” Bringing yourself into the conversation invites dialogue instead of interrogation.

3. Talk about the weather only if it’s unusual. “Nice day, isn’t it?” doesn’t cut it, but, “How’s your neighborhood after that big storm?” leads to all sorts of interesting things.

4. Keep up with the news. Make a point of knowing what’s going on in the world and in your own city. You don’t need to be an international or domestic policy expert—your clients will like being able to fill you in--but you do want to sound like an informed citizen of the world.

5. Take a good look at the person in your chair and adjust your topic accordingly. Don’t talk Amy Winehouse to a Frank Sinatra client or Gaultier to a gal who’s all twin set and pearls. When trying to start a conversation, snap judgments can actually help. Look for clues (black nail polish or black cashmere?) and try to gauge your client’s tastes before starting the conversation.

6. There’s no taboo like an old taboo. Why? Because some of them still hold true—like never talk religion or politics (today those explosive topics can be riskier than ever.) Same goes for asking personal questions. (If she tells you she’s thinking about a facelift, the appropriate response is never, “So, exactly how old are you?”) It takes a lot of mutual good feeling to keep a client, but just one really tactless question to blow it.

7. Leave your troubles behind. No one comes to the salon to hear about your ex--that rat. However, they are probably eager to talk about the pond scum THEY just broke up with. Word to the wise here: listen, make sympathetic sounds, but avoid jumping into the pond scum dissing session. Otherwise, when kiss-and-make-up time rolls around and true love reigns once more, who’s going to seem like the rat? Y-o-u.

8. Listen/talk ratio? It’s the old 80/20, and don’t forget it. Your job is to draw your client out and make him or her feel comfortable and enjoy their experience in the chair. For the majority, this means the chance to be in the company of a good listener. If they’re looking for a monologue, they can go to a comedy club.

9. Control your passions. No matter how strongly you believe in chiropractic vegetarianism, UFOs, pre-emptive invasions, spinning or the power of astrology, keep a lid on it. If, on the other hand, the client wants to talk about HER passion, it’s best to feign interest even if you’re a non-believer. Responding to a question of, “What’s your sign?” with “I’m a Gemini” works better than announcing, “Oh, I’m not stupid enough to believe all that.”

10. When tongues get tied, compliments tend to loosen them. There’s always something nice to say about anyone. (Attila the Hun? Appealingly assertive.) Anyone is pleased to know someone else likes their earrings, watch, shoes, tattoos or taste in literature. Not only are you showing you approve of their choices, you’re also positioning yourself as someone who appreciates, and possibly shares, their tastes.

We live in a world where graffiti is a crime and bullfighting is art...

it's too bad stupidity isn't painful

When a package says "easy open" and you end up using scissors, knife, hammer, gun and a chainsaw just to get it open...

why don't you slip into something a little more comfortable? like a coma.

Fuck people, i'm a turtle

The Problem With Political Jokes is that they Get Elected••••

when you are dead you don't know it, it is only hard for all the people arround you!

same when you are stupid!

I never make the same mistake twice.
I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure.

I'm so poor I can't even pay attention.

SOCIETY GETS THE KIND OF VANDALISM IT DESERVES.

don't be
racist.

hate
everyone.

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.

I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings.

I'm a drunk, we go to parties.

Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.